His dark eyes bore into mine as I stood, mortified, in the corner of the room. Had he seen everything? He twitched his lips as if to speak, changed his mind, and remained silent. How did this happen? I try to force myself to remember but I just can't recall when this reality shoved it smug foot through the door. Was it years ago when I had been accepted into the school? Or not until friends suggested his class to me speaking so highly of the professor I had only glimpsed walking the halls. Maybe it wasn't until the first day I set foot in his classroom.I excelled so easily past the other students it was alarming. This drew his eyes to me. The first time I gazed into those eyes I thought I wouldn't be able to look away. I felt as though I could jump in to them and swim through the blackness of those pools. We made time soon after for private tutoring sessions. Once a week I would journey to his living quarters where his office was located to have my lesson.
I remember walking up to that door for the first time afraid that everyone around me could hear my heart beating just as loud as I could. I knocked softly on the door and it opened with no helping hand. I stepped forward into the dim lighting and I heard the wooden door gently click behind me. Only as my eyes strained to adjust to the new surroundings did I realize how curious I was about what lied on the other side of the solid door now latched behind me. Mounted shelves lined the walls filled with glass vials and containers only some of which I recognized the contents of. The floor was stone and cold despite the dreary red colored rug lain across it. A feeble looking chair sat in the corner of the room obviously out of place. It gave me the feeling that it was brought here just for me. Goose bumps creeping up my arms I turned quickly to the other side of the room. A large mahogany looking desk sat by the wall with only an inkbottle, quill, and a flickering lantern setting on it. I watched the fire for a moment before it started to dance more intensely. I glace over to find the cause is my professor's appearance, his robes just coming to a rest at his sides. I look up to see the serious expression that occupied the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth most days. He looks at me and the word "Occlumency" came out in a silky tone as serious as his expression.
That was the first day I was challenged to strengthen my mind. I sat in that old chair trying not to yield my thoughts, fears, emotions, and memories to those black pools. Week after week he challenged me, attempting to break me. And every week I bore more of my soul each time. Some nights all I could see as I fought for sleep were his eyes. Sleepless nights were full of dreams of drowning in black pools. And as he pushed farther into my mind I found my days too were filled thoughts of diving into dark pools.
He must have sensed this. How could he not have known? He was the only person, besides me, who knew my mind so well. Yet, I still tried to hide the fact I was slowly becoming enthralled with him. I asked questions in class just to hear his silky voice, almost daring him to say my name and send those familiar shivers down my spine. My friends thought I was losing my grip on reality, telling me more often than not I was staring into space with a vacant expression in my eyes. I thought nothing of it until now.
The way my body responded to him now was a complete betrayal. Not that the image hadn't crossed my mind… once. While studying in the library, or in class learning about muggles and those little faces in the walls that make their things work. Maybe even as I twirled my pasta around my plate in the Great Hall at dinner time. No, he couldn't have seen the way I pictured us in my mind. With my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers woven into the long dark hair draped to his neck. Or how his hand cupped the small of my back as he bit down gently on my soft pink lip. Or how when his hands ran down my stomach my body shivered with pleasure.
"Please tell me you didn't see that." I thought. "Please please please." I built up the courage to look at his face desperately avoiding his eyes. The serious look still lingered there. He just looked back at me, for what could have been forever, the silence slowly deafening me. When the corner of his mouth flicked upward I let out a soft moan of despair. "He saw!" I yelled in my head. "No, no, no!"
He hesitantly took and few steps toward me before striding up to me so close I could feel his soft breath on my cheek. I was stiff as though I had been stunned and couldn't feel my finger tips. I tried fiercely to move them with no avail. I had no choice but to stand there, frozen, feeling his soft breath on my face. When he reached into his robes I felt my eyes widen and flinched slightly as he raised his wand to eye level. His large hand griped the base of it tightly as he placed the tip to his temple. Barley loud enough for me to hear the word "memoriae" slipped though his lips.
If I had any time to wonder what he had cast it was mere seconds because almost instantly the pools I have become so obsessed with began to ripple. I was captivated immediately. It was as though a rope tied to the center of my chest was tugging me toward them. A mixture of colors swam in the blackness of my professors eyes. Red, bronze, and a milky cream pulled me deeper into him until the image of a young women with chestnut colored hair appeared. Her body was stripped of any clothing and her cream skin was flawless. Long legs were attached to thick hips. Above were two strong hands holding her around the middle. My eyes lingered on her plump round breasts, nipples firm with anticipation, before moving to her face. Her soft lips a beautiful pink and her eyes, a green I recognize.
My body jerked suddenly backwards tearing the rope sharply from my chest. The picture in his eyes fades into their former black. Panicked by our closeness I ran as fast as I could out the door with no master. My legs, with a mind of their own, moved underneath me not stopping even as I hear my name being called down the hall after me. "Autumn Wait!" With my mind racing I only stop when I enter and empty corridor. I rest my back against the cool stone wall, sink to the floor, and rest my head on my knees. My damp hair falls around me and I stare at its chestnut color.