Title: Choices
Fandom: Pretty Little Liars
Spoilers: 1x06 "There's No Place Like Homecoming"
Summary: She didn't pick you. She doesn't like you like that. But it's hard to hide the pain behind a painted smile.
Pairing/Characters: Emily/Maya. Emily Fields, Maya St. Germain,
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
You hate school events like this. You hate showing up for some lame dance that is covered in cheesy left over prom decorations and overrated pop songs. You especially hate this dress that you think is far too tight and completely the wrong shade for you, even though your mother swears that you look beautiful. Yet, the thing that you hate the most about this night isn't the lame decorations, the overrated music, this dress or the fact that you don't necessarily like any one here. No, the thing that hurts you the most is seeing her here with him instead of you. It should be you. It should be you.
Emily Fields is nothing like what you had expected her to be be the day that you met her with her adoring smile and sparkling eyes. When she told you that she was a jock that day on the walk home from school, you couldn't help but smile at her. She did have the body, you smirk, the toned arms, the flat stomach and the slim waist. You never really had a jock friend before because you've never really liked jocks but Emily... Emily is different. Breath taking, heart stopping kind of different. There is more to her than she would ever let any one see, you know. She is more than just the pretty jock who was best friends with the girl who was found murdered a year after her disappearance, she is so much more than just one of them. And you realized the moment that you kissed her for the first time exactly how different Emily Fields just may be from all the rest like her.
You have never been one to question your sexuality, for you, it's always been kind of obvious since the first grade when you told your mother that you were going to marry your babysitter. Sure, you liked boys, hell, you even had boyfriends but none of them ever made you feel the way that a girl has with one touch or a simple bat of her eyelashes. Telling your parents had been the most simplest conversation of your lives together, your mother shot you playful care as your father told you that they already knew and you were beginning to wonder why this gay thing was such a big deal when Emily just happened to appear into your life. Like a falling star, she came into your life fast and hard with a brilliant flash of light following her every move, like a star she is beautiful and yet untouchable. At least for the time being. You're sure that you aren't the first girl that she has kissed, for she is far too good at it, but you are hoping that you may be the last. Except, Emily, unlike you, isn't so comfortable with her sexuality, especially now with all of this Allison drama going on.
You told her that night that you would wait for her no matter how long it took because you cared about her. It was true. Painfully true, you sigh. You know that you will do whatever it takes to prove to Emily that you are nothing like the rest of them, nothing like her boyfriend, nothing like Allison or that boy that she brought with her to the homecoming dance tonight. She needs space and time, she told you that, and you promised that you would give it to her. It's that promise that is keeping you from marching over to her and crashing your lips into hers because she looks so sexy in that dress and it's getting exceptionally hard as the minutes drag on to simply look and not touch. You're waiting for her, pretending like it doesn't kill you to see her with him, because you care. But you are beginning to wonder exactly how long you are going to have to wait to be the object of Emily Fields' affection because your heart isn't so sure how much more of this it can take.
You should have known something was up when Hanna approached you in the hallway. Hanna Martin is a popular blond with a pocket full of money and a smile that could melt any one's heart. Hanna doesn't just talk to any one, especially the new girl who just happened to move into her dead best friend's house. You hate yourself for not noticing the warning signs that came with her gorgeous smile and sparkling eyes, you hate yourself for ever listening to her in the first place. She said that Emily wanted you to come to the dance and you wanted to believe her. You wanted to believe her because you wanted Emily to finally realize how great you two are together, you wanted to believe her because maybe, just maybe, Emily had decided to come around after all. You wanted to believe her because Emily did, in fact, ask you if you were interested in going to the dance. You wonder if you had said yes if it would be you she is dancing with now instead of Toby Cavanaugh. Clearly, Hanna was wrong. Emily didn't want you here. She hasn't even truly acknowledged you tonight.
You know that you shouldn't be watching her, for it only causes more harm than good. There are plenty of people here, both boys and girls who look exceptionally beautiful that you could be dancing with, there are people who can make you forget about Emily and her beautiful smile that nearly makes your heart skip a beat every time she flashes it at you. But you don't want any one else, you sigh. You don't want to think or put effort forth to actually make it seem as if you are interested in the teenager that you are dancing with. You don't want to have to pretend like she doesn't hold every piece of your heart when she clearly does. No, you don't want any one else. You just want Emily. That hasn't changed from the moment that you first kissed her in your driveway that afternoon. You are just waiting, hoping, that maybe Emily just may want you just as much as you want her.
She looks beautiful tonight, you smile. Her hair bouncing the most eloquent way upon her shoulders, her dress curving in all the right places to show off her amazingly perfect features, her eyes sparkling against her dark skin. You're sure that Toby has told her exactly how beautiful she is tonight, for he would be a fool to have not, but you know that there is no way that he could mean it the way that you would. You want to tell her, you want to show her exactly how beautiful you think she is, but it's not your place and you know that. And knowing that creates a thousand cracks in your heart every single time that she looks at you.
Emily Fields is not yours, she may never be yours and it's that fact that you must learn to live with. She had the perfect boyfriend when you first showed up in this quiet little town and now she is dancing with a boy who doesn't deserve her. She is a jock, popular, beautiful and maybe, you sigh, maybe you were a fool in the first place to even think that somebody like her could ever love someone like you. She's perfect, your heart melts, like a delicate, fragile piece of artwork and you would treat her like the princess she truly is. But she isn't your princess and you can't change that, no matter how much your heart longs for her. This is a decision that Emily has to make for herself and clearly she's made it already.
She didn't pick you. She doesn't like you like that. But it's hard to hide the pain behind a painted smile. And you can't hide it anymore, at least not here with her beauty standing before you. You take a step to leave but you are blocked by a similar beauty with sympathetic eyes who smiles sadly at you, but you know it's fake.
"I'm sorry, Maya. I really thought that she liked you. I mean, I saw the pictures and everything and she blushed when I asked you about her. She told me that she wanted to ask someone to the dance but she was afraid as to how every one would react to her bringing them as their date. I just... I thought that was you. I wanted it to be you," Hanna apologizes with a sad smile and you simply nod your head, faking the most pained smile upon your face.
"Yeah. Me too," You reply with a wink, tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you push yourself past her. You force yourself through the crowd of teenagers in overly priced clothing, mumbling a soft excuse me under your breath. Glancing over your shoulder, you noticed them all huddled together, all in similarly expensive dresses and hairstyles that even the celebrities would die for. Aria Montgomery. Spencer Hastings. Hanna Martin. And your ever so beautiful Emily. Your stomach churns upon seeing them, how could you not see it before? How could you be so unbelievably naïve to simply ignore something like this? They didn't care about you or any one else for that matter. No, you chuckle, they may pretend like they care and smile in your direction but at the end of they day, they were all just a bunch of pretty little liars.
You are halfway down the school parking lot, racing to your car as the tears blind your eyes when the most beautiful, melodic voice calls out your name and your heart skips a beat in your chest.
"Maya!" It's Emily. She's chosen to come after you. You aren't sure if it's because Hanna told her that you were visibly upset when she saw you or if it is because she saw you leaving the dance far too early for her approval but you refuse to let your heart believe that she is coming after you because it's something that she wants to do. You've let your heart fool you into believing a lot of things about Emily Fields and it has paid you off in nothing but one of the biggest heart breaks in your life as the tears threaten to spill from your dark eyes tonight. You refuse to make that mistake again. No, you snort, you are not going to play the role of the love struck fool for some jock, no matter how beautiful she is.
"Maya! I know you can hear me! Would you just stop? Please! We need to talk!" Her voice is pleading and you find yourself suddenly immovable as her footsteps approach you. Like an hour glass glued to the table; immovable and clearly out of time. You turn to face her, your breath instantly caught in your chest with a sharp pain as her beauty washes over you in waves. But you can't let her do this to you, you sigh as you fumble with the clutch in your hands, you deserved more than to be strung along just waiting for her to make up her mind if she loved you back or not. She stops in front of you, the most gorgeous smile upon her face and for a moment you forget exactly why you are even upset with her in the first place.
"You look... amazing," Emily smiles at you and you swear your heart melts at the sight of it. How could she not see it? How could she not see how in love with her you truly are? You are sure that it is written all over your face every time that she looks at you, the way your knees shake and your palms get sweaty and your heart races every time that she is near.
"Thanks. So do you," You smile, gesturing toward the beautiful dress that adorns her well toned body. The blush curls within her perfect cheeks as she bats her eyelashes at you and it takes everything inside of you to keep yourself from falling in love with her all over again.
"I thought you said that this wasn't your scene. What made you change your mind?" She intrigues. You did, you whisper inwardly. You, with your beautiful body, your soulful eyes and breath taking smile. You, with your melodic voice, your soft touch and kind heart. You changed everything about me, you want to say but you can't. She isn't yours. She isn't your date. You're not even sure if she is your friend at this point and you can't... you won't... risk losing her. Not like this. You shrug your shoulders slightly, glancing at the Blackberry in your hand before your eyes meet hers and you nearly forget how to breathe.
"I really should be getting home," You sigh, turning toward you car but her fingers around your wrist stops you. Because she always stops you and she always will. Every single time. No matter what. You turn to her and the look held within her russet brown orbs cuts you to the core, it's like an ice cold hand reaching into your chest and jerking your heart out. Oh, how you loved her so, but you know deep down, your love will never be enough to keep her.
"Maya... hey. What's... what's wrong?" asks Emily but you don't to tell her. You refuse to lie to her, because you love her far too much to be anything less than honest with her and you know that it's the truth that she can't handle hearing. Not on a night like this. Not with everything else that is going on in her life. Instead, you stare at a spot on the pavement, counting every breath that she takes, listening to every beat of your heart as it silently calls her name.
"Hey, come on. You know you can tell me. You're my best friend," The word cuts you to the core of everything that you are, it stops your heart and steals your breath and suddenly, every wall comes tumbling down. Suddenly, the remarkable amount of strength that you held is gone and you start breaking in front of her, one piece at a time.
"Best friend? Yeah. I guess that's all I'll ever be then, huh?" You snap and she pulls away, slightly surprised at the tone that you are daring to take with her and honestly, you are surprised yourself. For so long, you have been able to control your temper, bite your tongue and pretend like it doesn't hurt you but you're tired of pretending to be something that you're not. You are just sick and tired of it.
"Maya..."
"You know, I should have known something was up when she cornered me in the hallway. I mean, she is Hanna Martin, she doesn't go out of her way to talk to people. Especially people like me. But when she told me that you wanted me to come to this stupid homecoming thing, I believed her. I wanted to think that maybe you did want me here, that maybe you finally decided that you and I are great together and screw every one else who thinks otherwise. I believed her because you asked me if I was coming to this stupid thing and I wanted to believe that you were actually giving us a chance. But really, it's my own fault. It is. Because you all are just a bunch of pretty little liars and I should've known better. God, I can't... I can't believe that I was stupid enough to actually believe that you cared about me," You snap, your voice cracking as the tears flush within your eyes. She stands frozen for a moment, her lips parted as a quiet gush of air escapes from within her and a sound that you can't quite identify. You want to leave, you want to make a run for it and never look back but you can't help but want to hear something from her, a response, an acknowledgment that you have spoken to her.
"Look, I'll just... I'll see you later, alright?" You exclaim, turning to leave but her voice, shaking, stops you.
"I do care about you, I'm not lying. I did want you here tonight. I wanted you to be my date. I asked you if you were coming to this and you told me that it wasn't really your thing so I decided to not push it, I didn't want you to come to something that you hated. Hanna knew that I wanted you to come, she knows that I like you, so that's why she told you. I did want you here but you said that you didn't want to go so..."
"So, you decided to go with Toby Cavanaugh instead? Because that totally helps our situation, Emily!" You reply harshly and her face falls slightly. Inside, your stomach is twisting in knots as you beg yourself to stop but you can't, for this anger and jealousy and love is a force that you have no control over, no matter how badly you wish that you did.
"I couldn't just show up alone! He had an extra ticket, he wanted me to go with him and after everything that has happened between all of us and him and Allison, I couldn't just turn him down. So, yeah, I went with him and he is a great guy, despite what you and every one else thinks about him. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't want him as my date, I wanted you. But people... people would talk, you know? I'm the jock, one of the best swimmers on the team and people talk enough about me already since Allison's murder. I couldn't just show up to the homecoming with a girl, especially the girl who moved into her old house. I mean..." She's clearly upset from the inner war that she is fighting inside and you wish that you could make it better for her, but you can't. This is a decision that Emily has to make for herself, you sigh, a decision that she has to make now or never.
"People talk. It's what they do. They don't have a life so they like to make the lives of those who actually do, a living hell. People are going to talk about you, no matter what you do. Whether it's showing up to this dance with me or getting the best time in your next meet. Some of it is going to be good and some of it is going to be bad. You just... you have to learn to handle it. You're not bulletproof and I know that but you can't live the rest of your life in fear of what people are going to say about you," You sigh, slightly shaking your head. She stands still for a moment, her eyes staring deep into yours and you wonder if she is contemplating what you have said, if she truly understands that she can not keep living her life like this.
"I thought you said that you would wait because you cared about me," Emily whispers and it nearly breaks your heart. You nod your head, your face falling as you purse your lips together in a mumbling sigh, maybe she is right. Maybe you are pushing her too hard or maybe you are coming on too strong or maybe none of this was ever meant to happen in the first place. You're not sure anymore. You're not sure of anything except for one thing. You love Emily Fields and nothing, not even God himself, could change that.
"I do care about you, Emily. More than you know. And I am waiting for you. But eventually... if you don't at least let me know that somewhere inside of you that you may have some kind of feelings for me... I'm going to get tired of waiting. You can't just keep people hanging around. It's not fair. It's not fair to me or to you. Eventually you're going to have to make a decision," You mumble, catching the sparkle in her eye. She's your own personal star, you smile, shinning bright and beautiful for you and nobody else would ever see her the way that you do. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, rubbing the crook in her neck as she glances over her shoulder before her eyes meet yours yet again.
"You're right. I know you're right. I just... Aria, Spencer and Hanna..."
"The entire time that I have known you, you have done everything that they have wanted you to do. I don't know if it's because of Allison or what... but you guys... you're unbreakable. You're a pack. You never do anything without one another or one another's approval and I get that, you know? I respect it. But eventually... you're going to have to do something that you want to do. You're going to have to stop living your life for everybody else, stop caring what everybody else things and do what YOU want to do. Because you're going to miss out on some..." But she stops you in the most amazing of ways as her lips collide hard with yours. You can't breathe as you wrap your hands around her neck, swaying your body close to hers. You can feel her smile into your kiss and your heart races in your chest, her hands curving at your waist as she pulls away, heaving to catch her breath.
"That is what I wanted to do. I want you. I want us. And I want to make it work," She smiles at you and you are so happy that you swear you are going to explode in a thousand different pieces as the smile spreads on your face. She smiles at you, batting her eyelashes with a smirk and you know that she has you wrapped around her finger.
"But what will people say? The best female swimmer on the swim team dating the girl who moved into her best friend's house a year after she was murdered?" You joke and she simply shrugs her shoulders.
"Someone wise once told me that people are always going to talk about you. Some of it's going to be good and some of it's going to be bad but it shouldn't stop you from living your life. I don't care what people say, as long as I have you, that's all that matters to me," She replies and you kiss her again, the same amount of power and passion behind this kiss as the one before. Your tongue curls around her teeth as you dig your nails into her back and a low moan vibrates in the back of her throat and your heart races so loudly, you swear that she can hear it. Pulling away, she kisses the bridge of your nose with a smirk and you know that she has you; she has all of you.
"Will you, Maya St. Germain be my date? Be my girlfriend?" Emily asks, her voice shaking and you smile at her obvious nervousness. It is moments like this in which she stopped being the jock or the popular girl or the best friend of the dead girl, it is moments like this in which she is her true, beautiful self and you love that you can bring out this side in her that nobody else gets to see.
"It's about damn time you asked me. I would love to be your girlfriend, Emily Fields. Always and forever," You smile as your lips meet hers and she smiles against you and you swear your heart stops. She's broken you, she's changed you but kissing her now, you realize that she was more than worth waiting for.
Reviews would be great.