Here Be Dragons

(A Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries/DiscWorld crossover)

Author: Firebird9

Rating: T (language)

I originally started this fic for FoxFireside, and promptly saw it derail before suffering a crippling bout of writer's block that left it languishing on my computer for several months. But it's finally done, and here it is. FoxFireside, I hope you approve.

"Down here, Jack!" Phryne grabbed his arm and pulled him after her along the narrow passageway between the shelves. How she could see more than the vague outline of the library in the near-total darkness of 3a.m. was beyond him, but he didn't argue. Bentley Carruthers was crazy, dangerous, and had to be stopped.

He had long ago lost track of their exact location as Phryne led them deeper between the shelves of the university library, but finally she stopped, panting slightly, and dropped his wrist. Without thinking he reached out to grab her sleeve instead, wary of being separated in the near-total darkness. He looked around, but still couldn't pinpoint their location. The stacks seemed to stretch away endlessly, not only before and behind them, but above as well. He was sure the shelves hadn't seemed so high when they were here earlier in the day. He strained his ears, but could hear nothing beyond their own slightly laboured breathing.

"Do you have any idea where he is?" he whispered to Phryne. Her only answer was a shake of her head. "Right. Do you have any idea where we are?"

Even in this dim light, he knew the look she was giving him for that comment, and in spite of their situation he felt his lips curve into a smile. There was nothing quite like the opportunity to irritate Phryne for lifting his mood.

There was a sudden sound in the shelves above them and they both jumped and moved slightly closer together. Jack dropped her sleeve and instead cautiously aimed his gun in the direction he thought the noise had come from, knowing that Phryne was doing the same. There was another sound, from another angle, and they both adjusted their aim in response.

Suddenly a light shone full in their faces, blinding them both.

"Ook?"

...

"Well, they don't appear to be creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions, which is a pleasant change," Archchancellor Ridcully of Unseen University remarked, after walking around Jack and Phryne two or three times in an unselfconscious examination which left both of them feeling rather self-conscious. "Clearly, it's because of quantum,"

"I see. And that is what, exactly?" Jack asked, after exchanging a glance with Phryne.

"Well, it's the fabric of reality, the answer to the mysteries of the universe. It's what makes everything happen when and where it should. Except when it doesn't."

"Mm. So you don't really know, then?"

"Well, L-space-"

"Creates a magical connection between your library and all other libraries, everywhere, through which we have somehow managed to stumble from our world into yours."

"That's correct."

"Which is called the Discworld and is round and flat and travels through space on the backs of four elephants which are in turn standing on the back of a giant turtle."

"Correct."

"Named the Great A'tuin."

"Right."

"I see." He leaned closer to Phryne and spoke in a low voice. "Is it possible these gentlemen have been indulging in some of your cousin's special fudge?"

"That, or they're simply mad. Academic types, Jack."

"Or perhaps I've suffered a blow to the head, and this is all a particularly vivid hallucination?"

"Which I've found myself sharing?"

"Miss Fisher, the alternative is that they're telling the truth."

"Well of course we are. What possible reason would we have to lie?" the Archchancellor interjected.

"Perhaps you're in cahoots with Carruthers."

"That's ridiculous. And who's this Carruthers fellow?"

"The man we were following, whose trail we appear to have lost. Perhaps you'd like to show us the way back to whatever part of the library we wandered in from, and we can endeavour to pick it back up."

There was a pause.

"That... might be a little difficult," the nervous man in the grubby robe who had introduced himself as Rincewind said hesitantly.

"You do know how to get us back to Melbourne, don't you?" Phryne, who had decided to humour their madness whilst trying very hard not to think about the possible implications if in fact they weren't mad, asked hesitantly.

There was another pause, as the Archchancellor frowned slightly. "Not as such, no. But I'm sure some of our young fellows in the High-Energy Magic Building-"

"OOK!"

"He says there's no way in hell he's having those young idiots messing around in the Library, sir. Sorry, sir, but he's quite definite on that point," Rincewind interpreted.

"You got all of that from 'Ook'?" Phryne asked, in a tone that suggested that Jack would soon have her curiosity to contend with on top of everything else.

"Yes, miss. It's something of a knack, miss."

Jack sighed. "Look, however we ended up here, we were pursuing a killer at the time. And while we're wasting time trying to figure out exactly how we came to be here – wherever 'here' is – he's God knows where, doing God knows what."

"A killer, you say? Well, that sounds like a matter for the Watch. Rincewind, be a good fellow and send one of the bledlows to summon Commander Vimes for me."

"It's the middle of the night, sir."

"I don't bloody care. If it's a killer they're after then it's probably a matter for Vimes. Or the Assassin's Guild, I suppose, but if so Vimes can sort it out."

"I'm sorry, the what Guild?"

"Ook."

Phryne frowned and leaned closer to the Librarian. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch..."

"OOK! Ook-ook. Eek. Ook."

"I see." She smiled brightly at Jack, and he was pleased to see that even she seemed slightly bemused by the current course of events. "According to the Librarian, their – mayor? I'm not quite sure on that one – says that if there's going to be crime it might as well be organised."

...

Jack would recognise a fellow policeman anywhere. He might have the rumpled, grumpy air of a man pulled recently and unexpectedly from his bed, he might be dressed in battered armour rather than a blue uniform or a suit, he might have a foul-smelling cigarette hanging from his lip, but he was beyond doubt a policeman, and Jack latched onto that thought as the first glimpse of sanity he had had since the light shining in their eyes had been replaced by the sight of an orang-utan and a man in a crumpled pointy hat with the word 'wizzard' on it.

"Commander, I apologise for disturbing you in the middle of the night, but these gentlemen assure me that you needed to be informed immediately of our situation."

"No need to apologise. You were in hot pursuit. These things happen." He turned to the orang-utan. "Do we know whether this Carruthers character came out in the Library?"

"Ook."

"Hmm. So what prompted you to venture into the stacks?"

"Ook oo-ook."

"And is there any way to return them to wherever it is they came from?"

"Ook."

"Right." The Commander turned to Jack and Phryne. "While they're working on that, I'll have the two of you accompany me to the Watch-House."

"For what purpose?"

Vimes narrowed his eyes. Trust a copper not to trust a copper. "For the moment, let's just say you're assisting me with my enquiries. And most definitely not being placed in protective custody, even though I personally feel that anyone mad enough to venture into that library probably should be." He gestured towards the door. "Shall we?"