Pouring Salt on an Open Wound
Even now it was still fresh in Cook's brain. Everything was. Her hair that fell flawlessly down her back, her gorgeous eyes that were captivating and seemed able to read everybody perfectly. He remembered her laugh that was rarely heard but when it was, it sounded like a chorus of angels. Her smile that was infectious, it made everyone smile back even if they didn't know what they were smiling for.
He remembered everything about Effy Stonem. How could he not? She was impossible to forget. Not just her beauty (even though that made many men remember her well), but her attitude and mysteriousness. That was one of the things Cook loved about her. How she always played everything off as if nothing ever hurt her. How she made everything a riddle that the people around her had to solve, but they never could.
But that's not what Cook loved. Cook loved that he was the only one who could see through Effy. He could see that everything affected her but she was too scared to show it. He loved that he was the only one that could solve her fucking riddles. He knew Effy Stonem inside and out. He was the only one who could, apart from her mystery brother Tony. Not even Freddie could understand her.
Cook poured himself another glass of whiskey, his sixth of the night. He felt numb, like nothing in the world mattered anymore. His friends had tried to comfort him, J.J., Naomi, Emily and Katie. They had tried and tried, but they knew. They knew he would be forever shattered by her death. Blue eyes that were always gleaming had faded away into nothing and became void of any emotion.
He stood up from the couch, partly intoxicated and picked up a framed picture of them.
He thought back to all the moments the pair had shared. He remembered the first time they met. "Sweet" echoed through his head as if it was on repeat. He remembered the first time they fucked in that nurses' office and he remembered all the good times and bad times that followed after that.
"Remembering hurts too damn much" he said to himself bitterly, and swallowed another sip of whiskey. He didn't even grimace at the way the liquid burned his throat. He's become used to it. "Remembering just fucks up my head even more..."
He threw the glass at the wall, causing it to shatter. The whiskey stained the floor and the pieces of glass were scattered everywhere.
"I can't even live with myself." He whispered in the darkness. "At least not sober."
He remembers the phone call made by Naomi clearly, since no one else seemed to have the guts to tell him.
"Naomikins, what the fuck you calling for mate?"
"Cook..." She says hesitantly. He can tell she's been crying. "Something terrible has happened."
A moment of silence follows and finally Cook breaks it, unable to keep his patience any longer.
"Well Naomi, what the fuck happened?"
"It's about Effy. She... She..."
"What the fuck did Ef do Naomi? What did Effy do?" Cook says with absolute panic in his voice.
"She killed herself Cook!" Naomi said, breaking down into another round of sobs.
"What?" He says, not believing he heard her correctly the first time.
"She jumped... off the top of the roof at her hospital. It was twenty-stories up. The doctors said she died on impact." Naomi spit this all out between her ragged breathing and crying sobs.
"How the fuck did she get up there?" He asked, with venom in his voice.
"She must have sneaked past the guard. She managed to nick a set of keys off one of them. And then she got up to the roof... And she jumped."
Cook hangs up the phone, and stands there completely still. He has no idea what to do. It was bad enough losing Freddie but now he's lost Effy too. After three minutes of standing mute, Cook walks to the door and walks to the hospital where everyone's gathered.
Once he arrived at the hospital he saw everyone. Naomi and Emily were holding each other while sobbing mercilessly. Pandora was kneeling down on the floor, unable to contain the tears and crying over her dead best friend. Thomas was kneeling next to her, trying to comfort her. J.J. was standing with Lara and Albert, just letting tears roll down their faces and holding a confused Albert in their arms.
He also saw Anthea and Effy's father, Jim huddled together crying harder than the rest of them. Standing next to them was a boy Cook recognised from photos in Effy's house. It was the infamous Tony Stonem, Effy's brother and legend. He was standing there just like Cook had, until finally he broke down into heart-wretched tears. And Cook broke down with him. He finally let it out and he found it impossible to stop.
He felt a pair of arms embrace him and looked down to see Katie who had just arrived and whose eyes were already stinging with tears.
"What the hell am I going to do? She's dead. The only girl I love and could ever love is dead. What the fuck am I going to do?" He asks, completely frantic and broken.
All of them just stood there, comforting each other and crying over the loss of the complex and magnificent Effy Stonem.
"I can't even live with myself." He whispered in the darkness. "At least not sober. I don't even want to live at all..."
Remembering hurt him. It just hurt him too fucking much. So he decided he would end it.
He would stop. He would stop the pain that was too raw, because every time he thought back it felt like salt being poured on an open wound.
Tears rolled down his cheeks as he made his way into the kitchen, pulling out what he needed. He smiled a sad smile as he took his last drink of alcohol ever (and he took a hearty swig) straight from the bottle of vodka. Then he smashed the bottle on the porcelain floor. The shattered glass matched his heart, completely shattered and unable to be pieced back together.
"There she is." Cook says as he spots Effy sitting on a bench.
As he sits down he takes out a spliff.
"It's not good for you, that." She says, surprising Cook.
"That has never bothered you before." He replies.
"Y'know. I walk through this park every day. I've never noticed there's a pond here. Can you believe that?" She asks, while staring at the pond as if it is magic and could disappear any second. "Every day for years, and then today... BAM. Like it came out of nowhere.
"What the fuck are you on about?" He asks, genuinely confused.
Effy turns to look at him and he thinks he knows what she is going to say before the words come out of her mouth.
"Yeah, I know. Piss off and all that." He says, trying not to show how much those words can hurt him.
"What?" She replies, having her turn to be confused.
"Listen, I got a call." Cook says after breathing out a puff of smoke. "From your man. He's all in a tizzy. So I thought I'd come and hear your side of the story like..."
"Sorry, I don't understand." She says, completely lost as to what they are talking about.
"Come on Ef." Cook says, getting slightly annoyed while taking another drag on his spliff.
"Ef?" She asks. "Who's Ef?"
"Yeah, of course. Sorry. You're not Effy. I've mistaken you for someone else." He says with sarcasm dripping in his voice.
She seems to not notice though, and shrugs it off.
"Looks like it."
"So, what is your name?" Cook asks, playing into Effy's "game".
"Elizabeth."
"Elizabeth. Nice to meet ya. I'm James." He says while holding his hand out to "Elizabeth".
She takes his hand and shakes it, as if the pair has never met. There is no Effy or Cook. There is just Elizabeth and James. At least for the night.
He would do anything to forget. And all it took was one bullet.
In the next ten seconds, he was deafened by a loud bang then forever silenced.