My name is Henry Morgan. My story is a long one. Too long, really, but I'll describe it in detail anyway. Well, over the course of several chapters. You probably won't even believe me. Then again, this is fanfiction, where Crookshanks/Buckbeak ships are to be found (so my assistant tells me), so perhaps you might. But let's wait until I catch the subway... after all, I have lots of time.
Henry put down his field notebook, and stepped aboard the subway. The subway car he was in smelled of ammonia, but with a strange, metallic air to it. Henry's ever-inquisitive mind thought of what it could be. It was coming from near the back of the car. He moved back, searching the air with his nose.
A young, rather attractive woman yelled at him in Russian, "Отвали, извращенец!" (or, 'Piss off, weirdo!') He understood Russian, and wondered why the woman was saying this. Then he realized the scent had led him to the woman's leg, and he had been sniffing it. Then, he grinned as he realized something.
"It's piss! Somebody has been urinating on this subway, and I intend to figure out who that person was, and bring him or her to justice!" he shouted out excitedly.
There was an awkward silence. "It may have been me," a businessman in a black tuxedo and a red tie said.
"I think we all have, at some point, urinated on the subway," the woman whose leg Henry had sniffed said.
"I'm doing it right now!" a police officer said with enthusiasm. Sure enough, he had his pants and underwear down, and was publicly urinating for all to see.
"Oh, for the love of all that is proper..." Henry started, then stopped as he heard a rumble. It was a sound he had heard twice before: a subway car he was in derailing.
Windows smashed as the subway car was destroyed, one row of seats at a time. Before he knew it, he was looking at a piece of metal having impaled his chest. He bled, and bled, and bled...