"Not again," Xander whispers to himself as he realizes where he is. He has been here before many times before, and each time he finds himself facing a cave entrance. He doesn't need to turn around to know that the night darkened forest is a few yards behind him.
His actual location is unknown to him. He does know that he has never been to this place before, that he could remember. He has seen pictures that looked familiarly like this setting, but he could never be sure. As always he tries to figure out what this place is … then…He hears the all to familiar voice…
'Hold onto me love You know I can't stay long'
Unable to help himself, he turns toward the voice.
'All I wanted was to say I love you And I'm not afraid'
He waits, watching the tree line. Part of him aching to see her again, the other wanting to wake up.
'Can you hear me Can you feel me in your arms'
She steps from the darkness into the moonlight. Her raven black hair hanging past her waist and swaying in the breeze.
'Holding my last breath Safe inside my self Are all my thoughts of you Sweet raptured light It ends here tonight'
She stands, swaying side to side with the beat of the music. The black and red corset she is wearing strains with each breath. Her ankle length skirt has a slit over each leg, high enough to show white thigh above her knee high black boots.
'I'll miss the winter A world of fragile things Look for me in the white forest Hiding in a hollow tree I know you here me I can taste it in your tears'
She seems to not notice him yet as she sings the chorus again.
'Closing your eyes to disappear You pray your dreams will leave you here But still you wake to know the truth No one's there
Say good night Don't be afraid Calling me, calling me As you fade to black'
As the last note fades, she sees Xander for the first time. First confusion then recognition cross her face. She runs to him and he takes her in his arms. "Lance," she whispers happily, as she buries her face in his chest.
He lays in the dark, knowing that what he holds to his chest so tightly is his pillow, not her. "But still I wake to know the truth, No one's there," he whispers to the dark, as a single tear slides down his cheek. He breaths in her scent and feels her warmth against his chest as he waits for sleep to retake him.
"NEW GIRL"
Buffy opens her locker and sorts out her first period supplies, hoping she might catch Willow before class. "Buffy," she hears Will call her and turns to see her friend jogging toward her, "Have you seen Xander?"
Buffy closes her locker before answering. "No, but I'll let him know you're looking for him. What's up?"
"Not 'is he here' have you seen him. I meant 'he's here and you need to see him'." The red head takes her arm and leads her to a little used, covered walkway outside.
They find Oz waiting for them, he motions for them to be quiet and leads them to a dark corner. They see Xander sitting on the floor, fast asleep with a very old book in his lap.
"Ok," Buffy says confused, "He stayed up all night studying for a test. He is king of the last minute."
"That does make sense. But, since when does he study ancient Celtic myth and lore?" Oz points to the age yellowed pages of the book.
"Extra credit," Buffy says hopefully.
"OK. When did he learn to read ancient Celtic?" Willow asks crossing her arms.
At about that moment, Xander moves in his sleep, knocking the book to the floor. He groggily looks up at the group, "Am I late for first period?"
"No, but you will be if you don't get a cart for those bags." Oz says, referring to the dark circles under Xander's eyes.
"Didn't sleep well,…" Xander starts, but is cut off by Willow.
"More like didn't sleep at all, from the looks of it." She kneels next to him and picks up the book. "It was her again, wasn't it?"
"Come on, Will. You're starting to sound jealous."
"Who's her?" Buffy asks.
"Xander's got a girl friend that keeps him up all night." Will says standing.
"So, he talks on the phone all night. I think that would be considered normal." the Slayer says.
"Do you guys have to make it sound so incredible?" he responds in a hurt voice.
"She visits in his dreams, he's told about her before. Now, she really seems to be bothering him."
"It's not that bad. Can we talk about this later? We're going to be late for class." He picks himself up off the floor and angrily snatches the book from Will as he walks past her.
"Now I'm worried," Buffy says watching him enter the building.
"Because he's not sleeping?" Will asks.
"No, he's worried about being late to class."
After lunch, Buffy and Willow walk slowly down a side hall. They discuss the fact that Xander has gone home early , saying he was sick.
"All he needs is a good nights sleep," Will says, sounding a little annoyed. They are nearly knocked down by a girl with black hair pulled back in a tight braid. She's wearing a garage uniform with grease smeared on it and a small grease smear on her cheek. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you. I was looking for the office," she says in a throaty, almost sensual voice.
"Wow, I didn't know we had an auto shop," the Slayer says, looking the girl up and down.
"Well, you don't. I'm new here, or at least I would be if I could find the office and enroll." For a moment she seems to look at them as though she knows them, then shakes her head. "My name is Morgan Feya. I'd offer to shake your hand , but I had a lube job this morning that went horribly wrong."
"That's ok. You know, we could show you where the office is. We'll be walking right past it to go to our next class," Willow says, and points down the hall in the direction they had been walking. Morgan joins them as they continue on.
"So, what's with the uniform?" Buffy asks.
"I work in a garage over off first street."
"I take it you'll be moving to evenings when you've enrolled?"
"No, I passed the required tests at my last school so all I need is a half day," she says as she takes off her back pack.
"You're parents must be very proud," Willow says.
"I doubt that, very much," Morgan says, sadly. "I don't live with them anymore."
"Sorry," Willow says.
"Oh, don't be. It's actually a good thing," she pauses them sees the looks on their faces. "It's a long and some what painful story. I had my self emancipated almost two years ago."
"At fourteen? Who do you live with?"
"The final papers were signed on my fifteenth birthday, and I live on my own. I have rooms mates, but I pay my own way. I know it sounds great, but it can be hard."
They stop in front of the office door, "Here we are," Buffy says cheerfully.
"Thanks, you don't know how much this helps. I have so much to do. Maybe we'll have some classes together." She turns toward the door, then turns back. "Would you guys like to hang out with me at the Bronze tonight?"
"Sounds great, we were going to drop in to see that new band. We can meet you there?" Will says.
"Great, seven thirty?" Morgan asks.
"See you there," Will and Buffy both say, then they turn to continue to class.
"The Band"
At seven thirty, Buffy and Willow are sitting at a side table in the popular hangout. "Do you see her?" Will asks, looking around the crowded room.
"Nope, maybe she's just running late?"
The lights dim dramatically and the girls see the band has taken their places on stage. The group is obviously Goth. The guy on drums has a black and white Mohawk wearing leather pants and a cut off t-shirt. The female lead guitarist is wearing a catholic school girl outfit and has bright pink shoulder length hair. The bass guitarist has short brown, spiked hair and a ring in his nose, black jeans and a button up shirt with a blood red tie. The female keyboardist has long red hair with white streaks running through it, and is wearing what could have been a ball gown a few hundred years before.
They begin to play a hauntingly somber melody, and a woman in a black corset style gown with combat boots. Her long black hair sways from side to side as she walks to the front of the stage. She takes the last step to the microphone and starts to sing…
'Long lost words whisper slowly to me Still can't find what keeps me here When all this time I've been so hollow in side I know you're still there Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you, loving you I won't let you pull me down'
The music seems to hypnotize the crowd. The singer's voice echoes through the room, strong and clear.
'Hunting you I can smell you- Alive Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me, wanting me I can feel you pull me down Saving me, raping me Watching me'
After the music fades, it is quiet for a few seconds. The lead singer, who had ended the last note while looking at the floor, looks up at the crowd and they break into applause.
"Wow, They're really good," Willow says turning her attention back to her friend.
"I don't usually go for Goth, but I like them. What was the name of the group again?"
" Love's Last Kiss," the red head reads from the hand bill on the table.
"Cool. Did you talk to Xander?"
"Yeah, he said he would meet us at Giles's place later."
Buffy sees Angel moving toward them and waves hello. "So, how's the band?" he asks sitting next to the Slayer.
"They're great, you should have heard their first song. I've never heard it so quiet in here before," Will replies.
"Waiting for Xander?" he asks, as Buffy looks around the room.
"No, we met this new girl at school and she said she was going to meet us here."
"Well, since she hasn't shown, I need to talk to you guys outside a minute."
"Sure, but why outside?" Buffy asks.
"It's about business, you know, the night life and such."
The three of them make their way out side as the band calls a break. Angel leads them to the alley behind the club. Before they can talk, two members of the band come out the back door.
"You nearly cracked twice during the first song. Are you ok?" the red headed keyboard player asks the singer.
"I'll be fine just, give me a few moments. I wasn't able to warm up properly." The guitarist goes back in side and the singer begins warm up singing.
As the trio turns to find a more private place to talk, the girl begins to sing what sounds like an old Celtic song…
'The shadows fell across the room as I lay down to rest A storm was raging deep inside my head…'
Angel stops so suddenly, both girls nearly run into him. He slowly turns back toward the voice. He stands for a few moments just listening…
'I fell into a restless sleep of crazy changing dreams,
I woke to find you standing by my bed.
You beaconed me and I arose to follow where you lead Out amongst the wild Henyerd hills'
Angel takes several steps toward her, but stops when Buffy puts her hand on his arm. "Angel, what are you doing?"
'The Henyerd winds were blowing when you called me.
First you spoke my name, your voice was still the same
You beaconed me and I arose to follow where you lead Out amongst the wild Henyerd Hills.'
Angel blinks a few times, like he has just seen a ghost and says one name, "Morgan?"
The singer hears him and stops singing as she turns to look at him. "Angel!" she cries, as he strides forward and sweeps her into his arms.
They hug for a moment, then he sets her down and takes a step back. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? I didn't think I would ever run into you again." They continue, back and forth, asking questions and leaving no time to answer them.
"Excuse me," a rather annoyed Buffy says. "I didn't know you two knew each other?" she says, finally recognizing Morgan.
"Oh I've known him for a long time," but before she can explain further the back door opens and the red head pokes her head out. "We need you on stage now."
"I'll catch up with you guys later. It won't be much longer." She hugs Angel once more and rushes back inside.
Buffy looks up at the vampire, still annoyed. "Well, it seems you make a habit of befriending teenage girls."
"It's not what you think. I've known Morgan for way to long, and I couldn't even think of her the way I do you."
"And why is that?"
"She was my sister," he says walking toward the alley entrance.
"Was!" Both girls say at once.
For the rest of the time that the band plays, Angel seems immersed in Morgan's voice. Afterward, Morgan joins them and they leave the club.
"I'm sorry I can't just hang with you guys. I have to go speak with Mr. Giles," Morgan says, as they walk toward the parking lot. "I thought I might have a little more time tonight."
"You know Giles too?" Buffy says, sounding a little annoyed again.
"I don't know him, know him, but I do need to speak with him." They reach the parking lot and Morgan stops next to a motorcycle, picking up the black helmet off the taillight.
"I didn't know they made a two seat Indian," Angel says, admiring the bike.
"They didn't name it the Custom for nothing," Morgan winks at him. "It took me a while to get the seat to fit, but I think it came out pretty well."
"You always did have good taste."
"Well, I came across her in a junk yard, and it seemed like such a sin to leave her there. Besides, for fifty bucks it was a steal," she laughs to her self. "That was the cheapest thing about her. It's good the garage I was working at paid well."
"So," Buffy interrupts, sounding bored, "You said you were heading to Giles' house, it isn't far you could just walk with us."
"Wish I could, but I have to pick something up. If that's where you guys are heading, I'll meet you there in a bit." With that she mounts the bike, still in full stage attire. She kicks the bike to life and waves as she takes off.
"She certainly is full of surprises, isn't she?" Willow says, as they start the short walk to the Watcher's home.
They arrive at Giles' house and gather in the back yard where Xander is waiting with practice weapons. They start training and forget about Morgan, when they hear singing from the trees behind the property.
'I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Because your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone'
Xander, who is facing the house, stops what he is doing with a look of shock. Even though the song is different, he knows the voice all to well.
'These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just to real There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all you're tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me"
"Earth to Xander, are you ok?" Buffy asks him.
"Please, tell me this is a dream," he says looking almost wild eyed.
"I know one way to find out," Buffy says, and she pinches his arm.
"Owe," he says, calmly," No, not a dream." He turns slowly toward the voice that is steadily growing closer.
'You used to captivate me by your resonating light But now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me'
She steps out of the trees, dressed almost like the dream. "Oh, Xander this is…" Will starts.
"Morgan," he says and the group watches as Xander's dream plays out.
She stops walking, unaware of the group, and finishes the song.
'These wound won't seem to heal This pain is just to real There's just to much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand for all of these years But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone And though you're still with me I've been alone all along.'
She notices the group and focuses on Xander. Dropping her back pack, Morgan walks toward them smiling, and stops in front of the dazed young man. Seemingly unable to control her self any longer, she hugs him. "Lance," she whispers in to his neck. All he can do is hug her back.
"Well I take it introductions are not necessary," Giles says.
Xander gently pushes Morgan back a step, and looks at her like she might disappear. "My name is not Lance, it's Xander. Do you know how long I have wanted to tell you that?"
"You don't remember, after all," Morgan says, sadly.
"All I do know is I've been dreaming of you for most of my life. The same dream, every night, and now you're here, you're real. Now I know I'm not crazy."
"I had hoped that the dreams meant that you could remember. It is so hard being the only one left who can remember the past." She lays a hand on his arm, "You don't know who I am, do you?"
He shakes his head and she lets her head and hand fall.
"I think you had better do what you came here for, Morgan," Angel says, stepping forward. "This time, you have a bigger audience."
They all pull chairs around, Morgan continues to stand. Every once in a while she glances toward Xander, who has not taken his eyes off of her. "I really hate this part. Be prepared to think me insane. That is the most common reaction. Best to start at the beginning… At least the one I remember…
"My name is Morgan Feya, in this life. The name I started this journey with is Morgan LeFey. Right off, yes I knew Merlin, Arthur, you name a character from the myth, I knew them, if they existed at all. As hard as this is to believe, I've found one tonight. Only he doesn't remember, which is how it is supposed to be, I guess. You see, I was given a gift that has allowed me to remember everything that has happened to me in every life I have lived since then." She pauses a moment and looks at Xander.
"I'm sorry if the dreams have been a problem. This is the first time I've experienced this. I didn't send them, and I thought that maybe you had some memories."
"Is this why you came here tonight," Giles asks," to speak with me about this?"
"I wanted to inform you of my presence in the area. You see it is common courtesy for a Watcher to inform a colleague of there presence. I was a watcher back then and the Elders still consider me one of you."
"You are the one in the old stories. I was never sure I believed them." Giles looks at her in amazement.
"That's me, I'm still not sure how they found out. I died literally moments after the gift was given to me."
"Who gave you this gift?" Xander asks.
"One of my slayers," Morgan says with a catch in her voice.
"What do you mean one of, I thought each watcher was only given one slayer to train," Buffy asks.
"Back then, there were two kinds, when needed. The actual Slayer was and still is female. The other, a male, was the Guardian. His job was to protect an important person if a mystical threat existed. How this is (or was) decided, I don't know. It was my Slayer who gave me this gift. The guardian was present when I died."
"Who did the guardian protect," Willow asks.
"He was protecting Arthur. His job was easier than the Slayer's, but it wasn't a cake job. You see a lot of the myth you know is not true. All I have to do to dispel a lot of that nonsense is tell you who the two chosen where."
"Who were they?" Xander asks.
"Lance-A-Lot and Guinevere."
"For a moment Xander looks amazed," You think I'm…"
"No, I know you were Lance. You see," she walks toward him. "I can see it in your eyes. The fact that you look almost the same, doesn't matter. The eyes are the windows to the soul."
She walks back to where she had dropped her back pack and pulls out a very old book. She carefully flips through it as she walks back to Xander. "I've had this a very long time. I brought it as proof, if Giles had not believed me." She lays it open on Xander's lap. He finds himself looking at an ancient picture of himself. The girls move in behind him and gasp in shock at what they see.
Morgan reaches down and carefully turns some pages," If you still don't believe me…" They see a picture of Morgan in a beautiful gown standing between the knightly Xander and a brown haired woman in a crown. The picture is obviously a copy of a painted portrait. "I shouldn't have to tell you who the other two are."
Xander gently touches Morgan's image then looks up at her. "Are you sure it's not just a coincidence?"
"I'm more than positive. I had hoped that one day I would find some one who could remember without my help."
Xander stands holding the book carefully. "What do you mean, your help? You could help me remember… If I was.. How… How do you do it?"
"I'd have to perform a spell. All Watchers are, I mean were, priests and priestesses to the God and Goddess. We all knew how to use magic. When I perform the spell, everyone in the circle will see one memory from the life we shared. You and I will, in a sense, relive a few moments. Afterward, you will remember everything."
"When can we do it," he asks, excitedly.
"Xander, it is possibly a very complicated spell. It could take days, possibly weeks, to prepare. Are you sure you want to do this?" Giles asks.
"Yes, when can we do it?" he says turning back to Morgan.
"Right now, if that's what you want," she says calmly.
"Really!" Giles says, surprised.
"I was trained in ancient magic. It wasn't like magical use is today. I learned from the source… The energy of the God and the Goddess."
"Alright then," Giles says, sounding defeated. "What do we do?"
"Just move everything out of the way and stand in a circle with Xander and I in the center." Morgan picks up a chair to move and everyone else helps clear a large area in the yard.
When everything has been moved, they stand in a circle with Morgan and Xander facing each other in the middle. She has her eyes closed, as though she is meditating . They all watch her, quietly for a few moments. She finally opens her eyes and looks into Xander's. He only stands a few inches from her and feels a strange need to move closer to her. It takes every ounce of will he has not to pull her into his arms. She takes a deep breath and begins to sing…
'You don't remember me
But I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do…"
As she sings the others notice the surroundings change. They are now standing in front of a cave entrance in bright sunlight, not in Giles's moonlit back yard. Morgan and Xander are dressed similarly to what they were in the book. They and the woman (Guinevere) stand together, looking older than they had in the picture. Morgan's singing fades and the group stands silently, watching.
"I said I will go after him." Lance tries to push past the two women. Morgan puts her hand in the middle of his chest.
"No, you will do as you are told. This is Guinn's place, not yours. We will stay here."
They watch as the Queen enters the cave.
"If I had been there, Mordred could not have taken him. It was my mistake, allow me to correct it."
"You know I can not permit that," she says sadly, turning to look at him. They both turn and watch the cave entrance. Time seems to stand still in front of the cave.
"She should have been back by now," Lance says walking toward the cave.
"Stay where you are," Morgan says, stepping in front of him.
"You should have let me go with her. What if she is hurt, or worse?"
"This is what she has been trained for. When she comes back…" Morgan is stopped by the look on Lance's face. He is looking past her at the cave entrance. Morgan turns to see Guinevere dragging an unconscious Arthur. They both rush forward, but are not quick enough. Guinn drops the king's arms and collapses next to him.
Morgan drops to her knees next to the Slayer, and gently rolls her over. The Queen is beaten and bloody, she has several sword wounds that are bleeding freely. Morgan holds the dieing woman in her lap and looks up at Lance. She sees in his eyes what she is feeling. "Lance, rip my skirts for me so we can help her."
With out a word he does as he is told. As he applies a wad of cloth to one of Guinn's wounds, she gasps in pain and opens her eyes.
"He's… alright," she says, weakly. Morgan looks over at Arthur and sees only a knot on his head. "Please, go take him to a safer place, Lance." He hesitates only a moment then carefully pulls his charge to the tree line a few yards away. "He has the sword…he used Excalibur on me… Then he told me he didn't want Arthur, that I could take him, if I could."
"He took him just to lure you here?" Morgan asks, in surprise.
"He said he didn't want me, either," she gasps for breath, then continues. "He said to tell you that we… forgot. We let ourselves forget that they are more powerful,… He said if you had not forgotten, if… if you had not forgotten about him, this would not have happened. We can't forget again, you must always remember, Morgan. If no one else will, someone has to… Remember, Morgan. Don't ever forget… Always remember." Her last words ringing in Morgan's ears, the Queen lays still with her eyes open and vacant.
Morgan looks up and sees Lance standing over them. She closes Guinevere's eyes and lays her gently on the ground. Lance helps her to her feet and holds her for a moment as she cries. She pulls away from him and turns to the cave. She pulls a knife from her boot and cuts her skirts till they come just to her knees. "Protect him, Lance. I am going to finish this."
He takes her arm as she heads for the entrance. "You can't, My Lady. He'll kill you, too."
"I have to… for her," she pulls her arm free and runs into the cave.
Lance carries the Queen over to where Arthur is laying, and waits. What seems like an eternity later, Morgan stumbles from the cave. She is covered with more blood than Guinn had been, her clothes are torn nearly to shreds and she is dragging Arthur's sword. Her exposed skin is covered with teeth and talon marks. He runs to her and catches her before she falls. He sits down holding her gently, "I did it… he's dead."
"My Lady, what did he do to you?"
"He wanted to punish me for not respecting his power, Lance. You have to kill me, before I turn…."
"I can't," he sees the marks on her neck and the color fading from her face. "I can't hurt you."
She fumbles a stake from her belt and forces it in his hand, "You can't hurt me any more than he has, I can't become one of them. Please, Lance."
He sees the fear and pleading in her eyes and plunges the stake in her heart before he can stop himself. When her last breath leaves her body, Lance holds her closer and screams her name into the darkening sky.
Xander opens his eyes and sees Morgan standing before him in Giles' backyard. She looks at him, tears streaming down her face. "You're alive," he says, in amazement, the grief still fresh in his heart. The words are barely out of his mouth when her eyes roll up and she passes out. Xander catches her and picks her up. "Giles?" he says, as he turns toward the Watcher.
"The spell must have drained her. Xander, bring her inside." They all move to the living room where Xander lays her on the couch. "Will she be ok?" he asks.
"Yes, I should think so. All she needs is sleep, for now."
"How long do you think she'll be asleep?" Willow asks.
"It could be a few minutes, or a few days, there is really no way to tell. I'm going to make some tea. Just watch her," he says as he walks to the kitchen.
Xander sits on the floor next to the sleeping Morgan, watching her like she might not wake up. Buffy walks over, concerned, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, it's just a lot to deal with." His eyes never leave Morgan's face. "I know why I had those dreams. When she died in my arms, I swore that I would never forget her. I begged the God and Goddess to not ever let me forget…" He wipes a tear from his eye and continues, "I wanted the chance to tell her… That I love her."
"What do you remember?" Willow asks.
"Everything, not just that day. It's like a wall was removed to reveal a whole other life. The dreams were to remind me. And now I have a second chance to tell her." He stands and turns to the group, "I need to be alone for a little while, to try and let this all sink in." He takes another look at Morgan and goes into the backyard again.
Giles comes back from the kitchen and sets a tray of tea and scones on the table. "Where is Xander?"
"He needed to be alone. Do you think one of us should go see if he's ok?" Willow asks.
"No, if what she said would happen has, he must have a lot on his mind,… literally."
Several minutes later, Morgan moans in her sleep and opens her eyes. "Lance,…" she says, disoriented, "Guinn?" She tries to sit up and Buffy helps her, then sits next to her.
"Morgan," she says.
Morgan looks at her confused, then, "Buffy?… Forgive me, for me that spell is like having my memories put in a blender on frappe. I feel all the pain, the emotions, I almost literally relive the moment."
"Then why did you pick that one. You should have seen how upset Xander was."
"But, I didn't choose the memory, his spirit did. If I had known that it was that day, I wouldn't have done the spell. I still relive that day in my dreams at times, I really didn't need a reminder."
"I've never seen him that upset over a girl before," Will says, pouring a cup of tea and handing it to Morgan.
She takes the cup and stares into it, "I would never intentionally hurt him. I only did the spell, because he wanted it. Where is he?"
"He went in the backyard to sort things out."
"I need to go to him," she sets the tea down and gets up, talking more to herself than to the others. "He must hate me. I knew he cared for her, but I never thought it was that serious." She steps out the door and the other two girls look at each other before going to the door to listen. She sees Xander sitting on the ground in the middle of the yard, his back to her as she walks toward him.
Thinking it is Will or Buffy, Xander starts talking. "It was my fault. If I had faced Mordred, she wouldn't have died. I would have been able to tell her how I felt. All that time we had together, I couldn't tell her. I lost the chance that day."
"Lance, it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have let her go in alone." Xander starts and turns toward her, "Morgan?" He stands and faces her, shaking his head. "I let her go to her death. Don't blame yourself, I should have listened to you. I had no idea you cared for her that much."
"No, you don't understand," he tries to say.
"I didn't know you loved Guinn," she continues, then lowers her head, unable to look him in the face.
He walks to her and takes her face in his hands, lifting it so he can look at her. Suddenly the teenage boy is gone, replaced by someone she watched grow from a boy to a man, so long ago. "I didn't love her, not like that. She was like my sister." He wipes her tears away gently with the backs of his fingers. "Why do you think I always called you my lady, never by your name? I tried to stay distant. I couldn't tell you then, but now… I love you, Morgan. That love has waited for centuries so that I could finally tell you. I love you so much, it was a constant ach just to see you. You have no idea how good it feels just to say it out loud. There is something else I have always wanted…" He pulls her into his arms and kisses her, running one hand up into her hair, the other wrapped around her waist. He pulls back from her and looks into her shocked face.
"Why didn't you tell me? All the times we were alone…" she pauses, surprised by her own ignorance. "We spent so much time together, so many years, but you never gave any sign."
"According to Guinn, I showed a lot of signs. I never said anything, because of the Elder's restrictions. You said that being a Watcher was your life, and I didn't want to jeopardize that."
"You lived with this heartache, so I could be happy?"
"As long as you were happy, it wasn't heartache. I was able to be near you. All I ever needed was to see your smile, and nothing else mattered."
"Why didn't I see it? It was you that did all those little things for me. Wasn't it? Before your service to Arthur, you were always suggesting things for us to do, and Guinn was always busy. How could I have been so blind." She gently lays her hand on his cheek. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be, I made my choices, I lived and died with them. I'm just glad that I was the reason you were happy at times. I am so happy that I had this chance." She just looks at him in amazement until he leads her back inside.
He informs the others that he is going to make sure that Morgan gets home. He picks up her backpack and ushers her out of the house before anyone can say a word.
It takes only a few minutes for them to reach Morgan's home. It is an old two story business that has been converted into a house. They make their way into the living room and Xander admires the unusual décor. There are two over stuffed chairs and either end of a large coffee table, a couch and a TV on a stand in the roomy living area. Off in a corner is another TV with two game consoles on a shelf next to it, two comfortable looking chairs and a small table.
"Would you like something to drink?" Morgan asks, heading for the kitchen.
"Actually, I was going to see if there was anything else I could do for you."
"You have done more than enough. I think I need to make up for being so blind."
"My only concern right now is saying goodnight. I know you need to rest after a spell like that. Get some sleep, we can talk tomorrow." he starts for the door, but her voice stops him.
"You didn't ask if I love you."
He turns back to her, wearing a grin, "Because, I want you to say it only if it is true, and because you want to say it, not because I asked."
She smiles at him, her eyes glistening with tears. "Would you like to stay for a bit and talk? My roommates won't be back tonight. They went to visit friends."
They sit on the couch and talk until Morgan nods off. Xander pulls her over to lay on his chest. He stays all night just holding her and enjoying her familiar smell and warmth.
Saturday morning, Xander wakes to find Morgan still sleeping, curled up on his chest. He gently squeezes her closer to himself and notices that there is a soft blanket covering them. He smells the strong scent of coffee and wonders when she had gotten up to make it.
A movement at the kitchen door catches his eye and looks up to see a woman with red hair streaked with white. She walks into the room with a tray. She sets it on the table and he sees that it has three coffee mugs a bowl of sugar and a container of cream. She sees he is awake and smiles at him knowingly. "Sleep well?"
"Yes, thanks."
"I don't know how you like your coffee, if you do like it… So, I came prepared. How long has she been out?"
"Since about three this morning," he says, not knowing what time it is now, since all the curtains are still drawn.
"Wow, I don't know what you guys did, but it couldn't have been bad." She picks up one of the mugs and sits in one of the chairs.
Xander carefully sits up and turns so that Morgan settles her head in his lap. "You sound surprised by that."
"Hon, for one, I've never seen her interested in anyone, let alone spend the night in their arms… Two, that is the longest I have known her to sleep at one time. Oh, by the way, who are you, Wonder guy?"
"My name is Xander." He reaches forward to shake her hand and she just puts a mug of coffee in it.
"We try to keep the formalities at bay around here. I'm Cassandra. You must be something special to have earned her trust like this."
"It's a long story that she might want to tell you later," he replies. He reaches for the sugar and Morgan wakes as he moves.
She looks up at him and smiles. "I didn't mean to doze off."
"Not a problem, I think that was the best night's sleep I've had in a long time."
She glances at the table, seeing the coffee and then spots Cassandra. "I thought you wouldn't be home till morning?" Morgan asks, sitting up and taking a mug.
"It is morning. This one must be the exciting type," the red head smiles.
"I must really have over done it last night."
"I'll say… so what did you do last night." Cassandra raises an eyebrow with a knowing look.
"Your minds in the gutter again, Cass. All we did was talk," Morgan says rolling her eyes.
"Even if you only talked all night, at least I know you can be interested in someone. So, what kind of spell was it that knocked you out for that long?"
Xander nearly chokes on his coffee in surprise, "You know she can work magic?"
"Of course, she's my teacher. And if my guess is correct, you're 'the dream guy'."
"Very good," Morgan says, "I'm a little disappointed that you had to guess."
"I'm working on it. But that's not what's important. Is he?…."
"You know it isn't nice to talk about someone like they aren't here," Xander says, interrupting.
"I'm sorry, Dreamy. Morgan may be anti-social, but I'm usually very good with people," Cass says.
"Cassandra,…" Morgan says.
"No, that's ok, it's not every day I get called dreamy," Xander smiles.
"Well, you may not be my dreamy, but it is an honor to meet Morgan's. I've always wanted to meet Lance-A-Lot. Now I need to go wake Vic up." Cass stands up and leaves the room by a side door.
"Who's Vic?" Xander asks.
"Vic and Cass are hand fasted. That's a pagan marriage," Morgan explains.
"Oh, how long have they been together?"
"They met over four years ago."
"Well, she seems great, he must be a lucky guy."
It is Morgan's turn to nearly choke on her coffee, when she laughs.
"Did I say something funny?"
"Actually, yes. You see Vic is short for Victoria."
"Oh, well I feel kind of dumb," Xander says. "Do they both know who you are?"
"Yes, it was hard for me to trust them, but it gets so lonely not having someone you can confide in. Now, I have even more people I can talk to. Oh no, after last night it's hard to remember that you're still a teenager. Your parents must be worried sick."
"I'm sure they called Giles and he told them something. I'll give him a call and see what's up." Xander makes his call and finds out that his parents had done what he thought and Giles told them that he fell asleep working on a paper. He thanks the Watcher and hangs up. "I guess I should go, now. Maybe we can hang out again."
"I'd like that," Morgan says walking him to the door. "I start classes tomorrow, maybe I'll see you."
"That would be great. I'll talk to you later."
They just stand and look at each other for a moment, then Morgan kisses him on the cheek. Xander smiles and leaves.
Xander and Morgan spend most of their free time together for several weeks. They study after school, go to the Bronze with Buffy and Willow. Morgan even goes with them on a few patrols.
One Saturday, Xander catches up to Buffy and Willow, while they are out shopping at the mall. "Hi, guys. What's up?"
"Well, hello. Why aren't you hanging out with Morgan? You two were going to meet us later for dinner, right?" Buffy asks.
"I went by to get her this morning and Vic said she's still not feeling well." He tries to play casual, but his two friends see right through it to the worry underneath.
"I wouldn't worry to much, It's probably just a cold," Will says.
"I know, but…. I have this strange feeling that there is something more going on here."
"Well, did she look sick?" Buffy asks.
"I don't know, Vic said she was asleep. And Vic looked worried."
"Sick people sleep a lot, Xander, that's how they get better. If your that worried, why don't we go over and take her some soup." Buffy grabs him by one arm, while Willow takes the other and they walk to a little deli for a container of soup.
They get to Morgan's place and knock on the door. Before any one answers they hear singing from an open upstairs window. Xander confirms that it is Morgan's voice, but it doesn't sound right…
'Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has someone told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello'
Cass answers the door this time and ushers them in, motioning for them to be quiet. The singing can be heard through the whole house, loud and clear…
If I smile and don't believe Soon I know I'll wake from this dream Don't try to fix me I'm not broken Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide Don't' cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping Hello I'm still here All that's left of yesterday.'
When the singing stops the three look to Cass for some explanation. "I thought she was sick?" Xander asks.
"I don't know if you would call it sick, but something is wrong with her," Cass says in a very worried voice.
"What's happening, Cass, Can you fill us in?" Buffy asks.
"Well, she hasn't slept in five days."
"Ok, she doesn't sleep a lot, you told me that," Xander says.
"No, she doesn't,… But she still needs sleep. It started after she cast that spell for you… But it's gotten much worse." Vic runs her hands through her short pink hair. "She is going to kill me, but I think you should know. Especially you, Xander. She has nightmares occasionally. They do get bad and she had her room sound proofed to keep from waking us up when she has one."
"Wow, those must be some awfully bad dreams," Will says, shocked.
"Well, she said she had been dealing with them since her second life, but these have been bad. We woke up to her screaming so loud, we thought she had left her door open. I'm serious someone could be murdered in that room and no one would know, but we heard her. She can't sleep, at all. She dozed off on the couch, yesterday, wasn't asleep for a few minutes when she woke up screaming again." Cass sits down hard on the couch. " She's been singing every song she can think of to keep herself awake since. We just don't know what to do, or how to help her."
"I'll go talk to her,…" Xander heads for the stairs.
"Wait, she's going to be so mad. She told us not tell you, Xander. She said she didn't want to worry you. I don't even know if she'll let you in," Cass is so upset that she is nearly in tears.
"You go see what you can do, we'll stay here with Cass," Will says as they each sit on the couch next to the upset young woman.
Xander makes his way up stairs and hears her start another song….
'I linger in the doorway Of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name Let me stay Where the wind will whisper to me Where the rain drops as their falling tell a story'
He knocks on the door and the singing stops. The door swings open and he catches, "Cass you are a sweet heart for bringing me more coff…." But she stops when she sees Xander standing there. He sees very dark circles under her eyes and she is a bit pale, even in the sunlight from the window. Her voice is hoarse and he can see a slight tremor in her fingers. "Hi, what are you doing here? Didn't Cass tell you I've got a bug?"
"Yes , she did, and so did Vic. Vic just told me the truth. Why did you tell them to lie to me?"
"I didn't want you to worry. It's just a stupid dream. It will pass and I'll be fine. I was just about to take a little nap. I'll call you when I get up…" She tries to close the door, but Xander pushes it back open and walks into the room.
"From what I've been told, you wouldn't have to call me I could just walk right back up the hall when I hear you scream." He takes her hand and leads her to the bed. He makes her sit down next to him. "Tell me what's going on."
"I thought they already did."
"I want to hear it from you. I know I may not be able to do much if anything, but I do have friends with resources. Tell me what you can and we'll see if we can help."
She looks down at her lap and when she looks back into his eyes, she has tears running down her face. "I keep having the same dream over and over…" She pauses to wipe her eyes, "It's our dream, but when I get to you, a sword burst from your chest like someone has stabbed you from behind and I see Mordred's face appear over your shoulder. He's laughing at me, like he did in the cave. When I reach for you he throws you past me. I turn to follow you and Guinn is standing there,…" She stops a moment, sobbing, "She is one of them and she points a finger at me and says it's all my fault." She pauses again sobbing.
"Is that when you wake up?"
"No, she turns and runs to you and bites you. I wake up when you stand up and walk to me, and I see you have fangs too. Oh, Xander, it won't stop. I don't know what to do."
He takes her in his arms and lets her cry. "Have you had this dream before?"
She shakes her head no, "Not till I performed that spell. I'm so tired, I don't know how much longer I can take this." She breaks down again and he lays down on the bed with her in his arms. He lets her cry her self out and doesn't move, knowing she has fallen asleep.
Several minutes pass and there is a knock at the door. He says come in as quietly as he can and the three girls come in.
"Is she asleep?" Cass asks.
"Has been for a bit now," Xander whispers back.
"That's the longest she's slept in days," she sounds relieved that her friend is finally resting.
Xander gently moves away from Morgan and gets up. They all step out of the room, but before they can make it half way down the hall, they hear her scream. Xander rushes back in the room and grabs her, even though she is swinging wildly at the air. "Morgan, it's me, wake up." He shakes her a little and she opens her eyes.
"Oh, Xander, don't let me go to sleep again. I can't face him again. I'm sorry, I should have been a better teacher, I shouldn't have sent her in there alone…"
"It's ok, I'm here. She never blamed you. I never blamed you. It's just a dream." He soothers her till she quiets and holds her as she pass out again in his arms. He looks over at the others in the doorway. "I'll stay with her and see if I can't help her get some sleep."
They nod and lead Cass, who has started crying, down the hall, shutting the door behind them.
Xander carefully lays down on the bed with Morgan, again in his arms and holds her while she sleeps.
Three hours later, Vic opens the door and peaks in. "Is she still asleep?" He nods and she enters carrying a tray of food and sets it on the bed side table. "Buffy and Willow are still here, we thought you might be hungry."
"Thanks, but I don't know if she's had enough sleep."
"If she has she will wake up on her own. Maybe you can get her to eat something."
"She hasn't been eating?"
"No, not really. Did she tell you what the dreams were about? She wouldn't tell us a thing. 'Oh, their just bad dreams, guys, I'll be fine' was all we could get out her," Vic says, sitting down in Morgan's desk chair.
"It's something from the past. Something I thought she had gotten over," he says looking down at her and brushing a stray hair from her face.
"Well, she's sleeping now, that's something. Don't know what you did, but I wish you could stick around more. You know, she talks about you all the time. Xander said this, Xander and I did that. I keep asking when the wedding is." She laughs a little to herself.
"She really does that? I mean… All we've been doing is hanging out."
"With as moony as she acts about you, I'm surprised her lips aren't chapped from all the kissing."
"Well, we haven't kissed," Xander says, a little embarrassed.
"You kissed her once already, what's been stopping you?"
"It's hard to explain. That wasn't me… well, I guess it was, but…" He stops and thinks for moment. "When that happened, I was Lance again, fulfilling something that should have been taken care of long ago. Now, I still love her, but I want to know that this is what she wants, what I want. And I want to know if it's Lance or Xander who really loves her."
"What if it's Lance?" Vic asks.
"Then I love her for the wrong reason and it's not real in this life."
"Ok, what if it's both?"
"Both is fine, if it really is Xander that loves her and, I want her to know that it's me not a memory that loves her. Obviously she has to many memories causing her pain. I don't want to be one of them."
They stop talking when Morgan moans and moves in her sleep. Vic puts her finger to her lips and tiptoes out of the room closing the door. Morgan lifts her head off Xander's chest and looks up at him.
"Your still here?" she asks sleepily.
"I won't leave till you tell me to. How are you feeling?" he smiles back.
"I feel a little better. How long have you been here?"
"Oh about three hours."
"I'm sorry,.." she starts.
"Don't apologize. Do you think I would be here if I didn't want to be. I'm glad you feel better."
They look into each other's eyes for a long time. "Xander?"
"Yes, Morgan."
"I,… I,… thank you. I don't know how much more I could have taken."
"I don't think this is the end of it. We need to find out what's going on here, and put a stop to it."
About an hour later they were all at Giles' house and had told the Watcher everything. He thinks for a few moments and throws his hands up.
"I've never heard of anything like this. Let me consult my books, maybe we can find something. Is there anyone that you can think of that would have the knowledge and the ability to do something like this?"
"There is only one, but it is not possible for him to do this," she says.
"Who would that be?" Giles asks.
"Mordred," Morgan says looking up at Giles.
"Yes, you killed him. Would he have had any followers that could do this?"
"Maybe, but why would they wait till now? I have had so many lives where I was much more vulnerable. It just wouldn't make any sense for some one to wait till I have gathered as much wisdom and knowledge as I have."
"Well, just wait here a moment. I think I have some books that might help," Giles goes into his library, and Morgan puts her head in her hands.
"Why don't you lay down for a while? You don't look well," Cass says kneeling next to her friend.
"So I can wake up screaming in a new place? I don't think so."
"I don't know about that," Vic breaks in. "After all dreamy is here."
"Dreamy," Will asks in amusement.
Morgan giggles weakly and explains. "It's Cass and Vic's nick name for Xander. The first they ever heard of him was what I told them about my dreams."
"I see," Buffy says with a smile.
"What do you mean, by that?" Giles asks, reentering the room. "About Xander being here?"
"Didn't we tell you about that? Morgan was able to get about three hours of sleep with Xander laying next to her," Buffy replies.
"Really?… And did you have any dreams, Morgan?"
"Not that I remember," She says looking hope full.
"That sounds like some help, But I can't expect Xander to stay with you every night, and I'm sure that his parents would have something to say about that," Giles says setting down the pile of books he had brought in. "Why don't we look for a permanent solution?"
They search through the books and Willow is the first to find something. "Morgan, How long ago did you slay this Mordred guy?"
"Let's see," she thinks for a moment. "It was well before the Christianized versions of the Arthurian myths were set. Why?"
"Because I found a reference to a vampire with the ability to affect dreams, but it was written of only three hundred years ago."
"Why would you think it was him, Will," Buffy asks.
"Well, I thought it wasn't old enough. Maybe it's a vampire you pissed off. Look Morgan, there's a picture. Do you know him?" Will turns the book and hands it to Morgan so she can see the picture. She has to stand and lean across the coffee table to see it.
"No," she says in shocked disbelief. When she faints Xander almost misses catching her before she falls on the table. After laying her on the couch he turns to Willow and puts his hands out, "Let me see that picture, Will."
He looks at the picture for several moments before saying a word, when he does he sounds defeated. "It's him, it's Mordred."
He hands the book back and sits down on the table. The others gather around to see the book. The replica of a portrait shows a man no older than Xander in appearance. He is handsome, with almost delicate features. His hair is past his shoulders and is a gorgeous auburn. If it wasn't for the fact that they know what he is, the girls would have thought him attractive.
"You don't think he's still around do you?" Buffy asks Giles.
Xander turns and looks at her more seriously than he ever has, "If he survived that night, and that picture is only a few hundred years old, than I would say yes." He turns back to Morgan and takes her hand tenderly. "Morgan, wake up."
"Let her sleep, Xander. If what you all are implying then she's going to need the rest," Buffy says, to her friend. "Wait, why would Xander being near her keep her from having these dreams?"
"I don't know," Giles says. "Let me see that book, Willow."
She hands him the book and he gets up and passes back and forth as he reads to himself. They all sit quietly, silently hoping he finds something. He finally puts the book down and takes off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "Nothing, how they could have even gotten the information they do have is beyond me."
"So, we're still at square one?" Cass asks.
"No, no," he says turning to Xander and the still unconscious Morgan. "We have a way to stop them for now. The question is, what good will that do when he has to go home?"
"Then I have to find a way to stay with her till we can stop him," Xander says without turning around.
"And how are we going to do that?" Buffy asks.
Xander stands and turns toward them, "I can stay here."
"And how is that going to help," Vic asks. "She won't stay any where but at home. Believe me, we've tried to get her to go with us to visit friends."
"No, I'll tell them that I'm staying here so Giles can help me with my school work."
"You expect me to lie to your parents," Giles asks, taken aback. "I don't know…"
"It has to work," Xander says. "What if it is him? What if he decides to come after her? Some one should be there."
"So, would you like me to tell Buffy's mother the same thing so she can be there?"
"No, I'll be there," Xander says, matter-of-factly.
"That would work if you were a slayer," Giles remarks.
Xander takes a step closer to him, suddenly looking much older. "You forget, I was. And I remember it like it was yesterday."
Amazingly, Xander's parents agree to it, thinking that it couldn't hurt if it might improve their son's grades. He packs a few things and arrives at Morgan's house late Monday evening. Morgan's nap the day before was all the sleep she has had and when they find themselves alone in her room, she seems very tired. "Are you sure about this? I mean, what if your parents find out the truth?"
"I'll deal with that if and when it comes. Right now I'm more worried about this little loose end." He walks to the window looking out and notices markings on the sill. "What are these?"
"Protection symbols. I put them there when I first moved here. I don't think they work on dream visitors." She smiles when she says it, but looks away before he can see the tears. He walks back to her and puts his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm her to help you, Morgan. Don't turn away."
"I know, but…." she turns back, still crying. "It seems like my dream all over again. I feel like this is all my fault again. I thought I killed him. I lived all these centuries thinking that one threat was gone, but it seems I've screwed up again."
"Don't think like that. When you came out of that cave, you were really messed up. He could have played dead, or this could be an imposter, misinformation. We won't know till we face this." He takes her in his arms and holds her. When he looks at his reflection in the mirror on the wall he sees the eyes of an angry man in the face of a scared boy. He thinks how strange it is that he could see two people in what he once thought wasn't even one full person. She pulls back and looks at him.
"You should get some sleep. I'll be back in a moment," She leaves the room and he takes off his shoes and lays down on the bed.