13

Five Times Ducky Said 'I Love You'

Pompadour Restaurant, Caledonian Hotel, Edinburgh, Scotland

He was walking on air as he led Elspeth to their table, everything looked perfect, the maitre d' had come up trumps and they had a table by the window with a picture postcard view of the castle. The sun was still shining on this glorious July evening, the ring was in his pocket, the champagne was on ice and all was right with his world.

As ever, heads had turned as she walked through the room; not only was she wearing a brand new mini dress that left very little to the imagination, but also because she was the most beautiful, vivacious woman in the world…Ducky was convinced of that fact, and was completely unaware that some of the heads turned to look at the handsome young man who seemed to be alight with an inner flame.

His exam results were in, and he was now officially Doctor Donald Mallard; as far as Elspeth was concerned this expensive dinner at one of the most sought-after locations in the city was to celebrate his elevation into the medical profession. He'd been planning this evening in his head for months, determined that he wouldn't ask for her hand in marriage until he was Donald Mallard MD.

The sommelier poured two glasses of Chateauneuf Du Pape, Elspeth's favourite wine.

"I will have your waiter bring the menus directly."

"Thank you." Ducky raised his glass, and felt his heart skip a beat as Elspeth smiled.

"Congratulations Doctor Mallard, I am so proud of you Donald, you've worked so hard."

He tapped his glass against hers. "I like the way that sounds when you say it."

"Well, you are a doctor now."

"Not that...Donald, there aren't many people who use my given name, and when you say it...it's like poetry." He took her hand in his, and kissed it gently. "Elspeth, I have been waiting..."

"Good evening miss, sir, may I recommend the seafood bisque, perhaps followed by..."

Ducky didn't even hear the other recommendations; he was lost in the depths of Elspeth's dark brown eyes. They ordered something, he never could remember what it was, and when the waiter was finally gone, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the green velvet box he'd been carrying around all day.

All of a sudden, his collar felt as if it was too tight, and he was sure everyone must be able to hear his heart beating.

"Elspeth...we have been together for almost two years."

"One year, ten months and eighteen days."

She remembered the exact date, just as he did, and he knew, with absolute certainty, this was the moment.

"Elspeth Forsyth, I love you with all my heart; will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

He opened the box and handed it to her, the diamond solitaire shining bright in the evening sunlight. She barely glanced at the ring, and stared at Ducky, a look of absolute horror on her face.

"Marry you! What makes you think I would want to get married? I have too much I want to do before I'll be ready to settle for married life."

For one hopeful moment Ducky thought she was joking, but he could see she was genuinely shocked that he had even asked the question.

"But I thought…I hoped…that you love me."

She was immediately contrite. "Oh my darling, I do love you, of course I do."

"Then why won't you marry me?"

"Donald, I'm not twenty-one until October, I feel…you must feel it too, surely you do…we're too young to be making decisions like this. What if we're not right for each other, if we fall out of love…"

Ducky shook his head. "That's won't happen, I know it won't…we can be happy together."

Elspeth sighed, and reached over the table to take his hand. "Perhaps we can…one day, but I want to see the world, to experience other cultures, to dip my toes in every ocean…"

"I could come with you." Even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true, he'd worked so hard, made so many sacrifices to become a doctor; he couldn't turn his back on medicine, not now.

She squeezed his hand gently and gave a sad smile. "No you couldn't…and if you did, you would never forgive me for coming between you and your great love. I see the way you look when you talk about helping others, saving lives…you have such passion, I envy you…"

"Please Elspeth, take some time to think, there's no rush…"

Again her smile was tinged with sadness. "But there is my dear; I leave for Nepal next week. I didn't want to tell you until we knew your exam results…oh Donald, I never dreamed you were going to ask me…can you ever forgive me for saying no?"

He picked up the small box in which he had invested so much hope, and love…"There is nothing to forgive, I was a fool to think someone like you would ever want to settle for someone like me."

She got up from her chair and enveloped him in a gentle embrace. "Donald Mallard, do not think such a thing, you are the most wonderful man I have ever met. It's me...I honestly don't think I'm the settling down type, but I know in my heart that the perfect doctor's wife is out there...just waiting for you."

8th Field Hospital, Nha Trang, Vietnam

Ducky let the lukewarm water wash over him, it had been another gruelling session in the operating room and he wanted to wash away the blood and the sweat...oh how he longed for a soak in a hot bath.

"I am the very model of a modern Major General!" He sang out and he attempted to get some lather from the Army issue bar of soap, he usually found Gilbert and Sullivan helped to lighten his spirits...not that his spirits needed much levitation this evening...

He was as clean as he was going to get, so he threw on his bath robe and hurried to the hut he shared with five other doctors. He wanted to look his best this evening; after all it wasn't every night he would announce to the mess hut. 'Allow me to introduce my fiancée.'

She had said yes, and for the first time in a long time he thought of an evening in another time, another world...and he smiled..."I found her Elspeth, and she is perfect."

He had felt like pinching himself this morning, just to be sure this was really happening to him, that Sylvia Lang had really agreed to marry him when their tour of duty was over, when they got home...and what a wonderful new meaning that word had when there was someone with whom he could share a home...

With good humour Ducky endured the gentle teasing from Sylvia's fellow nurses as he kissed her hand.

"Any more like you back home Ducky? We could all use a handsome doctor."

"Patience Christine, you've only been here one month; and there will be a new batch of medical personnel arriving in two weeks, when our rotation is over."

Sylvia waved to her friends, and took Ducky's hand as they set out across the compound. Ducky gazed in open admiration at the woman at his side, her long brunette hair flowing freely down her back, and her beautiful blue eyes glistening in the last rays of the evening sun.

"You look radiant."

She grinned and linked her arm in his. "Yeah, khaki always brings out the best in a girl. Okay, you promised good food, so where the heck are you taking me? 'Cos it can't be the mess hut on base,"

"I'm afraid it is my dear. What's the saying? It's the only show in town."

"Figures – Don, before we go to dinner, I have something to tell you."

Ducky's heart sank, it was going to happen again, now that she'd had time to think about it; Sylvia was going to turn him down. He waited for the axe to fall...

"I wanted to tell you somewhere special, but getting privacy around here...it can be done, but it's never easy." She slowed her pace and gripped his arm tight. "Only way to say it is right out loud...I'm pregnant"

He halted on the spot, tried to speak, to express the unbounded joy those two words had sent coursing through his body and soul. "What...how?"

"Jeez, Doctor Mallard, didn't they cover that in medical school?"

"Oh my Lord, forgive me Sylvia...I'm simply...overwhelmed...this is the most...the best...you, and now a baby..."

It wasn't the most elegant speech Ducky had ever made, but Sylvia could read in his eyes the elation he felt, and she hoped it was mirrored in her own, so that he could see how overjoyed she was...

"Oh Sylvia, I thought I was happy before, but this news...we're going to be a family, the three of us…I love you, so very much…"

He drew her into his arms and kissed her with such tenderness and warmth that she fell in love with him all over again. They finally, reluctantly drew apart.

"Come along, I want to show off the future Mrs Mallard to the entire mess..."

"Don't tell them about the baby, we should tell our parents first."

He kissed her cheek and gave a deep bow. "Your wish is my command."

She gave him a playful cuff on the arm. "I'll hold you to that when the baby is crying for a feed at 4 am."

He opened his mouth to tell her that he would be delighted to help with the baby, whatever the time, day or night. But she was falling...and there was blood...noise, shouting, all was chaos...he was on his knees pressing the palms of his hands to the two bloody wounds on her chest.

"Help me please! Somebody!"

They had come running, and Sylvia was on the operating table in no time, Ducky was scrubbed, gowned and ready; breathing deep, praying that he could hold the scalpel steady. Two of his colleagues were at his side, ready to step in if necessary; they knew Ducky had to do this, and they also knew he was the best surgeon here, if anyone could save her, it was Ducky

Ninety minutes later, they could all see that it was hopeless, all but one...the man who loved her. He didn't want to give up, to admit that he had failed.

"Ducky…"

He heard the voice, he felt a light pressure on his arm, but he couldn't stop; the pressure increased, and eventually he was pulled away from the table.

"Ducky, I'm so, so sorry, but she's gone…"

They told him later, when he was able to comprehend…A Viet-Cong prisoner had overpowered his guard, stolen his gun, tried to shoot his way out of the camp. Sylvia was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and his heart was broken into a million pieces. He sat on the plane that was carrying her body, and that of his unborn child back home…such a bitter word now, home meant nothing to him. He looked down at his hands, the hands that couldn't save her, and he made a decision, whatever he was going to do with his life from now on, he was never going near an operating theatre again, his life as a surgeon was over.

Vernon Springs Nursing Home, Alexandria, VA

Ducky quietly made his way into his mother's room. He checked her chart, much as it had been yesterday, much as it would be until the day her system started to shut down. The doctor in him knew that day was not far off, but the son…he didn't want to let her go, even though she didn't recognise him much of the time…perhaps this evening she may remember.

He leaned over, kissed her forehead and took hold of her hand, so fragile it seemed now, as if he would break it if he held too tight. Hard to imagine these hands had held him when he cried, bandaged the cuts and grazes that came with growing up…even given him the odd slap or two when the occasion demanded…long ago…all so long ago…

He sat down beside the bed. "It would have been Sylvia's birthday today, do you remember? No, of course not, you never met her…you would have loved her I know, everyone did…" He closed his eyes for a moment, the memories of that brief, but joyous interlude still had the power to bring him close to tears even after so many years…"I'm getting sentimental in my old age. Oh, here's a name you may remember, Elspeth Forsyth…"

"She was a floozy."

Ducky gave a wry chuckle; he sometimes thought she pretended to be asleep to avoid unwanted conversations. "No she wasn't Mother, she was a free spirit…she died last week, I heard only yesterday, one of her sons found my details in her address book and was kind enough to write…"

Silence; either she was sleeping once more, or keeping her own counsel. No matter, Ducky was content to sit and reflect…He had been deeply saddened to hear of Elspeth's death, another link to the days of his youth gone…He was comforted by the thought that she'd had a happy life, first on a hippy commune out in California, and then surprisingly as a foster-mother to 'difficult' youngsters. Ducky smiled to himself, perhaps not so surprising, Elspeth always had so much love to give; sharing it with one person would never have been enough for her.

"Did you bring the dogs? I told you to bring them; they can stay here with me." His mother could still insert an imperious tone in her voice when she wanted, and it seemed right now that was exactly what she wanted. "You should never have given them away; you always hated them I know you did."

"I did not hate them Mother, but it would not have been fair on them to be left alone in the house, you know I'm out at work all day, sometimes all night too."

"Then take me home, I could look after them. Donald, take me home!"

She was distressing herself, as she sometimes did when a moment of clarity made her aware of her situation. Most of the time she had no idea where she was, and so long as she had willing hands to see to her needs, she seemed somehow content...but when the fog of her dementia lifted...then she wanted nothing more than to be home again, with her son and her dogs.

Ducky had tried to make her room here at the nursing home as much like home as possible, bringing some of her favourite pictures and trinkets, but it was a token gesture...an attempt to ease her mind if she ever woke up alone.

He stroked her hand gently. "Mother, we've talked and talked about this, you need round the clock care, the kind of facilities that I could never hope to offer you at home. You are getting very special care here, I wish you could understand that, and I wish you could understand that if there was any way I could have you home, I would. I love you Mother, please believe me."

Mrs Mallard tried to pull her hand from his. "Don't tell lies Donald, I've always hated liars."

Ducky didn't let go, he didn't hold too tight, it would mortify him to hurt her, but he had to try and get through to her. "I am not lying Mother, I love you, and I would love to have you home, if only..."

Her hand was limp in his, she was asleep once more, and he gave a tender smile. He would never abandon her, however much she tried to push him away...even when the day came that she didn't recognise him, he would still come...she'd saved his sanity when he came back from Vietnam, perhaps his life too...there had been times back then when he had been ready to let go, but more than once his mother has pulled him back from the brink.

He sat with her a little longer, and when it became clear that she would not be waking again this evening, he kissed her forehead. "Good night Mother, I will see you again tomorrow."

Ducky made his way down the corridor, pausing briefly to say good night to Sister Hamilton. "I'm glad I caught you this evening, I wanted to thank you personally for the wonderful way you and your staff are looking after Mother."

"She's quite a character Doctor Mallard; and quite a beauty in her day judging by the photographs in her room."

"Yes, she turned heads wherever she went, and not just because of her looks."

"I can imagine, she has an iron will even now. We will do our very best for her Doctor, rest assured."

Ducky smiled and waved as he headed out to the parking lot. He knew they would do their best, he also knew that this was the best place for his mother to spend the rest of her days; so why was it that every time he left here, it felt like a betrayal?

3417 Reservoir Road Northwest, Washington DC

"It's a beautiful house Donnie, and you seem to have settled in pretty well."

Ducky set down her aperitif of choice on the mosaic table. "G&T for you my dear, dinner will be ready shortly."

"Thank you, no hurry for dinner; I'm enjoying the company."

He sat beside her and took a sip of his whisky, it was a perfect late summer evening, and he couldn't think of anyone he'd rather be sharing it with than Jordan Hampton. He hadn't been altogether certain that she would accept his invitation…fearing that his foolish dalliance with the realtor who had sold him this house would signal the end of his relationship with Jordan. But she had come, and sitting with her now, as the sun's rays warmed the terrace of his new house…well, it was even better than he had dared hope.

"Jordan, can you forgive an old man his ridiculous attempt to retain his long lost youth?"

She gave a low chuckle. "I can't think of anyone less in need of trying to hold on to his youth, you are the youngest person I know Donnie."

"It's kind of you to say so, but we both know…"

She put her index finger to his lips. "Let's not talk about it, let what's past stay there. I'd rather talk about the here and now; you and me."

He smiled and as she removed her finger, he gently kissed her hand. "Is there still a you and me? You could do so much better."

"Really? Better than a handsome, urbane, cultured, witty, charming man, a man who makes me feel happier when I'm with him that I ever do when we're apart? Donnie, it doesn't get any better…"

"But, my dear Jordan, we can't ignore my age, you deserve the chance to meet someone nearer…"

"Stuff and Nonsense! If I may steal one of your own sayings." She cupped his cheek in her hand and looked deep into his eyes. "I would rather spend two years, heck two days with you than twenty years with a poor substitute."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I certainly do…and it's a moot point, because you're going to live to be a hundred!"

"Oh Jordan, I have missed you…how could I have been so incredibly thick headed as to look elsewhere when…"

A shrill beeping sound from inside the house halted Ducky's self-recrimination. "I believe dinner is ready."

He'd hurried into the kitchen and served out the filet mignon with fresh baby peas and carrots and duchesse potatoes that he'd painstakingly prepared, he had wanted everything to be just right for this reconciliation dinner. He needn't have worried, Jordan relished every mouthful.

As she leaned back in her chair, replete and relaxed, she raised her wine glass to Ducky. "I missed that off my list…you're a great cook too. Donald, that was perfect."

"I have Raspberry Crowdie for dessert, if you have room."

"Can we give it a few minutes? I'm not sure this waistband will take any more pressure right now."

He gave her waist a considered glance. "There doesn't appear to be anything amiss as far as I can see."

She laughed. "Yeah, well they say love is blind."

He didn't join in with her laughter, and Jordan thought she'd made a terrible mistake. "Oh, I'm sorry...that was presumptuous, I love you Donnie, but that doesn't give me the right to expect you to feel the same way."

"Perhaps not, but I do feel...I love you Jordan, never more so than this evening. After so long apart, and the way I have behaved, I had no right to expect such happiness. You are much more than I deserve."

"Phooey, I'm lucky to have you."

He shook his head. "I'm the lucky one; to find a love like this at my time of life…it's a miracle."

Ducky led her into the living room, and they sat side by side on the couch, content to simply be together. After several contemplative minutes he gave a quiet sigh. "I wish…no, it's not possible…I have tried…but I'm not sure that marriage is meant for me. I have proposed to two women in my life, one refused me, one…she died before we could be wed…I lost my child too that night…"

Jordan drew in a sharp breath, she had never heard Ducky talk of a child before; his mother had told her about Sylvia, in one of her rare moments of lucidity, but she had never mentioned a child…perhaps she didn't know, there were some things Donnie kept very close to his vest. He gave a sad, reflective smile.

"After what happened before, I don't think I have the courage to ask again."

In that instant, seeing him so open, so vulnerable, she knew exactly what she wanted to do. She got up from the couch, and went down on one knee; she took Ducky's hand in hers. "Donald Mallard, you are the man I have been waiting for all my life, will you marry me?"

For a few seconds the great raconteur was speechless, and Jordan feared that she had made a huge mistake. Then he stood up, pulled her to her feet and enfolded her in a warm embrace. "Yes Jordan, oh yes."

Their lips met, and they kissed, it was a kiss full of love, of bittersweet memories, and of the promise of what was to come. "I love you Donnie."

"Not nearly as much as I love you."

She smiled again, and another thought came unbidden into her mind. "The dessert Donnie, do we have to eat it right away?"

He looked slightly bemused. "No…it will keep overnight in the fridge, you're still not hungry?"

"Not for food…but there was something else I left off my list…"

She gave a slightly lascivious grin, took his hand and led him upstairs, Ducky was happy to follow. Finally, after years of waiting, he didn't just have a house in which to live, he had a home…

Conference Room, NCIS Headquarters, Washington DC

"That's the meeting about Tony? Did Gibbs tell you?"

"Nope, I'm as in the dark as you are Abs, maybe we're going to get more interns."

She pouted. "I hope not…the last bunch were okay, but I like my lab to myself. Hey Bossman, what's happening?'

Gibbs shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't call the meeting Abs, Duck asked me to get you all here this morning, so here we are."

He headed for the coffee machine as ever, and sat down as soon as he had a fresh cup. The rest of his team was in place; Jimmy looking slightly uncomfortable, the rest of them looking slightly puzzled. The door opened and Ducky walked into the room, Gibbs watched him carefully, he had an inkling what was coming, but he hadn't wanted to pre-empt what Ducky might have to say, so he'd kept quiet.

"Good morning everyone, and thank you all for coming at such short notice."

He sat down in the chair that had been left vacant at the head of the table. "I know I have a reputation for using twenty words where one would suffice."

"Ya think Ducky?" Tony gave an involuntary flinch as he said the words, forgetting that he was out of range of Gibbs' head slapping hand.

"Indeed Anthony, be that as it may, this morning I would like to get right to the point. Director Vance has accepted my resignation, and twenty-eight days from now, Doctor James Palmer will be the new Medical Examiner for NCIS."

Gibbs nodded slowly, this was exactly what he had been expecting, but he could tell from the shocked silence around him that the rest of his team hadn't had a clue. They had all known about Jimmy's graduation, had joined him and his fiancée at a celebration dinner, but somehow they had all expected that Ducky would go on for ever.

"This has not been a sudden decision, I have thought long and hard about my future, and it lies with the living, not the dead."

He gave a broad smile as he saw Tim pointing at his left hand.

"You're…you…"

"Yes Timothy, I'm married, Jordan and I tied the knot two days ago. And my wife and I…" Ducky's smile grew even wider. "My wife and I want to spend every minute we can together, to travel, go to the opera, all the galleries and museums we've never had time to see."

Abby hurried out of her chair and treated Ducky to an Abby extra-special. He had trouble breathing, but he knew this was her way of expressing feelings she couldn't put into words, so he let her hug him, and he took a few moments to gather his thoughts, now that he'd told them he was going, and the worst was over, he wanted to tell them more…Gibbs gently pulled Abby away, and led her back to her seat. "Let the man talk Abs."

"Thank you Jethro." Ducky took a deep breath, not just to recover from Abby's ministrations; he wanted so much to get this right. "As you all know I was never blessed with a family of my own, not until Jordan came into my life…but I consider that I have been blessed to be a part of the NCIS family, and most particularly this wonderfully chaotic family of Team Gibbs. The years I have worked with you…they have been the most joyous of my career, and I thank you for that. We have shared days of tremendous sorrow, losing Kate…and Jenny, days when we saw the very worst that mankind could offer, but also days when we saw the best…"

He could feel the telltale prickle in his eyes, and his mouth was becoming dry; he wouldn't be able to do this much longer. "I have seen the best…I have seen you, all of you giving everything you have to find a missing child, to bring the guilty to trial, to give those who have lost loved ones the answers to their questions…I've watched you go without sleep, without food, to keep on working…and through all that you care for each other, yes Anthony, even you for all the teasing and tormenting, you would lay your life on the line for any person in this room, as would you all…and for that I love you, sentimental as it may be to say it, it is the truth nevertheless."

Ducky reached over and put his hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "This young man will make a more than capable replacement for yours truly, be kind to him as he settles into his new role. Jimmy, I could not have wished for a better successor, you have listened and learned, and along the way you have taught me a thing or two which is just as it should be."

It was Jimmy's turn to get out of his chair and hug Ducky, and he soon found himself being eased aside as the others took their turn. Gibbs couldn't resist teasing his friend. "And you said I keep secrets…"

Ducky grinned. "I think I was frightened to say anything in case I jinxed it, she might not have turned up."

"Fat chance of that Donnie, I know when I'm onto a good thing."

Ducky grinned, and took her hand. "Perfect timing as always my dear. Ladies and gentlemen allow me to present Doctor Jordan Hampton-Mallard, my wife…"

There was another round of hugs and kisses, and finally the newlyweds managed to get away. Ducky closed the door behind him and linked his arm through Jordan's, there was sadness, of course there was, he'd spent a good part of his working life here at NCIS, and it was a wrench leaving people he cared for, but he'd see them again, Jordan had already invited them all for dinner at their home…The story of his life wasn't over, it was entering a new and glorious chapter.

THE END

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