April Fool Mayhem

by Yoshomika

What happens when Knives, Legato and Midvalley decide to pull a couple pranks?

Title: April Fool Mayhem

Authors: Yoshomika Minuo

Email: Complete

Warnings: Language, OOC, AU, use of a song (NOT A SONG FIC!), Fluff

Pairing? X ?

Teaser: After Vash shoots Knives he brings him back and they patch him up, but what happens when Knives, Legato and Midvalley decide to pull a couple pranks?

Disclaimer:I don't own Trigun, butI own plushies... or not. SoI don't own Trigun or plushies, but hey what can a teen do? Oh yeah, write fanfics... Well it was my birthday and my friends and I were bored, so we started a round robin. It went well and I decided to enter it. It's short, but the story itself does belong to us, unfortunately the cute characters do not. sigh

I walked into my boss's room after being called. I hadn't taken my time today, not after hearing a voice frantic and scared. I took in the scene in horror. A man was lying on the floor, face down tangled in the blankets. The thing that caught my undying gaze was the blood. There was a lot, too much. All over the walls, the ceiling, but mainly puddled around the body of my co- worker, my favorite in fact. "Midvalley," I whispered.

I knelt beside the body, paying no head to the blood that began seeping through my pants, and pulled at the blankets. I soon revealed a naked, mangled, bruised form. I was in shock. "Who did this to you?" I asked. I didn't expecting an answer; he was obviously unconscious, if not dead. I rested a shaking hesitant hand on his shoulder. "Midvalley!" I said louder. "Come on! Say something dammit!" Tears sprang to my eyes, panic threatening to over run my already numb mind. I gripped his shoulder firmly and shook him. "Midvalley!" He was so still… too still. He couldn't be alive, not with that much blood. My eyes scoped the room, taking in every horrifying detail.

What I didn't see was the slow smile that crept on the 'victim's' face. Suddenly he sprang up and screamed in my face. "BOO!"

My eyes widened and I pulled away then screamed in righteous terror.

Midvalley started cackling, doubling over in laughter.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet. "You were…like dead! All this blood! What the hell?"

Midvalley lowered his laughter and sat back smiling, pulling the blanket over him. "God Dominique, I wish I had gotten a camera. You're face… Priceless! It's just stage stuff, Master Legato's idea. You should have seen Chapel's face when we hung Legato…" he broke off into more seemingly ceaseless laughter.

I smacked the man and flounced out to my room to change my bloodstained clothes.

"They got you too?" Vash growled when I entered the kitchen. He was sitting at the table; his angry eyes red and puffy and he had tearstains on his face.

I gave a short nod to the newest member of our humble home. After pouring myself a bowl of bland cereal, I looked at the boy. "So, who or what did you find 'dead'?"

"Knives. Had a whole crying fest going on before he screamed at me."

I shook my head.

"Who'd you find?"

I hesitated. "Midvalley."

"Oh, heard Wolfwood found Legato hanging in a closet."

"Oh."

To have a conversation with this boy was unthinkable; I barely had conversations with anyone much less someone I had tried to kill.

Chapel, or Wolfwood as Vash called him, stormed in, grabbed the cereal, and poured a bowl.

"Legato?" Vash asked.

The priest's eyes flashed angrily, but he gave a short nod as he grabbed Vash's spoon.

"Yeah."

"Hey! I was usin' that!"

"Get your own spoon!"

"You took MY spoon! You get YOUR own spoon!"

"Both of you shut up!" I said throwing Wolf wood a spoon, which he failed to catch and hit him in the forehead.

He said nothing, but tossed Vash his spoon and grabbed the new one and started eating.

We were all nice and calm when three giggling idiots decided to make their entrance.

We glanced at the men that had ruined our morning and, without hesitation, threw our bowls at them.

We sat in shock. I was the first to snap out of it. "Guys… we just threw our cereal at the most dangerous people on the planet…"

"Uh… whoops…"

Knives picked the bowl of his head, still smiling and sat down. "I'll let it slide… only because that was the funniest thing I've ever seen!" he said pouring us all new bowls of cereal. "April Fools."

We groaned as E.G. stumbled in, knife through his head, then fell over.

Chapel and I exchanged a glance.

"Another joke?" Vash growled at Knives. "Get up!" he yelled at E.G. while spearing his solidifying cereal.

Looking at Legato and Knives confirmed my suspicions. "Uh, Vash… he's dead."

"Oh." He shrugged, taking another bite of the cereal. "Well no one liked him anyway."

I had to agree there.

Everyone blinked.

"You mean you're no going on one of you death rants?" Knives asked in shock. "How all live is valuable and how no one, no matter how cruel or what they did deserve to die?"

Vash took another bite, grimacing all the while. "Nah. He was mean and called me chicken-shit a lot. Besides, I didn't kill him, so good riddance."

I stared at them shaking my head, then started on my own disgusting cereal. After a few bites I finally threw up, to my delight, on Midvalley who was sipping his coffee.

"Knives, what is this!"

"Cat litter," he said turning the page of the newspaper.

The next few minutes were chaos. Cat litter 'cereal' was flying everywhere; Chapel throwing up on Legato and a black cat with HUGE green eyes was pooing on everything.

Finally things calmed down a bit and I looked around for survivors. Midvalley still sat in shock, Knives had fled from the room and I could hear him screaming about the sanitation or the lack there of in the room. Legato was dragging the cat outside and Vash had somehow cleaned himself off and poured a bowl of Chocolate Puffs.

I found myself laughing. The situation was just hilarious. I cannot believe… OH GOOD GODS! That damn cat shat on my hat!

"I'LL KILL IT!" I screamed running outside. I grabbed the cat from Legato, dunked it in the water barrel and drop kicked it in to the horizon. "There… everything's better now."

Legato's eyes flooded. "M-my cat!"

"Oh… I see how it is! Ok boss, I'll shit on your coat, your precious coat, but you can't kick my ass, kill me or seriously maim me."

"Yeah, I'll let you shit on my coat, but I get to watch."

Disgusted, I turned to see a random drunk laughing over his comment.

"I remember why I hate men," I commented drawing my gun. "They're womanizing pigs!" One shot took the bum down.

That brought the others, who had miraculously changed their dirty clothes within two minutes. Well Vash started on his death rant, Midvalley played a death song on Sylvia, Knives was yelling at me and Legato was doing his lapdog routine while Chapel prayed over the body, but they didn't get it!

"Life should not be taken away!"

Death song

"What the Hell Dominique! What were you thinking!"

"Yeah! What were you thinking Dominique?"

"Amen. Dominique, I suggest serious counseling."

"Fine," I said crossing my arms. "Then I'm watching all of you go to the bathroom, take showers, jack off, whatever."

"WHAT!" Knives screeched as Chapel and Vash looked at me disgustedly and Legato twitched. "I should kill you for that!"

I threw up my hands. "And you're yelling at me for killing a drunk who made the same comment! I don't believe you bastards!"

"I don't know…" Midvalley smiled. "You can watch me shower, I don't mind. Hell, you can join me!"

"Shut up Player," I growled storming past him into the house. That damn cat was back. "CHAPEL!"

"Yeah?" he drawled throwing his bible on the couch as he entered the room.

"Excise this demon!" I shouted pointing at the thing.

"Merow?"

"No! Not Mr. Chuckles!" Legato shouted scooping up and cuddling the cat.

"Mr. Chuckles?" I asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Huh," Vash laughed. "I always called it Koroneko."

"VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE CAT!" I screamed, shaking a fist. "MINE!"

"Merow!"

"Oh! Is THAT so! Well I beg to differ!"

"Merow!"

"COME HERE DEMON!" I shouted, lunging for the cat, but was caught by Midvalley and pulled back. "You just wait cat, I swear we'll settle this!"

"She's yelling at my cat…" Legato stammered. "I think there's something seriously wrong with her…"

"Shut up Boss!" I yelled as I was dragged into my captor's bedroom and was pushed against the wall. "Let me go Player. I hate you stupid men! I cannot believe you made that comment! You're just like them!"

"That's where your wrong," he said softly, letting me go. "I'm not like them. They don't give a damn about you. Hell, Legato commented how much he wished you hadn't survived that fall because you cause so many problems."

I growled, but he put a finger to my lips and shushed me, but I snapped at it and he pulled it back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You should be! What's your problem anyway?"

"My problem?" he spat, his eyes suddenly burning with fiery hatred hotter than Gunsmoke's two suns. "My PROBLEM! My problem is I love a woman who hates me because I'm male! I can't help it if some guy hurt you ok?" He pushed pass me and walked out the door.

"What's the matter Hornfreak? She wouldn't sleep with you?"

"Big surprise there!"

Vash laughed.

"She's heartless. I thought we told you that."

I slammed the door and lay on the bed. "Am I really heartless?" I thought starting to cry. I had only cried once in my life, when I had been raped, this would make my second time. No one cares, except that whore Midvalley. I grabbed my gun and put it to my head. "GOOD-BYE!" I cried squeezing the trigger.

My plan didn't work as well as I had hoped. The gun slipped and the bullet went into the mattress. I tried again and it went into the wall. Then the gun was pulled out of my hands. I swung at the person and connected. "Leavemealoneandgivemebackmygun!" I looked up and saw Midvalley on top of me.

He looked at me calmly. "That hit was worth seeing you alive," he whispered.

I wanted to push him off, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I simply cried and groped for my gun. "WHERE IS IT!" I screamed.

Midvalley, still holing me down, got off. "It's right there, across the room, and that's were it'll stay."

"No… Please, give it back!"

"Why?"

"So I can die! I cause nothing but trouble, just like Legato said. I can't do anything right and everyone would be happier if I were gone."

"I wouldn't."

I couldn't believe it! After all I've said to this man, he still didn't get it! "Listen Midvalley, of all the Gang Members that are still alive I like you the best. I'll admit you're the nicest, coolest and most laid back, but I… just don't feel comfortable loving you! A) I don't trust you; B) You've slept with every willing person in 30 iles radius and C) … well I don't have a C yet, but when I do I'll tell you, now give me back my gun!"

He released me, rolled off the bed, and scooped up my gun.

"You know I could get that from you."

"I know," he said with a smile. Before I could move, he stuffed my gun down his pants. "Come take it."

I gagged. "MY GUN!" I cried. "DEFILED!"

He laughed and tossed it out of the room. "Don't want it? I see… than you won't need your holster…" He sat on the bed and quickly removed said not needed holster and also threw it out the door. I don't know why I didn't stop him. I couldn't I suppose. Damn his seduction skills.

"And you won't need your bullets…"

I shivered as his fingers brushed against my neck. "You need serious help Player."

"I know," he smiled and tossed the magazine with the other items he confiscated. "Why do you wear this coat?" he asked pulling at the sleeve. "It's pretty hot here…"

"I-uh…" I couldn't help it. It felt so good.

Midvalley smiled as I shrugged out of the coat and pulled him into a kiss. He flung out the coat and wrapped his arms around me, gently pushing me back until he was lying on top of me. We broke apart at a knock.

Knives was leaning against the doorframe and he was grinning.

"Did you want something Knives?" Midvalley growled his true feelings for the Plant shining through.

Knives's grin got wider. "Yes…ah…we were going to watch a movie… we wanted to know if you were going to continue throwing out clothes or should we not make popcorn, cheesecake and hotdogs? Oh and if you continue, make it good, with lots of moaning…"

I pushed Midvalley off me and grabbed my pile of stuff. Ignoring the laughs of the men and blushing furiously, I ran out of the house. Seconds later, coat, bullet magazine, holster, and gun were back in place. I shoved my hands deep in my pockets and walked away.

I heard the door slam behind me and the crunch of the sand being run across. Midvalley clapped a hand on my shoulder and turned me around. "Dammit! You undid it all! Now I have to start all over again!"

I glared at the man. "Ass." I slapped him and continued on. He followed and I ignored him.

"For what it's worth… I had fun!"

"Shut up Player!"

"NO!"

"Why are you following me?"

"Because I love you and don't want you hurt!"

I stopped and turned around. "You don't know what love is!"

He reached out and touched my cheek. "Is it the feeling of happiness every time I see you? The feeling that if I lost you would mean to lose myself? To do anything to keep you near me? To always see that beautiful smile? If not then you're right, I don't know what love is, and I don't want to."

I jerked away, tears threatening to fall again. "You'll leave, you just don't know it. They always do."

Midvalley grabbed me and held me close. "I'm not leaving Dominique. Take a look around. I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground, I'm the whisper in the wind, and I'll be there until the end. There's no way I could leave you to suffer this world alone. Not now that I know you love me too."

"I don't love you!" I shouted trying to break away.

He pulled me back and kissed me. I returned it. When we broke apart, he looked at me. "Or do you?" he asked softly.

I pulled away, turning so he couldn't see the tears that fell from my eyes. I bit down on my lip so I didn't make a sound.

I could feel him hesitate, then put a hand on my shoulder. I turned to him and clung on, as though he could save me from my own despair.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, and for once, I felt safe. I rested my head on his shoulder and he rested his chin on the top of my head.

At last, the tears no longer fell and I relaxed in his embrace. His fingers ran through my hair and I leaned into them.

"Maybe," I said, my voice shaking slightly. "Maybe I'm afraid that if I say I love you I'll have to own up to what I am, and I'll lose myself in doing so."

He laughed quietly. "Being honest can only make yourself better Dominique." He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes and I smiled. We slowly slipped into another kiss and I accepted it, no longer afraid.

Owari