Your eyes open slightly as you wake up. Enough so that you can see, but not too much – the sun is bright even through the curtains. The first thing you realise is that your throat hurts. Really hurts. Not just that hangover hurt, but a pain that you can't put her finger on. Your head is throbbing, too. You spot a glass of water and some painkillers on the chest of drawers next to the bed and start to sit up.
It's not until you move that you notice the gentle arm wrapped around your waist, the soft breath on your shoulder, the warm body pressed into your back. Then you remember. The smell of beer filling your head, the tightness of the belt around your neck, the glint of the knife in your rear view mirror.
You feel waves of nausea rising up from your toes right up to your head and have no time to get to the bathroom. Leaning over the side of the bed, you're almost too shocked to throw up when you see a bucket there, poised. It happens anyway and you grab a tissue to dab at your mouth.
The warm presence stirs and you turn over to face it. Tears escape as Julie opens her eyes and immediately adopts a worried look. She brings a hand up to your face to wipe away the tears and stroke your cheek. You lean into her touch and place your hand on top of hers, linking your fingers together.
'I had to be here,' Julie says, her voice quiet and breaking. You nod and your lip trembles. 'I had to know you were ok. I had to touch you to make sure that you were really there.' She bites her lip hard and her nostrils flare, something you know, from years of being inseparable, means that she's trying to hold back tears.
'You don't have to be strong for me, Julie,' you manage to say. It only comes out as a whisper as you tell her, 'Cry with me.'
She does. You're both sobbing as you wrap your arms around each other tightly. You can feel her hands grasping at your back, holding you close. It's the place you feel safest, in Julie's arms. You trust her with your life and you know that she feels the same.
Once you've both stopped crying, well, almost, you pull back slightly and look at her.
'How much did you know?' you ask.
'How d'you mean?'
'Were you involved in getting me out?'
Julie laughs drily.
'Involved? I was head of the whole bloody operation, you fool! D'you think I'd let someone else be in control of whether you lived or not?'
You're speechless. There was a part of you, on that journey across the country, that was convinced that Julie knew what was happening and was doing something about it.
'My knight in shining armour, eh?' Somehow, you manage to smile. Julie blushes. Julie never blushes at anything.
'Well... I mean... I was in charge, but... Janet and Rachel did most of the work, if I'm honest.'
'Don't be.' You frown.
'What?' Julie asks.
'Honest,' you say. 'I like to think that you saved my life.' Julie smiles at you, then her expression turns sombre.
'You did so well, Gill. I would have gone to pieces.'
Her face crumples again and you remember when she turned up at your house, drunk, one night when you were in your early 30s. She was almost inconsolable as she told you that she'd been dumped again. I'll never be happy, she said. I'll never be properly in love. Why can't I do relationships? You held her and told her that no matter how many girlfriends dumped her, you'd always be there and you'd always love her. That night, you abandoned Dave to sleep in the spare room with her, stroking her back as she sobbed into your chest until she fell asleep.
Last night, she had done the same for you, only you hadn't known it until this morning.
You stroked her face gently.
'How could I have ever given up when I knew that you were doing everything in your power to get me home safely? How could I ever give up while you exist?' You're crying again, but you couldn't care less.
It's unclear who initiates it – perhaps you're so in sync that it's simultaneous – but your lips press together in a desperate kiss.
You're not shocked at the fact you're kissing her. The two of you have shared many kisses over the years, casual pecks on the lips as a bit of fun or a greeting. You even had that drunken snog after your 25th birthday party, when you got back to the flat you were sharing.
The reason you're shocked is that this kiss is unlike any other you've ever experienced. It has so many different facets: desperation, tenderness, sadness, relief, want. But most of all, the overriding emotion that you feel from this kiss is deep, pure and unconditional love.
You gently pull back just enough to be able to focus on Julie's eyes. You've never been able to describe what colour they are – not quite green, not quite brown, and with a touch of grey. In a certain light, they can look almost blue. This morning, they're more brown than anything else.
It's always been clear to you that you love Julie. From the first time you met, she has always made you laugh and you've never fallen out for more than a day. But it was only yesterday, as you stopped the car on top of Flamborough Head, that you realised just how much you love her, just how much you need her in your life.
'Julie,' you say quietly and tentatively. She nods, smiling, and you reckon she knew what you were going to say before you did.
'Me, too.'