The Ember Island Slayers

For Demonlord Zamael

"Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can't see a thing from up here."

"Don't worry. I'll tell your feet what's happening."

Toph looked content with this, so I turned around to face the stage as the curtain rose. First thing up: two waterbenders in a little canoe.

The fat one was supposed to be me.

It's not real, I told myself, and felt my eyes light up as Sokka grabbed my shoulder. He pointed to me, to himself, to me, to himself, excitedly. This was pretty close to being famous.

Stage-Me puffed out a meleodramatic sigh, clutching her fist to her large bosom. "Sokka, my only brother. We constantly roam these icy South Pole Seas and yet...never...do we...find anything...fulfilling..."

Never in my life have I used so many hand-motions, pleading looks or emphasized words.

At least Stage-Me didn't speak with a heavy country accent. "All I want is a full feeling in my stomach! I'm starving!" Stage-Sokka held up his hands for the rolling laughter that followed, none of it from me or my brother. We gave each other Looks.

Maybe this play wasn't so great?

You think?

Stage-Me gave her stage-brother a withered look. "Is food the only thing on your mind?"

"Well, I'm trying to get it out of my mind! And into my stomach! I'm starving!" Stage-Sokka held out his hands again, and again laughter and cheers met his horrible impersonation of Real-Me's Real-Brother! Fire Nation citizens might have been crazy, but applauding this... I cringed and crossed my arms.

Sokka grabbed my shoulder again. "This is pathetic! My jokes are way funnier than this." The look I gave him was one of, How can you be so sure? but I did agree.

Toph's hands were behind her head. She laughed along with the rest of the uneducated crowd. "I think he's got you pegged!"

Sokka blanched.

Stage-Me bent over and raised an arm above her head in hopeless despair. Or something like that. She wasn't too good an actress. "Every day the world awaits a beacon to guide us. Yet none appears!" Sigh... "Still we cannot give up hope, for hope is all we have! And we must never relinquish it!" She grabbed the side of the canoe in more hopeless despair, showing us a bit too much of her giant bosom. Real-Me keeps that covered, thank you. "Even to our dying breath!" Stage-Me dissolved into over-dramatic sobs.

I kept my arms crossed tightly over my own chest. "That's just silly. I don't sound like that."

Sokka, Suki and Toph fell over themselves laughing.

Toph put her hands behind her head again, still grinning. "Oh man, this writer's a genius!"

You just wait until he butchers your character! Then we'll see who's laughing.

A light on stage began to glow. Stage-Me raised herself from the ridiculous sobbing pose as an icy piece of scenery went squeaking by behind her, and she gasped. "It appears to be someone frozen in ice! Perhaps for a hundred years."

"But who? Who is the boy in the iceberg?" said Stage-Sokka. Aang bent eagerly over the side of the railing for a better look at his stage-self.

"Waterbend! Hiyah!"

What did Stage-Me just say? Let's replay that.

Waterbend! Hiyah!

Waterbend! Hiyah!

Did she not understand that making up funny names for action moves was Sokka's thing, not mine? Talk about not being true to character.

At any rate, the giant ice ball cracked open in the middle as Stage-Me, Stage-Sokka, and the rest of the crowd watched in wonder. Who should dance out but Stage-Aang, winking, and...being a woman? Even I felt the avatar's pain at that one. Stage-Me's eyes widened. "Who are you, frozen boy?"

Stage-Aang giggled. "I'm the avatar, silly." He--she?--balanced on one leg and spun around. Ballerina much? Not that Stage-Me was even fit enough to pull off half those moves; she'd probably topple off the stage from her girth.

Aang finally put the pieces together. "Wait, is that a woman playing me?"

Yes. Yes it was. And Stage-Appa, who roared up behind Aang's counterpart, looked like a New Year's dragon with all the bells, whistles and make-up it bore. It bounced around the stage to music--the music was probably the best thing about this entire play.

Stage-Me gasped and grabbed onto Stage-Aang's pant leg. "An airbender. My heart is so full of hope that it's making me tearbend!"

Worst. Line. Ever.

Stage-Sokka threw his hands back into the air and grabbed Stage-Aang's other leg. "My heart is so empty it's making me tearbend. I need meat!"

Stage-Aang put her arm around Sokka. "But wait! Is that a platter of meaty dumplings?"

"Ooh! Where, where?"

This was just sad.

Stage-Aang guffawed and crossed her legs. "Did I mention I'm an incurable prankster?"

Real-Aang narrowed his eyes, looking ready to air-fire-earth-waterbend the entire theatre to bits. I admit that would've been a major improvement. "I don't sound like that! That's not what I'm like! And I'm not a woman!"

Toph, again, was enjoying herself. "Oh, they nailed you Twinkletoes!"

Just you wait.

Enter a giant Fire Nation ship. Gee, wonder who this could be? Zuko tensed beside me as the Stage-FatMan--Uncle Iroh, I assumed, no offense to the general--spoke first. "Prince Zuko, you must try this cake."

"I don't have time to stuff my face. I must capture the avatar to regain my honor!"

"Well, maybe while you do that, I'll capture another slice." Stage-Iroh held up the cake and licked his lips.

Oh, brother.

xXoOoXx

One stolen waterbending scroll, giant blue mask, giant-haired Jet, giant-haired Princess Yue, floppy killer fish, much needed intermission, man-Toph, half-dead Jet, awkward stage moment between Stage-Me, Stage-Zuko, and our Stage-horomones, and I was squirming in my seat. Zuko and I had slid as far away from each other as possible for this scene.

"You know, Zuko, I've always found you attractive."

That was Stage-Me. Not Real-Me. For the record.

"You don't have to make fun of me!"

Stage-Zuko. He seemed a bit disgruntled.

"Oh, but I'm not. I've had eyes for you since you first captured me." Stage-Me batted her eyelashes and leaned over to reveal a bit more of that overexposed bosom from earlier while I whithered in my seat. Honestly, who were this writer's sources again and what were they smoking?

"Wait. I thought you were the avatar's girl."

Stage-Me guffawed. I do not guffaw. It's not real, Katara, it's not real.

"The avatar? Why, he's like a little brother to me." Well, that part was true, mostly, I think, maybe. It was sort of something that I didn't like to think about and that I didn't need her shouting out to the entire theatre. "I certainly don't think of him in a romantic way. Besides, how could he ever find out about this?"

Stage-Me and Stage-Zuko embraced in a disturbingly romantic way. The lovey dovey hearts that popped out of their heads were practically visible.

Aang stood up and left.

xXoOoXx

I found him ten minutes later just outside the theatre, leaning with his elbows on the railing and staring up at the moon. But he wasn't looking at Yue. He was thinking again, brooding.

I stood behind him in case he didn't want me too close. "Are you all right?"

"No." The irritation clenched his voice. "I'm not. I hate this play." He flung off his hat, revealing his arrow to any passing Fire Nation soldier--but right now neither of us cared. It was time for a little lift-him-up speech. I stood next to him.

"I know it's upsetting." Understatement. "But it sounds like you're overreacting."

"Overreacting? If I hadn't blocked my chakra I'd probably be in the avatar state right now!" That wasn't the only thing on his mind. He stared out at the waves for a minute and hung his head. "Katara, did you really mean what you said in there?"

"In where? What are you talking about?"

He turned around to face me. "On stage. When you said I was just like a brother to you and you didn't have feelings for me."

"I didn't say that. An actor said that." I held my arm.

Aang looked down, hesitating before he spoke again. "But it's true, isn't it. We kissed at the invasion and I thought we were gonna be together. But we're not."

Now I looked down too. "Aang. I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"Because we're in the middle of a war." I crossed my arms and chose my words carefully. He needed to understand, even if I didn't. "We have other things to worry about. This isn't the right time."

He widened his eyes and frowned. "Well when is the right time?"

The avatar wasn't the only one becoming frustrated with it all. I turned my head towards the sea as the waves crashed below our feet, and I wondered how cliche it was to want to be part of the ocean. No worries, no wars. "Aang, I'm sorry but now just isn't a good time." I tugged at a piece of my hair, still not meeting his gaze. It was hard. This was hard.

It didn't get any easier when he brought his head up and kissed me. I snapped backwards. "I just said I was confused!"

He looked confused too; his eyes were wide and his hands tightened into fists. I turned away and started to walk. "I'm going inside."

Why didn't he understand?

Why didn't I?