Here is the second oneshot I had planned to post so many years ago.
And now I have to go back to do some serious studying.
Words: 4837
Under Breath
This day is one of the many I simply want to stay motionless in bed. I try to shut down my hearing and get some more sleep before I've been called, go to Ma, leave for work, face the day. This particular day. You name it!
It's impossible to keep my eyes closed so with a sigh of frustration I sit up and ruffle my hair. I have a few more hours before I go to work and that gives me enough time to play the guardian of this dysfunctional world. Who am I kidding? My life doesn't compare to what I deal in The Suit everyday.
'Or does it?'
A cup of coffee is the first thing I want today. Somehow I always make more than one cup every morning. It's like a wishful thought that someone will show up and share it with me. And I don't mean only my coffee.
Today's resolution is firstly to make only one cup. I like it black with no sugar or milk. It has to do with the strong taste that leaves in my mouth as it can't warm me up. Nothing on this Earth can make me feel warm. Well, almost nothing. Smirking I sip a gulp and head to the bathroom.
As I thought! I need to shave. I wish for once I could leave them grow a little. It would be a nice change but Superman cannot show up with a 5 o'clock shadow not to mention the instant connection with Clark Kent. 'Gillet Nazis.'
Yeap, definitely their fault!
*ring*
The phone startles me and I thank my independence from razors. Well that was something I didn't expected to happen today. How I will ever come up with a good explanation to my neighbour for the two tiny holes behind me? I don't have the time to finish my shaving not even if I speed it up a little. Also at the moment I cannot afford two more holes.
"Hey Ma." I know it's her. No one else calls at this hour. Or any other hour.
"Hey baby... Coming tonight? " she asks hopefully.
"I think we agreed about this day. Tomorrow maybe." I really don't want to continue this conversation and she knows it.
"Okay, I just hopped... I bought you some new shirts. When you find the time... " she change the subject and I feel my shoulders lighter all of sudden. Still I have to protest about it.
"Ma! I'm capable on baying my own shirts." Still, I wonder if I really am.
"How many?" she asks scoffing.
"Ehm... froue." I just hope this conversation to end soon, I don't know how much I can duck her questions.
"How. Many?" she asks again knowing that I will tell her eventually.
"Four. 5 quick exits and a pen."
'I'm saving people here! Who cares with how many shirts I've been left?'
"That makes us more than 20 shirts per month Clark." *sigh* "Anyway you better come and get the ones I bought you, before you end up completely shirtless! Not that there is something wrong with that." she adds while I hear clearly the chuckle she is trying conceal with a random cough.
"Mother!" I shout without trying to hide my amusement to her comment. She is teasing me! At least I made her laugh today that was something.
I returned to the bathroom after I promised Ma that I will visit her sometime during the weekend. It's hard to spend this day alone but I don't think I could face her today. Today though I have to keep another promise I gave to myself years ago.
I spend the next three hours doing my usual patrol over the city and taking care some other emergencies around the world. I should have used to it by now but there is something after my return that doesn't fit as before. The world seems different or am I the one who changed? Am I really in the mood for that kind of questions? I decide that I'm not, so I speed up to the office.
I'm late today, for the first time this month, but I don't think that Perry will want to listen my excuses and frankly I don't want to give any. Not today.
I'm almost there when I hear an alarm for a bank robbery a few blocks away from the Planet's building. They should have known by now that they don't stand a chance in this city. But noooo! I wonder if Lois is already at work. Between a red-faced Chief and a caffeine deprived Lois I admit that the second scenario is what scares me the most.
I didn't realise when or why I caught Lois heartbeat seconds before I arrived to the bank. Her blood was boiling, her heartbeat erratic, even to her own ears I bet. I spotted her almost immediately. If I've guessed right she was running late again. Dammit, I was late! I had to be in the bulletin before her. Suddenly she started to slow down. The petite fingers of her right hand were now clenched to a fist and a sardonic smirk appeared.
'Not good!'
I could see through her emotions but who was today's victim? She turned around and glanced over the corner's over-weighted officer who seemed highly amused about something. If only the poor man knew.
I was ready to stop her from doing something that would make the officer's smile be erased from his chubby face for now and forever. She took a step forward only to stop again. Her eyes were on fire and I noticed that she backed up regretfully. The officer was safe for now.
"Hottie but such a…- " The man in the uniform murmured.
I don't know why I froze in mid air. I've heard it whispered so many times before. Behind closed doors, after interviews so many times yet something was different today. I was different. It was about time to start fulfilling my promise.
Ten minutes later I was wondering why I hadn't control my temper. I had tied so tight my tie that even though the pressure couldn't affect me, a look at the elevators mirror showed a very flushed Clark Kent.
'I hope you will forgive me someday'
All my guilts to what I had done disappeared in the thin air when the doors opened to the bulletins floor. As I suspected Lois was going for her next cup of coffee. Explainations had to be given. breathed deeply and I followed her.
She started to fill her cup obviously lost in her thoughts. For the second time today I couldn't help myself. For less than a second I browsed my index finger on her lower back. It was quick enough to been taken as an accidental touch but lasted enough to feel my body relax for the first time in weeks. Alarmed I saw her muscles stiffen under her shirt and turning to face me with her usual deathly glare.
I started mumbling things. I don't even know if what I said to her made any sense at all. I'm drowned to her and today maybe for the first time I feel that she is really notices me. Not what to what say, but me, just me. Then she frowns a little and I swear that I feel cold sweat chilling my neck. She looks around her and then she turns back to me.
I don't know why, but I do what I know best at situations like this one. I adjust my glasses while I look down like the shy humble Clark Kent whom all know in there. However, I can't stop a grin spreading on my face when I see her wearing a pair of white dirty sneakers.
She follows my gaze and for the first time I see her blushing in public. And she is blushing in front of me! Keeping my promise, I say what I think right away. I don't care how she will react I just want to be me for once.
"Charming" I still feel my grin lightening my face and if I'm not mistaken my eyes are shimmering of delight at her sight. She was surprised at first by probably not knowing if I was making fun of her or not. She doesn't wondering for long because somehow she seems relieved. I give away too much but I've got a promise to keep.
I think that someone is calling my name and my head unwillingly turns to the source of the voice. Perry. I'm late after all. My smile turns into a quick apologising grimace and I land roughly on Earth again. It's just another day at work and it's fine with me or at least that's what I want to believe.
For two months now my work in the Daily Planet is far more complicated than what I was doing before as a reporter. I never understood why from all people, Chief picked me for this job. It's not that I didn't turned out to be an excellent choice, as I overheard once but something didn't add up, something is not right. Can't be right. He could have promoted Lois, a Pulitzer winner or that bold guy from the international section. Something...
"Close the door behind you and sit Kent." Perry barked. The mumbling excuses which I had burst to Lois were not going to help me now.
"I'm sorry I was late this morning I... I... " What? I what? Nervously I stretched my collar hoping that nothing blue would appear in the view of my boss's slightly closed eyes. That expression wasn't there for no reason.
"I don't care what time you arrive or leave as far as I have the next morning's edition ready on time." the man stated rather calmly. Well, that was odd.
"Um, okay." that didn't came out too innocently, right?
"I have today's plan and If Lois give us the Mayor's expose before the deadline we are going to have a different front page for Monday. Sunday's paper is already closed and printed right this moment. Now the international news are going to-"
Perry's attention was caught by the breaking news for the bank robbery I had stopped shortly before I got to work.
"... it's a surprise since Superman's return, two months ago, to have that kind of incidents. Lets hope that it will be the last one." the obnoxious reporter of Channel 9 concluded.
'I hope that too! At least they didn't mention anything about-"
"Oh, wait... we have also to report a not so funny joke that happened a few blocks away from the bank after the robbery. It seems that an officer was the target of a not so funny farce. He was found glued on the pavement during duty hour. The over-weighted officer eventually needed the help of the pedestrians to set him free from his shoes. The weird part of the story is that no one saw who did it or how as the shoes were not glued but somehow melted. The shoes are still-"
"No reason to hear more about it. Now Kent go and do whatever is needed to make me happy." his voice was somewhat different. It didn't sound as an order but as a dexterous subtle sigh.
The next hours literally flew. The new position is demanding but I handle it quite well if I must say. I don't have to explain my absences or do things in normal speed by fear that someone will see me when I have my office's blinds closed. The only thing I miss is the important one, to work close to her or even better with her.
It's three-thirty, time for Lois to leave and pick Jason from school but she doesn't seem aware of the time if any indication is to given by her lost gaze on her computer's screen.
Ten more minutes pass and she still hasn't look the clock yet. My first thought is to go and remind her that our son has to picked from school in less that twenty but I feel greedy today. I want to spend some time with Jason even if that means to steal a half hour with him before I brought him in the office. I'm sure Lois is not going to notice and with some luck she will not even mind when she sees that her son is back safe and sound. Especially when she has forgotten him, again.
Perfect now I feel guilty! Yet the longing for my boy is taking over.
I have to fly if I want to be there in time so I order a cub to wait for us in front of the school. Less than ten minutes are remaining for the end of the school day and I need to hurry up if I don't want Jason to stay alone in the yard again.
"Jimmy" I call my young friend when I reach his office. "I'm going to pick up Jason. Lois doesn't know it and frankly I doubt she remembers it."
"Rough days?" he asks worried as he knows what she is being through after Richard's departure. If he knew the whole story I'm not so sure that he would still talk to me.
I arrive on time, the bell rings and I see the parents patiently waiting. It doesn't take long for the children to come out screaming happily to their arms. I scan for Jason and I spot him talking to a woman in her last forties. He isn't smiling or is happy like the other kids. He simply takes the older woman's hand and goes back in the school's building. I can sense that something is wrong.
I open my way through the yelling children trip one or two of them ignoring the shocked faces and dirty stares that the parents are giving me. When I finally see Jason again he is sitting on a bench while the woman is muttering something to him. I kneel next to the woman and I see my son's red eyes, clear evidence of tears. I need desperately to touch him, hug him make it all better. I don't have to do anything he just fall in my arms. His soggy sleeves wet my shirt and I'm shocked while I hardly move not wanting to make Jason detach from me.
"His father?" The woman asks. What now? I nod? What I'm supposed to do?
"On the making" I respond without giving it much thought.
She doesn't ask anything else. The way Jason fell on me and my reaction were obviously enough for her. She just informs me for today's nightmare my son had during his nap and leaves us. I carry the boy out of the building and thankfully the cub is waiting us already at the school's exit. I continue the soothing circles on Jason's back and he seems to relax under my touch.
"Hey you, have you eaten lunch at school?" I ask when I hear a rumbling from his middle section.
"I forgot my lunch but I drunk my milk before the nap." he sighs and his warm breath on my chest makes me shiver and want to hold him even closer if it's possible .
"Lets go and grab something then" I murmur under my breath. He is not going to fall asleep. I know that he just relaxes to the sensation of holding him as I relax to his weight.
"I'm in love with my son" I heard a man say once. Now I ask myself how is it possible not to be. I'm his father and he is ignorant of anything that has to do with me, yet he seems to crave my attention and now my comfort.
Our choices for lunch are limited for the time being.I don't know which of his allergies are fainting or are not present anymore. With some luck and a lot of minutes later I have a happier child walking by my side towards the Planet.
We were only a few blocks away from work when I trip on a familiar pair of melted shoes. That's was Jason smiles to me for the first time today. The eye contact doesn't last for long because the boy's head turns and starts to search around. When he finally spots what he was looking for he looks at me again . His craving puppy eyes expression were definitely not inherited from his mother.
"Can we?" he pleads pointing an instant photo booth at the other side of the street.
Checking Lois heartbeat I find her calm and still focused to the article she was working on when I left. The temptation to spend some more time with Jason and take our first photos together puts aside my worries for a while.
I never knew that such a small cabin would be so welcoming to my size. Jason, busy trying to put the exact amount of coins in the machine I doubt he noticed that I was holding him closer than before. My chance to touch him, play with his hair or stretch his clothes were rare enough to not take some advantage of them now. They were those simple everyday pleasures that a parent has, as to affirm it's affection towards their child or even to it's child's existence. Something he had not have had the chance to experience.
"Smile!" Jason exclaimed morphing a smile on my face with his little fingers. I saw only two more dazzling flashes, which meant that I was oblivious to my surroundings for the first two. I didn't get the pictures in my hands until Jason picked his favourites. After a closer look and finally picking first the one he wanted he also cut the last one and hand me the rest.
We were late already. Any moment now Lois would wake up from her investigation haze and she would realise that something was amiss with the time. Her timing actually.
Again I don't know when I found myself in the elevator with Jason counting the floors along with the automatic announcement of each floor. The doors opened to show me what already knew. Lois still working on her story while Jimmy was sleeping over his latest Superman photos. Photos that definitely weren't going to be on Monday's issue.
I thought that I would see my boy running to his mother's desk instead he seemed indifferent as he passed Lois and opened my office's door. Frowning I followed and he closed the door behind me making sure that nothing would disturb his mother from her work.
"It's a MMS day" he exclaims trying to get comfy on the office's couch. His attempt to avoid a further explanation and his contentment when he finds the perfect spot do not stop me.`
"M&M's day?" I wonder aloud.
"It's story not a candy!" Giggles while he rolls adorably his eyes. "Mummy's Major Something."
'Okay, now what am I saying?'
"Can I borrow your stapler?" he asks me shyly. How can ever I tell no to him? So I give him the stapler and he happily starts to play with it. Behind the open blinds I see Lois stir on her chair and that means that shortly she will land roughly in our reality. Jason is still occupied so it's time to make her touchdown more pleasant this time.
I'm only a few feet away from her desk when I see her eyes widen and...
"FIVE?"
Papers are flying all over her and the mess that was pilling on her desk for the last few days scatters in the air and the floor around her. She swears loudly and now my peripheral vision sees a camera reaching dangerously the floor as a frighten gasp comes from it's no wide awake owner. Somehow the camera is in my hand while Lois is already pushing frantically the elevator's button. Her body is violently trembling and she keeps pushing so forceful the button that I'm afraid that for the elevator's functioning the next week.
I''m calling her but she ignores me. She gets in that damn box and I risk to speed a little more than normal before the doors close. Then she looks me angrily and my mind is blank. Why I stopped her? Why I endanger myself? Why I don't just show her?'
She follows my hand that points my office and we both see Jason greet her from afar waving.
"Oops?" I offer knowing that she will never admit it.
"Yeah, oops." and there is the answer I never thought that I will ever get in a whole lifetime.
She asks me to keep an eye on him and I simply nod. Who am I to refuse her a thing?
Jason is still watching his mother when I enter to the office. He looks tired and more distracted than usual. His eyelashes start dropping now and then, but something is keeping him awake. Having missed half of his nap time, finally the child sighs deeply as he tries to snuggle more comfortable into the couch.
A couple of hours are passing by and Lois is still working on that damn article. I think that it will not take her much time to finish the article and us say Goodnight but not join her to dinner, follow her home, tuck Jason in to his bed.
My eyes drift again to the peacefully resting boy. There is only my computer's screen to light him dimly but I swear his form is almost angelic that way. I keep watching him in awe like so many times before but this time there is something different. All my fears are facing me at the sight of him. Things I've done or I'm about to do or even say to that woman out there are now about to weight so much more.
I feel a light breeze, a change in the air. Someone is approaching. There is no need to look just to see her staring me and wonder why I'm watching our kid sleep. A sharp exhale is combined to an equally sharp pain in my left arm. I'm perfectly aware why and I want to say something but the moment slips in time.
I rub my arm and when I manage to whisper a reasonable explanation for it. As the irony would have it, it's t the utter truth.
"Heartache."
And then I just blurt out the rest. Shame on me.
"Stress. New responsibilities. I never thought- Leaving?" I ask her when I realise not only the time but that I have to stop myself before I get too far for the third time today.
I don't have the heart to wake Jason and neither Lois seems to want to. She walks quietly but thoughtful beside me. I don't need to know her thoughts because they are all there, on her smirking face. That teasing smirk made its first reappearance years ago to the word "partner". That smirk it's my smirk!
Not knowing when we got so close to her car she offers to drive me home but home it's the last place I want to go. My apartment, Smallville, Krypton. The last place I want to go.
There is no need to return to the Planet so I hover over the city for a while watching Lois' car reaching her house. She is exhausted. The engine is off and I hear her muscles complaining to the stretch of every move. Protesting stubbornly when she lifts the boy o
in her arms and all it takes is a breath to make her smile as the heavy wooden front door opens miraculously easy.
I don't want to leave them yet and then it's when I hear Jason murmur my name in his sleep. That gives me the excuse I desperately wanted. So I stay, fly above them, watching them for a little longer.
My heart nearly stops and then that familiar twinge in my left arm spikes me again. I see her trip at her bedroom's rug but the pain freezes me on place. I hear clearly the gasp, the cry and giggles. Still curled on the floor that woman never stops to amaze me. She doesn't gets up from the floor and her breathing slows. I can only make the cold floor less threatening for a nasty cold. But is it enough?
I should have left an hour ago when they arrived safely at home. Still there are two more hours before the clock strikes midnight and something pulls me back to them. I have to fly away from here but a glimpse to a deeply sleeping Lois on the floor it's speaking volumes to what I intent to do next.
She is in my arms and I'm terrified. Terrified about waking her, dropping her or worse never able to let her. Every second close to her makes me a sappy fool. I can't think straight anymore and in an acceptable manner I can still breathe.
A groan escapes from her lips as I tuck her carefully under the covers. I can't do anything for her wrist without her noticing but it's going to be fine in a few days so I don't risk it any farther.
I leave her while always tempted to look behind. But it's like the house is fighting back to my intention. Thorns grab my cape trying to get me back to those white walls, make me a part of this house. I don't want to look back and an under-breath swearing is what I really need to gather some strength tonight. Still...
But if I look behind that stays as a promise. As a promise to return to those who I leave behind. I couldn't afford to make promises then neither can now. Promises may broke but feelings somehow are always deeply treasured. Yet I get a last glimpse of the two sleeping forms before I soar in to the heavy grey clouds of Metropolis.
Epilogue
The sky here is so clear. The air is fresh and my breath is hitched. My unsteady inhaling is the only sound that breaks this annual ritual. The trees have lost their leafs and the grass has grown wilder than I remember. There is a track that leads over this heel and to the fields. It's has been walked recently. The very same day to be exact.
Next to the marbled flat stone of my interest, is an almost cautiously placed bundle. There is no note but the single rose that touches the dry earth is telling me about a not forgotten love. About a son that will not be left shirtless next month.
"I haven't been around lately." I apologise to the lifeless scenery.
"It's been years and you know better than me what happened." a bitter chuckle is all have to give in the end of this day.
"I'm going to sit with you for a while I hope you do not mind." I tell as I sit heavily on the ground.
"Myself for a day. The only promise I afford to make so far dad." My hands come to rest to my now facing down head. That pain is still there creeping over me and reminding me what I'm unable to forget. A not foreseen painful evening, an sorrowful event that couldn't been stopped.
"I looked back. I can give them Clark for now and in time Kal-El will follow." I admit to the cold breeze.
"From all the promises that can be made I can keep at least the very same one you gave me." he stood up reluctantly not wanting to leave so quickly.
Walking the path up the hill and towards the fields he could still hear a voice calling him as he made his way to the farm.
"We live in a place son where we cannot see, hear or feel our impact easily. That doesn't mean that someone else might not. It's those things that as your father I don't want you to forget. Even when everything seems lost or forgotten remember that I'll be always around, you will one day also be always around in other peoples minds through your actions. So choose wisely son how you want to live and be remembered." Pa had said to me after discovering that his heart condition had deteriorated. He had passed away within that very same year.
And here was the man who lost his father so young. Here was the boy who said goodbye that evening holding his palm upon a slowing heartbeat. The boy who became a man, the man who became a hero, the hero who became a father only to say Goodbye to his own son every single day.
The End