Okay, so I just saw the teaser for next week's episode of TSLOTAT and I got so chocked up, yet so full of ideas. Ohh, if you were wondering, I am new to and this is my first real story but please do give any constructive criticism. I also ship Radrian even though I can't say I would be completely upset if Ricky and Amy did end up together in the future.

Disclaimer: The characters ALL belongs to Brenda Hampton…unfortunately for me.

Warning: This is a Radrian friendship oneshot after the tragic death of Adrian and Bens' baby girl. This will be depressing, so this is a good story if you need to have a good cry.

Ricky's POV:

"Why?" is all that I could choke out as I walk what seems like such a long distance from the driveway to Amy's back door. As I walk I can't help but take a glance next door. Now, I'm not one to believe in a God or a higher power but if there is a God, then why her? What did she ever do to deserve something like this? What could anyone do to ever deserve that? Again, I was never one to believe in God but…now I just think…no, I know….there is no God.

What seemed to be a quick glance at Adrian's house ended up as a long stare as my train of thought was broken by the sound of a door clicking shut.

Amy's POV:

It's all so dramatic and surreal. I mean, this can't possibly be real. It just can't be. It's not right.

"I have to go see Ben…" I whisper to no one in particular.

Since my dad insisted on looking after John today to give me some time to think, I ran out of the house only to slam the door shut and almost run into none other than my current boyfriend and father of my child.

"Ricky…" I say in such a low voice that I'm not sure he hears me.

The only sign of acknowledgement that I'm there is when he changes his attention from Adrian's house to meet my gaze. His eyes are rimmed in red and I know that he's been crying and when our gazes meet, I understand immediately.

Ricky's POV:

"Amy." I stated almost awkwardly, "I came to see John but…" Before I could finish my explanation she cut me off.

"I know. Go see her. It's only fair seeing as though I'm going to see Ben."

I nod because I don't trust my own voice not to crack if I even utter a word.

/

Ricky's POV:

I practically dart to Adrian's door when Amy passes me. I can't help it in all honesty. I need to see her, hold her even. I can't keep sitting and wondering if she is alone, if she is curled up in a little ball crying like the one time….No no no! The thought alone is enough to send me darting across the yard and jumping over the fence to get to the door.

Adrian's POV:

My parents are worried. Ben is worried. Amy and her family, Leo and Betty, Ricky, even the entire damn school is worried about me. It's sickening for me to have everyone know what happened. It's disgusting how everyone is casting their pity looks in my direction. I HATE it. I absolutely loathe it. I hate when people look at me like I'm some kind of victim. People are so stupid. They don't know ANYTHING! Yet, they know everything that has happened. Ugh, I'm tired. Too tired to be mad anymore. I'm just…tired. Yeah, that's all. Maybe I'll go take a nap. Maybe I'll have a nice dream. Or am I sleeping already? Hopefully this nightmare ends soon.

Ricky's POV:

As I run to the door, I look through the glass. She's there. Sitting. Eating? Yes. Living? No. As I look through the glass, I can see it in her eyes. The spark they once held is long gone. Now she is just going through the necessary steps to keep her living body just that, living.

Adrian's POV:

I see Ricky at the Door.

I hear him Knock.

I taste the food I'm eating.

I even smell Ricky's cologne when he lets himself in and stands before me.

Yet, I feel nothing as he bends down and cradles me in his arms.

I don't feel his warmth. I don't feel the chair being pulled from underneath me. I don't feel him lift me and I don't feel anything as he sits us both down in the living room on the couch. When did we get in the living room anyway? Everything is a blur, but that might be from the silent tears sliding down my cheeks that I didn't feel either.

You know what else I haven't felt? The razor on my wrists every night since…No, I can't go there. Not again. I've been living that night for too long now. Will it ever end?

My thoughts are gone for a moment when Ricky gasps.

"Oh…God…Adrian!"

The accusing look he gives me is returned with a blank stare from myself. I tried to glare at him. I tried to tell him to fuck off, but I'm too tired anymore.

And in between him crying I begin to feel again. Pain. It's always pain. And then when pain washes over me, my body is racked with sobs. All he does is squeeze me even tighter.

"I know this is tough Adrian, but what the hell are you thinking? Cutting yourself?" He half yells through the hoarseness of his voice as he lets go of me for a second to look me in the eyes.

I meet his gaze.

"You couldn't possibly understand." I snapped, surprising him and myself. I mean, sure I've felt anger after having my baby ripped away from me, but I became numb after everything. I was really beginning to think I would never feel any emotion besides numbness again.

"Please! Help me understand! I'm trying to help."

I snort in sick amusement. "Help?" I say as to mock him.

"You want to help? Then go home, Ricky. Hold John. Take care of him. Love him. Do everything that I never got a chance to do for my own baby, because there is nothing that you can do."

"That's not what I meant. I can't get her back for you Adrian. No matter how much I wish I could. But what can I do for you? What will help? Certainly not cutting will help."

"Just go away! Let me go. Stop, please."

My warnings soon turned into desperate pleading. Pleading for what exactly? Freedom. Freedom from the looks I get through the windows of my house from my neighbors. From Ricky. From Amy. From having to look at freakin' John everyday as a sick reminder of what was taken away from me. From this emotional pain.

"Is that what you really want? For me to give up on you?"

"No. I want freedom from this pain! It's everlasting. It's unbearable. The razor though….it helps. Cutting into the soft flesh brings some sign of relief. I can feel again. Even if it's for just a moment, I can feel something other than this unbelievable pain I have in my heart. My physical pain is my release. And you know what, I don't really want to die. I can't die. I have Ben to think of." I rambled and as soon as I started talking I couldn't stop. Everything was coming out right now, whether I liked it or not.

" I really do love him, you know? And it wouldn't be fair to leave him all alone in this…But sometimes. Sometimes I'm just so selfish that I actually hope, even pray, that the cut will be too deep this time. Then maybe I can leave it all behind."

Narrator's POV:

And they cried. They cried and their bodies racked with sobs for their lose.

They cried in hopes of the hurt going away.

They cried for this cruel joke that God was playing on them.

They cried for the world, who, will never get to meet that beautiful baby girl.

But most importantly, they cried for poor little Sarah Lee Boykewich, whom never got the chance to breathe life into her tiny body.