Writing an AU of Shingeki no Kyojin was actually my very first idea of writing a Free! fanfiction. I planned to make it as a long-journey (yes, a multi-chapters), but alas, I don't think I will be able to manage it now. Not yet, not now.
So, I wrote this one-shot instead. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I'm doing well with this. I can only say that I hope you will enjoy this one. Of course, you have my gratitude if you're willing to read this.
Disclaimer: Free! belongs to KyoAni, and Shingeki no Kyojin belongs to Hajime Isayama
DREAMS OF FREEDOM
:-:
"What do you think, Haru?"
Nobody could utter his name the way Makoto did; gentle and compassionate, light as a feather, easily blown away from his soft lips and only for Haruka's ears to listen. Haruka's ocean blue pupils couldn't leave Makoto. His fingers carefully nudged Makoto's shoulders, as if he was afraid to break them. "Turn around." He whispered.
Makoto's lips cracked a smile as he turned around, letting Haruka take a better view at his green hooded cloak. The crest of the survey corps was there at the back, the Wings of Freedom— a pair of white over blue wings; fully stretched out, the white wings to the right, the blue wings toward the left.
Haruka's heart ached. "Suits you." He thought it was impossible for his stiff lips to form a smile, but they did—just a small one, but a smile nonetheless.
He should be ready to let Makoto go, but he couldn't. Not yet. Never would be.
Nanase Haruka had occasionally dreamed about a pair of wings attached on Makoto's back. Delicate, pure white wings like those belonged to the angels—the ones portrayed in books he often shared in secret with Makoto. In his dreams, Makoto's bright and lively emerald green eyes were always looking at the sky, a gentle smile of joy adorned on his lips. Makoto was free, and his opened cage was left behind.
In those dreams, Makoto would look at him for the last time. Gentle eyes as green as young leaves. A tinge of blush on one of his cheeks. The angelic smile bringing out the real beauty of his eyes. Haruka would see those precious sights before Makoto turned away and stretched his wings. Haruka's dreams would end before Makoto left him.
It was okay if Haruka was to be left behind, if that meant a priceless smile from Makoto's lips.
It was okay, because Haruka's dream was to present those gifts for Makoto. A key to unlock his cage, and a pair of wings that promised freedom.
"I'm glad, Haru."
Tears threatened to break out, leaving a beautiful glimmer of reflected light in Haruka's pure ocean blue eyes.
"Finally I have the opportunity to fulfill my dream."
:-:
Makoto was part of the soldiers who joined the fifty-seventh expedition beyond the walls, directly facing the man-eating titans wandering around in their territory. The goal of the expedition was no different than usual—to outstretch human territory, to gain what had been stolen. For Haruka, the expedition was to open an access to the limitless, beautiful horizons, ones that Makoto would definitely love. The ones he would shed his blood for, in order to gift such sights for Makoto.
But Haruka wasn't able to join. He had been badly wounded in their previous battle for humanity. At the moment he saw Makoto patting his beloved horse's muzzle, whispering sweet words at the dark brown mammal, leaning his temple near its dark eyes, Haruka felt powerless.
Haruka was wearing his own green cloak, the Wings of Freedom crest on the back of it, but it was a mere display. He couldn't join. Not with his broken leg, nor his injured arm. With a pair of crutches, he approached Makoto. The man with the olive-brown hair looked up and gifted his best, brightest smile.
"Haru-chan, you truly come."
This time, just this time, Haruka wasn't bothered by it. He wouldn't ask Makoto to drop the '-chan', not now. Not anymore.
"Of course I do." Haruka stopped in front of Makoto, resting his body weight on both his crutches. Makoto's eyes were exceptionally soft as they averted to Haruka's leg, and back to face him again.
"Does it still hurt?"
Haruka shook his head.
"I hope you're telling the truth." Makoto chimed, tilting his head to the side.
"Makoto." Haruka's eyes were closed when he said the name, but they opened up again. "Promise me that you will come home."
The gentle smile vanished from Makoto's lips. "Haru..." he leaned closer, "just in case."
The kiss on their lips was soft—a shy one, with light touch, sweet as honey and eternally ethereal. Haruka didn't need to guess what was going on in Makoto's mind.
The kiss meant love left unspoken, expressed in the gentlest way.
Just in case.
Just in case Makoto couldn't come home.
Just in case they wouldn't meet each other again.
When Makoto rode on his horse along with the commander and the other soldiers to begin their expedition, Haruka was left behind with a fragile hope of another encounter with Makoto in the future, a hope of a possibility to fulfill his dream.
:-:
The expedition lasted for several days. The giant bell was ringing in a steady pace, notifying the entire town that the survey corps had finally returned home. When the group of soldiers, along with their commander, made their way inside from the giant gates, Haruka could see that many—as usual—were badly injured. Some of them had lost a part of their bodies—eyes, arms, legs, ears.
Haruka was holding a bouquet of flowers. Dandelions for Makoto. Haruka had always thought that dandelions suited very well with Makoto. Dandelions were perennial, they kept living throughout the winter with just their roots and leaves, even though all their fluffs had been blown away. They would stand back up even after they had been trampled, being far tougher than they looked. Makoto possessed that same strength within him, too.
That's why he could not be more positive that Makoto would come back to him, because he was that tough. A simple expedition wouldn't get the better of him. So Haruka kept looking, his ocean blue eyes kept searching for that friendly face he was accustomed to find.
Makoto was out of sight. Not on the wagon, not walking, not on one of the horses. Haruka thought Makoto was probably injured, so he should be sleeping or resting on the wagon, that's why Haruka couldn't see him, yet he couldn't find him.
The captain of Makoto's squad was there, and Haruka walked toward him with his crutches, trying to keep his pace as the captain refused to stop. Haruka wouldn't bombard him with questions. Haruka just needed to say one name.
"Makoto...?"
The captain finally stopped his pace.
"Are you Nanase?" He turned to Haruka, hand rummaged inside the pocket of his light brown jacket. He fished out a piece of a coat of arms, one that had been carefully ripped out from the uniform.
Haruka was staring at the coat of arms. The Wings of Freedom , a little piece of it, possibly the one from the jacket. His sweaty palm gripped the bouquet tighter. "Makoto..."
"This is the only one we could manage to take." The captain said as he handed the coat of arms to Haruka's empty hand, "This belonged to Tachibana."
Makoto wasn't going to come back to him. He couldn't even witness the remaining of his body. He couldn't even touch Makoto ever again just for the last time, feeling his cold hands, looking at his pale face.
Haruka's hand was so weak that he couldn't even hold the bouquet any longer. As the dandelions fell to the ground, Haruka's legs fell along with it, both his crutches collapsed, trampling the flowers.
He thought Makoto would stand strong like his dandelions. After staring for a very, very long time at the coat of arms that was once on the jacket that Makoto was wearing, he turned to the dandelions. The flowers were trampled, lying motionless on the ground. They didn't stand back up.
Of course they didn't. They had been cut away from their strong roots.
Makoto was probably the same. This cruel world had plucked him away from Haruka, and he had no more strength to survive.
Haruka's fingertip gently touched his lips. His lips were still remembering their soft, last kiss.
Eternally ethereal.
Not even the cruel world could ever take those seemingly fragile feelings from Haruka.
:-:
When they were both little, Makoto got an idea of writing down their dreams on a piece of paper, securing them in a box, then burying them under the ground. "So we can open them together when we've fulfilled our dreams." Makoto said with an amiable smile.
If it was Makoto who tried to persuade him, Haruka had no other choice but to follow. They both started writing. With a quick glance to Makoto's paper, Haruka could see the chicken-scratches style on it, scribbled by an enthusiastic tiny hand belonged to his best friend.
"Are you done, Haru-chan?" Makoto folded his paper, facing Haruka with a giggle. "I can't wait to grow up, so I can start working on this dream."
Haruka had also finished writing his secret dream. He folded the paper as carefully as possible, creating a perfect, neat crease on it.
"I have brought two boxes for us. Let's bury them." Makoto was ready with a trowel and two boxes rested beside his leg. They dug at the ground and put their boxes inside. The dusk had just arrived with the sunset. Makoto kept looking up toward the orange sky.
Haruka knew Makoto loved orange, and the orange horizon during a sunset was priceless for Makoto. It was so obvious on his face. His green eyes were shining as the orange light reflected on them, creating a beautiful, cheerful colors inside them.
:-:
Haruka was digging the area where they had buried their dreams back in their childhood years. The boxes weren't buried deep, just as much as two little children could dig up. He could easily find the boxes, his hands lifted them up, slowly and with care.
Eyes fixed on the box with Makoto's name on it, Haruka opened his own box instead. The paper was still inside, neatly folded with its perfect crease. His fingertips pinched at the paper, nudging them open.
'I dream to give a pair of wings for Makoto so he can fly. Makoto loves the sky. I will wear my own wings first, the Wings of Freedom, so I can take Makoto with me to see more and more horizons beyond the walls.'
This innocent dream of his childhood self had been crushed to no hope, for Makoto was no more, safe for a piece of crest Haruka was still bringing along wherever he went. His hand clutched the paper harder. He would keep it as a proof.
Another proof of Makoto's existence in this world.
A proof that he was loved.
Haruka folded the paper and slipped it inside his pocket. His other hand gently opened the box with Makoto's name on it. A piece of paper was there, a bit messy, with creases here and there, almost crumpled. Haruka's finger dug through, carefully untangling the fragile piece. It revealed Makoto's childish handwriting, so much like a mess that Haruka couldn't directly read it in a brief glance.
'Me and Haru-chan have read together from a book that far beyond the walls, there's a limitless body of water that is rumored to be salty. It is said that they are extremely deep, too, and the water is alive! They can move around like living creature, rocking up and down. It's like a miracle. Haru-chan will definitely love it! Not to mention the very cold and vast water surrounded by giant icebergs! How is that possible?
My dream is to join the survey corps to extend the human territory until it's possible for me to take Haru-chan to lots of different places, with all these miraculous waters, and Haru-chan can be free. Free to swim, free to love, free to go anywhere he wants to, because this water is said to be limitless!'
It took more than one or two droplets of tears for Haruka to ease his grief. Makoto had been dreaming to gift him with a sight of limitless, miraculous water he'd secretly wished to be true—a sight they had never seen before. It was not the sky Makoto was aiming for, it was the water. It was Haruka's freedom and happiness and joy.
Makoto wasn't going to leave Haruka behind like he'd always thought. With the Wings of Freedom, he had planned to stretch out his hand for Haruka to take, to see more and more miracles together, ones that seemed only existed in dreams.
Now, both their dreams had been shattered to pieces. Not even time could put the fragments back to their places.
What's the point of wearing this coat of arms, if he couldn't even dream anymore? What's the point of everything if Makoto had gone?
:-:
That very same night, Haruka was dreaming.
It was a dream of wings—exquisite, graceful, flawlessly white, and Makoto was smiling at him, head tilted to the side. A smile as bright as the sunshine. Behind him, Haruka could see a wide, vast, limitless sunlit sky, the brightest and most beautiful sky he had ever seen.
Makoto's arm was outstretched toward him.
Haruka took and squeezed it, reluctant to let it go. Makoto's big, gentle yet firm hand radiated the warmth of the sun. Then Makoto pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Haruka, his hand rested behind Haruka's head. Makoto kissed him lightly on his forehead.
"Let's see more and more miracles, Haru. I know Haru is capable to fly and reach his dreams."
When Haruka woke up, his forehead felt warm. A comfortable, gentle warmth, like it had been brushed with the softest feather of a dove.
:-:
Nanase Haruka tightened his green cloak around his shoulders. Fluffs of dandelions were dancing all around him, blown away by the gentle wind. Makoto's grave rested among living dandelions, the strongest ones, with their roots firmly planted under the ground. The grave was empty, as his body couldn't be found, but for Haruka, what mattered most was the memories and the fact that Makoto existed, that he had loved and been loved.
"Watch me, Makoto." Haruka's hand landed gently on the stone, "I will fulfill your dream, and mine, too."
Haruka would fight for freedom, just like what Makoto had fought for.
He would fight for the sights they had never seen. The horizons, the limitless water, and the world that had never been discovered before.
For Makoto and for Haruka himself. For the sake of the nation, of humanity, of love left unspoken, but no words needed to be exchanged. Because they understood each other, because they were one.
Makoto was Haruka's other-half, and he still lived inside Haruka, watching over him.
Notes:
The descriptions of the dandelions are inspired, if not indirectly quoted, from Chapter 1 of High Speed 2, translated by janeypeixes (you may visit her tumblr page for full translation). Haruka compared Makoto to a dandelion.
If you're wondering why I didn't warn you about character death, that's because I want an open ending. Makoto's body hadn't been found. It was possible for him to survive somewhere, but whether he's dead or not, it's all up to your imagination.
I'm really not confident about this one. I'm never good at writing one-shots. I will be happy if you can share your opinion, too. Reviews are very much appreciated.