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Kate's always known that there was something different about her… something wrong. She could tell from the hard, cold glint in her daddy's eyes when he would looked at her whenever he thought she didn't notice. His features set in a deep, contemplative scowl with his lips pressed in a thin white line, his whole aura radiated disappointment, fear, and rage. Almost like, he was truly afraid that the love of the Lord didn't quite fully live inside his daughter's heart.
He always prayed harder and preached the Lord's way louder and longer at church when he had that look on his face… those flickers of silent rage that were also stamped across his face in those moments of disappointment and shame. That was when she truly feared her father…
She knew that on those nights, in those moments, when her ears would ring with the word of the Lord, that her father's naturally calm voice would still be swirling violently around in her head when he beat her. His beatings would be swift, harsh… and painful… As he loomed over her, his body tense and his breathing erratic in the dead silence of her childhood home, his precious Bible would become splattered with droplets of her blood as her brother and mother looked on, with shame and resignation skittering across their faces. That was when Kate knew that she was the enemy, the wrong doer in her family.
Her sweet and gentle father was a monster because of her… and only with her. He was never like this with Scott, their mother, or the church goers, who listened earnestly as he spoke softly and lovingly of their Lord and Savior. He was only mean and violent with her because she needed to be taught 'the love of the Lord' hard, as he would say.
"Bad little girls like you need to be taught with a bit of a firmer hand," he had growled at her, his teeth bared and his breathing shallow the one time she had once cried about how unfair one of his punishments had been. He had the same look on his face as he stood over her now, his hair wild and his footsteps heavy.
He paused briefly, his whole demeanor changing back into the caring and loving father that she knew, pulling his hair back from his face as he asked, "Now, now, Katie-Cakes… What have we learned?"
She sobbed silently, her whole body visibly shaking with her unshed tears. She was still afraid that, if she showed anything but defeat and submission, he would begin to work on her again in earnest. Sighing, she wiped the trickling blood away from her nose with the heel of her hand, smearing it onto her pink lips, tasting the salty cooper of her blood on her tongue as she licked it away.
She said nothing as he stared down at her; there was nothing to say. She learned a long time ago not to offer a reply… because there was no right one to his question. He would just start beating her again for something different that she had done 'wrong' next week. It was just best to keep quiet.
"Well…" He cleared his throat, looking down at his blood stained Bible. "You get to bed now, sweetheart… We all have a big day tomorrow," He said softly, bending down to her eye level, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. She couldn't help the way her whole body jumped, than stiffened, at the unexpected touch. Well, it wasn't so unexpected since he was always gentle with her after one of his beatings… but it still hurt. It still hurt to know that it just wasn't in his nature to be cruel… that she was the one that brought it out in him.
It was also on those nights that her brother would come into her room, carrying a pack of ice as he silently sobbed. His whole demeanor was weak and looking for comfort that she couldn't offer. He would climb into her bed and hold her, pressing the ice pack onto whatever swollen limbs she had at the time, as he promised her that when he was big enough and strong enough to fight back that he would never let their dad touch her again. It was in those moments that she tried her hardest not to cry. She was supposed to be the big sister. She was supposed to protect him from any harm… But how could she when the person that needed to be saved from was their father? And, besides, he doesn't need any saving… at least of all by her. He wasn't the one that their father hated.
TBC...
