Wilting
I'm not going to begin with my birth; the first part of my life was a series of uneventful, indistinguishable days. Instead, I will begin with the night that all changed.
I couldn't sleep that night. I should have been exhausted from all my work that day, but I tossed and turned. Finally, I decided to take a walk in the fields to clear my head.
You shouldn't go out by yourself. A voice rang in my head. Shush, I told it.
The cool and damp night chilled my skin a little. Selene was at her most radiant tonight, and bathed the countryside in her soft glow. I walked, just taking in the fresh smells, the dampness on my feet, and the perfectly soft ambiance of the world.
I had always loved night as much as I had day. Each has its own merits, I thought. The day had Helios shining his warm, comforting light upon the world, mixed with refreshing breezes, and the smell of the life and ripening grasses. After Nyx drew her veil over the sky, night was cool and secretive; some flowers only blossomed in the moonlight.
As I walked, I heard the faintest whisper of melody from a flute. An odd sound to hear, especially so late and so far from civilization. Curious, I wandered closer to the sound.
As I got closer and the melody became clearer, I realized that the song was one I'd never heard, and I knew most of the songs of men. It was dark, sad, lonely, and despondent. How could anyone play such melancholy music on a beautiful night like this?
Soon I saw a campfire and solitary being near it; obviously he was the one who was sending aloft the dour notes into the night. I stopped just inside the trees and watched them play. The song soon ended, and the flutist sat and stared at the fire.
I debated about talking to him, as the song had so moved me, and I wanted to meet the man behind it. Men are dangerous, the voice said.
Ignoring it, I stepped out from behind a tree. "Excuse me, but that was very beautiful." Of course, I knew it was foolish to talk to a stranger, especially a man; my mother always said so. I knew better than to reveal myself, but I sensed something in his music that spoke to my soul. I felt that, even though I didn't know him, he was a good and beautiful person. I sensed a kindred spirit.
He jumped, not expecting to have an audience, but he quickly recovered and smiled at me.
"I didn't know I would have such a lovely guest tonight," he said to me, "Tell me, are you the nymph of this grove?"
"Nymph? Surely not. I am the daughter of the great Demeter!" I informed him as I raised myself up and stood proudly.
"Are you now? Let's see – Persephone, is it?"
"Oh, how do you know my name?" I asked, surprised.
"Once I tell you who I am, you would have been surprised if I did not know who you are. I apologize for not recognizing you right away, but your mother has let few eyes set upon you since you were a babe."
"Now you're being enigmatic. Please, you have me at a loss, who are you?"
He rose and bowed to me. "I am Hades, ruler of the Underworld."
I was surprised to see the eldest son of Kronos and Rhea among my lowly flowers and trees. I felt no fear towards him, though it seemed like he searched my face for signs of it. The voice in my head yelled, run, he's dangerous.
"My lord," I returned his bow. "I had no idea that you would even come to the surface, much less a little-known place like this."
"It is precisely because this place is so remote that I chose it."
"Oh?"
He motioned for me to join him by the fire, which I did despite a nagging anxiety. I fought the anxiousness; he had been nothing but polite so far, and Hades had no reputation for playing a siren's song.
He continued, "Sometimes I like to get away from the stress of my duties, and just enjoy the world. You see, I don't often get to appreciate it, and gods and mortals fear me, so it is best if I go where they aren't."
"That sounds sad."
He shrugged. "It is how it is."
"Why do others fear you?" I asked, curious.
"I should ask you why you do not."
"Why?"
"Do you not fear me because you know of me and accept me, or just don't know me at all?"
"I said that I know you, my lord," I said, puzzled at his questioning.
"Ah, but do you know me, as in, what I do, what I am the god of, and what my kingdom is like?"
"I know that you rule the Underworld, but beyond that, I must admit ignorance on my part, my lord. Please, tell me about yourself."
"Yes, I am lord of the Underworld, where all the souls go when they die. I judge them, decide whether they have led a worthwhile existence or not, and punish or reward them accordingly."
"That sounds interesting," I replied.
"Does it now?" he said, shocked. "Most would loathe my job."
"Why?"
"Because it is depressing, gloomy, routine, and ceaseless. And my realm is cold and dark."
"So, they fear you then, because you aren't like them, and your kingdom is different than the heavens. Not to mention that someone has to do this work. That seems rather foolish of them."
"Do you always speak so plainly?"
"Yes," I smiled at him. "So tell me, what do you think of you? I don't care what others think."
His brow furrowed. "I– I don't believe anyone's ever asked me that before."
"Maybe you should think on it," I smiled again.
"Perhaps. But," here he held up his hand, "I believe it is getting late. Your mother might awaken and miss you, and I'm sure she would be horrified if she saw you with the likes of myself."
"Ah, yes, I must be getting back before my chaperones realize I'm away. I did enjoy visiting, however. We should meet again."
"Tomorrow night?"
"Yes, I should like that."
I stood, bowed good-bye to him, and slipped through the trees back to my shrine. As I walked home, a secret giddiness filled me. I was doing something forbidden. Mother surely would not approve, and it seemed as though he knew it as well. All the more reason to continue, I thought, smiling.
The second night, I waited until my mother was asleep before setting off. I found him in the same grove, playing his flute again. I quietly joined him and let him finish his playing.
"Good evening," he said, putting his flute down.
"Good evening," I replied. "That flute, I don't suppose you could teach me how to play? I've never learned any music, although I hear it often."
"Of course. Next time I'll bring a flute for you to play."
I smiled at him, pleased that he agreed so readily. We sat in silence for a few moments, unsure of what to say to each other.
I began, "I'm curious, what is your kingdom like?"
"I believe I already said, dark and gloomy."
"But surely, you don't see it that way. Tell me what you like about it."
"Hmm, all right. It's cold and dark, yes, but there are many torches and candles to light the way, so it's not like there's no light at all. And, there are some lovely chandeliers and sconces made from the jewels of the earth that radiate many different colors, instead of just the bright light we see here. Also, it's not that cold, because many rooms are heated with grand fireplaces."
"Actually, it sounds a lot like right now," I observed.
"How do you mean?"
"I mean our night sounds like your Underworld. It gets chilly at night, and hard to see, but the mortals, having discovered fire, light and warm things, much like you do. I do not think that the Underworld could truly be so awful, if it's like nighttime."
"Yes, but, nighttime all the time? There is no sun at all."
"That does sound a bit sad, yes, but not gloomy. It is how it is."
"Well, most do not see it that way."
"Who cares? What matters is that you like it."
"I suppose. It does mean the mortals fear me and do not worship me, except for obligations, like funereal rites. And I fear I have few visitors from Olympus; they dislike me and my realm."
"I see. Then, I think you need to change your image."
"What? How?" His eyelids narrowed, not quite squinting.
"I'm not sure exactly. Make the Underworld more inviting. Throw parties. You know."
"No, I do not know. I do not like parties."
"Oh, so you're a more solitary type."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry then. Please, disregard my advice."
"No, the fundamentals of your advice was fine. Perhaps there is a way to change my image in a way that is more suitable to me."
I smiled at him. "No one takes my advice, I think that's the first time someone has."
"Why is that?"
"Because my mother thinks I am a child, so she does not listen to me, and I rarely talk to others."
"You have no friends?"
"I do, I suppose. The nymphs my mother makes follow me. She pretends that they are my friends, but I know they are my guards."
"Guards? Who would harm you?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I think in some ways it is the other way around. Protecting me from myself. I am free to do as I like, as long as my mother agrees with it. But I am not allowed to go anywhere or do anything on my own."
I'm not sure what my expression was, but he reacted to it with one of concern.
"Then, perhaps you should not be meeting with me. I do not want you to get in trouble."
"No, no! It's not that. I – I like meeting you, it's exciting to do something that my mother doesn't know about. It's just that by being here with you, it makes me realize how sheltered and stifled I truly am. I long to see new things, try new things, and discover who I really am," I sighed again, "without the shadow of my mother."
"I am truly sorry for you. I wish I could help somehow."
"Thank you for your kind words." I smiled sadly.
We parted soon after that, the conversation having run its course, and agreed to meet again.
The next night, he was waiting for me. I had to wait later than usual as some of my chaperones stayed up late to prattle about some trivial matter.
He said, "I half wondered if you would show up tonight."
"Why is that? I keep my promises."
"Oh, I was not worried about you, lady, I was worried that your mother had found out, and prevented you from coming."
"She likely would, I'm sure, but I've gotten adept at keeping secrets from her."
"Is that so? Why do you not trust her?"
"I trust her well enough. It's that I feel like I hardly know anything of the world. Much of my experience is here, in these fields, growing various plants, grains, and trees. But, I've heard many wonderful stories, about men and women, and about the gods. It all seems so interesting and exciting, but when I ask my mother about these things, she chides me, and tells me that the world and men are so dangerous, and it's foolish to dream about them. But honestly, it doesn't stop my dreams at all."
"I hardly know you, lady, and yet you tell me your deepest secrets. Am I not a man, to be feared?"
"I know, it seems strange. I should be afraid of you, you are a stranger and a god, and yet somehow, I feel as though I can trust you. I think, if you were malicious, you would have done something by now."
"I must admit that I am pleased with your trust; it is not something I often experience."
We fell into a comfortable silence, each smiling at the other.
"So, you said you would teach me how to play music."
"Indeed," he said, and reached into his robe to pull out another flute, which he handed to me.
He showed me how to hold it, and how by covering different holes, many different notes could be played. I attempted it experimentally, and laughed when a jumble of notes came out. He patiently taught me each note, its name, and how to combine them to create a tune. We spent several hours practicing.
So caught up was I with my lessons, I almost didn't realize that it was becoming dawn, and hurriedly said my goodbyes, knowing he would understand, and raced home.
We met nightly after that, and we both took care to watch the time. We fell into a routine: I would practice with the flute, we'd play some tunes together, and then we'd talk.
"Do you have any lovers?" I asked him one night as he was tucking the flutes away. I feared to take one with me; its discovery would raise questions.
"Hmm? Why do you ask?" He did his hooded eyes thing again. His not-quite-squint seemed to emerge when it came to these questions. How had suspicion become such a habit?
"Oh, mother always told me about the Olympians, and the trysts and drama they get into. So I was curious if you do that yourself?"
His face relaxed, "No, lady, I have no lovers. I am waiting for the right woman."
"Who's that?" I asked, innocently.
"I don't know. I haven't found her yet."
"Oh. Well, how will you know when you find her?"
"I'll know because she will be wise and intelligent, strong, beautiful, and just. She will be a woman fit to be my queen."
"Your land has no queen?"
"No, I am sorry to say. It desperately needs one, but I shall not succumb to dalliances or trysts in order to find one."
"But aren't you lonely?"
"Not right now," he said with a straight face.
I laughed. "You know what I meant."
He smiled and continued, "Yes, I am lonely at times. There is often much work to be done, however, so I don't often think about it. That is why I desire a wife: I would like someone to help me rule my realm."
"What a lucky goddess she'll be. A queen, as great as Hera or Amphitrite."
"Greater."
"Really? Why?"
"I have more and am more powerful than Zeus or Poseidon."
"But Zeus is king of the gods. And I thought people hated you and your realm."
"They do, because they do not realize what riches it holds or the sway that I hold over life and death, and the earth itself."
"How can you hold sway over the earth?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"I keep the dead from wandering and swarming over the land, creating terror and pestilence. And my kingdom is so great, it rivals the earth itself, while holding riches deep inside it."
I was surprised to hear this. "I had no idea. But if your reach is so great, why don't people revere you instead?"
"It is a mystery. I suppose mortals do not like to be reminded of their own mortality. And the gods would rather flit about with their 'trysts and drama' than deal with duty as deadly serious as mine."
"It truly does seem like you need a wife then, a partner, to help you with your duties. One who loves your realm as you do, and would be glad to help manage it."
"Indeed, that is what I have been saying."
"But none of the goddesses please you?"
"No. Most do not have the necessary qualities. Of those that do, it appears they have no desire to be married."
"Oh, you mean like Athena, and her vow of chastity?"
"Yes, precisely."
We fell silent then. A thought did fly through my mind: could I be his wife and queen? A preposterous thought, surely. I knew I was beautiful; I was complemented often. I was not wise nor intelligent, and I had no idea if I was strong or just.
But it came time for me to leave again, and I said my goodbyes.
I spent the next day in thought, feeling increasingly melancholy as the day wore on. My companions noticed my somber attitude, but I put up a happy front, and told them I was merely deep in thought. That night, despite trying to calm myself, I was visibly upset when it was time to meet. When Hades asked me what was wrong, I blurted out my thoughts.
"Since meeting you, I feel like there's something wrong with my life. I know there's so much more out there, and yet, I am prevented from experiencing it. I cannot help but feel trapped, and honestly, I don't think I can continue like this. I love my duties, and I even love my mother, but I have no freedom. I–" panic began to enter my voice, "I have to get out of here. I have to live my own life, and yet, I feel like she will never let me. Every time I have brought it up, she immediately shuts me down. She tells me – like I don't know myself – what's best for me."
He was clearly sympathetic. "I wish I knew how to help."
I fell silent, my mind pouring over possibilities. An idea came to me, but I wondered if it was a long shot. "I have an idea, but I don't know if you will like it. You are king of your realm, yes? You have absolute authority, right? Take me there, with you. I would give anything to be out of here."
"Are you sure? It's not that I would mind having you as my guest, but I want to be sure that you would be happy, and not just running from one bad situation into another."
"You told me of your kingdom. I think it is agreeable. We get along well. You would allow me freedom that my mother wouldn't, yes?"
"Of course, lady, you would be my honored guest. You would be free to act as any visiting goddess would."
"Then how it could it be a bad situation? I would be allowed to grow as I pleased, no longer stunted by my mother's shadow. And if I was unhappy, you would let me leave, wouldn't you?"
"Of course, lady. You would be my guest, not a prisoner."
"Then let's do it! Let's leave now, before my mother wakes up."
"I'm sorry, Persephone, I cannot take you my realm right now. I have preparations to make for your stay. The soonest it could be would be tomorrow."
"Tomorrow, then. I will find some way to get away from my guards, and meet you here."
"As you wish. I will be ready to spirit you away to my home."
"Oh, thank you so much. You have no idea what a relief this is. I thought I might whither away if forced to live this way any longer."
I gave him the loveliest smile I could conjure and said goodnight.