They were done rehearsing for the day. She dragger herself to one of the audience seats in the front row and sat down heavily. They were all tired and cranky. Mr. Schuester was working them harder than ever before, and her body could feel it.
When she had been a cheerio this would have been an easy match, even after that. But with not working out in a long time and putting her body through the abuse she did this summer, with the smoking and everything, her body just wasn't what it used to be.
The rest of the Glee members were leaving, walking past her, acknowledging her, but not really caring that she was there.
'What the hell was the point of going through all that to get me back, if you don't even care if I'm here?'
She thought as Rachel passed, not even looking her way. The other girl's attention was solely on Finn. She knew that everyone had their own shit, but so did she! Not that she wanted to compare her problems to the other's, but it haunted her every minute of every day.
"Hey Quinn, mind if I sit down?"
She looked up at Blaine who wore his ever present smile, not his usual full teeth one, but a smile none the less. She looked at his hand that was gesturing to the seat next to hers and nodded.
"So.. how are things?"
She didn't answer right away, just gave a small shrug.
"Where's Kurt? The two of you are usually like Siamese twins…" She said, her voice barely audible.
"Yeah, I told him to go ahead." He said still smiling.
"Why?"
"Because you seemed like you needed someone to talk to."
She didn't look at him, but she knew what expression he was wearing. She could hear it in his voice. It was the expression everyone, especially Mr. Schue, had given her all through her first and second year in this hell hole. A voice and expression that stated 'I'm sorry you have to go through all this, I know how it feels.' She hated it. No one knew how it felt. It was pity, not empathy, and she really hated when people pitied her.
"Why, exactly, would I need someone to talk to? And why would I talk to someone I hardly know?" Her voice was strained, she could hear how forced calm it sounded.
It took a second before he answered. But he ignored what she had said, and started talking about something else. His voice no longer as cheerful as it was before.
"I'm not going to tell you I know how it feels being you, I don't. But I know what it's like to feel like you're not worth shit and that you just want to disappear."
"How do yo-"
"Kurt tells me everything. He's told me everything that has happened to everyone in the club, especially you. Don't be mad at him, it's just the way our relationship is."
He took a deep breath before continuing, as if to finding strength or courage.
"We have one thing in common you and I."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"Our fathers."
This time she did look at him, but she didn't say anything. It still hurt thinking about him, her father. It would probably always hurt. She wasn't his sweetheart and he wasn't her superhero anymore.
"Both our fathers are dicks, and they both abandoned us when we really needed them."
"Your dad left?"
"Not in body, like yours, but yes."
"Will you tell me about it?" She asked, her voice small.
He gave her a small smile and nodded.
"But you'll have to tell me about your troubles too."
"Alright…"
"Well… you know Burt right?" She nodded "He was so supportive of Kurt when he came out, and he still is. He's epitome of what a great father should be. Love your child no matter who they are or what they do. My father isn't like that. I still remember the day I came out to him. I was so nervous, but hopeful. I thought my father was like Burt, that he would love me no matter what. He used to be so loving and caring, but I guess I was wrong."
"When I told him he was quiet. It was like he hadn't heard me, but I could see the shock in his eyes. As well as the disgust. When that wore off he looked at me like I was a stranger, his eyes they were so cold. I had never seen my father look at me like that before. He didn't scream or shout. He put on a cold smile then said 'This is just a phase, no son of mine would choose to be gay knowing how it would hurt my reputation or me.' I tried to tell him that it's not a choice, but he didn't listen." Blaine didn't notice the tear that ran down his face.
"And now?" Quinn asked, her voice broken and her face glistening with tears.
"We don't talk anymore, he doesn't acknowledge me when I'm at home and he doesn't want to talk to me when I call. I'm invisible to him. The only times he talks to me it's to ask if I'm normal again… So you see? I know how it feels having someone you love unconditionally hating you for something you can't control."
"Oh Blaine… I'm so sorry…"
"Thank you.." He said quietly, his voice filled with sadness. "Now it's your turn. Tell me everything that's keeping you down, let your emotions out."
She didn't say anything at first, she didn't know where to start first of all.
"It's so much… It's always been so much. I've never been able to have a calm peaceful life where everything's going my way. I-I really do believe in and love God, but sometimes it feels like he's punishing me just for being born!"
She couldn't stop talking, or her tears. All these years of repressed emotions where spilling out, as if a barrier had broken.
"I-it's just all too much! When will I get to be happy?"
"It's alright Quinn, just let it all out." He was holding her, with his cheek on her head while he rubbed her back. It was an awkward position, considering how they where sitting, but she needed this, they both did.
"I-I know it's e-easy to hate me. I made it easy. Being fat and ugly, then being a bitch. B-but if I ha-adn't been a b-bitch then everyone would have seen how weak I am. But that's not the thing I regret t-the most. I regret sleeping with Puck so much. I lost e-everything! If I hadn't done that I wouldn't know how much it hurts to let your daughter go. I let her go Blaine! I let the only person who will love me unconditionally go! And now I'll never see her again!"
She was screaming now, letting out all her anguish and despair. Her whole body was shaking, and it was getting harder to breath.
"M-my father leaving m-me h-hurt s-so much, b-but n-nothing w-will e-ever h-hurt a-as m-much a-as l-letting h-her g-go! Oh God Blaine, I love her SO MUCH! I-I miss her! I WANT HER BACK! I WANT MY BABY BACK!"
He let her cry, let her mascara filled tears fall on his sweater. He would let her cry until she didn't have any tears left, he would cry with her. He would let her scream until she couldn't. And he would comfort her, until she didn't need him to.
After what felt like an eternity she calmed down. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks puffy. Her head was on his shoulders.
"Do you know why I got together with Finn last semester? And why got so mad at him for dumping me again?" She asked, her voice hoarse.
"No"
"Because he was the only thing I had left from the only time I was ever really happy, with myself and my life. Being with him took me back to those days, made me forget about my father… and Beth."
"I see.."
"But I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy. It was just an illusion I had created… It's so hard being at school and Glee everyday, especially with Puck there. She looked like him you know? Every time I look at him I'm reminded of her. But I guess it's the same for him…"
They sat there in the silence until Blaine's phone reminded them of the time.
"Thank you Blaine… It feels good having talked to someone about this, I feel so much lighter, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders."
"No problem sweetie"
They got up and walked together to the exit.
"Before I forget" He said before they got to the door "Here's my number if you ever need to talk again."
"Thanks Blaine" She said with a smile. "for everything."
Before Blaine ran to his boyfriend that was waiting for him at the parking lot, Quinn asked him the question that had been on her mind since he had sat down beside her.
"Hey Blaine, why was it you?"
"Why was it me what?"
"Why were you the one to talk to me today? "
"Because I don't know you, not like the others do. And sometimes it feels better talking to a stranger than to a friend." He smiled.
"And why's that?"
"Because a stranger wouldn't judge, just listen. And besides, I needed this as well. I was your stranger and you were mine."