A/N: I 've added some more on the end becuase i thought it looked a tad small. Happy Reading. UPDATE: Added more detail to some parts of the tail. Sorry, i mean Tale.

My master has been keeping a tighter rein on me since the last tirade I had made. I don't think Lieutenant…oh hell Malcolm has been the same since. I seem to have noticed he's been a lot more sure-footed than usual. This may have had something to do with the fact I tripped him over two weeks prior to shore leave.

Shore Leave! Oh what fun I will have and Jon won't be such a protecting jungle bum all the time. Loose lead man but a slight drag in the works. Jon decided to take both the Commander and Mayweather and did I forget to mention T'Pol?

Well, here the terrifically smart lady of the crew is walking me. Ensign Hoshi Sato. She is so talented and sly. Although she's sometimes never too sure on what to say when getting information from people…people like Malcolm for example. He mistook it…what can I say butch, gossip flies fast.

I can't stop thinking about it. Shore leave. My only chance to have a bundle of fun. We're going tomorrow. I can hardly wait though. I snuggled into my thick blanket. It's more of a duvet but still it's a blanket. So comfortable, you should try it out. But then again, I'd probably bite you if you did.

I woke up in the early hours of the morning. We weren't scheduled to go on shore leave…okay, I lied. It's not Shore Leave but Jon's taking me with him to this newfound planet they came across.

I look at the digital clock but of course I can't read human, duh! I'm a dog. Jon won't be up until at least 08:00 hours even then he's sluggish. I decided to change that for him. I jumped on the bed and sat my fat behind near his head. I started to lick his ears. I watched what Jon called 101 Dalmatians all right?

Aha! It worked! Mission accomplished! He's mumbling something and his eyes are flickering. He lifted his head and cast one weary look at me. I grinned and he dumped his head back on the pillow again.

"Go away Port…it's not time yet"

Not listening to his muttering I pulled the duvet cover off. How it kept them warm amazed me, it was so thin! I got it off him. He was laying on his front in his civvie bottoms. I hopped on his back, hoping that my toe claws would wake him up better. I walked up to his neck and licked the back of it eventually going to lick the back of his ears.

"Stop that…Porthos"

I could hear him chuckling my name. He lifted an arm and grabbed me by the tummy and pulling me to his side. He rose a little and patted my head

"Always the alarm clock. What time is it?" I saw him look in the direction of the clock set into the grey wall. "07:39…gee Porthos. That's early"

He sighed heavily and got up, pulling on his Starfleet issue vest top. If I were a female, and specie to match…I'd say he looked damned sexy but I won't go into that. I watched him pull on his Blue jumpsuit…why the hell do they need so many zippers? Surely one is enough, oh well.

"I expect you are hungry"

Got that right…I want food! Glorious food! Hey, I could just about sing that if he wanted me to but my breath stinks…where's my pedigree dental chew! I left it around here somewhere…

THUD!

Hey! Great Jon! You found it! I said loudly of course to him, I barked. I waddled over to it and started to chew it, my teeth making short work with it provided Jon would get his fat ass off of it as soon as possible.

He just glared at me. What did I do wrong now? I cocked my head in a questionable manner. He just smiled deftly and shook his head.

"Come on. Brekkie!"

Nah, I'm not hungry now thanks. I ignore him and he throws his hands up in the air. He leaves the bowl.

"Want to go to the mess?" I barked a yes to that. I had a feeling a certain being would be there, checking his Armoury reports etc. I could have so much fun. "Come on then you"

I barked with joy as we walked out into the grey corridor. The décor is so friggin' bland and desperately in need of a make over. Where's the decorator when you need one? Maintenance!

We eventually found the Mess Hall to be empty except for one lone figure in the far corner. I saw Archer smile slightly as he got his coffee…He'd have to wait for his breakfast.

He strode towards the figure and I solemnly followed, holding my tail up high. I love tails…you can wag 'em, drag 'em and did I forget to mention you can hit Commander Tucker's leg with them whenever Tucker is near T'Pol…I enjoy seeing the looks one her face. I am so mean! Muhahaha.

I could just about see a fluorescent blue light on the table and thanks to its light I saw the instantly recognisable face of the resident pessimist. Word gets around.

"Morning Malcolm…hope I'm not disturbing you"

I saw Reed glance up with a jolt. Ha! You disturbed him all right. I can see the annoyance behind his façade but he had managed to cover it quite well. I compliment him on that. Must be because he's English I mused whilst looking up at the two men.

"Not at all Sir" He said, trying to be joyful. Hm…failing Reed. Failing.

I was bored, how long was this day going to be already! I bit Jon's leg playfully…the results were better than expected. His hand inadvertedly hit his coffee mug, which fell, and the entire contents went onto Reed's front. I can't say Reed was too happy and Jon was very shocked.
A/N: Glad you've made it to the end but before you leave this tail of madness, don't hesitate to leave a doggie treat for both dear Porthos and I. The Purple Button awaits.