Author's note. Nearly all the stories where Lily eventually goes out with James, that's where she stays. And a lot of other characters seem to just end up marrying the person they start going out with. It's not that I don't enjoy a lot of these pairings but it isn't very realistic to say that someone we go out with is the one we spend the rest of our lives with. Life just doesn't work that way and sometimes going out with someone shows a couple are not meant to be together.
So, I think this story is a little different or at the very least, there aren't too many like it.
Enjoy and please review.
Lily sighed as James came bounding over, clutching two Butterbeers. It was a Hogsmede weekend and as always, Lily had gone into the little village to enjoy what it had to offer. And like the last few occasions, James had gone with her, as her official boyfriend. Sometimes, she wondered what going as a friend would have been like but James had always had trouble with that.
As soon as she'd given him the time of day, he wanted to jump straight into the business of going out. It wasn't that bad, at least he'd started treating her like a human being rather than worshipping this girl he'd built up in his mind. She'd made it plain when she'd offered to finally give him a chance that if he didn't treat her like any normal bloke would, and then they just couldn't be together.
He had struggled, Merlin but he had struggled with that a lot at first. Thankfully, his friends did not have the same problem and they helped him through it. He had stopped ruffling his way after Lily assured him she found it extremely unattractive, he'd stopped hexing people in front of her to show off. She'd shown him how stupid this was by randomly hexing him and his friends until they got the message that girls did not find this a turn on, more of a turn off.
Actually, he had matured an awful lot, finally learning that not everyone found pranks funny. And that by trying to do bigger, even more dangerous pranks could only lead to disaster. Lily was no kill joy but she felt they'd never understood the full consequences that could occur. Some students did not see the funny side, in fact they felt they were being bullied. Lily had been forced to get caught in a trap set up by James and his friends just so she could show them her tears.
It had hurt a bit and been humiliating so the tears weren't entirely forced. Thankfully, James had gotten the message that their victims could get seriously hurt in both mental and physical ways. All in all, he had become a much nicer person, his popularity had even gone up. Which was something considering it had been high while he'd been an arrogant bully but it had demonstrated while being good was...well a good thing.
Lily had enjoyed getting to know the four boys better, even if Peter was still a little shy. She'd always gotten on well with Remus but hadn't got close to him as James would have considered it a way to get to her. As for Sirius, since he was always with James, it would have been impossible to really get to know him without getting to know James. Because James had been so obsessed with getting her to be his girlfriend and she'd been equally determined not to let that happen...well, you get the picture.
She'd learned that there was a lot more to them than first met the eye. Sirius for example was someone who loved having a good time and craved danger. But a lot of that was due to his inner demons, ones he was constantly fighting. You didn't grow up in a Dark household, especially the Black's and leave it without there being scars. Remus was a kind soul who just wanted to get on with life but was forever cursed.
Before she'd known about his...furry little problem as James liked calling it, she'd thought he was a bit spineless. Everyone time his cooler friends pulled a nasty prank and Remus clearly didn't like it...he didn't do anything. He would just look away, giving an impression of awkwardness but now she knew it was only because he couldn't bear to lose his only friends.
Whenever Lily had told them off, they'd just laughed, James loving the fact she was giving them attention. However, anyone else telling them off, unless it was a teacher soon found themselves being targeted by angry Marauders. Only those who were either very fiery or powerful could withstand them, most people just gave up trying to tell them off. It was one reason they ended up torturing Severus that day, they'd gotten so used to people laughing at whatever they did.
Thankfully, it did waken a lot of people up and they suddenly found they couldn't get away with stuff. And Remus found the courage to start suggesting that they not go so overboard in future. As for Peter, it's horrible to say this but next to his friends, he isn't especially talented. He's not stupid by any means just...ordinary. If he had normal friends, this wouldn't matter but next to the other three Marauders...Lily honestly worried about that boy sometimes. Would he do something desperate to prove himself as powerful as his firmed some day?
But back to the present.
"Here we go," James annouched, handing her the froth topped glass with a flourish. "One Butterbeer for my beautiful Lily Flower."
"James," she groaned, she didn't like him calling her that. It reminded her of the bad times between them and it sounded a little possessive.
He held his hands up in surrender, grinning from ear to ear as he sat down. Before she could take a sip, he'd already swooped in for a kiss. Mentally, she sighed again but let him get on with it. James Potter was a good kisser, no denying that but...it didn't feel as good as it used to.
"Fancy going to Zonko's next?" he teased as she was finally allowed to take a drink.
"I'm not sure," she said with a shrug. "I do want to visit the bookshop at some point and probably the apothecary."
"Ah, what are you worried about that for?" he said a little dismissively. "You know how much old Sluggy loves you, I bet he'd give you anything for your Potions project."
She frowned.
"It's important to me James and choosing your own ingredient is half the fun. Besides, I won't be able to rely on old Sluggy when I've left school, will I?"
James just shrugged, taking a deep gulp of his drink.
"You realise you also have a Potions project," she pointed out softly. "You can't become an Auror without a decent Potions grade."
"My dad's sending me some ingredients," he explained with a smile, wiping his mouth of froth. "I'm going to be brewing an anti poison potion, I reckon that'll be vital to know as an Auror."
Lily nodded, that made sense although she felt that sometimes James focused a bit too stubbornly on the Light side of Magic. It felt that he was so determined not to have anything to do with the Dark Arts that he could barely study them. Lily disliked the Dark Arts and what it had done to her former friend but she did acknowledge the point Severus had once made.
How could you fight that which you didn't know anything about?
If you wanted to fight a dragon, you needed more than skill and bravery, you needed to know how they thought. How they would respond to you and what their weaknesses were. But try explaining that to James, she wasn't sure if he'd ever fully understand.
She took another sip of her drink, gathering all the courage she was meant to have being a Gryffindor. It took a few more sips until she was finally ready to tell James what she'd been struggling with for a few weeks.
"James," she said gently and softly. "We need to talk."
"Hmm?" he mumbled, briefly distracted by some people who he knew who'd waved at him. "Sorry, Lils, I didn't get that."
"I said we need to talk," she said gently and he smiled.
"Yeah, I know," he said easily and she stared at him. Somehow, she doubted he knew what she was about to say.
"You want to talk about the future, don't you?" James continued with a smug look, clearly thinking he'd hit the nail on the head.
"Yes, in part," Lily admitted gently as he grinned even more.
"Cool, well, I've actually been thinking about it as well," he said in a serious tone. "About the wedding and stuff..."
"Wedding?" she repeated very faintly.
"Yeah," he said eagerly before suddenly noticing her expression. "Look, no pressure right, I'm not saying we should do it straight away but...it would be nice to start thinking about it. Where we're living when we leave school, when we can think about getting engaged and for how long...that sort of stuff."
"Right," she said slowly and still a little faintly. "Well, those are good things to think about but..."
"Yeah," James interrupted before she could go on. "You know, I was thinking that maybe we could get a little place, just for the two of us. We can always get somewhere else when we want to start a family, probably out in the country so we can all go flying."
He was both excited and proud, probably thinking he was being very mature in planning ahead. The problem was, he hadn't really asked if this was what Lily wanted.
"What do you think?" he suddenly asked and she steeled herself for what she was about to say.
"That sounds lovely James but..."
"I knew you'd love it," he declared, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, a huge grin on his face.
"But I don't think we should go out anymore," Lily blurted out, hating to be so blunt but she couldn't stand dragging this out.
The grin slowly faded from James's face as he stared at her in horror. When he spoke, his voice was a harsh whisper.
"What!"
"I don't think we should go out anymore," Lily said gently, trying to soften the blow as much as possible.
"I still want to be your friend," she hastened to add a he looked like he might faint. "I just don't think I can be your girlfriend any longer."
"But...I...I...," James stammered, he seemed unable to think.
"It's not you James," she quickly said. "Truly, you're a really sweet guy, it's me."
"What have I done?" he demanded, some colour flooding back into his face. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry..."
"It's nothing you've done," Lily stated tiredly, she had known he wouldn't accept this very easily.
"It must be something," he protested hotly, almost knocking his glass over. "Why else would you say that?"
Lily frowned, there was that arrogant streak again.
"Maybe because I don't love you," she snapped at him angrily as once again the blood drained from his face.
She sighed heavily, rubbing at her temples before saying.
"Look James, since I've gotten to know you, I've found that you are a funny guy. And when you don't have some sort of grudge on the go, you're great to be with. The thing is...you don't feel any different to the other guys I'm going out with. You...just feel like a friend who kisses me and holds my hand while we walk."
James looked like he hadn't understood a word she'd just said.
"So that's it," Lily said gently. "I've been thinking about this for a while and I don't think we should continue going out when my feelings aren't changing."
"Give me another chance," he croaked, a rather desperate look in his eyes. "I swear I can change, I'll do what you want, just give me some time..."
"I don't want that," she told him firmly. "I don't want you altering your entire personality..."
"You did before," he pointed out rather harshly and she frowned again.
"James, you had started hexing First years simply because you were bored, you were turning into a bully, someone no better than a Death Eater," she snapped at him and his eyes bulged with shocked rage.
"I am nothing like them," he spat but she wasn't finished.
"They hurt those who can't defend themselves James," she pointed out. "They believe themselves to be superior because of their money, their Blood status...you're a wealthy Pureblood and you have happily hurt those who are none of those things. Surely you can see that the changes you've already made were necessary, otherwise you might have become something akin to them. Being on the side of Light doesn't necessarily make you good, James."
He flushed, probably remembering all those incidents he was ashamed of.
"I'm not a Death Eater," he mumbled and she patted his arm.
"I know you're not, you've become a better person than any of them."
She took another sip of her drink before saying again.
"I hope we can be friends James."
He nodded jerkily before stammering.
"S-so you mean...there's no chance...ever...?"
Lily sighed very heavily but mentally this time.
"Never say never," she murmured softly and he looked up with an eager, hopeful look.
"No James," she said before he could speak. "That's not a green light for you to start pestering and attempting to court me. I just want to be friends."
"But...," he began but she interrupted him.
"James, you know one of the main reasons I never gave you a chance before was because you were always pestering me to go out with you. I felt like some sort of trophy you wanted to win and the way you acted if I was about...it made me sick. I just want you to treat me like a normal female friend, not someone you're trying to get to go out with you."
"How am I supposed to convince you to be with me?" he asked softly and she said firmly.
"You don't James. Maybe my feelings will change in the future and if that happens and you haven't found someone, I'll let you know."
"There will never be anyone else," he declared loudly.
"You don't know that," Lily pointed out gently. "You could easily find someone tomorrow James, you can't say there will never be anyone else."
"But there won't," he retorted firmly. "I've always loved you Lily and I'll never stop."
"Even if I never feel the same way?" she asked gently and he flushed but nodded.
"I can't stop you feeling that way," she told him softly, to soften the blow. "But you realise that I could find someone who I do see as more of a friend. And that I wouldn't tolerate you trying to sabotage that relationship even if you use your friends as go betweens."
This made the boy flush again, he'd probably been thinking something along those lines. Straightening his back, he said quietly.
"Are you sure it's not something I've done?"
"Quite sure," she assured him. "James, I know this seems cruel but I just couldn't continue leading you on. Especially as you're already thinking about marriage and stuff like that, I can't see us married James."
He flinched, half shaking his head in a way that suggested he didn't want to believe what she was saying. But he had to because they couldn't' go on like this. There had been a buzz when she'd first started going out with him but it had faded. It took her a little while but she had realised he just felt like a friend to her, no different from the other few boys she'd gone out with. And she'd known that wasn't right, if they were meant to be, she should feel a lot more for him.
At first, she'd decided to wait it out, sure that her feelings would grow. They hadn't however and although she'd reasoned she just needed to give James a chance, it just hadn't worked. She didn't want James trying to be perfect for her, it wasn't fair and she doubted she'd enjoy a perfect boyfriend. She wanted a real person, not a fake who only acted that way for her.
Her other friends would bemoan the fact she was turning down a handsome, talented and rich boy who loved her to pieces but it was the right thing to do. No doubt Sirius would be furious at her, he'd probably accuse her of playing around with James. Well, he could say what he liked but she knew the truth. And hopefully, James would understand as well.
"Maybe I should go," Lily offered, James looked a bit of a wreck and she had a feeling he was trying to think of good arguments why they should stay together. "We could meet up later if you like."
"A-alright," he said after a moment as she finished her drink.
"I am sorry," she said softly as she stood up, preparing to leave. "But I just can't go on pretending, I want us to have a meaningful relationship even if it's just friendship."
He nodded very slowly, clearly in a bit of a daze. Lily knew he wouldn't give up, heck, he'd probably come after her later on. A boy like James didn't give up but she wouldn't go out with him unless feelings for him developed. She wished he could get over her, it sounded so selfish keeping him hanging on, offering false hope.
But she honestly couldn't say 'we'll never go out' because she had no idea what the future held. After all, once upon a time, she would have gone out with Slughorn rather than arrogant James Potter but that's how life worked.
It always managed to surprise you.
Author's note. I think this story is both canon and AU. Canon because it could lead back to Lily going out with James again but AU because it's possible that she never falls in love with him. So, I hope you enjoyed my little story about love and life, please leave a review if you did.