The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters and GI Joe characters has been marked down on sale. Just a crazy bonding fic that came into my demented head. If you are looking for meaningful angst you are in the wrong place. But if you're in the mood for some fun Logan torture, welcome aboard!
Dads Get Growing Pains Too
"So now you have two girls to worry about," John said to Logan as they were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. "How's that going?"
"Ah it's okay," Logan waved. "Piece of cake. Apart from a few things being blown up and stuff but nothing new."
"I may not have any kids but I do know having daughters is pretty tough," John told him.
"Ah, it's nothing I can't handle," Logan told him as he finished his coffee then walked off.
"Logan! I need to talk to you!" Jubilee ran up to him in the hallway. "We need to get to the mall right now! It's a matter of life and death!"
"Everything's a matter of life and death for you," Logan told her. "So what's the crisis this time?"
"It's X," Jubilee said, using her nickname for X23. "She really needs some stuff. Clothes and things. So we really need you to take us to the mall right now."
"No you don't. She can borrow your clothes for a bit," Logan folded his arms.
"Some clothes you just can't borrow," Jubilee told him. "Look, she needs supplies and so do I. We're both kind of running low."
"What kind of supplies?" Logan asked. "You talking about cereal or something?"
"Ugh," Jubilee rolled her eyes. "You can't be this clueless! I'm talking about bras and…"
"Storm!" Logan shouted. "Storm! Where are you?"
"She's out visiting Evan with the Professor," Jubilee said. "Like I said I think I grew another bra size so I need a bigger one and…"
"JEAN!" Logan roared. "JEAN!"
"She's working with Danielle for the rest of the day."
"Dr. Reisman!" Logan shouted, looking around in desperation.
"Nice try but face it, you're stuck with us today," Jubilee pulled at his arm. "Please do me a favor, don't make a scene like you did last time at Nordstrom's? Okay?"
"A man in a feather boa was spraying perfume on me! How the hell am I supposed to react?" Logan snapped as she dragged him along. "Do we really have to go to the mall? Can't you just shop online or something?"
"Don't worry Logan I'll be with you," Jubilee said. "All you need to do is bring your wallet. And a few major credit cards."
"Why is it there's never a Sentinel attack when you need one?" Logan moaned.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"Are you sure this is the right place?" X23 blinked at the store.
"Victoria's Secret?" Logan cringed. "Do we have to go in there?"
"Well yeah," Jubilee looked at him. "If somebody hadn't made a major fuss the last time at a certain department store. Here's the next best place to get…"
"I know what you need to get!" Logan said quickly. "You two go inside. I'll wait out here."
"Oh no you don't," Jubilee grabbed his arm. "Come on, Wolvie!"
"I hate this place…" Logan growled as he saw all the underwear around him.
"Just stay here," Jubilee instructed him. "We'll be right back. Come on X!" They went further into the store.
"I hope no one sees me in a place like this…" Logan fidgeted uncomfortably. Then he saw a figure next to the wall. "Oh no…"
"Hello Logan," Shipwreck said casually. "Welcome to Hell."
"You too?" Logan asked.
"The Triplets are starting to develop," Shipwreck sighed. "And I am starting to develop a serious craving for alcohol."
"But why here?" Logan asked him.
"Well, there have been a few incidents in other malls," Shipwreck explained. "That's all I'm allowed to say according to the lawyers."
"So you're shopping here, huh?" Logan asked as he stood next to him.
"Correction, my girls are shopping. I am just the human pocketbook. I thought it would be easier with Althea," Shipwreck sighed. "I was wrong."
"You know what's wrong? This!" Logan looked around. "I can feel the pink closing in on me!"
"It's not that bad," Shipwreck told him.
"Dad! Over here! Bring money!" Althea shouted.
"Who am I kidding?" Shipwreck winced. "Can't you just come over here and take it? Like I'm taking it?"
"But look what we're getting!" Daria said as the Delgado girls ran up to them. The Triplets each had a very lacy and suggestive bra in their hands which obviously had nothing to do with support.
"Don't you think those bras are a little racy for you guys?" Althea asked.
"It's not for us," Daria said. "We're going to give them to Kitty."
"Using Lance's name of course," Quinn grinned.
"And Peter's," Brittany beamed.
"Oh well, in that case you need a size smaller," Althea said.
"How can you get smaller than this?" Shipwreck held one up. "It looks like it's made out of dental floss. Look!"
"Get that thing out of my face!" Logan shouted as Shipwreck waved it at him.
"Logan!" Jubilee went over to them with X23 carrying several items. "We need your advice. Now we have some choices here that might be good for X here. First of all there's this white one." She held it up. "It's plain and simple but this other one in black provides better support that she can grow into. However it's a bit more expensive. Now this one gives good support but it's also slightly padded which not only helps in the self esteem category but it's also specially designed for those days when the breasts are tender during a girl's period and…"
"Buy whatever you want! Buy anything you want!" Logan shelled out cash as fast as he could. "You want a credit card! Here! Take it! Just get it and get me out of here!"
"Thanks Logan!" Jubilee's eyes beamed. She and X23 walked away. "See, works every time."
"So that's how you get money from him," X23 nodded. "This is good to know."
"Isn't it nice to see siblings learn from each other?" Althea shook her head and snickered. She then noticed her own sisters had moved on. "Girls! How many times have I told you not to put stickers saying 'Wide Load' on the underwear?"
"If I ever had a choice between going back to Weapon X or here…" Logan winced. "I'll pick Weapon X every time! Men just do not belong in these type of stores!"
"Especially that man!" Althea pointed to her father. "Dad what the hell are you doing?"
Shipwreck was ogling and adjusting the bra on a store dummy. "Just uh…making sure this looks good."
"Don't you have any pride at all?" Logan winced.
"Oh come on Logan," Shipwreck grinned. "You know she wants it. Look at how she's dressed. Hey I wonder if I could buy her?"
"I'm going to stand way over there!" Logan walked away. "That way I can deny it if anybody asks if I know him!"
"Me too," Althea agreed.
"Hey miss! Do you have these mannequins in brown?" Shipwreck called out. "And do you have any white wigs too?"
"Okay I admit it," Logan shuddered. "There are days when that man just scares me."
"Consider yourself lucky," Althea said. "You don't have any of his DNA. Well at least I'm reasonably sane." She saw some underwear and picked it up. "Ooh! Leopard print! My Toddles will love this!"
"You are not going to let Toad see you in that, are you?" Logan asked.
"Actually I was thinking of him wearing it," Althea grinned. "That would be fun! Ooh and it comes in a thong version too…"
"GIRLS!" Logan roared. "GET WHATEVER YOU NEED TO GET! WE ARE LEAVING NOW!"
"WE ARE NOT!" Jubilee shouted. "Just relax Logan! It will all be over soon!"
"That's what they said to Marie Antoinette just before they cut her head off," Logan snapped.
"Hey miss! Would you model this for me?" Shipwreck winked at one salesclerk.
"You're gonna be modeling a body cast if you don't knock it off Pop!" Althea shouted.
A smarmy woman in black sprayed some perfume in Logan's face. "Try this sir, Animal Passions. For both men and women!"
"AGGGHH!" Logan screamed. "It's burning my nose hairs!"
"Will you please…" Jubilee began. Then she saw something. "X no! She's supposed to measure you there! X! X! Put those claws away right now! You too Logan! LOGAN!"
"DAD PUT THOSE CLOTHES BACK ON THAT MANNEQUIN RIGHT NOW!" Althea shouted. "AND HOW DID YOU THREE IDIOTS SNEAK CHERRY BOMBS IN HERE! STOP IT! NO!"
BOOM!
That's when things started to go downhill.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"I have never been so embarrassed in all my life!" Jubilee stormed into the mansion. "I can't even go back to that mall even if they did lift the lifetime ban!"
"It wasn't all our fault," X23 grumbled.
"Yeah, Shipwreck and the others did a lot of damage too," Logan pointed out.
"Actually I was referring to those annoying saleswomen," X23 folded her arms.
"Them too," Logan agreed.
"I don't care what they did!" Jubilee snapped. "You were just as bad! If not worse!"
"What happened?" John asked as he and Tabitha walked in.
"What happened? I'll tell you what happened," Jubilee snapped. "I try to take X23 bra shopping and those two end up trashing the store."
"We're not the ones who set it on fire!" Logan protested. "That was Trinity!"
"Trinity?" Tabitha blinked.
"Yeah, they were there with Althea and Shipwreck," Jubilee groaned. "Shipwreck was hitting on the saleswomen, Althea hit Shipwreck. But as bad as they were they were nowhere near as bad as those two!"
"That woman was too close to me," X23 grumbled.
"She was measuring your bra size! She's supposed to be that close to you!" Jubilee told her. "You didn't have to slice up her measuring tape and chase her around the store!"
"Heh," Logan snickered. "You gotta admit that was pretty funny."
"You weren't any better mister!" Jubilee pointed at him. "Screaming 'Go kid Go! Shred everything in sight'! And then you trashed that perfume display, which really caused the fire to spread!"
"Look at the bright side," Logan said. "We got the bras so we don't have to go back to that store. Or any other store for a while."
"Actually we're going to another mall tomorrow," Jubilee told him. "Althea is picking us up."
"WHAT?" Logan snapped. "OH NO WE ARE…"
"OH YES WE ARE!" Jubilee got into his face with such a look in her eye Logan immediately backed down. "AND THIS TIME BOTH OF YOU BEHAVE YOURSELVES!"
"You wanna go shopping again after everything you went through?" John asked.
"Well yeah," Jubilee said. "We got some great deals and it was fun. Except for the part where mall security tried to hunt us down."
"I kind of enjoyed that part," X23 grinned. "Shredding guns amuses me."
"Hey I could use some new threads as well," Tabitha said. "And you seriously need new makeup, X."
"Makeup?" X23 blinked.
"Yeah that's the most important part of life," Tabitha grinned. "How else are you gonna attract boys?"
"Now wait just a cotton picking minute here!" Logan snapped.
"I must admit I am curious about makeup," X23 ignored Logan.
"Okay let's go plan our shopping trip!" Tabitha squealed. "And maybe we can get something that Bobby would like Jubes."
"What did you say?" Logan shouted as the girls went off into the next room. "What's this about the Ice Cube? Get back here! Nobody is going anywhere until you explain things right now!"
"They're not listening to you," John told him.
"No kidding!" Logan snapped back. "Well I am not going shopping with them tomorrow! No way! No how!"
"Logan, be ready to go at 8 tomorrow morning!" Jubilee shouted. "Kitty's coming too!"
"Oh god…" Logan put his head in his hands. That's when Dr. Reisman walked in from another room. "You….!"
"Logan is something wrong?" Dr. Reisman asked.
"One chromosome," Logan growled at her. "You couldn't leave in one lousy chromosome could you?" He stormed off.
"What was all that about?" Dr. Reisman asked John. "I have no idea what's going on!"
"Welcome to my world, lady," John chuckled.