His Reason

A one-shot about Dana and Terry

Set to the lyrics of "Love and I" by Tamia.

Go find the song and listen to it because it's beautiful.

I don't own Batman Beyond or the song.

I am extremely out of my element and very afraid.

(Why does this intro feel like a failed Haiku attempt?)

I watch him through the clouded glass. He's happy tonight. He's free. Laughing, joking, smiling. He's himself. He's…not with me.

My head dips slightly. I stare at the pavement, at the raindrops pounding around my spot under the umbrella. It's raining, hard. I had to crank the wipers up to the highest speed just to see out of the windshield. Part of me nagged to leave them off, to just drive blindly ahead…off of the road.

"Love has not been that great of a friend to me lately"

I will my tear-filled eyes to look up again.

At the bar, he sits with his buddies, his friends. He's known them since high school, and not all of them are male. Spotting the joke he's cracking with Nelson, the nudge he gets from Max Gibson in the ribs, my heart sinks lower.

"Over and over, again and again, love has proved that she is my enemy, my enemy"

I shouldn't feel anything. I shouldn't feel anything at all. I promised myself I wouldn't be this way, tracking his every move, calling his phone in the middle of the night when I awake to find the bed empty. I promised I would trust him, accept him, understand him. We promised each other, for better or for worse…

Slowly, I brush the tear away. I had lied to myself, and Terry had lied to me.

"Repeating thoughts of the pain that it's caused

And the tears that I've cried

It's probably why"

I did feel something. Something born years ago for which I now curse myself. I shouldn't have allowed my heart to skip when his blue eyes met mine, or my patience to forgive his broken dates…my lips to say yes when he bent to one knee.

I shouldn't have allowed myself, but I did. Only love could have motivated me to suicide. For I had killed myself, in a sense, by keeping Terry.

"Love and I are breaking up tonight

Love will go its way, then I'm sure to find

My love, goodbye, but can you leave your trail behind?

Because I know myself and I will change my mind

And want to love again, and want to love again"

I pull my raincoat closer around me, shivering in the cold. I'll have to face him now…and I'm afraid.

At the bar, Terry's deeply engrossed in a story he's telling to Charlie, and Max is touching his arm, eyes focused too intently upon my husband. Here, Terry's at home. He's happy.

"I really wish we were made to be happy without love in our lives

To know that I have total control over being happy, happy"

Gathering my failing courage, I walk over and interrupt. "Terry, we need to go home."

He's drunk. He doesn't hear me the first time, nor the second, but it isn't long before I'm noticed.

I freeze.

He embarrasses me, laughs at me, curses me out, does everything but strike me. I'm not sure that physical pain would have made it worse, though, because he's already broken me. My love has a price.

"But reality is I cannot live without love

But I will try tonight"

I return home, alone. Terry is still at the bar, the only place he calls home anymore. I don't bother to cook. I haven't cooked for him since the month we married, when he seemed to enjoy being with me.

I pause while passing the messy kitchen, staring at the stove.

For a moment, I remember the man I married. He used to gather me into his muscular arms, place his lips close to my ear and tell me, "You're my reason."

Now, I'm unimportant to him. I'm just a past victory. It was like a game, to Terry, keeping me. A game he now gambles like the thousands he throws away every Friday night with his poker buddies.

I sniff and move past the kitchen, dropping my soaked umbrella on the floor. I won't need any food tonight.

"Oh, love and I are breaking up tonight

Love will go its way, and I'm sure to find"

In the bedroom, I step over the clothes Terry has abandoned on the floor. He's never bothered to clean anything, but I overlooked this in the beginning.

I sit on the bed, feeling numb in the emptiness of the house. My crescent eyes slide to the bedside table, the photograph staring back at me. I'm in my wedding dress, holding a bouquet of red roses, and Terry's arm is around my waist. I swallow. He looked so protective and handsome, in his tuxedo and hair smoothed back, eyes smiling brightly.

I look away. Now, he's always tired. Never smiling, not around me. "My job is what's most important to me!" he once yelled before leaving the house. But now, his job is like a burden he's tempted to ignore.

I wish he hadn't told me. I wish that he had left me ignorant. I hate that my husband is a coward, that's he's Batman, that I know his secret.

I'm his wife. I'm supposed to cheer him on, to catch him when he falls.

But what I need is a reason, a purpose. I want to be why he smiles, why he's happy. I want to be his reason again.

"My love, goodbye, but can you leave your trail behind?"

Trying to wrench my mind from him, I busy myself with cleaning. Deciding to do laundry, I scoop up the shirts, the socks and pants. I pause. Terry's left something in his pockets, as usual. I sigh and reach inside to empty them, but my fingers don't touch a packet of gum or spare change. I feel the metal of a knife.

His jack-knife, the one he received from Bruce as a birthday gift last year.

I swallow, unable to control the rush of thoughts in my head.

There could have been an accident, I could have slipped. Someone could have attacked - I am the wife of Batman…

I shut my eyes. I squeeze them shut. I cry bitterly, like a child, falling onto my knees. My face touches the floor, my dark hair clings to the warm tears on my cheeks. The knife is cradled to my stomach, the blade still sheathed.

If I do it, he won't care. The only purpose would be to end it. To never have to see another day of him ignoring me, cheating on me, killing me. It will be as though…as though Terry is killing me himself.

My eyes open. The tears cease. In a dream-like state of mind, I sit up. I'll do it for him. I'll give him his happiness back by leaving him. All he ever wanted was to be without me.

"Because I know myself and I will change my mind

And want to love again"

I free the blade, it opens with a flick, slicing the air. I can't believe that I'm trembling. This is what I've always wanted, and yet I'm terrified.

Gripping the weapon, I hold it out before me, aiming the tip for my abdomen. My hands shake so that I think I might drop it. I doubt my strength, but my broken heart will accomplish it.

"Love and I are breaking up, we're breaking up

Love and I are breaking up tonight"

"Dana!"

I halt.

"Dana, are you there? I need you!"

Terry. Downstairs. He's back.

I falter for words, still holding the knife. "Up…up here!"

He doesn't reply. I frown at the silence.

"Love will go its way and I'm sure to find

My love, goodbye, but can you leave your trail behind?"

Dropping the knife, I get myself up and leave the room. I gasp at the sight. Terry's in a heap on the steps, and blood pours from his side. His mask is off, but he's suited.

"Terry," I whisper when I reach him, kneeling close to him on the stairs.

"I just…got…hurt," he attempts to explain between labored breaths.

"Don't speak," I pull his arm around my neck, struggling to bear his weight up the steps.

He only winces a little when I tend to his wound, since he's so weakened by the loss of blood. I leave to wash my hands in the bathroom, my thoughts consumed with worry for him.

"Da..na…"

I'm at the bedside in an instant at his call. "What is it, Terry?"

He swallows, blue eyes glazed and cheeks pale. "Just…never really said…"

"Terry don't say anything--"

"Thank you."

I chew my lip, looking away. He touches my face with his hand, his fingers delicately combing my hair. A tear squeezes out of his eye.

"You always…made me…happy."

I don't know what to say in return. I only take his hand in mine, bringing it up to my lips.

A few minutes later, he sleeps peacefully, a smile on his face. I sit at the foot of the bed all night, watching him breathe, watching him smile. He looks happy…and maybe, this time, I'm his reason.

"Because I know I'll change my mind

And want to love again"

Now go read what REAL lyrical fanfiction is supposed to look like in "In Between the Lines: Max and Terry" by NeoNails! This was just an exercise I did to expand my horizons. I'm not a Dana/Terry writer, but I've wanted to write something to this song for a long time. I just didn't know that it would be Dana and Terry! Lol. Okay, scampering back to my other project now.