Fandom: Durarara!
Characters: Shizuo, Tom
Rating: PG
Prompt: Something Shizuo Related
Notes: I feel like OP wanted something happier but instead they got this.

There was never anything quite so despairing as the thought of one being powerless. Not powerless as in one does not possess any sort of physical strength, for certainly that was the opposite of true for one Heiwajima Shizuo, but rather powerless to do as one wished. Powerless to be free, to be who you wanted to be and do what you wanted to do.

Powerless to even be happy or merely content with one's life because one possessed so little control over it that, in the end, the struggle seemed almost pointless.

In the end…it was easier to just give up to the powers that be in one's life, wasn't it?

Now this wasn't the first time these sort of thoughts had crossed the fortissimo's mind nor would it be the last. But no matter how many times he experienced this alienating sense of self every time it left a numbing feeling within his very veins. Like a poisonous snake wrapping itself around some small, helpless animal - injecting its poison with one bite and suffocating its victim – this feeling of forlorn powerlessness stained every drop of blood within Shizuo until he felt dried of it all and left with only the grease of self-loathing within his veins and a heart struggling to beat through the thick tar.

"Just sign these papers here and you may leave. On behalf of the Tokyo police department I apologize for this mistake and for any inconvenience it may have caused, Heiwajima-san."

Outside it was raining.

The liquid felt heavy against the blond's skin. It gave him initiative to tilt his head up, to stare into the dark, starless sky above with an expression torn between brokenness and resolution. The water splattered against his face, several drops striking eyes and lips uncaring of the danger it presented to the man.

Because it knew it could never hurt him.

It knew as well as Shizuo did that nothing could ever hurt him enough physically to drown out the emotional pain.

"I'm sorry…"

A bartender uniform clung to his skin, sticking uncomfortably and even sagging slightly, as he remained standing out there in the rain. For him one of the worst offenses a person could do was to tarnish this uniform - to besmirch it in anyway - because for him this uniform was not only one of the few things of value in which he owned but it meant more to Shizuo than his own life.

The uniform was a symbol to him.

It had been a symbol of hope, of love.

Of acceptance.

Of a brother who, no matter how far away he was now because of a soaring acting career, would actually take the time to think of Shizuo. To wonder if he was okay, to look around a little and find he was then a bartender, and then to make the trip personally to bring him a matching uniform in a small plea for the blond to have a bit of stability in his life.

This uniform had been more than a piece of cloth to Shizuo.

This uniform had once held all of Shizuo's dreams and gave him reason to believe that things would get better.

But now…just like his dreams this uniform had become stained and ripped beyond repair.

"…I didn't keep my promise."

Hands shoved in his pockets the blond let the poisoned hatred continue spreading through him as the rain beat against his skin.

Maybe…in the end… it was wrong to hope so frivolously.

Maybe a monster such as himself should have never thought he could actually be happy…

"Oh, if it isn't Shizuo."

Surprise caused mocha eyes to widen when a blond head looked back down to see the smiling face of his one time senpai. The other's eyebrow was arched, his expression bemused as if wondering what would possess the younger male to stand out here in the pouring rain without some sort of cover from the onslaught. Shizuo couldn't help but gape, feeling slightly embarrassed that not only had someone seen him during this low point but that that someone had been a person he had previously respected. Unsure of what to do his eyes darted to the side, looking everywhere but at the elder, while he waited for Tom to say what he wanted to.

"hn…"

Tom took a step closer, umbrella lifting so that he could help cover the other as questions were asked and brief uninformative answer's were reluctantly given.

But just like that….

Everything changed.

The despair once plaguing the fortissimo's body was lifted away, self-hatred replaced by a feeling of fleeting inspiration, when a job offer was placed forth.

Suddenly…things didn't seem so bad.

But when Tom left that connection with another person left with him. The motion of being alright flowed out of the blond and he was left still in that poisoned state of mind.

Why would Tom offer to help him? It had been years since they had last spoken and it wasn't as though the other was walking out here in the sheer desire to see Shizuo waiting by the police station.

What reason did anyone have to help someone as hopeless and weak as him?

I want to have connections to other people…

Blond head ducking down as if hoping to protect himself from the rain Shizuo finally began to walk away. His shoulders were squared, a resolution set within the muscles there, while the ex-bartender hurried to see if some part of his uniform was salvageable.

And although his back was still hunched as if carrying a weight too large for anyone to bare Shizuo seemed almost uplifted.

For truth be told the fortissimo could never understand why anyone would care or worry over him. He couldn't understand why Kasuka or Kadota still stuck around, why Tom came back, or why Celty would sometimes lend him a figurative listening ear. If he was in their place the anti-violence male would loathe the violence incarnation that he had become.

However…

Even if that question may forever linger there was no denying the strength their good will gave to him.

Maybe…

…so long as they remained by his side…

Maybe Shizuo wasn't so powerless after all.