All rights for Doctor Who are the BBC's. I own nothing.
AN: Wrote this a few days ago and finally got around to publish it. You wouldn't believe what inspired me...
They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. They say the winter is always followed by the spring. They say the wheel's turning guarantees that after every down there will always be a climb up.
The Doctor couldn't believe any of those, not now.
Not after he destroyed Gallifrey.
The Oncoming Storm, they called him. The Bringer of Darkness. He could agree with both names. The warrior; the destroyer; that's who he was. The one who broke the most sacred rules of them all - his own.
But that's who he was, and that's what he had to do, right? He had to destroy Gallifrey and the Daleks to stop them from tearing time and space apart. He had to fight, to turn into the warrior, because he was the only one who still had one bit of common - really, it wasn't that common anymore, was it? - sense. Because he was the only one who saw what destruction it would bring upon the universe. Because he was the only one who cared.
But why did he have to survive?
It didn't matter. No matter what the Doctor did after the end of the Time War, after using the Moment, he couldn't forgive himself. He couldn't forget, not even for a second, the things he did. The monster he was inside. He tried to save people and planets - and those stupid apes on Earth, every now and then - but deep down, he was still full of hatred, pain and anger, all directed towards himself.
Somewhere deep down, he thought the winter would never end.
She was beautiful.
Oh, he'd never tell her that, of course - he couldn't tell her how wonderful he thought she was - but that was the very first thing he thought when she followed him, insisting to know everything about the manikins and the arm that attacked her. She was so different, so unique, that he couldn't not to tell her the truth.
"Really, though, Doctor," She said, looking at him curiously, her green-brown eyes showing wisdom he hadn't expected, "Tell me. Who are you?"
He hesitated briefly before replying. "You know like we were saying, about the earth revolving? It's like when you're a kid, the first time they tell you the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it..." He took her hand with his, an inner part of him hoping he could show her what he sees, make her feel what he feels, "The turn of the earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour. The entire planet is hurtling around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour. And we're falling through space, you and me, clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go..." He let go of her hand. "That's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler," He added, even though he didn't really want her to. "Go home."
Somewhere inside he knew she wouldn't give up. He knew she wouldn't just forget and move on.
But then, that was the reason he found her so beautiful.
When he faced the Nestene Consciousness, he decided he had to make it peacefully. No matter what, he had to solve this peacefully. He was the Doctor. Rose's eyes, resting in him, made him want to be the Doctor.
But when the manikins grabbed him after the Consciousness felt the anti-plastic hidden in his pocket, he knew there was no way it would end peacefully. He had no idea how to make it see he wasn't responsible for the Time War and the destruction of its planet; didn't know how to show it he blamed himself for every life that was lost during the war - Time Lord or otherwise. All those considered, he knew it would have to end with death - of either the humans or the Nestene Consciousness.
Considering his mission was to save the planet, there was only one possible outcome for that battle, at least as far as he was concerned.
The man he used to be would've mourned but known that he had no choice. He'd have done this knowing it had to happen. But the man he was now despised himself for having to do that. He could barely face that decision without feeling his anger and pain filling his hearts.
So when he turned to look at Rose, who was hugging her stupid ape boyfriend - what did he care about that, anyway? - he was hoping he could tell her he was sorry. He was sorry for letting her down; for giving up on being the Doctor; for having to do something like that. And if he fails, for the destruction of everything she knew and loved because he couldn't do the right thing and wipe out the Nestene Consciousness when he had the chance.
But instead of doing what he told her to do, instead of leaving, she did the most unbelievable thing. He watched her in growing wonder as she took his plea for forgiveness as a plea for help and hung onto the rope, knocking down one of the manikins. Her actions gave him the chance to knock off the other one, sending it straight to the Consciousness. He then caught her in his arms as she swung back to him, grinning. She was beautiful.
In that moment, he knew he had to have her there, in the TARDIS, with him.
And maybe, just maybe, the spring did follow winter after all.