As they walked home Anna smiled sadly to herself. She was so pleased to be back with her husband, to know that he wasn't thinking he'd done something wrong, to know he wanted to protect her. But she was creased with worry too. She worried about how he'd react if he found out it was Green who had, who had…hurt her. And she was worried too about returning to married life, about the expectations of married life. She wanted to make Bates happy, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to do that for a while.
Bates turned to smile at her, and held out his hand, it was a question. Anna smiled back, and placed her hand in this, comforted by his gentle warmth. As they reached the door of the cottage he let her hand go to unlock the door. Both hung up their coats in the entrance area.
"I'll go and put the kettle on to warm us up." He told Anna.
Anna continued into the living room. She lit the gas lamps, creating a bit of light, and sat in one of the armchairs, waiting. After a few minutes Bates followed her, holding two steaming cups of tea.
"Here you are Mrs Bates." He smiled, handing her a cup.
"Thank you." She nodded in response, clutching the hot cup between her cold hands.
Bates sat in the chair opposite. He studied her in silence for a few minutes, whilst Anna sipped her tea. She didn't know what to say. Inevitably she knew they had to discuss what had happened, it was an obstacle in their path that they couldn't avoid, but she didn't want to bring the subject up. She was scared of him questioning her about Green, somehow finding out it was him. So she sat in silence waiting.
"I'm so glad to have you back, Anna." Mr Bates broke the silence, smiling across at his wife. But although he smiled, he was filled with sadness. The gas lamps highlighted the cuts and bruises on Anna's face, and her head hung down, her eyes blinking rapidly as she stared at the floor.
"Me too." She whispered, glancing up at him with a forced half smile "It's just, I'm so sorry John, for everything. For the pain I've put you through, for all of this." Her voice wobbled as she spoke, as she voiced her fears.
"Anna." He whispered, moving closer "You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. It's the fault of the man who did this to you, and only him. I love you, whatever, and I always will. And I want you to know that you're in no way to blame for this. Okay?" He reached out and took her hands, stroking his thumb over the backs of her fingers.
She nodded, blinking back tears. "I love you too."
"But, let me get this clear. On that night you went down, a stranger had broken in and was waiting for you? He, he took you into the boot room, and…attacked you? A stranger?" He asked, lowering his head to meet Anna's gaze. He felt awful asking her, but he had a suspicion it wasn't a stranger, and he didn't know why Anna would lie.
"Yes, John. A stranger. Nobody you would know, nobody I knew." She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes.
Bates continued to stroke her hands, and nodded his head. "Okay, I believe you. I just wish I could find the man, and hurt him, for hurting you."
"It's no good, John. I can't tell you who it was." She shook her head, tears beginning to fall. She hated to lie, but she had to if she wanted to protect her husband.
"Anna, I'm sorry." He whispered, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her. She felt stiff in his arms, and he loosened his grip a little, worried that his touch was hurting her. But then she relaxed, leaning her head against his chest. He pulled her close and leant his chin on the top of her head. He only wanted her to feel safe.
Bates watched Anna climb into bed, for the first time in what felt like an age. He was so pleased for his wife to be back. She lay down beside him, leaving a wide gap between them, and lay on her side, looking at him. He reached across the gap to wrap his arm around her shoulders, and pull her close to plant a kiss on her forehead. But he felt Anna go rigid and leant back to look at her. She was staring up at the ceiling, her face pale, biting her lip.
"Anna?"
"I'm sorry, John. It's not you, it's not this. It's just." She rolled to look at him, and reached out an arm to touch his cheek. "It's just, all I want to do is make you happy. And I can't."
"What do you mean you can't make me happy? You make me happy every day, you make me happy now. Just being with you makes me happy." He replied, searching her face.
"But, the thing is I can't…you know? I can't do everything a wife should."
"What do you mean Anna? You're the perfect wife."
"But I can't be the perfect wife right now, you see? I can't, it's not ladylike for me to speak like this, but I can't go with you. Not yet anyway, it'd just be too much and I'm so scared to be that intimate any time soon, it'd just bring back the memories and…" she shuddered, tears forming again.
"Anna, please don't cry. You're talking nonsense. Whether we don't do that sort of thing for months, years even, I couldn't care less. We loved each other for an age before we could marry, before we could do any of that. And I'd wait an age for anything like that again, as long as you were happy."
Anna nodded, a blush staining her cheeks.
"We can take this as slow as you want, okay? If ever anything is too much just tell me stop, and I promise I will straight away. I won't do anything you don't want to. You just have to tell me." He brushed her blonde hair over her shoulder, and leant in to kiss her again. She smiled, and relaxed into his arms. They fell asleep pressed close together, Bates' arm around Anna's shoulder and her head resting on his chest. She finally felt safe in his embrace.
It was two hours later she woke him with the first nightmare. She was thrashing around, tears pouring down her cheeks.
Bates' heart sank. He hated to think that she might be reliving the rape. He never wanted her to relive that experience again. He grasped her shoulders and shook then gently, and then a little harder, just desperate to remove her from the distress she was so obviously experiencing.
She opened her eyes, looking around bewildered, tears still falling fast. And then she caught sight of Mr Bates and reached out for him, he drew her close, stroking her hair. She calmed enough to stop shaking, leaning her head against him, but the tears didn't end.
"I'm sorry." She sobbed. "I'm making such a fool of myself."
"Shh." Mr Bates responded, stroking her hair. "It's alright. You're safe now." He hated seeing her like this.
Finally she calmed down, and lay back exhausted, smiling weekly at her husband. Her eyes were red and her face tearstained.
"I'm sorry I woke you." She whispered
He simply smiled and continued to stroke her hair until she fell back to sleep. Only then did he shut his eyes and attempt to sleep too. But he was worried, and angry. He wished he could heal his wife, wipe away the memories and make her happy again. But he knew that was impossible.