Peter's sure that Monopoly is the Devil's game; he was enjoying it for a while until he found himself drowning in debt. He's sitting on the floor by his bed, slouched over to look at the board, wondering where things went wrong. Across from him, Wade's in full costume and lying on his side comfortably, with one of Peter's pillows under his armpit.
Peter's voice raises in pitch as he asks, "How the hell do I owe you eighty-four million dollars?!"
"Petey, baby, you're not that great at this game, sorry to say." Wade grins at him. Then he pauses as if hearing something that Peter can't, before he mutters to himself, "I know right? Thought he'd do better since he's such a geek, but I guess we all got our flaws."
Peter frowns. He takes the electronic bank and sticks his Monopoly card in one end. There's a second's wait before the screen basically says he's dirt poor.
Great. Just like he is in real life.
He weeps on the inside, but just dramatically falls on his side on the wooden floor. He covers his face with his hands and groans.
"Y'see, Petey, this game is all about good-tastic investments. You gotta buy the expensive places everyone lands on and stick a hotel on each of them properties."
"I did!" he defensively shouts from behind his hands.
Wade tuts. "No, you were so caught up on buyin' all of the properties (and not even all the good ones!) instead of the sets. So you couldn't even buy any houses or hotels to place on your properties to begin maximizing the potential profits for when I could've landed on them. Then when you were running low on cash, what did you do?" He looks at Peter expectantly.
"...I sold them to you," he whispers.
Wade makes a big show of scooting closer to Peter and cupping a hand around his ear. He loudly asks, "Wuzzat, Spidey?"
His hands fall from his face as he shouts, "I sold them to you!" The shame wells up in him and he flattens himself face-down against the floor, hoping that maybe he'd dissolve into it and disappear.
Wade wiggles himself across the floor (and the board game, knocking all the pieces out of place) to cuddle up to Peter's side. He runs a comforting hand up and down Peter's back and coos. "Aw, you're alright. Don't cry, Baby Boy! It's just a game! You'll do better next time!"
Peter's voice is a bit muffled (duh, wooden floor) as he whines. "I don't wanna play again!"
"Alright, if that's what you want, we don't ever have to play Monopoly again." Wade stretches his leg back to kick the board game to the corner of the room. It hits the bottom of the wall with a loud clack. He drags Peter's body on top of his own and tucks Peter's head into his neck. "Come, tell me what DP can do for you to make you feel better."
Peter easily gives himself over to Deadpool and places his hands at Wade's sides. "...Pizza?"
Wade hums and nods. "Anything you want, babe. But first, let's get off the floor. I think there's a line of hotels in my buttcrack and it feels like a weird wedgie."
Peter snorts and gets off of Wade to stand up and then offers a hand down to help Wade up.
Wade takes his hand and with his free hand, brushes it down his behind, a couple of hotels clinking as they fall onto the floor. He stretches before he pulls his phone from his pocket and speed dials the local Pizza Hut. When the guy on the other end greets him, he goes, "Hey, it's DP. You know the deal, John. If you get here ASAP, you'll get a big tip. Like, buy your momma a fancy new necklace big. That's right. Kbye." He haphazardly throws his phone behind him before he tackles Peter onto the bed.
Peter laughs and wraps his arms around Wade's waist again. "Pizza Hut? I thought that was only for special occasions?"
Wade nuzzles Peter's cheek (his face cheek of course, you perv) and grins. "Of course! Cheesy crust is the best! I thought you deserved some good ol' cheese and grease to cheer you up, and no place does stuffed crust as deliciously as Pizza Hut."
"Mm, of course not." Peter chuckles. He gives Wade a peck through the mask before he carefully rolls Wade's mask to above his nose. Then he pecks him on the lips again before he rubs his thumbs against Wade's cheek bones. "Have I ever told you that you're perfect?"
Wade's not-eyebrows wiggle as he pulls his mask off and tosses it away from the bed. He licks a line up from the tip of Peter's nose to the end of his forehead. "Every day." He smiles goofily at Peter's happy giggles.
"Wade, you're not a puppy!" Peter rubs his face with the back of his hand before he pulls Wade down for another kiss, this time licking into Wade's mouth.
Wade makes a happy sound as they make out and his hand runs up Peter's side, underneath Peter's shirt. He scratches lightly at Peter's skin and shivers when Peter moans.
Peter unzips Wade's suit and slips his hands inside, laughing softly when Wade jolts up a bit and says, "Cheezus, your hands are freezing!". He responds with, "Warm 'em up then."
Wade pouts and presses into Peter's touch. He makes a kissy face at Peter and says, "C'mon, Big Boy, use me like a pocket warmer."
Peter throws his head back and laughs. "You're so stupid," he says, but obliges Wade by rubbing his hands against Wade's body. Eventually his hands are warmed as things get heated up during their make out session. Peter's lips are starting to swell up a bit from Wade's attention and he groans when Wade bites them. "Wade..."
"Mmmhmm." Wade unbuttons Peter's jeans and pulls the zip down before he cups Peter through his underwear. He teases Peter with a few squeezes before he moves back to pull his jeans down. Peter's jeans end up on the floor beside the bed as Wade makes his way out of his suit. When Wade looks down to see Peter's flushed face and half-lidded eyes, his suit comes off in record time. Clad in only his underwear, he positions himself between Peter's legs and grinds their crotches together in a smooth motion.
Peter's shirt rolls up and up to his armpits as Wade rubs against him sensually. The rhythm and the pressure Wade has are perfect and Peter's enjoying the whole thing immensely. His hands reach down to cup Wade's ass and oh yes, that's much better. He starts to kiss Wade again and he can feel Wade beginning to up the tempo when the doorbell buzzes. He groans in exasperation and in-between kisses, says, "Wade. Pizza. Have to. Stop."
"Fuck pizza," Wade responds. He keeps going and ignores Peter pinching his butt to get his attention.
"Wade!" Peter growls and presses Wade back by his shoulders. He's panting and he really wants to continue, but he really doesn't want the pizza guy waiting outside the door as he and Wade... you know.
Wade rolls his eyes in annoyance and groans. "Fiiine. Pizza Hut's cheese-stuffed crust is so good that even sex can wait? Pshh." He grabs his wallet from his suit and picks up a pair of shorts from Peter's unfolded laundry pile. He slips them on, puts on his mask, and walks out of the bedroom, leaving the door open, and to the front door.
Peter lets his head fall back onto the pillow and he bites his lip. Wade needs to hurry.
"John, you piece of crap! You're totally cock-blocking right now and just coz of that, you're not getting a damn tip!" Wade shouts. He hands John the cash and makes grabby fingers for the pizza boxes.
Peter hears John say, "But you told me to make it quick! How's it my fault if you had bad timing with your partner?"
Wade growls. "Johnny boy, you're about to piss me off. If I didn't have my sweet, mewling boyfriend in the bedroom, I'd introduce you to my friends: Guns and Bullets. Now get the hell out of here!"
Peter groans in embarrassment and is glad to hear John stomping away. He hears the door shut and the lock click.
Wade places the pizza on the counter, stopping a moment to open the box and take a whiff of the stuffed-crust goodness. Does he really want to leave it all alone?
Peter can hear Wade muttering to himself (and probably The Boxes) about the pizza and can practically hear the thoughts keeping him there. "Wade. Bed. Now." He wriggles, uncomfortably aroused, and moans loudly.
Wade closes the box with a briefly sad expression before he shouts, "Comin', baby boy!" He enters the bedroom and smirks at Peter. "Now, where were we?" he asks and shuts the bedroom door.
AN: Based on when I dominated the Monopoly board when I played with my BFF. She really did end up in $84 million worth of debt to me. I wanted to write a fic based on a board game. Next is The Game of Life with Stiles from Teen Wolf and someone else, idk maybe Jackson. And yes I do get Pizza Hut's stuffed-crust pizza.