He sat at the edge of the rocks, looking down at the cascading water. So
beautiful, so resilient. Something he wish he could be more like.
Swinging his legs in the air, he became lost in own his thoughts. His head
and his heart ached with all the emotions he felt. Anger, hatred, love,
desire, and the overall feeling of being rejected. How could he have been
so stupid? He fell too hard, too fast and he realized that now. He
clouded his own insecurities with her. She was like the finish on an old
table--making it look new even though it was battered underneath.
Yeah, that was it--battered. That's what he felt like. Replaying the events of the evening, he saw himself on her porch again.
Sitting on the porch...scared to ring the bell.
I wait for you to see me...I sit scared as hell.
Rocking in the chair...hoping the squeaks bring you near.
I wait for you to hear me...I'm alone so filled with fear.
Pacing on the hardwood...not knowing what to say.
When you see me pacing...when you make your way.
Laying on your welcome mat...not feeling very welcome.
I guess you're in there sleeping
you're so peaceful when you sleep.
He looked up at the stars suddenly, as if he was being watched. Feeling a sudden rage of anger, he stood up violently. "Well nice of you to join me!" He shouted at the sky. "Why the fuck weren't you here earlier? Am I so damn entertaining now that I'm suffering silently? If you're here for the 'I told you so' bullshit, you can go fuck yourself!"
The feelings of rejection never do leave. He thought. No matter what I do. I should have given up a long time ago.
Freezing on the outside...
so cold but yet so sweet.
Your bodies on the inside...
I'd kill to feel your heat.
Dialing on my phone...the number of your phone.
I can't mash send....so now I'm going home.
But he never did go home. He came here again. Where he always goes when he feels like this--worthless. He needs her. He can't live without her.
Walking towards my car...I'm down about myself.
Getting in my car...I want to kill myself.
You make me feel complete...At the same time I'm me.
I'm so always not complete...without you I'm never free.
Free from depressive states...of mind, body, and soul.
Free from sad days with me...free from sad days alone.
He threw several rocks at the sky and continued shouting at nothing in particular. "You've never been there for me. Why the fuck do you let me fall on my face? I'd don't need your stupid shit to let me know I fucked it all up again. I'm not as stupid as I look. So you can take your concerned stares and shove them up your ass! I don't need you! I don't need any of this!" Angrily, he collapsed on the ground and pounded the earth.
"I don't need any of this, not a single fucking thing." He muttered to himself. He finally collected himself and sat up. He stood up violently and stood on the very edge of the rocks. Mesmerized by the flowing water, he stared at the cavern down below. It would be so simple, he thought. Just take one more step and it's all over. No more messing things up, no more bullshit. No more Just sleep. Sound asleep..
"Yeah that's it," he said aloud, "sound asleep." Starting to step forward, he hesitated. "You chicken shit!" He screamed at himself. "Come on! You want to sleep! " He tried again to end it all, but his body hesitated.
"Aghhh!" He shouted as he backed up from the edge. He grabbed his car keys in his pocket and walked briskly to his car. Blasting the heat, he angrily jammed it in gear and drove away.
Before he knew it, he was in her driveway again. He didn't want to come here, but he ended up here. Typical. She wasn't going to be there. She's never there.
Turning my ignition switch...bright lights start
shining through.
My eyes are blinded momentarily.....Holy Shit... ...It's you!
Someone was playing a trick on him. Maybe it was his heart. There's no way that shadow could be her. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe it's some robber coming to kill me. He thought. I'd welcome that just as much. This is bullshit. She's not coming. She was never going to come. He said as he threw the car in reverse again.
But it was her. She grabbed onto the door and flung it open. The night air and her smell flooded into the car. She smiled shyly and stepped into the car.
Sitting on the porch together...not worried about the bell.
We're looking in each other's eyes...
I'm no longer scared as hell.
This night will be a memory...
One that's sure to keep.
I didn't want to wake you...
I thought you were
Sound asleep.
Yeah, that was it--battered. That's what he felt like. Replaying the events of the evening, he saw himself on her porch again.
Sitting on the porch...scared to ring the bell.
I wait for you to see me...I sit scared as hell.
Rocking in the chair...hoping the squeaks bring you near.
I wait for you to hear me...I'm alone so filled with fear.
Pacing on the hardwood...not knowing what to say.
When you see me pacing...when you make your way.
Laying on your welcome mat...not feeling very welcome.
I guess you're in there sleeping
you're so peaceful when you sleep.
He looked up at the stars suddenly, as if he was being watched. Feeling a sudden rage of anger, he stood up violently. "Well nice of you to join me!" He shouted at the sky. "Why the fuck weren't you here earlier? Am I so damn entertaining now that I'm suffering silently? If you're here for the 'I told you so' bullshit, you can go fuck yourself!"
The feelings of rejection never do leave. He thought. No matter what I do. I should have given up a long time ago.
Freezing on the outside...
so cold but yet so sweet.
Your bodies on the inside...
I'd kill to feel your heat.
Dialing on my phone...the number of your phone.
I can't mash send....so now I'm going home.
But he never did go home. He came here again. Where he always goes when he feels like this--worthless. He needs her. He can't live without her.
Walking towards my car...I'm down about myself.
Getting in my car...I want to kill myself.
You make me feel complete...At the same time I'm me.
I'm so always not complete...without you I'm never free.
Free from depressive states...of mind, body, and soul.
Free from sad days with me...free from sad days alone.
He threw several rocks at the sky and continued shouting at nothing in particular. "You've never been there for me. Why the fuck do you let me fall on my face? I'd don't need your stupid shit to let me know I fucked it all up again. I'm not as stupid as I look. So you can take your concerned stares and shove them up your ass! I don't need you! I don't need any of this!" Angrily, he collapsed on the ground and pounded the earth.
"I don't need any of this, not a single fucking thing." He muttered to himself. He finally collected himself and sat up. He stood up violently and stood on the very edge of the rocks. Mesmerized by the flowing water, he stared at the cavern down below. It would be so simple, he thought. Just take one more step and it's all over. No more messing things up, no more bullshit. No more Just sleep. Sound asleep..
"Yeah that's it," he said aloud, "sound asleep." Starting to step forward, he hesitated. "You chicken shit!" He screamed at himself. "Come on! You want to sleep! " He tried again to end it all, but his body hesitated.
"Aghhh!" He shouted as he backed up from the edge. He grabbed his car keys in his pocket and walked briskly to his car. Blasting the heat, he angrily jammed it in gear and drove away.
Before he knew it, he was in her driveway again. He didn't want to come here, but he ended up here. Typical. She wasn't going to be there. She's never there.
Turning my ignition switch...bright lights start
shining through.
My eyes are blinded momentarily.....Holy Shit... ...It's you!
Someone was playing a trick on him. Maybe it was his heart. There's no way that shadow could be her. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe it's some robber coming to kill me. He thought. I'd welcome that just as much. This is bullshit. She's not coming. She was never going to come. He said as he threw the car in reverse again.
But it was her. She grabbed onto the door and flung it open. The night air and her smell flooded into the car. She smiled shyly and stepped into the car.
Sitting on the porch together...not worried about the bell.
We're looking in each other's eyes...
I'm no longer scared as hell.
This night will be a memory...
One that's sure to keep.
I didn't want to wake you...
I thought you were
Sound asleep.