Well, it's not really funny. But it is part of my determination to create a few more Remus/Hermione ficlets that aren't timeturner fics, and don't involve minors, or schoolgirl fetishes.
I'm also practicing the art of writing believable situations and character interactions. I know I failed in at least one detail... I didn't have either of them go the bathroom..which is most likely what would have been important after a night of drinking and partying.. I thought about it, but figured it would break up the flow.
Enjoy!
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The only thing he could recognize upon waking was the phenomenal thirst plus brain rattling headache that equaled an unparalleled hangover. The bed, in which he was uncomfortably sprawled, was not a lumpy Grimmauld Place antique, nor was it a Hogwarts bed with it's special warming charm.
He tried to determine if he had any surviving enemies who might tease him by offering a last nights repose in a comfortable bed before doing him in. No...that was absurd even by Moody's standards. He took the risk of sniffing the air.
The room did not smell like a hotel, or an inn, or like a rickety room over a stifling, grimy pub. It was clean, and smelled of carpet, potpourris, Muggle cleaning products...and sex.
Forgetting his headache, he wrenched open his eyes and tried to convince them to stop rolling. Not that it would do any good, The room was dark, or at least dim. The window was heavily curtained, and the sliver of sky peeked around the edge was stone grey, promising to rain.
Wondering what time it was, he raised himself on a wobbly elbow and squinted around, trying to see a clock...but discovered only the bed's second occupant, what could only be the curvaceous, sheet covered form of a woman. He tried to wet his lips...and remember just what had happened the night before.
Well...at least it was a woman...so maybe there was a good chance he hadn't fallen prey to one of Fred or George's rambunctious party pranks. Or was it? Disoriented he wandered through the fragments of last night's events;
Harry had said " At last it's over...have a drink.'' or something to that effect.
He himself had declined at first...until Snape had challenged him. They had a drink. Then Dumbledore had made a toast.
Minerva gave a toast. They all drank a bit more than was necessary for a toast. Snape gave a toast.
Albus and Minerva had kissed each other...
The twins gave a toast.
Harry made a toast.
Arthur and Molly had kissed each other without a toast.
Hermione had a made a rather long toast.
He himself had made a short toast...
Albus and Minerva kissed each other again. And again.
Then it began getting a little hazy...as people from the Order and the Ministry gave toasts...and cheered, and laughed. He recalled Moody lecturing people in mock sternness, and Tonks kissing Moody's cheek as she tossed her pink hair about gleefully...her arm in a violet sling.
There was dancing outside, singing in the taverns, fighting in the streets, and lovemaking in the bushes. He recalled Snape drunkenly hexing a few bushes whether they were quivering or not...And there were fireworks. And grass.
Grass was the last thing he remembered seeing.
He shook his head, but he was smiling slightly. Well, he had an excuse at least, for getting completely pissed and finding himself a companion to share a little joy with. They had after all, defeated Voldemort and what they suspected to be most of his followers. The rest had tucked in their tails and fled...to be flushed out later by the Aurors.
Even so, he thought grimly, there was still work to be done. More than could be accomplished in a single lifetime. He shouldn't be luxuriating in bed...maybe he could slip out un-noticed. The thought of never knowing who he had shared the night with was a sad one, but the the ever-noble sense of duty within him was merciless.
However, his slight movement caused his companion to stir gently, and the bottom of her foot came to rest against his leg.
He froze.
---
She woke easily, and aside from the usual morning discomfort of stiff muscles and the need for a toothbrush, she felt refreshed and alert. Sure, she too had consumed entirely too much alcohol the night before, but unlike her companion, she had the ability to absorb it completely and sleep it off successfully in a few hours.
On a normal morning she could come to a full and complete wakefulness in two minutes. This morning however she beat her own record and made it in just under thirty eight seconds. Pretending to remain asleep, she assessed the situation.
First the location. Simple. She was in her bedroom. Not her at her house in Hogsmeade either...but in her old childhood bedroom at her parent's house. A glance at her wristwatch showed it to be 1:30 in the afternoon, a glance at the window suggested it was raining fanatically, and...
There was a man in her bed.
Or at least she assumed from the hairiness of the leg resting under her highly sensitive foot that it was a man. You could never be too certain after a night of reveling with the twins.
Reveling! That brought a satisfied smile to her face.They had won!! They had fought hard, and won harder; therefore earning a night of laughing, drinking, and celebratory lovemaking.
There must still be so much left to do out there. There were the wounded, and the dead for one thing. But for once in her life, she felt completely selfish. She wanted to stay in bed all day.
Oh wait! She couldn't stay in bed with a strange leg! If they had really done what she supposed all drunken people who wake in a bed together had done, then it had been her first time and she had missed it! She wanted to turn right over and solve the mystery of her partner...but she was suddenly lacking in courage. If she looked, it would be real.
Oh...gods! Please don't let it be Harry! She thought, suddenly. Or Ron, and definitely not one of the twins. And please, don't let me have taken advantage of anyone younger than myself, or anyone horribly ugly, or a complete stranger!
Maybe it was Neville? She recalled having a drink with him in the corner, right before Snape started talking to the bushes. At least Neville would be polite, and discreet about the incident.
Who else had been there?
Oh, everyone, that's all. The entire Order, the entire Ministry, floods of Witches and Wizards from all over the world, and Squibs, and even Muggle relatives and friends. A sea of familiar faces oozed through her mind...prisoners released from the Deatheater strongholds, Professors, shopkeepers, tavern keepers...but she just couldn't remember anyone even kissing her!
Maybe it was Moody, she laughed to herself. They had ben seated together at the time of the toasts. The thought didn't bother her as much as it should. Anything just as long as it wasn't Harry, or Ron, or Draco...or a total stranger, or some nasty Slytherin taking advantage of her inebriation. And please...not anyone else's husband either, I don't need anything else on my conscience these days. She bit the corner of her pillow.
Her pillow? That reminded her..why in Merlin's name had she brought her lover back here, to this house, when her own home had been reasonably close by. After six years of living on her own, who would she have wanted to bring here?
It's time to suck it in girl and find out who owns that leg!
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He knew she was awake. Whoever she was, he was sure she was more than just a curvy shape under the sheets. She had to have a name, and lips, and hair, and apparently had been willing enough to go to bed with him. He couldn't decide now whether or not she was trying to figure things out, or if maybe she knew everything and was waiting for his response. He hoped she was a clueless as he, because if not, he had surely failed to earn a more affectionate good morning. She had however left her foot resting against his leg...and even confused, worried, and hung-over, he liked it.
Just a little. It had been ages since had kissed a woman, and he could almost count his bedroom encounters on one hand; either Muggle meetings, or school-day dallying back in the day. Oh, well, there was something to be said for novelty at least!It was time to face the owner of the sheet-shaping form.
She spoke first though.
" I know this is going to sound completely wrong...but I have no idea who you are." her voice, tough muffled by the pillow, at least did not sound angry. Now that he moment for truths was nearing, he suddenly became a bit worried. Please don't let it be Sybil...he prayed silently.
" So..." she continued. " Do you think we should introduce ourselves first, or just turn around and say hello?"
He couldn't quite make out her voice.
At his razor thin moment of hesitation, she went on, beginning to babble a bit in nervousness, as she fumbled beneath her pillow for her wand.
" Or..or, we could just dress quietly in the dark..and just forget the whole event. That is..if you don't know who I am. Do you...?"
He cleared his throat, but his voice was still unrecognizably thick, and he whispered slightly, still unsure as to where he was.
" As embarrassing as this is to admit; I have no idea who you are, where I am...or what to do. "
She felt a little relieved that he didn't sound angry.
" Well...let's just sit up and face each other like men, all right. "
He winced. " I don't think I can sit up. My head was filled with cannonballs and nailed to the pillow last night. " he said with some amusement at their predicament.
" You stay down then, and I'll sit up and turn on the lamp. Just promise me you won't hex me if you don't like what you see."
" Oh...that's right...where is my wand?" he murmured, rummaging around halfheartedly.
Well, at least she knew he wasn't a Muggle.
She sat up, covering her breasts with the sheet and becoming slowly aware of the fact that her body a little more stiff and tender than normal.
With a seemingly loud click, the soft light of the beside lamp blazed cruelly to life, stinging his swollen eyes.He didn't need to open his eyes though; as the woman next to him exclaimed his name in a voice high pitched with surprise and amusement! Perhaps a touch of mortification in there as well, he thought.
"Re-mus!!"
" Her-Hermione?" he croaked, peeking through his protective fingers. Oh god, it was Hermione! What had he done?
In a state of mild shock, they gaped at each other, taking in the bare flesh, the dazed eyes, and the incredible amount of love bites shared between them. She closed her mouth and began nibbling thoughtfully at her swollen lips. Had he kissed them that red, he wondered hopefully?
She tried in vain to wrap her head completely around the fact that she had slept with a man. And that not only had she slept with a man, it was a man she admired above intellectually above all others, and respected for his kindness, nobility and courage. And looking down at the exposed flesh of his upper torso, she found herself admiring him quickly for his other traits as well. Just having him lie there all grey-eyed, and rugged, with tousled hair and fading scars made her get tingly feelings all through her belly. There were bite marks all over his chest, and belly...and they disappeared below the sheet. She caught her eyes following the invisible path they must be taking, and blushed a bright fuchsia. Oh, my! Did I really?
She bit back a grin.
Professor Lupin was naked in her bed! She felt a very un-Hermione need to giggle coming on. To squelch it, she began to talk.
" Well..." she began, but he interrupted.
" Hermione. I...'' for a wolf, he sure looked sheepish. " I don't know what to say."
" Well..for starters...how much do you remember about last night? " she asked conversationally.
He shook his head. " Toasts. Dancing. Grass. How about yourself?"
" Oh...the last thing I remember...hmmm. It was when...no wait, after that there was a bonfire. That's it, a bonfire outside. Or a very strange dream."
Vaguely he recalled a fire. But it had seemed very tiny, and he was sure he had been holding it between his fingers. Dumbledore was still giving toasts...long toasts, and they sat on the grass...yes, that was where the grass came in.
" Do you think...well...do you suppose we really? he shrugged towards the bed in general. " Did anything?" He chided himself on being infantile, while at the same time he argued that it was possible that a drunken sleep had overtaken them while they were still in the love-bite stage.
She shifted a little, pulling a face. " Yes...I believe we did really do something if you know what I mean."
He turned pale.
" Do I need to apologize? " he asked softly. Somehow, she had gotten a little closer to him, and her proximity made him a bit warm. Inconspicuously he scooted further toward the edge.
" Not yet. I mean, how do we know I am not the one responsible?"
I certainly hope that one of us was responsible enough to remember a contraceptive, she thought wryly.
" I'm the older person, and should have behaved more..."
" Nobly?" she prompted.
He shrugged slightly. " Responsibly." he conceded.
Every time she spoke she edged closer. She couldn't help it...apparently her body had gotten a taste for him, and what she couldn't remember, her hormones could...and they liked it.
" I'm not really concerned about who initiated it." she admitted . " I was just wondering if I liked it."
He snorted, thinking of how meager it would have been compared to her other beaux. Men like Viktor Krum...
" I'll wager it would be the one time you'd be thankful to forget." he said, dropping his head to rest in his hands.
She raised both eyebrows and regarded him with a bit of surprise. He thought she was experienced!
He was cradling his head gingerly as though coddling it would ease the pressure somewhat, and as she watched his hands, admiring the thin skin stretched over the bones and tendons, she wished sadly she could recall what it had felt like to be touched by him. Judging by the marks on her skin, and the aches in her muscles, he hadn't been so ginger with her last night!
She inches slightly closer to him, inhaling his wonderful scent.
" Well..." she began gently, figuring she owed him her absolute honesty." It was my first time anyhow...so I would have liked some memory of the occasion. Good or bad."
Remus raised his head sharply from his hands and for one adorable moment, looked like a frightened little boy being approached by a train engine.
" Oh...Hermione..I am so sorry! " his sincerity sent a pang of guilt through her as well.
" Don't be!" she smiled and lay her hand in his. " I'm certainly not. I mean...I am sorry I missed the occasion, but I have no regrets that it was with you."
He looked on the verge of argument, or a lecture, but instead, leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on her temple.
" I suppose we have a lot to discuss then..." he said.
" No. I am tired of discussing things." she had gathered all her courage about her again, and decided to kiss him. He dodged it, a bit panic stricken, and almost fell off the bed, stammering something about waiting a moment.
" Judging by the way I feel, you were a lot more enthusiastic about me last night. Maybe I should get you drunk again." she pouted.
He closed his eyes briefly to capture the mental image her words had just sparked in his minds eye. He wanted to be enthusiastic again...and he disliked himself slightly for that desire.
She slipped her hand beneath the sheet, and chased him as he tried to curl away, like a some shy young girl. When she finally touched him, he exhaled sharply, almost groaning as she wound her fingers in the soft hair that covered his chest.
" Hermione! I am not going to insult your intelligence by bringing up all the pros and cons of this...this...circumstance.But there are some things we have to discuss! I at least have to ask you where we are? Do you have a clue?"
" Certainly, This is my bedroom. In my parent's house."
" Your parents!" he hissed. " We came to your parent's house! "
They are in America, remember? I sent them there for the duration of the war...I couldn't bear to have them here and in danger. Besides they needed a second honeymoon. " she smiled. He hadn't made her remove her hand...yet.
" That's another thing. We should be out there...helping." his argument sounded weak.
" Not right now, I shouldn't. " she stated. " I've done four times my share...and you've outdone us all. I think we deserve a rest."
" But..." he tried not to glance downwards to the edge of the sheet that was slipping away form a large expanse of breast.
" I don't want to sound arrogant Remus, but we, and by we I mean everyone at the Ministry and in the Order..., have worked day and night handling all of the ' important ' stuff that they wouldn't trust to anyone. We've had to do the spying, the research, the puzzle solving, the spell-making, the potion-brewing, and the paperwork. It's time now for everyone else to step in and lend a hand with the cleanup. They can give us one day. Just one day. And do you really think we are the only ones lying in bed? Or in the bushes, or on the ground, or under the stairs? Everyone is rejoicing all over the world today, creating new life to replace the lost ones, and celebrating love and beauty..which is what we fought for in the first place."
Her face took on a radiance when she spoke that left him breathless, and the simple truth of her words lifted the burden of responsibility form his shoulders. He was always trying to do more than his share, to make for his shame at being a werewolf. He would always have that tendency, but at the moment he buried the nagging guilt he felt about it under the current issue of what to do about being naked in Hermione's bed. There was no more bed to inch across, so he had to take a stand.
Hermione regarded him with open admiration. Like the worlds' best Christmas present, and it made him nervous. Happy, but nervous. And despite his every good intention to resist to the bitter end, he found himself incapable of pulling away when she leaned over him and touched her lips against his. At the resulting shock of pleasure, he returned her kiss, softly. But then pushed her away gently.
" Hermione. You are absolutely lovely, and I have to be honest and say that I enjoyed that. Just like I enjoyed finding out that it was you next to me..."
" Remus.."
" Wait." he held up a hand. " I am just concerned that you are in no condition to repeat last night's events. You're still very young, and I..I..." he trailed off at the amused and affectionate smile on Hermione's face.
" Now I know why even dead drunk I picked you out of the crowd. " she said." I love that irritatingly gentle soul of yours. Know why I must have brought you here? Because it is so special to me...I would never have brought anyone else. None of my friends have ever been here." she placed a hand on either side of his face.
" I want to make love to you...Remus Lupin. Right here, right now. Lets forget last night happened and make this our first time." after a such a bold statement, she bit her lip, and added shyly. " If you truly want me that way, sober."
He did, and it shown so brightly in his eyes, that even she could read it accurately, but still he held back. This time because he couldn't think where to start. He felt fifteen and foolish again, and found himself grinning inanely, trying t decide to turn left or right to kiss her.
He opted for left, and crunched their noses together. She smiled.
" Look at this way..." she said." We are already naked and in the bed. That's the hard part."
" How would you know?'' he murmured as he nuzzled her neck.
" Because when I fantasized about this happening, I had to skip over that bit as being too awkward."
He raised up and met her eyes. " You fantasized about this?"
She nodded, peeling his sheet down as far as she could get away with.
" Exactly like this?" he pushed.
" Nooo..." she admitted a bit bashfully. " It was more like this..." she lay back and urged him to take the dominant position over her. " You are always there..." she whispered.
With an exclamation of satisfaction, he abandoned himself to her lips, kissing them thoroughly, before pulling partly free. " Someday, you must tell me the whole fantasy." he breathed against her mouth.
" Why don't you illustrate me a new one?' she returned saucily...trying to pull him closer, see him better, and get the blankets untangled from her legs at the same time. The result, due to Remus locale, was that the slipped precariously close to the edge, and before they could do more than widen their eyes in surprise...they fell to the rug with a resounding thump.
It was nearly an hour later before Hermione reached a hand up and pulled the blankets down over their intertwined legs, thinking to herself that she really wanted to know how it had been the first time, Because if it had been this spectacular three times in a row...she was never letting him out of this room again. Glancing under the bed, she took in the sight of her wand, a pair of torn panties, and a piece of official looking paper with a ministry seal. Lazily she pulled it closer for a better look, while Remus regained a little of his normal elasticity and was able to kiss the breast his head was resting on.
" Mmm...I can't believe I woke up after winning a war, terribly hung-over, and wrapped in the arms of the most amazing woman in the world. " he murmured
" It's worse than that..." Hermione declared somberly.
" What do you mean? " he asked.
She regarded him seriously.
" Apparently...you're also married."
She tapped him on the nose with the rolled up marriage contract, and grinned as he struggled to his elbows.
" Are you sure?"he asked, not entirely displeased.
" The amazing thing'' she continue,. '' was that Dumbledore was sober enough to officiate. Here I was thinking he and Minerva went home joined at the lip."
They looked at each other expectantly, as the memories began to haltingly reappear in their heads.
" The Bonfire..." Hermione said.
" Dumbledore's boring speech..."
" And..."
" The grass..." they exclaimed simultaneously. " Oh no...tell me we didn't do it on the grass!!!" Hermione moaned.
Remus grinned, fondling the treasured piece of paper.
" Well...there's nothing better than starting a marriage than a little public humiliation." he sang.
" How would you know?"
'' Because when I fantasized about it...I always skip that part."
" Your just making that up." she accused. " You could at least look a little embarrassed.
" Oh god, your going to be one of those bossy wives aren't you?"
" How about this? Kiss me."
'' Yes...dear.''
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Future ideas--
Have you left the one you left me for?
SS/GW or SS/HG