I MUST FIGHT THIS FIGHT ALONE
In episode Aliyah it was mentioned that Ziva must finish what Michael started. This is probably a really dangerous mission she doesn't want her team mates to be involved in it.
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Ziva's POV.
I never thought it would hurt so much…to secede from them. I must do my duty. I must finish what Michael started. My homeland, Israel, you will always be my home, but one piece of my heart will always be with these people.
I tossed and turned in my bed awake whole night. Now emotions are swirling in my head: mourn, anger, loneliness, tears, worry, love.
Was it love that I felt for Michael? I don't know it myself. Maybe it was not the big love, but there must be a little happyness for me too. At least I thought so. But now he's dead. Because of Tony...
I struggle inside with anger and friendship ...and love(?) Once I had feelings for Tony. Love, some kind of love. So many things has happened...
We are not soulmates, but we are partners who fight for one another and beside each other together with our team mates. Four years of common work forges people together and I want to understand why Tony did what he did. I know he wanted to protect me, but he didn't trust me. It hurts!
Still however hard it is, I have to step further, I must forgive him. I cannot let anger and unforgiveness put a burden on me...I must continue Michael's work...I tremble, although I'm not easily frightened.
I'm a fighter!
I worry and fear for my team. For four years I've been working with my ... friends, yes friends, not merely colleagues and team mates. They have become my family even more than my real still living relatives...
The road ahead of me is hard. I may even die. If they'd know what I'm up to they would fight along with me. I can't put their lives in danger.
I have to fight this fight myself.
Gibbs...oh...Jethro. We understand each other from half words. There is an invisible bond between us. The bond of trust and appreciation and maybe another strong emotion I haven't even cleared up in myself yet.
He'd never leave me behind. Never.
I have to face the battle ahead of me alone...therefore I must break myself away from them...however hard it is.
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