It's Only a Kiss

by HarleyD

Takes place during the episode Strap On. The boys follow through on the kiss and realize there is more there than friendship. SLASH Deaq/Van mentions of non con and Dre/Van, swearing, boy on boy kissing. Oneshot.

Title: It's Only a Kiss

Rating: R

Pairing: Deaq/Van, mentions of Dre/Van

Warnings: , m/m SLASH Deaq/Van , mentions of non con and Dre/Van , attempted noncon, unintentional drug use, swearing, some OOC (which is really a given since we've already made them gay) Set during / afterish episode Strap On

Author's Note: Van is such a wounded kitten. They could have just had them kiss in the episode Strap On – it wouldn't have hurt anything!

They had to kiss, had to break this case. Van awkwardly leaned forward as Deaq did the same. Their lips met and Van was dimly aware of Deaq's hand moving to his hair. Their lips moved against each other perfectly like they had been kissing for years. It wasn't what he had thought it would be. He started to lean more into the kiss when Deaq pulled away, an indignant look on his face as he turned to the bouncer. "Now, do you want to get your hands off my boy?"

The bouncer mumbled an apology and let go of Van's arm. He slipped his arm around Van's waist and headed back to the club. They stood in the shadows watching the girls, but Van was having a hard time concentrating on anything beyond the arm around his hip.

Deaq leaned in close to talk to him, the arm moving to around Van's shoulders. "Van, those are the two girls right there."

He was concentrating on Deaq though and his only answer was a breathy affirmative. Deaq looked away from the girls to Van, "You okay man?"

Van realized how he was acting and straightened, pushing Deaq's arm off him and spoke somewhat harshly. "Yea, I see the dykes. I'm not blind."

He was lashing out, both of them knew it. Deaq studied him and then grabbed his arm, pulling him away. "We can't do anything more right now – let's head back to the candy store."

He huffed but was compliant, lost inside his own head and confusion. Deaq pulled him into the car, nudging him when he didn't pull on his seat belt. Van was quiet on the ride back, which warned Deaq, Van never shut up. "Man, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." When he didn't answer Deaq sighed and pulled over. "Is this about the kiss man?"
Van looked down, refusing to meet Deaq's eyes, "Yeah."

Deaq frowned, "Listen, it was just a cover Van, I mean… Billie has no problem with kissing other girls. It's just a cover, man."

Van nodded numbly and still didn't talk. "Van, do you want me to bring you home or-"

"Drop me off at the bar."

Deaq couldn't help but laugh, "No."

Van stared at him, "What do you mean no?"
"You're upset man. I'm not going to send you off to get yourself drunk at some bar."

Van turned in his seat, anger in his eyes, "Since when is it your decision?"

Deaq's smile only infuriated him, "Since you need someone to make your decisions for you, being all emotional and what not." Van continued to stare at him, his mouth open. Deaq glanced at him and felt a quick tightening down below as those full lips open, "Close your mouth baby."

His mouth snapped shut with and audible sound and Deaq smirked, "Atta boy. I'm brining you to my house."

It took him a moment to catch up, "Why?"

"What do you have at your place?"
He didn't hesitate. "Kool-Aid and pop tarts."

"Exactly, you want alcohol, I've got some at my place. You can get as wasted as you want where I can keep an eye on you."

Van was torn between being indignant and the annoying warmth in the pit of his stomach that Deaq cared about him. "Yeah, whatever." Too bad, he had some very set plans for the night along the lines of getting wasted, meeting someone of maybe the male gender and ending up on his back. Yea, he definitely swung to both sides, he was too much of a pretty boy not to.

"Besides Billie will kill me if you get in trouble."
He felt like he had been doused with cold water. He stiffened in his seat. "Take me home."

Deaq glanced at him, confused a couple of seconds ago the boy was fine. "Van, I really think."

"I don't care, take me home or let me out. I'll walk."

"Hey, calm down. I'll bring ya home."

That had been several hours ago and Deaq admitted that he was worried about the boy. He had tried to call him a few times but no one answered. He had given up and was just about to go to sleep when the phone rang. He picked it up quickly, hoping it was Van, but it wasn't.

"Hey dawg."

He sighed, "Aquarius, it's late, what do you need?"
"You know you always got time for me." The laughter left his words as they turned serious, "You're gonna want to get over here."

Deaq straightened, "Why?"
"One of my new boys got some boy at the bar liquored up and doped up. He brought him back here, bragging about how he spiked his drink. Told us he was going to fuck him and the boy is so out of it he doesn't even know what way is up."

Deaq sighed, why was he calling him? "It's borderline rape, date rape at least, but why are you telling me?"

There was a pause, "It's Van."

The silence was deafening and then Deaq spoke in a deceivingly quiet voice, "Which one was it?"

"It didn't go down like that. I saw Van and told my guy he was off limits."

"Where is he now?"

"He's in my living room. He didn't want to be separated from the guy, he's a bit upset – that's why I called you."

"I'm on my way." He easily broke the speed limit the entire way there. He got there and busted in, heading straight to the living room where Van sat awkwardly on the couch. It hit Deaq in the gut, Van would have been raped, or at least close enough to his mind. As soon as he reached him he grabbed him and pulled him to his feet, wrapping his arms around him.

Van gave him a lopsided smile, his earlier bad mood forgotten, "Why are you here?"

Deaq held him at arm's length, "Why am I – why are you here?"

Van grinned again, "I went drinking and this guy was so nice and he – where did he go?"

Deaq reached up to hold his chin so he couldn't move. "Do you know what he was going to do?"

Van blushed a little, "He told me he was going to hold me, kiss me."

It was then that he realized Van was at least bi, "Is that all?"

Van looked confused, "He told me he would hold me, that I could sleep at his house because I drank too much to go home on my own."

"Van listen to yourself – he was going to fuck you."

He frowned and Deaq saw something clear up and show through the drug induced haze, "What?"

Deaq moved closer. "He was going to fuck you, he spiked your drink."

"No – he said…" Van's voice trailed off as he seemed to look and around realize something. "That's why Aquarius stopped him."

"Yes."

A blush moved up his cheeks and he glanced around, the haze pretty much cleared, humiliation covered his face as he finally fully comprehended the situation. "Oh god, I - Deaq I'm sorry."

Deaq shushed him, wrapping and arm around his shoulders, "Come on Van, we'll talk when we get to my place." He wanted to get Van out of there before Van broke down.

He nodded an acknowledgment to Aquarius as he led Van out. He put him in the passenger side, and moved around to behind the wheel, getting a feeling of de-ja-vu.

The car ride the entire way to Deaq's place was in complete silence, yet again. This time he didn't try to break it, he wanted to give Van space.

He glanced at him and found Van looking at him. He forced a smile, but Van frowned, he could tell. He had to say something, "Did he hurt you?"

Van shook his head on, his hair moving with the action. "Thanks to Aquarius, hell on my own I'd probably be getting fucked by now."

"Van, don't beat yourself up over this, you drank a little too much and didn't keep track of your drink, it could happen to anyone."

"Could it happen to you?"

He talked before he could stop himself – "Fuck, no."

Van flinched, sinking into his chair. "Of course not, I forget sometimes that I'm weak."

"You're not weak Van, just a little more easily influenced. You, you don't think ahead."

He pouted, "I'm sorry, I fucked up."

Deaq was torn between comforting him and agreeing, he chose the latter. "Yes. You did."

Van crossed his arms angrily, "Gee, thanks Deaq."

"Don't expect me to hold your hand through this, I tried to get you to come to my house to drink but you had to be all… stubborn." He trailed off, suddenly realizing why Van had wanted to go to the bar, he must have been looking for a guy. That meant… that meant they had a world of things to talk about. He sighed, nothing would be accomplished if Van was in a tiff. "Van, I'm sorry, okay? Are you sure you are alright?"

Van didn't look at him and he almost grinned as he watched Van purse his lips. "I'm fine. Bring me home."

Deaq laughed, "Not on your life." He reached over Van to buckle his seat belt, "We're going to my house and we're gonna talk until I am positive that you are okay."

He was dozing off during the ride, a reminder to Deaq that he was still drunk, more sober than before but still drunk. He grinned, as soon as they got to his place he was gonna give Van more liquor, he did like the idea of a drunk Van to question.

"Wake up Van." He shook him gently and Van opened his eyes, "Come on, we are at my house."

Van rubbed his eyes and nodded, climbing out of the car a little woozy. He started to walk towards the door, but with the shock wearing off the alcohol was kicking back in. He suddenly tripped but Deaq caught him, "Come on Van, that's a good boy."

He gave a grateful grin to Deaq, "Thanks buddy, what would I do without you?"

"Be getting your ass whooped a hell of a lot more often." They got in the house and Deaq set him on the couch. With a grin only slightly evil he opened the fridge, "Van, want a beer?"

Van groaned as he woke up. He tried to remember what happened the night before, he remembered what could only be called a disaster that went on at Aquarius's place and Deaq showing up. He was never going to live that down. Ever. Then he headed to Deaq's house, who gave him beer and then… then things got a little blurry.

He stood up and looked around he was sleeping on the couch. He tried to remember something, anything and then he looked around and saw Deaq. He gave him a tentative smile, "Morning."

"Morning Van, how are you feeling?"

"Quite the little headache, um, I don't remember what happened."

"All of it?"

"No, just mostly after I got back here, I remember a beer but… did I go to bed afterwards?"

Deaq gave him a wicked smile, "No, you didn't. We uh… talked about things."

Something about his tone of voice worried him, "About what?"
He put one foot on the table, leaning into it. "Well a little of this, a little of that. You get pretty talkative when you're drunk, and so emotional."

He froze. There were so many things he didn't want to tell Deaq, that were so close to the surface that Deaq couldn't know. "Deaq?"

Deaq leaned forward and was blunt with him, he never believed in using kid gloves with grown men. "How many times a week do you go to the bar to get fucked by some random guy?" There was heat in his voice, he was angry.

Van stared in open mouth shock as Deaq calmly stood there waiting for an answer. "Deaq, listen, you gotta understand."

"How many?" He made sure to enunciate each word clearly, making sure his partner understood that he wanted an answer, not excuses.

"A… a few. It varies, I would never compromise the case, I swear!"

"It's not the case I'm worried about." He continued to slouch in his seat, biting his lip. Deaq continued to hover over him, keeping the control position. "You going to ask if we did anything else last night?"
"No."

"I had a pretty thing like you all liquored up and begging for it. You sure you don't want to ask what we did?"

He looked up at Deaq as he did a quick mental inventory of himself. His ass didn't hurt and his jaw wasn't sore so that kind of limited what Deaq could have done, or at least he was pretty sure but the opening was too vague. He had to ask and he was afraid of the answer because he knew that if they had done stuff he wouldn't ever get another chance and their partnership was probably over. "You want me to transfer to somewhere else?" He cringed inside at that, at the thought of never seeing Deaq again.

There was a long pause, "So you're not gonna ask?"

He abruptly stood up, anger covering his face, "Fine! What did we do last night, huh Deaq? What the hell did we do?"

They stood mere inches from each other and he let a sneer cross his face, "We played cards Van."

"We… we played… what?"

"Yea. Blackjack. You owe me five bucks."

"We didn't…"

He sighed a little regretting now that he had screwed with Van's head. "Of course we didn't Van. You were drunk, I wouldn't take advantage of you. You should know that."

He eased back onto the couch – his anger quickly gone and replaced with some trepidation. He was gonna tell him something but feared his anger. "It's happened before."

"I know – I stopped it."

"No… not that. Before. I was drunk one night and a … good friend raped me."

"Someone raped you? Who?"

"I mean, I guess I participated but I… I wasn't just drunk. I… this person drugged me and with something a hell of a lot stronger than whatever that punk used last night."

"Who was this Van?"

"That's not important – but it did happen, please, this whole thing that went down. Can we just forget about it?"

"No."

"Deaq, please. I'm sorry. I know I fucked this up bad-"

"Do you really love me?"

Shock shook Van's body and he couldn't help the grim smile, "Of course I told you that. I can't have any self preservation or anything like that."

"So you do then."

He looked him in the eyes, what did he have to lose? "Yea Deaq. I'm gay, I go several nights a week to bars to get friendly with guys who, not surprisingly, looks like you and… I love you."

He studied him for several moments, watching Van squirm under his intense gaze. He watched the man move, fidgeting with his eyes down and his mind went back to the new information that Van had been raped by someone, you would think he trusted his partner enough not to do that but when Deaq hinted at it there wasn't a doubt in his mind that Deaq would have. Van should trust his partner, at the very least Van should have learned that from Dre, they had been partner and he could trust him.

That made a sudden horrifying thought occur to him, but no, that couldn't be possible. He quickly sat next to Van, "I… we need to talk about this rape."

Van was panicked by that, he could tell, "It was a while ago Deaq, it's not important."

"Yes it is. Please tell me who it was."

"Deaq… you don't want to know this, okay?"

That all but confirmed it. He put a hand out, laying it on Van's knee, "Van… was it Dre?"

He didn't say anything but his expression gave it away. "I'm sorry Deaq."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. Why… I mean… what the hell had he been thinking?"

"I'm not sure. Later he said something about how it established our place in the partnership. He was… odd about that whole animal instinct thing so he drugged me and fucked me. Plain and simple, showed that he was boss and I… I wasn't."

"Did you report him?"

Van laughed, "Yea, right. Report Dre." He reached up to push his hair out of his face, something Deaq knew meant he was nervous. "Of course I didn't."

"Why not Van?"

"Because… it was Dre. What he says… goes."

"Van, do you realize what you're saying?"

"You weren't there – you don't understand. I couldn't go against Dre. He made sure of it, I learned quick enough what was easier."

Van was hunched in upon himself looking seriously uncomfortable. Looking at him he realized it probably hadn't been hard to break the blond. "Did you love Dre too?"

His head snapped up, his eyes huge. "What? No! I was terrified of Dre."

"Why?"
"How did we get to this conversation Deaq?"

"I just want to know about it, from what I'm getting he had you all beaten into submission. Docile."

"No, it wasn't like that. It was just… I just knew who was in charge. It wasn't me."

"Would you have reported me?"

He looked down at his hands in his lap, "No."

"If I drugged you."

He sighed, "No, you know I wouldn't."

"Well hell Van, what if I just held you down and fucked you." He didn't verbally answer but just shook his head. "Why wouldn't you report me if I raped you."

He shrugged, not meeting Deaq's eyes. "Because you're in charge." His voice took on a dark edge, "You're the top dog."

"We're not animals Van!" He rapidly approached him, causing Van to cringe back.

"No, we're not. But there is always a top dog and if you don't' do what they say, then you get beat down." He abruptly stood up, his voice was angry but his eyes were scared. "Look at me. It's never been me. At home Ray Ray made sure I knew that I had no power, at school it was bullies, on the force it was Dre. Not it's you."

Deaq had thought the submissiveness was something Dre had done to him but it was looking more like Van had been broken long before, no wonder he bended so easy.

"Your dad said he never hit you."

"He never had to after the first time. I wasn't stupid, standing up to him wasn't worth getting beat down. It never is."

"Where's your pride?" He didn't respond, "Come here Van."

He stood up and moved in close and Deaq could see he was blushing. He reached up to gently touch his face, "And what if I kiss you?"

He looked startled. "You want to kiss me?"
He grinned, "Yes."

"You like me?"

"Yes."

"You're gay?"

He tried not to cringe at the word and Van saw it, his pretty lips turning into a frown. Deaq found himself wanting to make him smile again. "I'm… bi, okay? I might be more, but right now…" He hadn't even accepted that he was bi before meeting Van, but the little blonde had changed his mind.

It was good enough for Van and he grinned and the hope was almost painful to see in his eyes. "Then I would say please."

He didn't hesitate and he pulled him forward claiming his mouth. Van moaned as his body pressed against Deaq. Eh grinned and moved one hand into Van's hair gripping it tightly tilting his head back. He was compliant, opening his mouth. He somewhat roughly took possession of the opening before nipping at Van's lower lip. Van timidly responded, his tongue reaching out to play with Deaq's.

He was leaning forward more into the kiss when suddenly his cell phone was ringing. He pulled away from Van slipping one arm around his waist, holding the panting man against him as he answered the phone, "Hayes."

"Deaq, I need you guys at the store in an hour. I can't get ahold of Van." Van's cheeks heated up as he heard Billy's voice and he buried his head against Deaq's shoulder. "He's here. Went drinking last night."

Her voice sounded tinny over the phone, "Alright. An hour and Deaq," there was an awkward pause, "Can you have Van dress… well… gay?"

He smirked at the phone, "Yea. I'll tell him that."

"Tell me what?"

"You need to dress gay."

Deaq grinned as Van wrinkled his nose. "Come on, we'll stop at your place, you can jump in the shower and get dressed."

Looking at Deaq he realized he must have already been up and showered. "What about… this?" He moved his hand slightly, indicating the two of them.

"We'll pick it back up later." He quickly pressed his lips to Van's and then gave his a push towards the door. "Alright. Come on."
While Van was in the shower Deaq rummaged through the large closet, trying to find him clothes to wear. He quickly settled on the leather pants – that was easy. They were tight and low slung and made his ass look spectacular. The shirt was harder. He was startled when he felt a hand o his shoulder. He turned facing Van and it was all he could do not to pounce on him. He only had a towel wrapped around his hip with water dripping down his chest.

He was oblivious as he looked towards the leather pants, "I'm wearing those?"
He went to no when a shirt caught his eye. It was a light blue shirt sporting a lab puppy. He grabbed it. "Wear this."

"With the pants?"
"What? No. Different pants." He started to search around again. HE hated to give up the leather pants but the shirt was worth it.

"Do I have to wear the shirt?"
"Yes."

He scrunched up his nose as he pulled the shirt on. He barely caught the pants tossed at him. He looked at them and smiled, he was fond of the pants. "How do you know these are gay?"
"They're the ones you wore to prison playa." He stopped what he was doing and looked at Van, "Did I ever tell you how stupid that was? Dressing like a fuck toy when you to a prison?"
Van looked away suddenly, fiddling with the button on the pants. "Uh.. yea. My dad didn't let it go unnoticed."

He regretted bringing up Van's dad, well aware of how upset the smaller man got. Now that he thought of it he realized he had heard Ray Ray call Van his little girl, and it made him wanna deck him one for hurting his Van. "Well, I'll let you change. I'll be out here."

He waited patiently, knowing the boy had to primp. It was worth the wait. He looked simply… delicious. The shirt was tight on him and the color made his eyes stand out more blue than usual. The pants followed his skin, falling just below his hip bones, hugging his ass. The tight shirt and pants combined to leave a line of flesh showing.

He couldn't resist and grabbed Van pulling him forward, a hand tightening in the blonde hair as he crushed their lips together Van moaned and leaved in close, opening his mouth letting Deaq plunder him. A hand wrapped around his waist, Deaq's hand cupping his ass. It was so good.

He reluctantly pulled away, they had to get to the candy store. Van whimpered, "No, please… can't we just…"

"Billy will be handing us our asses if we're late."

"I know… I know." His head rested on Deaq's chest and he sighed. He wanted Deaq. Wanted to be sprawled on his bed with Deaq, on top of him.

"I want you."

"The feelings mutual baby but we gotta go meet Billy." Van nodded and finally pulled all the way back.

"Okay. Let's get this over with."

"You know what we're gonna have to do."

"Let's see. I'm guessing not playing a pimp since I was told to dress gay."

Deaq laughed, "Maybe I get to be the pimp playa."

It suddenly occurred to him that Deaq didn't have to dress gay and he sighed, "I'm always the bitch."