Once upon a time, There was a completely average Whovian, who at the very moment was completely nude as the day he was born, having a wank to a particularly kinky fanfic. He was really quite absorbed in what he was doing at the moment. So much so, that he tuned out the increasingly loud vrm-whorrr-ing sound that was happening in the next room over.
Said Whovian's concentration was only interrupted when a grumpy looking man with curly gray hair and a blue jacket exited said room rather quickly, popping into our naked protagonist's line of vision. "Clara... we have very important business to atten..." The intruder stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh, er... pardon me." He said. "I appear to be in the wrong flat." The storm cloud haired invader tipped his head politely to our scared naked Whovian, whose hand was still on his pecker. "I am told it is perfectly natural to pleasure oneself." The Doctor stepped back into the room containing the TARDIS. With an accompanying Vrm-whorrr, he was gone.
"That was The Doctor." The Whovian said lamely, then proceeded to die of a brain aneurysm caused by sheer embarrassment. The End.
The Doctor is real. He could come see you. Are you prepared at this very moment?