Notes: This is rated primarily for the violent content. if you would like to read this, but want to skip the main violent/body horror part, read 7/8 of the way down until "Averting his eyes, Jezabel turns to the side, away from me. " and continue at "My world fades..."
I won't think less of you for doing what's best for your well-being. Promise.
I used to imagine my heart as a tin of pebbles. Banging away at nothing, good for nothing. It was only fitting that an eternal boy like me would never have a working heart. (Puer aeternus, I heard Dr. Zenopia call me a lifetime ago, in another body.) Not capable of true love, not capable of bravery nor devotion. An imp in human skin.
I'm ashamed now, as I climb the stairs to the Cardmaster's throne room. Cain follows me, less a lamb to the slaughter than a boy desperately trying to be man, and those eyes! His eyes remind me of the rock I kicked all along the filth-strewn road when mother took me to see the circus. I was only thirteen, and I wandered around the performers, gasping at the sword-swallowers and the lion tamers, momentarily forgetting my grubbiness and sullen disposition. And then I saw a man in a smart uniform hand mother some notes, and I knew then, knew that I was sold like those men overseas, clad in chains and lashings. I used to comfort myself with the knowledge that I could no longer recall her face, but now it merely saddens me. She must have been my age now, with too many children and too few options.
I'm no saint; I won't be hanging around with the likes of Peter, Paul, or Michael. If I can save him, I'll banish the nagging in my chest. It's a repayment, I lie to myself. A life for a life. Turns out I don't believe lies as easily as he does. Pity, that.
He's there. The Lord of Flies himself. Sitting on the throne like the exiled king he imagines himself to be.
I curse my ill-timed feelings of humanity, as we are immediately surrounded. I struggle and land a few blows on a man I remember (Mortimer, the Seven of Swords, a hateful man who beat me once when intoxicated). Cain's bullet goes through Edith's eye almost silently (the Lovers, drowned her husband in his sleep with a bowl of water), and she scrabbles uselessly at the hole in her face as she collapses. Some blows to my back, and I stumble forwards. Forcing me to kneel on the floor, the Moon holds her dagger to my throat, her other hand gripping my hair and a boot on my back. A quick glance reveals that two men have Cain, who's struggling quite uselessly now.
Head tilted, the Cardmaster flickers a careless glance at us. "Cain." His lips curl into a smirk. "Has my wayward son come home?"
The Cardmaster raises himself off the throne and draws closer to him. He strokes the curve of his son's face, only the false smile breaking the illusion of a loving father.
"I cannot let you plunge this city into darkness, Father." Self-assured determination gives way to fear on Cain's face, as the Cardmaster begins to run his thumb along the boy's porcelain lips, studying him intently for any signs of tears, and not for the first time, I wonder if I was wrong to wait this long to return, to intervene in this monster's games.
"Hush, darling boy." Every word, a mocking knife. "I'll send you to the nursery if you don't behave."
"I'm not your toy!" Anger contorts Cain's features.
The Cardmaster gives him a long smirk before striking him across the face. "You are. Only fools resist their fate." He turns his attention towards me now. When he's close enough that I see the deep green of his eyes, I spit directly into that pale face. Terribly lower-class of me, but his momentary surprise is worth the blow.
He grips my face roughly to get a better examination of my features, moving it to study all the angles. The false skin peels straight off to his shock, and something akin to realization dawns on his hateful face. His hand glides to my hairline and taps at my surgery scar. He then dismissively lets go, kicking the scrape of skin with his boot. He meets my glare with an arrogant half-smile.
I cannot keep myself from shaking.
Cain stares at me as if I were a phantom. "Lord Gladstone?" His nose wrinkles in disgust, and I shake my head.
"Send in Death immediately," Alexis demands lazily, returning to his throne. "My sons really do cause me nothing but trouble."
With the smile of a cat who caught the canary, the World leaves, playing with her thick black gloves in anticipation. In the terrible space left behind, which seems loosened from the natural flow of time, the Cardmaster orders Cain and I bound.
The kid arrives, a bloody specter, annoyance written on his face. "Cardmaster?" His tone is sullen, but I cannot stop looking at him, trying to piece together the details of his life after I took my leave. Is he thinner, or is my memory unreliable? How much of that blood belongs to someone else? His boredom evaporates when he spots Cain, bound to a chair, and his mouth opens, full of unasked questions.
The Cardmaster motions towards me. "Does this man look familiar?"
Jezabel looks at me, bored. "No. He's a vagrant of some sort." (Of course, Cain's the one he wants, not me).
"You're certain?" A subtle smile.
Walking now towards me, Jezabel gives me a searching look, while I pray that he fails to recognize me. The penalty for leaving Delilah is death, and I can't die yet. Not again. That damnable scar on my new head tells me I won't be so lucky. His face up-close reveals new lines around his eyes, branching out like capillaries, and the sight pains me. I want nothing more than to touch that hair, although I'm quite certain it would flutter out of my grasp like moonlight. Cold against my skin, his hand repeats the path that his father's did. His eyes widen; and fear and confusion and something I can't bring myself to name are written so clearly that he may well have gasped.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the Cardmaster advance towards us. Jezabel searches my face, unaware, "why?" frozen on his lips. That vulnerable look he gives me sends a knife into my heart.
Alexis jerks him away from me, and gripping his wrist, forces him towards him.
"Everyone, leave. Moon, remain here." The smile has vanished. "Death and I need to have a talk."
He waits until the last member has left, and I can barely hear over the sound of blood coursing through my veins, louder than waves at the seashore. "The better question," he hisses, "is why. Why you felt that my orders were to be disobeyed."
Jezabel is at a loss for words. The Cardmaster shakes him roughly for a response, before striking him across the face.
"Did you not think you would be found out? Answer me!" The Castmaster strikes him again with so much force that Jezabel crumples to the floor. Red fills the cracks in the floor; I uselessly struggle against the cold of the handcuffs binding me to the chair. Can't even see if the kid's still breathing. Cain keeps intently studying me, eyes narrowed and darting between his father and me. Tries to say something, but the sight of the Cardmaster turning to face us renders him wordless.
"Well, since Jezabel decided to take a rest," the Cardmaster pauses, before ripping loose my gag. "Why don't you tell me why you came back?"
Shock dawns on Cain's face. "You're the boy? The little boy?"
"Yes," I sheepishly admit.
The Cardmaster stares at both of us, slightly disheveled. A few strands of black hair trail in front of his glasses, which he quickly sweeps away. "Why," he repeats haughtily.
"You'd never understand." I spit into his hateful face again. If I'm going to die again, I'm not going to make it easy for that bastard. My anger quickly dissipates when Jezabel stirs.
"Love?" The Cardmaster has a hideous grin on his face now. "Love. Love has never existed for your type. Has that body made you into a sodomite like its late owner?"
I cannot answer that; quite frankly, it was a fear of mine that I would take on Cassandra's characteristics, as his final parting gift.
Bored, Alexis stares at me, before ordering the Moon to fetch something I cannot quite hear. Quite doubtful that it's the key to my locks. He returns to Jezabel, who by now has clasped a hand to his bloody head. "Up." Yanking Jezabel to his feet, he leads him back to us, still gripping him tightly by his arm; Jezabel inaudibly protests this treatment to no success. The Moon has returned, bearing a surgical tray. My heart flutters from fear, and my vision clouds.
"Darling Jezabel, I think you are familiar with Gottlieb Burckhardt's work in curing insanity, are you not?"
Jezabel gives the Cardmaster a dazed glance, as he awkwardly attempts to wipe blood from his face and only succeeds in bloodying his cuff. "Yes. It was largely unsuccessful." The kid blanches at the medical tray.
"Good. You can take notes then."
Nausea rises to my throat. "What?"
Cain blanches and struggles against his bonds. "No, Father!"
"Which one, sir?" Moon holds something in her gloved hands, rotating it; still as emotionless as ever.
"It was an unsuccessful procedure, resulting in impairment and infantile regression!" Jezabel is becoming flustered, as he tries to free himself from the Cardmaster's grasp.
The Cardmaster pauses but for a second before uttering "Cassian."
I can no longer feel my hands; all the blood has drained away from them.
Jezabel's eyes widen in shock. "This is an unnecessary procedure, and I do not-"
The Cardmaster cuts him off, as he twists Jezabel's hair tightly. "You made that choice to go against my orders and the rules of my organization, out of your own free will. Choices have consequences."
Averting his eyes, Jezabel turns to the side, away from me.
"No, you will watch." The Cardmaster gives the Moon a curt flick of his head, and she approaches me. I finally see what she is carrying: a metal rod of sorts. I cannot identify it; Jezabel never used it. "Now, Cassian, Ida is going to drive this into your skull. She's going to insert it into your eye socket, through some bone tissue, and into your brain. You'll cease to have feelings, memories, and even thoughts." He strokes Jezabel's birch-white neck. "Then we can see if Jezabel can pull another brain transplant."
The last thing I see before the Moon crowds me is his pale face and eyes widened in fear. "Kid," I struggle against the pain. "Kid, I love you, alright? Jezabel, I love you, so don't go forgetting that someone loved y-"
My world fades to night, as I lose consciousness for the last time in my brief life.
Jezabel.
Notes:
Well, how about that? Poor Cassian, I really liked him, but I wanted to write a different sort of story for these two, and Cain and Riff. I've wanted to write this story for a while, so please stick with me. Your feedback is always valued and appreciated.