TITLE: The Scissors Incident
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM (Obi is 13). Humor. An accident involving scissors leads to humiliation.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
NOTES: This one is for Brenda. In dedication to HER and HIM! HAHAHAH!!! Sorry.
====================
The Scissors Incident
====================
(Thirteen year old Obi-Wan Kenobi walked into the classroom where his master, Qui-Gon Jinn had been teaching a class for the past week. The older Jedi was kicking the desk and yelling out every profanity he knew.)
Obi: Master?
Qui: OWWWWWWW!! WHAT?
Obi: What's wrong? Did you get stood up again by Master Bren? You know last time she had a valid excuse. She was chasing Master Wenda around the Temple with a permit. You shoulda seen it!
Qui: What are you talking about? Can't you see that I am in pain?
Obi: Oh, sorry. Your hand is bleeding.
Qui: You're a regular Rocket Scientist.
Obi: No, just a padawan. Master, that's bleeding quite a bit, you should see a healer. How did this happen?
(Obi-Wan handed his master a cloth to place over the wound.)
Qui: Those Sith scissors. No, don't touch them. They attacked me.
Obi: They attacked you? Maybe you were just using them the wrong way.
Qui: Obi-Wan, how can you use scissors the wrong way? Huh? Explain that to me.
Obi: Um...uh...I don't know. Maybe you were...uh....
Qui: SITH this hurts!
Obi: Come on master, I am taking you to the healers.
(Upon entering the Healer's ward, they were greeted by Master Healer Terran Va'lor.)
Terran: Jinn, Kenobi, welcome back. What can I do for...mmmmm...Qui-Gon, what did you do?
Obi: He was attacked by a pair of scissors. Cut his finger pretty bad. I think he's gonna need stitches. You should numb the area first.
Terran: You think?
Obi: Yes. A needle applied to the fingertip should...
Qui: Obi-Wan, enough. He is the healer. I think he can figure this out for himself.
Obi: But...never mind.
(Twenty minutes later, the master/padawan team made their way back to the classroom.)
Bren: Hi boys! What's going on?
Obi: Master Qui-Gon cut his finger. I'm looking after him.
Bren: Oh you poor thing. Let me see. How did you manage to do that?
Obi: Those scissors there that Master Wenda provided for him.
Bren: Wenda Mikenix? That witch! She's my so-called Team Leader. Supposed to be assigned to this wing for just a few months, but now it looks like she is here to stay. Don't get me started on her. Does it hurt Qui?
Obi: A lot of pain, but Healer Terran says that will get better.
Qui: Obi-Wan, I cut my finger, not my tongue. I can speak for myself.
Obi: Yes master.
(A few minutes later Master Wenda made her presence known.)
Wenda: Okay Jinn, what happened?
(Qui-Gon turned to glare at his apprentice, daring him to speak for him again. Obi-Wan wandered to Master Bren's side for safety.)
Qui: I sliced my finger with these scissors. It's been taken care of. No big deal.
Wenda: Did you not use the correct scissors handling technique?
Qui: The what?
Wenda: There was a memo about it ten years ago. I suspect you chose to ignore it.
Qui: Ten YEARS ago? Is there a form or something I have to fill out?
(She pulled out a datapad and handed it to the tall master.)
Wenda: Just fill out screens 1 through 99 and you will be covered.
Qui: Isn't that overkill? It's just a small cut.
Wenda: We must make sure everything is handled the correct way. This is for your benefit.
(Bren whispered to the young Jedi beside her.)
Bren: Yeah, right. This is to cover her own butt. She could care less about him.
Wenda: When you complete that, please see me and I will get you a new pair of scissors. A pair with rounded ends, so this won't happen again.
Qui: That isn't necessary, I am capable of using these scissors.
Wenda: For your well-being, you will use safety scissors. I wouldn't want you to have to suffer through any more pain than you already have.
(Hearing the door open, Bren looked across the room and saw Wenda's boss coming towards them. Master Mij Oddy. All she could do was roll her eyes and pull Obi-Wan a bit closer to her.)
Bren: Get ready kid, here comes the other one.
Mij: I heard about the accident. Have we ordered safety scissors? Have we informed other teachers about this danger? Have we taken action on this? Why are we all just standing around?
Qui: I am fine, really.
Mij: Let me see that injury? So tragic. Others need to know what you have suffered through. Perhaps you should give a short lecture on the subject of scissors safety.
Wenda: Wonderful idea Mij. Jinn, you can tell your story, explain what you did wrong, and how you have learned from this experience.
Qui: Masters, I do believe that others know the proper way to handle the shears. I don't think...
Wenda: That's right. You didn't think before you picked them up, and that is how you got hurt.
Mij: Monday Jinn. Be ready to address the other teachers. Wenda, shall we go?
(Once the masters had gone, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Bren stood staring at each other.)
Qui: What just happened?
Bren: They made you look like a fool. Like a moron who doesn't know how to use scissors.
Obi: Maybe this lecture is a good idea. I mean you obviously did something wrong, or you wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place.
Qui: (Glowering at his apprentice.) Obi-Wan it was an accident. Any idiot can operate a pair of scissors.
Obi: Apparently not.
Bren: NO QUI! Don't kill him. You kill him and it will only lead to more forms for you to fill out. Obi, allow your brain to work before you speak.
Obi: Sorry master. You know me and my flying lips. I didn't mean that.
Qui: I know you didn't. But that doesn't change things. I am not getting up in front of all these people so they can laugh at me for what happened. It was an accident. Nothing more. Why is it being made into a big deal?
Bren: If they make you seem like an idiot, it will mean less flack for them. As long as they have their reputations in tact, it really doesn't matter where you are in all this. It's a little game they play. They've done similar things to me in the past.
Obi: Maybe you should start flipping out whenever you see scissors. Throw it right back at them.
Bren: You know kid, that's not a bad idea. Wenda sets the new pair down and you start inching away from them, hyperventilating, that type of thing.
Qui: Perhaps I should just hang a sign out front with those scissors attached, that says: 'Warning: Scissors are bad. Don't be an idiot like I was. Safety first.' Think that will make them happy?
Bren: That could work.
Obi: Can I go with you to your lecture?
Qui: No. You are liable to say something stupid; I don't need the added pressure.
Obi: I can offer moral support.
Qui: I don't think so.
Obi: Master, please?
Qui: NO!
Obi: But...
Qui: Don't make me tell you again.
Obi: What will I do while you are in the meeting?
Qui: Bren would you mind keeping him occupied until my little speech is over?
Bren: Sure, pawn the kid off on me, I have nothing better to do with my life.
Qui: I will make you dinner. We can spend the evening alone.
Bren: Mmmmmmm...okay. but just this once.
Obi: Hello? Do I have any say in this?
Qui/Bren: NO!
Obi: I think I'll just go play with my scissors then.
Qui: Freeze braid boy! You have to help me with my presentation. I refuse to allow them to mock me as they are.
Obi: Like Master Poof? He mocks you alllllllllll the time. Every time you are in the Council Chambers, he's just there. His head swaying baaaaaaaaack and fooooooooooorth. Baaaaaaaack and foooooooooooooorth. I know what he is thinking. He's after me. Wants to take me as his padawan. Don't let him master, please don't let him. I don't want to leave you. Please????
Qui: (Smacking Obi-Wan on the back of the head.) What are you talking about?
Obi: I don't know. What just happened? Did you hit me?
Qui: You were hallucinating about Poof. Keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs.
Obi: You always say that.
Bren: I think you better have dinner for the week for me if you want me to keep an eye on this kid. He has problems.
Obi: You always say that.
===========
(Monday came and Qui-Gon forced himself out of bed. Obi-Wan was bouncing off the walls.)
Qui: What's wrong with you?
Obi: You really want me to go in to that? It's quite a long list.
Qui: Forget I asked. Bren should be here shortly to take you to breakfast. Behave yourself today.
Obi: Yes master. Are you ready for your meeting?
Qui: I suppose so. This will teach them not to treat me like an idiot.
Obi: Kick some butt master!
(The door chime sounded.)
Obi: Hi Master Bren. Let's eat.
Bren: Relax for a minute kid. I want to say hi to your master.
Obi: He's in the kitchen.
Bren: Hey Stretch! You gonna kick some butt today?
Qui: Why does everyone keep saying that?
Bren: Because we despise Masters Wenda and Mij. And it makes us feel better. Get geared up Qui. Stuff it back in their faces!
Qui: Would you like to give this lecture?
Bren: No.
Qui: Then please, I don't need anymore encouragement.
Bren: Okay. Hey kid? Let's roll.
Obi: Master can I have a hug before I leave? I fear what the future holds for you at this meeting. This might be the last time I get to hug you. Come on, how about it? Just one little hug?
Bren: Come on Qui, you remember how to hug him. Wrap the arms. It's easy.
Qui: You know, I am not incompetent at this hugging thing, just not as skilled as some are. I didn't know it was considered an art.
Obi: Now you do. Hug me.
Qui: You are very demanding. I don't see Master Brazo ordering anyone to hug them.
Obi: Because they know they HAVE to hug him, there is no other choice.
Bren: Okay, before this conversation moves into the moronic state, hug the kid and let's go.
(Qui-Gon wraps his padawan in a brief embrace.)
Obi: Not bad master. Not bad at all. I am proud of you. Master Bren, shall we go?
Bren: Yes, before you die an early death.
********
(Qui-Gon entered the meeting room. To his surprise, the entire Council was there, as well as many of the teachers on this level. He could only shake his head.)
Wenda: We are so sorry that we could not assist you to the meeting. We should have been there in case you needed the support. Forgive us?
Qui: I managed just fine on my own. It was only a finger that I cut, I still have my legs.
Mij: Very well, we are all present an accounted for, Master Jinn, if you will begin. Tell us how this horrible incident happened.
(Standing at the head of the table, Qui-Gon, feeling like the entire Temple was laughing at him, began his lecture.)
Qui: I opened a pair of new scissors, didn't realize how sharp they were, and sliced my finger.
Wenda: You handled them improperly when you removed them from the plastic, didn't you? We have stressed this in the past. Handle first. Never blade first. Go on.
Qui: I cut my finger, it bled. So I went to the medi-ward where they patched it up. That's about it.
Wenda: Can you show me exactly how you removed the scissors from the plastic?
Qui: I just tore the plastic off, and pulled them out of the packaging.
Wenda: Perhaps you were in a hurry and didn't stop to think what would happen by this careless action. Patience is important in everything we do. You as a master should know that.
Qui: Yes, I am aware of that. It is something I instill in my apprentice everyday...and...
Mij: How can you teach your apprentice what you yourself cannot learn?
Qui: This was just an accident, nothing more. This has no bearing on my ability to teach my apprentice.
Wenda: I think it does. Would you like me to show you the correct way to remove scissors from the packaging?
Qui: If you really feel the need to.
Wenda: Observe that these are safety blades. There is little danger here, but one should still approach with caution. Tear the plastic, and gently remove the scissors, handle first. There you go. No pain, no blood, no paperwork. Master Jinn, would you like to try?
Qui: Uh, no. I don't think so. I will be more careful next time.
Wenda: So you have learned your lesson? Would you like to tell us all what you have learned?
Qui: These are scissors. They are sharp. They are evil. Don't use.
Yoda: Funny this is not Qui-Gon. Had this happened to your apprentice, humorous this would not be.
Qui: (Rolling his eyes and becoming very agitated.) Yes master. I did not intend to make light of the situation, I just think it's being blown a bit out of proportion. It was just an accident. Nothing more.
Mij: I don't think you respect what we are trying to do here Master Jinn. We must protect our teachers at all costs. Something like this, while it may seem trivial, is important for us to be aware of. We have had a perfect safety record thus far; we must maintain a healthy attitude in this.
(Finally realizing that it was only their own reputations that they cared about protecting, Qui-Gon gave up.)
Qui: Okay fine. Look. Remove the scissors, handle first. Right? Good. Now if you will excuse me, I have a student to train. I don't have time to sit here and listen to you belittle me. Accidents happen. Thank you. Show's over. (He stormed out of the room.)
Yoda: Entertaining he is. Have him back for another lecture you shall?
Wenda: I...um...did he just make us look like fools?
Mij: I think he did. Master Yoda, perhaps a reprimand is in order for Master Jinn?
Yoda: Reprimand him I will not. Make him look like an idiot you did. Deserved you did, what you got.
(The Council members and the teachers left the room, leaving Master's Wenda and Mij in shock.)
Wenda: That damn Jinn. Make me look like a fool in front of the Council.
Mij: But, isn't that what we were doing to him?
Wenda: SHUT UP! This is just the beginning for him. His next teaching assignment will be under my DIRECT supervision. He will suffer.
************
(Bren and Obi-Wan caught up with Qui-Gon in the dining hall. He was surrounded by many other masters who had presented him with several pairs of rounded-blade safety scissors, and were inquiring as to the proper way to remove the shears from the plastic wrapper.)
Bren: He does not look happy. I've gone rounds with Wenda and Mij before. I told you, they have this way of making you feel like you are the biggest moron on the planet. We might have to get him out of this one kid.
Qui: Okay, okay, everyone's had their fun. I would like to eat my lunch and then get back to my duties.
(But the crowding masters refused to let the issue go. Bren figured it was time she and Obi-Wan stepped in.)
Bren: Okay boys, that's it. Move it or lose it. Before I sic Master Wenda on you.
(The masters groaned, but slowly began to move away. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon was free of his audience.)
Qui: Thank you. I think this entire thing has been drawn out much to long. Time for the scissors incident to come to an end.
Obi: How did the meeting go master?
Qui: Don't ask padawan. Let's just say I came up with many additional uses for scissors. Things that I had never thought of before.
Obi: Patience master. You must have patience.
Qui: Let's not go there Obi-Wan. Please.
Obi: Hug?
Qui: You just can't stop can you?
Obi: No, I can't. It's a sickness. Hug me, make me feel better.
Qui: NO! Stop it. Let's get out of here for the rest of the day. How about the three of us taking in a Holo-vid at the theatre? There's a new one out called Moulin Mush. Right up your alley.
Obi: YES! Lima Wean is in that one! Forget the hug, Come on. (He grabs Qui-Gon and Bren by the hands, dragging them towards the door.)
(They found a seat near the front of the theatre, just in time for the previews.)
Voice: Coming soon: Neeson Nawe in, 'Don't Run With Scissors.' And Yuda Wena in, 'Sith Shears of Evil.'
(Qui-Gon immediately started to remove himself from his seat.)
Qui: Oh no, I am not watching previews for those two. I've had enough scissor talk for one day.
Bren: Would you just sit down. You told the kid you wanted to see Moulin Mush. Just sit back, and relax. You are with your two favorite people. No Wenda, Mij, or Yoda to be found. What can be better?
Qui: Owwwwwww...my finger hurts. I think I whacked my sore one on the back of that chair. Kiss it and make it better.
Obi: Ewwwwwwwww...would you two stop. Do that weird mushy stuff in private. I would like to eat my popcorn without it flying out my nose.
Bren: He's so cute Qui. Really. I wish I had five just like him.
Qui: No you don't.
Obi: Shhhhhhhhh!
Qui: Okay, let's behave ourselves. (He stretched out, putting an arm around each of his companions.)
Obi: Master? Can we go see that Sith Shear movie next month?
Qui: No. I don't want to see another pair of scissors as long as I live.
Obi: So, you will never cut my hair again?
Qui: You got it.
Obi: YES!
Qui: I'll let Master Wenda do it.
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Qui: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bren: Both of you...enough. Look Obi, there's Lima!
Obi: Aw, I love him. Maybe he's in that Shears movie too.
Qui: Obi-Wan!!!!
Obi: Shutting up now. Sing it Lima!
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Pre-TPM (Obi is 13). Humor. An accident involving scissors leads to humiliation.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Please.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
NOTES: This one is for Brenda. In dedication to HER and HIM! HAHAHAH!!! Sorry.
====================
The Scissors Incident
====================
(Thirteen year old Obi-Wan Kenobi walked into the classroom where his master, Qui-Gon Jinn had been teaching a class for the past week. The older Jedi was kicking the desk and yelling out every profanity he knew.)
Obi: Master?
Qui: OWWWWWWW!! WHAT?
Obi: What's wrong? Did you get stood up again by Master Bren? You know last time she had a valid excuse. She was chasing Master Wenda around the Temple with a permit. You shoulda seen it!
Qui: What are you talking about? Can't you see that I am in pain?
Obi: Oh, sorry. Your hand is bleeding.
Qui: You're a regular Rocket Scientist.
Obi: No, just a padawan. Master, that's bleeding quite a bit, you should see a healer. How did this happen?
(Obi-Wan handed his master a cloth to place over the wound.)
Qui: Those Sith scissors. No, don't touch them. They attacked me.
Obi: They attacked you? Maybe you were just using them the wrong way.
Qui: Obi-Wan, how can you use scissors the wrong way? Huh? Explain that to me.
Obi: Um...uh...I don't know. Maybe you were...uh....
Qui: SITH this hurts!
Obi: Come on master, I am taking you to the healers.
(Upon entering the Healer's ward, they were greeted by Master Healer Terran Va'lor.)
Terran: Jinn, Kenobi, welcome back. What can I do for...mmmmm...Qui-Gon, what did you do?
Obi: He was attacked by a pair of scissors. Cut his finger pretty bad. I think he's gonna need stitches. You should numb the area first.
Terran: You think?
Obi: Yes. A needle applied to the fingertip should...
Qui: Obi-Wan, enough. He is the healer. I think he can figure this out for himself.
Obi: But...never mind.
(Twenty minutes later, the master/padawan team made their way back to the classroom.)
Bren: Hi boys! What's going on?
Obi: Master Qui-Gon cut his finger. I'm looking after him.
Bren: Oh you poor thing. Let me see. How did you manage to do that?
Obi: Those scissors there that Master Wenda provided for him.
Bren: Wenda Mikenix? That witch! She's my so-called Team Leader. Supposed to be assigned to this wing for just a few months, but now it looks like she is here to stay. Don't get me started on her. Does it hurt Qui?
Obi: A lot of pain, but Healer Terran says that will get better.
Qui: Obi-Wan, I cut my finger, not my tongue. I can speak for myself.
Obi: Yes master.
(A few minutes later Master Wenda made her presence known.)
Wenda: Okay Jinn, what happened?
(Qui-Gon turned to glare at his apprentice, daring him to speak for him again. Obi-Wan wandered to Master Bren's side for safety.)
Qui: I sliced my finger with these scissors. It's been taken care of. No big deal.
Wenda: Did you not use the correct scissors handling technique?
Qui: The what?
Wenda: There was a memo about it ten years ago. I suspect you chose to ignore it.
Qui: Ten YEARS ago? Is there a form or something I have to fill out?
(She pulled out a datapad and handed it to the tall master.)
Wenda: Just fill out screens 1 through 99 and you will be covered.
Qui: Isn't that overkill? It's just a small cut.
Wenda: We must make sure everything is handled the correct way. This is for your benefit.
(Bren whispered to the young Jedi beside her.)
Bren: Yeah, right. This is to cover her own butt. She could care less about him.
Wenda: When you complete that, please see me and I will get you a new pair of scissors. A pair with rounded ends, so this won't happen again.
Qui: That isn't necessary, I am capable of using these scissors.
Wenda: For your well-being, you will use safety scissors. I wouldn't want you to have to suffer through any more pain than you already have.
(Hearing the door open, Bren looked across the room and saw Wenda's boss coming towards them. Master Mij Oddy. All she could do was roll her eyes and pull Obi-Wan a bit closer to her.)
Bren: Get ready kid, here comes the other one.
Mij: I heard about the accident. Have we ordered safety scissors? Have we informed other teachers about this danger? Have we taken action on this? Why are we all just standing around?
Qui: I am fine, really.
Mij: Let me see that injury? So tragic. Others need to know what you have suffered through. Perhaps you should give a short lecture on the subject of scissors safety.
Wenda: Wonderful idea Mij. Jinn, you can tell your story, explain what you did wrong, and how you have learned from this experience.
Qui: Masters, I do believe that others know the proper way to handle the shears. I don't think...
Wenda: That's right. You didn't think before you picked them up, and that is how you got hurt.
Mij: Monday Jinn. Be ready to address the other teachers. Wenda, shall we go?
(Once the masters had gone, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Bren stood staring at each other.)
Qui: What just happened?
Bren: They made you look like a fool. Like a moron who doesn't know how to use scissors.
Obi: Maybe this lecture is a good idea. I mean you obviously did something wrong, or you wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place.
Qui: (Glowering at his apprentice.) Obi-Wan it was an accident. Any idiot can operate a pair of scissors.
Obi: Apparently not.
Bren: NO QUI! Don't kill him. You kill him and it will only lead to more forms for you to fill out. Obi, allow your brain to work before you speak.
Obi: Sorry master. You know me and my flying lips. I didn't mean that.
Qui: I know you didn't. But that doesn't change things. I am not getting up in front of all these people so they can laugh at me for what happened. It was an accident. Nothing more. Why is it being made into a big deal?
Bren: If they make you seem like an idiot, it will mean less flack for them. As long as they have their reputations in tact, it really doesn't matter where you are in all this. It's a little game they play. They've done similar things to me in the past.
Obi: Maybe you should start flipping out whenever you see scissors. Throw it right back at them.
Bren: You know kid, that's not a bad idea. Wenda sets the new pair down and you start inching away from them, hyperventilating, that type of thing.
Qui: Perhaps I should just hang a sign out front with those scissors attached, that says: 'Warning: Scissors are bad. Don't be an idiot like I was. Safety first.' Think that will make them happy?
Bren: That could work.
Obi: Can I go with you to your lecture?
Qui: No. You are liable to say something stupid; I don't need the added pressure.
Obi: I can offer moral support.
Qui: I don't think so.
Obi: Master, please?
Qui: NO!
Obi: But...
Qui: Don't make me tell you again.
Obi: What will I do while you are in the meeting?
Qui: Bren would you mind keeping him occupied until my little speech is over?
Bren: Sure, pawn the kid off on me, I have nothing better to do with my life.
Qui: I will make you dinner. We can spend the evening alone.
Bren: Mmmmmmm...okay. but just this once.
Obi: Hello? Do I have any say in this?
Qui/Bren: NO!
Obi: I think I'll just go play with my scissors then.
Qui: Freeze braid boy! You have to help me with my presentation. I refuse to allow them to mock me as they are.
Obi: Like Master Poof? He mocks you alllllllllll the time. Every time you are in the Council Chambers, he's just there. His head swaying baaaaaaaaack and fooooooooooorth. Baaaaaaaack and foooooooooooooorth. I know what he is thinking. He's after me. Wants to take me as his padawan. Don't let him master, please don't let him. I don't want to leave you. Please????
Qui: (Smacking Obi-Wan on the back of the head.) What are you talking about?
Obi: I don't know. What just happened? Did you hit me?
Qui: You were hallucinating about Poof. Keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs.
Obi: You always say that.
Bren: I think you better have dinner for the week for me if you want me to keep an eye on this kid. He has problems.
Obi: You always say that.
===========
(Monday came and Qui-Gon forced himself out of bed. Obi-Wan was bouncing off the walls.)
Qui: What's wrong with you?
Obi: You really want me to go in to that? It's quite a long list.
Qui: Forget I asked. Bren should be here shortly to take you to breakfast. Behave yourself today.
Obi: Yes master. Are you ready for your meeting?
Qui: I suppose so. This will teach them not to treat me like an idiot.
Obi: Kick some butt master!
(The door chime sounded.)
Obi: Hi Master Bren. Let's eat.
Bren: Relax for a minute kid. I want to say hi to your master.
Obi: He's in the kitchen.
Bren: Hey Stretch! You gonna kick some butt today?
Qui: Why does everyone keep saying that?
Bren: Because we despise Masters Wenda and Mij. And it makes us feel better. Get geared up Qui. Stuff it back in their faces!
Qui: Would you like to give this lecture?
Bren: No.
Qui: Then please, I don't need anymore encouragement.
Bren: Okay. Hey kid? Let's roll.
Obi: Master can I have a hug before I leave? I fear what the future holds for you at this meeting. This might be the last time I get to hug you. Come on, how about it? Just one little hug?
Bren: Come on Qui, you remember how to hug him. Wrap the arms. It's easy.
Qui: You know, I am not incompetent at this hugging thing, just not as skilled as some are. I didn't know it was considered an art.
Obi: Now you do. Hug me.
Qui: You are very demanding. I don't see Master Brazo ordering anyone to hug them.
Obi: Because they know they HAVE to hug him, there is no other choice.
Bren: Okay, before this conversation moves into the moronic state, hug the kid and let's go.
(Qui-Gon wraps his padawan in a brief embrace.)
Obi: Not bad master. Not bad at all. I am proud of you. Master Bren, shall we go?
Bren: Yes, before you die an early death.
********
(Qui-Gon entered the meeting room. To his surprise, the entire Council was there, as well as many of the teachers on this level. He could only shake his head.)
Wenda: We are so sorry that we could not assist you to the meeting. We should have been there in case you needed the support. Forgive us?
Qui: I managed just fine on my own. It was only a finger that I cut, I still have my legs.
Mij: Very well, we are all present an accounted for, Master Jinn, if you will begin. Tell us how this horrible incident happened.
(Standing at the head of the table, Qui-Gon, feeling like the entire Temple was laughing at him, began his lecture.)
Qui: I opened a pair of new scissors, didn't realize how sharp they were, and sliced my finger.
Wenda: You handled them improperly when you removed them from the plastic, didn't you? We have stressed this in the past. Handle first. Never blade first. Go on.
Qui: I cut my finger, it bled. So I went to the medi-ward where they patched it up. That's about it.
Wenda: Can you show me exactly how you removed the scissors from the plastic?
Qui: I just tore the plastic off, and pulled them out of the packaging.
Wenda: Perhaps you were in a hurry and didn't stop to think what would happen by this careless action. Patience is important in everything we do. You as a master should know that.
Qui: Yes, I am aware of that. It is something I instill in my apprentice everyday...and...
Mij: How can you teach your apprentice what you yourself cannot learn?
Qui: This was just an accident, nothing more. This has no bearing on my ability to teach my apprentice.
Wenda: I think it does. Would you like me to show you the correct way to remove scissors from the packaging?
Qui: If you really feel the need to.
Wenda: Observe that these are safety blades. There is little danger here, but one should still approach with caution. Tear the plastic, and gently remove the scissors, handle first. There you go. No pain, no blood, no paperwork. Master Jinn, would you like to try?
Qui: Uh, no. I don't think so. I will be more careful next time.
Wenda: So you have learned your lesson? Would you like to tell us all what you have learned?
Qui: These are scissors. They are sharp. They are evil. Don't use.
Yoda: Funny this is not Qui-Gon. Had this happened to your apprentice, humorous this would not be.
Qui: (Rolling his eyes and becoming very agitated.) Yes master. I did not intend to make light of the situation, I just think it's being blown a bit out of proportion. It was just an accident. Nothing more.
Mij: I don't think you respect what we are trying to do here Master Jinn. We must protect our teachers at all costs. Something like this, while it may seem trivial, is important for us to be aware of. We have had a perfect safety record thus far; we must maintain a healthy attitude in this.
(Finally realizing that it was only their own reputations that they cared about protecting, Qui-Gon gave up.)
Qui: Okay fine. Look. Remove the scissors, handle first. Right? Good. Now if you will excuse me, I have a student to train. I don't have time to sit here and listen to you belittle me. Accidents happen. Thank you. Show's over. (He stormed out of the room.)
Yoda: Entertaining he is. Have him back for another lecture you shall?
Wenda: I...um...did he just make us look like fools?
Mij: I think he did. Master Yoda, perhaps a reprimand is in order for Master Jinn?
Yoda: Reprimand him I will not. Make him look like an idiot you did. Deserved you did, what you got.
(The Council members and the teachers left the room, leaving Master's Wenda and Mij in shock.)
Wenda: That damn Jinn. Make me look like a fool in front of the Council.
Mij: But, isn't that what we were doing to him?
Wenda: SHUT UP! This is just the beginning for him. His next teaching assignment will be under my DIRECT supervision. He will suffer.
************
(Bren and Obi-Wan caught up with Qui-Gon in the dining hall. He was surrounded by many other masters who had presented him with several pairs of rounded-blade safety scissors, and were inquiring as to the proper way to remove the shears from the plastic wrapper.)
Bren: He does not look happy. I've gone rounds with Wenda and Mij before. I told you, they have this way of making you feel like you are the biggest moron on the planet. We might have to get him out of this one kid.
Qui: Okay, okay, everyone's had their fun. I would like to eat my lunch and then get back to my duties.
(But the crowding masters refused to let the issue go. Bren figured it was time she and Obi-Wan stepped in.)
Bren: Okay boys, that's it. Move it or lose it. Before I sic Master Wenda on you.
(The masters groaned, but slowly began to move away. A few minutes later, Qui-Gon was free of his audience.)
Qui: Thank you. I think this entire thing has been drawn out much to long. Time for the scissors incident to come to an end.
Obi: How did the meeting go master?
Qui: Don't ask padawan. Let's just say I came up with many additional uses for scissors. Things that I had never thought of before.
Obi: Patience master. You must have patience.
Qui: Let's not go there Obi-Wan. Please.
Obi: Hug?
Qui: You just can't stop can you?
Obi: No, I can't. It's a sickness. Hug me, make me feel better.
Qui: NO! Stop it. Let's get out of here for the rest of the day. How about the three of us taking in a Holo-vid at the theatre? There's a new one out called Moulin Mush. Right up your alley.
Obi: YES! Lima Wean is in that one! Forget the hug, Come on. (He grabs Qui-Gon and Bren by the hands, dragging them towards the door.)
(They found a seat near the front of the theatre, just in time for the previews.)
Voice: Coming soon: Neeson Nawe in, 'Don't Run With Scissors.' And Yuda Wena in, 'Sith Shears of Evil.'
(Qui-Gon immediately started to remove himself from his seat.)
Qui: Oh no, I am not watching previews for those two. I've had enough scissor talk for one day.
Bren: Would you just sit down. You told the kid you wanted to see Moulin Mush. Just sit back, and relax. You are with your two favorite people. No Wenda, Mij, or Yoda to be found. What can be better?
Qui: Owwwwwww...my finger hurts. I think I whacked my sore one on the back of that chair. Kiss it and make it better.
Obi: Ewwwwwwwww...would you two stop. Do that weird mushy stuff in private. I would like to eat my popcorn without it flying out my nose.
Bren: He's so cute Qui. Really. I wish I had five just like him.
Qui: No you don't.
Obi: Shhhhhhhhh!
Qui: Okay, let's behave ourselves. (He stretched out, putting an arm around each of his companions.)
Obi: Master? Can we go see that Sith Shear movie next month?
Qui: No. I don't want to see another pair of scissors as long as I live.
Obi: So, you will never cut my hair again?
Qui: You got it.
Obi: YES!
Qui: I'll let Master Wenda do it.
Obi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Qui: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bren: Both of you...enough. Look Obi, there's Lima!
Obi: Aw, I love him. Maybe he's in that Shears movie too.
Qui: Obi-Wan!!!!
Obi: Shutting up now. Sing it Lima!
END