Hetalian hand guide for hitchhikers.
Rule No. 1 Get the car to stop
Stretching out your hand with a 'like' sign will get you nowhere. Get something big and some pen and write something catchy. Like "I know the Krabby Patty formula" or " I can cook pasta" or even better " Free Beer". You have it? Cool. You see they stopped immediately.
Rule No. 2 Get yourself in the car.
Okay, maybe writing " Free Beer" was a little too affective, now you have to deal with some disappointed and angry Prussian. Or Belgian. Or American. Or anyone. You have to admit it worked, though. As you have no beer with you, promise them to treat them to one after they dropped you somewhere.
Aw, aren't they sweet they accepted the offer. Now pray for whatever you believe in to have enough money for a beer. Otherwise that scary looking Russian's smile and fist will be your last memory…
Rule No. 3 Get yourself in a right car
If you're a hitchhiker but you don't really enjoy dangerous car trips and journeys never ever sit into any Italian, Romanian, Croatian, Bulgarian, Latin-American, Greek, Turkish, all in one Mediterranean or Latin-related car. Just don't. They have a different heart and blood system, you will never understand and survive one of those drives. Same goes for the visibly drunken drivers be it a German, French, Chinese, Japan or British. And before you ask an Indian as from the East is obviously completely out of the question. You do not want to experience the horrors of a crowded bus.
Rule No. 4 Get the right impression of your company
No matter how nice they look like, they may have the most angelic smile and blondest hair and bluest eyes, if they have a visibly beaten up fellow in the back, or a strangely covered part they are most probably American psychos, half Italian mafia members or just Russia. If the driver is a female, be sure you understand her language. You don't want to find yourself speechless of her beauty And the lack of your foreign language. Can be pretty awkward.
Rule No. 5 Get the right topic
Politics is out of question. Historical topics are mostly connected to todays political situation so that too. Cultural differences are a big no-no. You may never know how awesome they feel themselves.
Talking about the weather is just too British (don't be that mad it's the hand guide and now you can relate to the point before. Am I right or am I right?). Movies and books can be too different for a normal conversation so the basic and safest topic would be your journey so far.
So you say you're actually running away? That's too barbaric, please change the topic to something more cultivated.
Rule No. 6 Know where are you going.
It can never hurt.
A.N.
This story is dedicated to my wonderful friend Awenia, hope she enjoys it and don't worry once those driving lessons will end as well :D
This was only the first little silly stuff, if you have any idea which nation should be the first hitchhiker and which one(s) the car driver (and crew) please drop a review with the names as you leave :D
Sadly I hadn't read the galactic hand guide for hitchhikers yet but once I will. And maybe then have a little parody hetalia style. Or someone else.
Other reference was from SpongeBob square pants.
Hope you liked it,
have a nice day :)