To Forgive a Lie
An AndersxM!Hawke story

Garrett Hawke was very tired when he finally returned to his Estate that night. Another one of those noble parties had run late and it seemed like always that his hosts weren't keen on letting the Champion of Kirkwall leave when he felt like it. Of course why would they want him to leave? Odds were he was the reason half of the other guests even bothered to show up.

Poor man lost count of all those parents introducing their daughters to him in hopes of gaining a hero within their bloodline. Then there were those who greeted with false politeness but it didn't take a fool to pick up on the underlying vibes of disgust over his Ferelden blood.

As always Hunter his mabari greeted him at the front door as he walked in. He smiled at the creature. What wasn't to smile about when such a tall dog ran up to with no intention to harm you? He felt sorry for the messengers that came while he was out and had no previous knowledge of the friendly giant barreling towards them. Petting the dog on the head he started to move into the main room stopping to see fresh wood splinters on the rug in front of one of the wooden benches.

"Adding more character to the piece I see." He gave a knowing look to the hound that tilted his head to the side with a whine, "Don't play innocent with me. I would have thought you'd have lost interest in the furniture now that you have all of Aveline's Guardsmen to chew on."

Hunter barked happily spinning around in circles.

"I give up…" Garrett sighed walking into the main room.

"Welcome home Messere." Bodahn spoke with a smile.

"Good evening, Bodahn. Sandal." He gave a nod of acknowledgement to the boy who just smiled and proceeded to scratch himself.

"How was the party?" The dwarf asked always happy to have the Master home.

"About as eventful as a room full of stuffy nobles could possibly be." Hawke shrugged going to the work table next to the younger of the two dwarves. He sat down rubbing his eyes as a wave of exhaustion suddenly crashed into him leaving just a feeling of being completely drained.

A hand took hold of his shoulder with a surprisingly strong grip despite the friendliness of the gesture. One of the Champion's eyes peeked out from behind his own hand to see Sandal staring at him with an unusual look of concern, "You okay?" the blonde dwarf asked.

"I want to say yes… but that isn't the case, is it? I must look dreadful." Hawke rested his hand on top of Sandal's, "Thank you."

"Enchantment!" The boy pulled his hand free and went back to his work.

He could only give a tired laugh as he stood deciding to go to his room.

The bed was practically seducing him. He could almost hear it whispering his name telling him how much good a night's sleep would do him. Truly it had been far too long since he slept in his own bed it seemed.

So much had happened in the last few days it could be argued Hawke had lost control over himself. He'd taken mission after mission without pause. And when he wasn't, he was at those dreadful parties.

He stood before the wardrobe beside the bed removing his clothes that still reeked of noble society. He groaned in pain as his dress shirt slid down his arms brushing over angry wounds. He could feel the tender flesh coming undone beneath the bandages.

Carefully, he lifted a black long sleeve shirt up out of the cabinet. It was the one he usually wore under his sweater bearing the family crest. Sliding it on proved to be as fun as taking the other one off had been.

The cool soft fabric felt good against his aching form, which was good considering how with every passing minute his light clothes were beginning to feel like the heaviest of armor.

The door of the wardrobe creaked closed and Hawke turned to the bed where he pulled back the covers. He fumbled to fasten only a few of the lower buttons on the shirt as he sat down to what could quite possibly be the most sinfully soft bed in the world at the moment.

As soon as the pillow embraced his head, the world fell silent and the champion passed out for much needed sleep.

He woke with a start, sitting upright letting his panicked eyes dart around the room looking for something. Anything out of place… but there was nothing.

The hour was late and the rest of the household had long since turned in for the night. The roaring fire had died down leaving only a few faintly glowing embers in an otherwise dark room. The only light was from the bright full moon peeking in through open curtains bathing the room in either brilliant silver light or deepest shadow.

Hawke threw off the covers and stood not bothering to put his slippers on. There was a noise, he was sure of it. He moved through the room and out the door. His eyes adjusted quickly to the constant shift between shadow and moonlight.

He focused on listening for any clue as to where the sound had come from. He went to the top of the stairwell and tried to open the door to what had been his mother's bedroom.

When the door refused to give even an inch the Champion's head touched the hard wood with a sigh of relief. The thought of someone going through his mother's things after all this time was truly a maddening one and while he was thankful this one room was seemingly spared he had a noise to investigate.

Pushing himself away he slowly moved down the stairs keeping a hand on the railing to guide him through the darkness. He thought about getting a candle but he didn't want to alert whatever it was that made that noise. He hoped it was just something like Hunter or Sandal getting a late night snack.

By the time he reached the last step Hawke stopped frozen in his tracks. Why is it that nothing ever seemed to happen the way he wanted? All he wanted was to catch his faithful hound raiding the food stores… or maybe Gamlen stumbling in drunk off his arse proclaiming his love for the nephew he was so proud of.

Instead, it was the last person he honestly wanted to deal with at the moment, his lover.

"Garrett… you… you're awake." The voice only confirmed his suspicions. Already, he could feel emotions rushing to the surface but he bit his lip fighting them back.

There wasn't a shadow deep enough that could hide the look on the apostate's face. It was a strange combination of surprise, relief and something else. Nervousness? No, more like apprehension. It wasn't a surprise, really, given what had happened.

"Anders, was that you who made that noise?" Garrett said quietly in an attempt to keep his voice as even as possible.

"Noise?" The mage asked turning his head back into the room he came from for a moment before turning back, "Oh, yes. I must have let the door close a little too hard. I woke you, didn't I?" Anders took a step forward which made the Champion take a step back instinctively.

Having had his question answered Hawke turned suddenly to go back up the stairs. Now that there was no need to worry about an intruder he saw no reason to remain.

The sound of a second pair of footsteps was the first thing that alerted him to the other following him.

"So that's it?" Anders broke the silence not bothering to hide his disapproval.

Garrett stopped at the top of the stairwell but for a moment remained silent. From his spot on the steps Anders could think of no other sight that he had seen in his life that was as beautiful and dangerous has this man.

When the man finally turned to face the mage he was suddenly glad his love hadn't been born a mage. The way the moon light fell on the warrior really was quite a sight. Wearing nothing but a pair of pants and his usual black undershirt unbuttoned to reveal a generous expanse of flesh that appeared even paler when offset by dark shade of the man's hair freed from the usual pulled back style. The most piercing part of the picture was those brilliantly blue eyes Hawke had. In the light they almost seemed to glow with such intensity that had his man been a mage Anders was sure those eyes would be able to kill with only a look.

The apostate wasn't sure if he should be afraid or proud that he could make those orbs burn so brightly.

"Is that is?" The dark haired man repeated.

The underlying hiss in those words snapped the mage from his brief dreaming, "Ever since you came to the clinic a few days ago you've been going out of your way to avoid me, don't think I haven't noticed."

"I must admit, I am surprised you would." Garrett crossed his arms, "Or care for that matter." He added in a mumble.

"Garrett…please…" The blonde didn't want to fight; it wasn't why he had decided to come here at such a late hour, "Why are you acting like this?"

"…" For a moment the hard expression in those beautiful eyes broke and gave way to a look of sadness and pain before they closed and Hawke shook his head, "I-no… I don't have the energy to put up with this right now." With that, the champion once again turned and started back towards the bedroom without another word.

Hawke barely made it ten steps before a hand grasped his elbow and he found himself pushed roughly against the wall. It didn't take more than a moment for Anders to be back in front of him pinning his shoulders to keep him in one place.

"You don't have the energy because you've worked yourself into fatigue avoiding me. In the last few days you've taken several jobs throughout the city. One of which I know involved a High Dragon and a few dozen of her closest children." The mage's tone was full of worry as he leaned in resting his forehead against his lover's, "You didn't even bother to bring me along… Instead you took Merril! She can't heal you like I can. You… you could have died, love. Do you have any idea how much it would hurt me to lose you?" cupping the side of the trapped man's face he tilted it up until their eyes met, "After that you should have rested but you didn't, did you? You have also been going to more of those damned parties I know you hate. Why go so far as to jeopardize your own health?"

Hawke's stare became sharp as a knife once more as he seemed to summon enough strength from deep inside his tired body to shove the mage off him with a thud as the other hit the wall across the hall, "I'm pissed at you! Is that what you want to hear? The last three years I've given everything I am and more to you and how do you repay me? You manipulated me into getting what you want for a reason you refuse to tell me. So excuse me if betrayal brings out a less then sensible side of me." He was shaking with the amount of anger flowing through him. When had been the last time this kind of rage had gripped him so tightly, he didn't even know.

Anders pushed himself off the wall, "You think I enjoyed leading you on like that? I wanted to stop and tell you so many times but I couldn't risk it. If betraying you in the price I must pay in order to protect you then so be it." Why was it so hard for Hawke to understand? What was being lost in communication?

"What makes you think I need protection? Whatever comes I think I can take care of myself or is your faith in me really that lacking." Garrett's expression shifted again into that of a sad one, "I don't care why you lied. All that matters is that you did. I thought you trusted me…"

The apostate just watched his love for a moment taking in the changing emotions that flashed across those eyes that seemed to darken and become clouded in an instant. At times, he knew this man to be hard to read and stubborn, and others, like now those emotions were so clear. It was painful to see this strong man break down like this, "I-" he started but stopped when there was a sound from down stairs, A voice and the click of dog's nails. Anders spotted the glow of a candle from down in the main room. He bit his lip watching the glow to see if it was going to go upstairs.

It seemed like forever before the light fades and the sounds ceased. The mage sighed in relief, the last thing the two of them wanted was someone interrupting. Or that was what he thought until he turned back to the opposite wall that Hawke was no longer against. The warrior had taken the moment to retreat back into the bedroom.

With a growl he pursued the man into their shared room. Once inside he reached behind himself to grasp the edge of the door slowly closing it until he heard the soft click followed by a second signaling the lock turning into place.

Walking deeper into the room he opted to set his staff down against the wall as he spotted Hawke standing in front of the window with his back to him. Anders moved until he was directly behind the other man, "I do trust you," he spoke softly lifting a hand to touch the other's waist, "I wouldn't have asked you to help me gather what I needed if I didn't."

"All that proves is you trust my blade, not my heart."

"Perhaps you're right." He admitted brushing a lock of dark hair away from Hawke's pale throat, "I thought my selfish side vanished when Justice came along, but that doesn't seem to be the case." The mage moved in closer placing his hands on both of his love's arms.

"Answer me this then…" The champion seemed to tense at the gentle touches.

"I'm listening."

"What have you done with the man who once visited me one late night so many years ago? He was here once but he may have lost himself. It scares me to think I may have missed something that would have prevented this. I can't stand the thought that I'm going to fail another important person in my life." His voice was soft and it wavered from time to time.

Hawke could feel the hands fall from him and the heat of the body behind him pull away. For a moment he expected to hear the door be unlocked and open to let the mage disappear. It made him feel even colder inside as he waited for the sound and loneliness. The anger that had burned strongly in his breast died down to resemble the embers in the fireplace leaving him with only the desire to have the lover he had avoided back beside him. Had he chosen wrong? Was he a fool for not taking to heart all the warnings others had given him that he was in for only pain?

He nearly jumped when he saw a familiar figure slide in next to him and an arm slip around his waist. Despite this he only looked away feeling a little foolish for his thoughts a moment ago but a hand reached up and caught his chin. He felt like a child who had just done something wrong and wouldn't look the parent in the eye.

"That man is still here," The blonde said tenderly stroking the side of Hawke's face with his thumb, "And he could never blame you." A small smile graced his lips when those blue eyes finally met his, "Sometimes I think I really don't deserve you and yet you still stick with me…even though I know I've upset you greatly. You truly are the light of my life."

"I told you, didn't I?" The warrior pulled away only to get a better look at the blonde apostate, "You are not going to lose me. Stop worrying about my safety and my life here. I've spent most of my life moving time and time again to keep my Father and Sister out of the Templar's and the Chantry. I have no problem turning back to that life." The dark haired man narrowed his eyes as make a point, "So don't you dare question my commitment to your Cause and Justice can keep his mouth shut about me leaving because it isn't going to happen."

"What about all this?" Anders gestured to the room, "You've worked hard to pull yourself out of poverty. You are someone now. Is throwing all this really worth it?"

"Anders, I did all this to better my family's livelihood. I didn't want them to live in Low Town any longer, especially with Gamlen. I wanted to restore my mother to everything that was rightfully hers. I've experienced this life my mother lived and that is enough for me. Besides, I bought this place back once… I can always do it again if need be. "

One moment there was nothing but silence the next the mage had lunged forward pinning Hawk to the wall beside the window. Pain shot through the warrior as the Apostate's hands dug into the tender flesh of his arms that screamed to be released. Blood could practically be felt welling up through the wounds soaking into the bandages. He wanted to voice his discomfort but was halted when the other's mouth crashed into his. For a moment, there was a brief flashback of their first kiss. Of course, without Hawke trying to claw at Anders' elbow in an attempt to loosen the grip on his tortured flesh.

It truly was something straight out of their past together. The kiss was strong, full of the mage's desperation just to touch and do these simple actions again with his lover. It was kind of nice to see Hawke could still drive the blonde mad with desire.

Despite the pain and now exhaustion creeping back over him, he did enjoy the moment. While the last few days had been spent in anger towards the mage, there was no denying the feeling of longing as well. Cutting someone out of his life that he usually spent so much time around was hard.

His arms were freed as Anders' arms moved to instead cup the side of Hawke's face and wrap around his waist. Moaning in relief, the kiss broke for a moment and they stood together, sharing the same breath.

"I take it you approve then?" Garrett whispered with traces of breathlessness still lingering in his voice. He leaned against the other resting his head on a feathered pauldron, nuzzling the mage's neck with his nose.

A soft laugh sounded to his ear, "Yes". The apostate shifted slightly to tighten his hold on the dark haired man resting on him. Golden Brown eyes drifted warmly to parting black hair that seemed to caress the pale neck beneath, teasingly inviting the blonde to touch it. One of the many temptations he found himself overcome with when in the presence of his love, "Garrett?"

"Hmm…?"

Anders couldn't help but smile at the sleepiness that had settled in Hawke's voice, "Promise me something…" He brought his fingers up to comb through those dark locks.

A blue eye peaked up at the mage, "What is it?"

Their positions shifted again until the blonde held the Champion's face between his hands and the Warrior's hands held onto the ones holding him, "Don't ever shut me out again. I know you were upset with me but please… I'd rather feel your anger then suffer your silence. I can't stand you starving me like that, my love. These past few days, I've been in a state of near panic. I wanted to see you so badly but you blocked all my chances. Promise me… Promise me you won't hide from me again." There was a sudden note of pleading in the mage's voice.

"That promise won't be made." His voice wavered slightly as the pad of the other's thumb traced his lip, "Not until I get an oath that you will be truthful with me from now on. No more jerking me around with ridiculous lies of potions."

"…Still on that, huh…"

"Did you really think I'd let you off the hook so easily?" Hawke sighed and pulled those hands from his being but he held the hands in front of him, grip firm to prevent the other from escaping.

"I had hoped yes. I'm eager to put this behind us… but I know you better than that." Trapped hands stretched in an attempt to touch their captor but the more they tried that farther they were held away.

"I want this to end, Anders. I don't like avoiding you anymore then you enjoy being avoided. I want to share my bed, and myself, with you again. Please, my love, give me this. I don't ask for much." It was the Champion's turn to beg. Why was it so hard to make this man see this one lie could ruin everything between them?

Just hearing the words 'my love' roll off Garrett's tongue made his insides do a backflip. "What you ask isn't as easy to give as I would want it to be." His eyes met those blues before falling to floor. He knew that all this wouldn't have happened if he'd only been honest about his intentions with those ingredients, "Alright." His eyes met the warrior's again with a look of defeat, "I give you my oath that from this moment on I will be honest with you with any of my future intentions. May the Maker strike me down the moment I break this vow." He twisted his wrists managing to somehow break the hold on his hands and capture the others in a similar hold, "Your turn."

The surprise wasn't missed on the Champion's face. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Anders wasn't as weak as his actions could lead one to think, "I swear on the graves of my fallen family that I will not turn you away the next time I find myself upset for any reason. If this vow is broken may my life end upon Andraste's flaming sword." His gaze never once left that of the other's.

"Come on… I'm not wasting another minute. We're going to bed." Anders remarked pulling Hawke with him around the bed. He shoved the warrior onto the mattress while he worked to remove his robes quickly, not caring where they landed.

While he wasn't happy about be pushed again, Garrett was pleased that tonight would finally end the loneliness that had set in. He pushed himself back up to crawl back under the covers.

The sounds of boots falling to the floor and a sudden dip in the cushions alerted him to his lover climbing up and under the covers. They rolled around under the sheets until a comfortable position was found. Anders snuggled in with his head nestled under Hawke's chin. They kissed, exchanging silent promises for the morning that would most likely involve exploring each other's bodies to make up for missed time. Settling in, they both drifted to sleep for the first time in days content to not be alone.

Thanks again to MyraHellsing for editing this for me!

I've had this in my head since I played the Justice mission in Dragon Age 2.

Yeah I wanted to punch Anders soooo badly but I still love him. This is also my attempt to even out the M!Hawke to F!Hawke stories out there. No offense to those who have a F!Hawke... its just I think there needs to be more M!Hawke love out there.

Thanks for Reading! Hope you enjoyed!