Chapter 1: My Story

A/N: This might be a short story, or it might be a long one. I don't know but be prepared for long breaks between chapters. Exams are a day away and this has been a made in a short amount of hours so forgive me if the writing is terrible.

Italics – Thoughts of the characters.

Underline – Flashbacks

X-X-X

Hi.

Yep, this is how I'm gonna start this.

My name is Ethan Turner, and I'm from Sheffield, England. I know, why is some plucky Brit talking about a set of tapes from a girl who killed herself? Allow me to answer that question with another question.

Why are you reading my damn journal?

I'm the son of two special forces members. One of them was an SAS Operative (supposedly, I'm actually not allowed to know) and a member of BOPE, the Brazilian Special Forces (and again, I'm actually not allowed to know that) but they're still alive, I'm no orphan or whatever.

We actually lived in Brazil for a time, and then me and twin sister, Eleanor, were born. Although Mum and Dad were fine with living in Brazil because they were 'hard men' as I liked to call them, they wanted better for me and El' and I don't blame them. From where we lived, it was quite close to a lot of crime and Mum didn't want us following the road she took when we were her age.

They went into the private sector. It was to make money so we could move to America, that was all. It paid amazingly well and after a few months we were rolling in it. Mum was perfectly fine with moving and continuing to do it, it was the money that drew her in. Let's just say my dear mother wasn't always inclined on the right side of the law.

I think she got a kick out of it, it was like she was breaking the law again.

Dad was a bit of a pushover when it came to Mum but onsidering they were both Special Forces, there were times I'd walk into the kitchen and see the aftermaths of great wars between the both of them. Sometimes it wasn't just fighting they did in the kitchen as well.

Yep, I know exactly what you're thinking. It was exactly that. IN THE KITCHEN, WTF.

That's beside the point. When we got the money, we moved to California. There was nowhere else we'd rather go, Brazil was a no and Dad never really wanted to go back to England. America was the next best place.

Crestmont, this is where you come in.

At first, I thought everything would be fine. I moved when everyone that you already know was in the Sophomore class. Yep, I knew Hannah before Junior Class and before everything happened and yes, I can confirm that most of what happened in the tapes definitely happened.

I knew everyone. I was one of the so-often despised 'popular' guys. In other words, I was part of the Jock Squad. Believe me, I hated it myself.

That's what I don't like.

People. They're fickle as shit. One moment you're all great and loved by everyone and then one moment you're hated. Well, that is what we had to go through. At least, that's what me, Zach and Justin had to go through.

Yep, some of us did wrong. I'll never deny that, we all could have done something to help, to stop Hannah from doing what she did. I'll never forget when I heard it. It came over the loudspeaker, that Hannah Baker was absent, and soon everyone was called to the main hall, where Principal Bolan broke the news to us.

Some of us were crying, I know Eleanor was.

Some of us were silent and still as a statue, I know Clay was.

Some of us were straight-faced, but I could see a certain someone with a smirk hidden on his face. I know Bryce was.

But nobody else could see it, and that was the moment I realised that something was wrong in our school. Yeah, it should have been obvious before, considering everything that had happened before Hannah played her wrists like the fucking violin.

Yeah, I'm pissed as well. Not drunk, just angry because I was a part of this as well and I shouldn't have been. You might have heard the tapes, I know I have. Maybe Tony or Clay has made them public and everyone involved gets fucked. Justin, Zach, Sheri, Courtney, everyone will be ruined.

I can hear you saying it already. "But that means there would have to be a fourteenth tape!"

There is, but nobody except me, Hannah and Tony have heard it.

Yes, I am part of this like I said before. We all were, and when I say 'we' I mean everyone in Liberty High, not just all fourteen people mentioned in the tapes. Every single one of us passed on and perpetuated the bag of lies that made Hannah Baker to be the slag of the school when that was anything but the truth.

I know who started it, with the picture. Justin and Bryce, I know because I was with them when it happened.

I know who made it worse, with Tyler's pictures. Courtney fucking Crimson, the lesbian or bisexual or whatever the fuck she is, turning everything around on Hannah so she could get rid of the shit on her back and fling it onto the most vulnerable person in the room.

Yeah, jeez, I am fucking angry.

Anyway, what was I doing listening to these tapes? Especially when I only needed one of the tapes. My own tape, segregated from all of the others, although it was of the same nature as Clay's.

I wasn't meant to be on there, but one stupid mistake and the house of cards came crumbling down and I heard the words from all the other tapes. The real voice of Hannah Baker, talking to me. I was the fourteenth reason why she killed herself and it soon made it's mark on me.

I helped kill Hannah Baker.

Everyone will know, eventually. Clay, I don't know what happened to him. He was always the quiet kid, shy and well-spoken. He had a crush on Hannah that was plain to see, and when she died it was like he was never the same boy that I knew him as. He talked to few, and confided in fewer. I am glad to be one of the few people he talked to.

Because he was someone who didn't stand by and watch it happen when he heard those tapes. He did everything they told him to. He listened, he went all over Crestmont with the map and he actually did a few things that the rest of us didn't do. Taking the picture of Tyler, and adding the other tape to the collection.

Clay Jensen, he's a brave guy, I'll give him that.

To be completely honest, I wish I had done something different. That I didn't make the mistake I made, the mistake that further pushed Hannah into killing herself. I know that now, it's too late to do anything because nothing will bring her back to life. I wish this had never happened, and I reckon that everyone else does too. Yet this wasn't all my fault, and Hannah was not the only person to suffer from our actions.

Jeff died, and Alex shot himself…

How the hell are we meant to cope with shit like that? We're teenagers! We don't cope with shit well at all! Something happened that night at the party, and Jeff died. What did everyone do? They blamed Jeff, they blamed Jeff because he had some booze in his car and assumed he was drunk-driving. I went to his funeral, but barely anyone else did. I still visit him today, put flowers and well-wishes there, to give him some essence or semblance of peace in death.

I…

I don't know how to feel about Alex Standall. He seemed to be a nice kid, but everyone seemed to fuck him over, at least not as bad as they do Tyler. Some of us panicked, and some of us got angry or sad or over-reacted in some way. I know Justin did, and it only got worse when he told Jessica what happened at the party. He was trying to protect her, but it was wrong how he did it. He let Bryce walk all over him.

I don't know how he did it, but Clay did something at school today. There were two tapes, my own tape and another one. A tape that Clay must have taken on his own and made.

There were two voices, Bryce and Clay. At the start it sounded like it was just Clay asking for some weed, he'd been caught with it before. Then he started asking about Jessica and Hannah, and with a few big words that Bryce didn't seem to understand, Bryce said it. Not directly of course, but he said it.

It didn't go so well after that. Bryce was shell-shocked, maybe even catatonic. The tapes were his kryptonite. His entire life was ruined, and Hannah had taken her revenge on the man who did his worst to her.

So, we'll start from there, shall we?

X-X-X

I never exactly found out how it happened.

I was in Peer Communications, with the people you would expect. The anonymous notes were given out at the start and the end of the lesson, and occasionally I got a few myself. Usually they were from Sheri, she was the person I got along best with since me and Eleanor got to Crestmont. We were friends in school, but everyone assumed it was more.

Which was true, but we weren't going to make it public any time soon.

Justin was with Zach, and both seemed to be looking pretty glum. Marcus was working pretty hard, trying not to look as depressed as the other two. Courtney was working twice as hard as Marcus was, keeping up with her perfect school girl image. Jessica wasn't even in school that day, and it was understandable why she wasn't. Then there was me and Sheri, sitting together, just talking and generally not doing the work Miss Bradley set us.

I know, how rebellious of us both.

Clay was sitting in his seat, chewing on the tip of his pencil with a vengeance. He took the pencil and began to write down notes but he had a weird little look on his face, almost as if it were going to become some kind of impish little grin, like he had just gotten away with the heist of the century. Some of us noticed, some of us didn't but those who did saw the same look that I did.

Happiness, or at least some kind contentedness.

Then it happened. The tape blared over the school PA system for all to hear.

"You and Hannah, you had sex with her that night."

"Did I? Yeah, I might have."

There was an easy way to distinguish who's voices were playing over the PA system. Clay Jensen, who had continued to scribble down notes in his book as the rest of the tape played out. The other was Bryce Walker himself.

"Well, did she want you to?"

Bryce scoffed. "I assumed so. Hannah and I, well, she was a very special girl. We had a thing, off and on."

"You raped her."

"What?"

"You fucking raped her."

Clay sounded so sure over the tapes, and it seemed Justin and Zach's eyes widened at the words spoke. They lifted their heads and the depressed look was gone, now aiming directly at Clay.

"Dude." Bryce started. "C'mon don't talk about what you don't know."

"Why did you do it?"

"Thank you for coming, now get the fuck out of my house."

"I'm not going till you admit it."

"Seriously Jensen..."

"Say what you did, say it."

"What the fuck kinda business is it of yours?"

"She was my friend!"

Hearing Clay shout over the tape was a shocker, to everyone in the class. Clay had continued working, but it looked like he was about to cry, his eyes were glossy and at any moment the tears would come falling down all over again.

"She's dead."

"So what does it matter? Just say it!"

"You need to calm the fuck down." Bryce threatened.

"No, what I need is for you to admit what you , right out there, a week before she fucking slit her wrists at home. You raped her!" Clay was not about to back down from the sounds of it.

"Listen, she came to my party." Bryce began again. "She got in the hot tub with me without a suit on. Right, she made eyes. I know that's hard for you to hear, that your little crush wasn't pure and clean, but she fucking wanted it."

There was an eerie silence, in both the PA system and in the classes. All eyes were on Jensen, who had finally put his pencil down and was simply sitting in silence and waiting for the tape to finally end once and for all.

Then there was the sound of fist hitting face.

It was Bryce that spoke first once again. "Now why did you have to do that?"

There was another small silence before the sounds of two punches and a crumpling sound could be heard over the tape. Everyone could remember the day where Clay came in looking like he'd gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.

Then there were a flurry of hits, before Bryce could be heard picking Clay up off the floor before punching what seemed to be a hundred times in the face when in reality it was more like five before Clay crumpled to the floor again. Bryce audibly growled and it could be heard too, and soon after the sound of Clay being kicked in the stomach and his wheezing as he lay wounded could be heard over the PA system too.

"She wanted me. Me, she was practically begging me to fuck her. If that's rape, then every girl at this school wants to be raped." Bryce taunted before his footsteps could be heard drowning out over the sound of Clay coughing up blood.

The tape there ended, and all eyes were on Clay as everyone sat in silence, sent into catatonia from the massive bombshell that had been dropped on every single person in the school. Sheri seemed to tighten the grip she had on my hand. My hand was cold, but the amount of heat Sheri gave off was almost unnatural. Zach and Justin had paled in comparison, as if the heating in Liberty High had failed completely and they were the victims of sub-zero temperatures.

Miss Bradley looked at Clay. "Was that you and Bryce Walker over the PA, Clay?"

Clay nodded in silence, refusing to say a word. Whispers started almost immediately before Miss Bradley shushed them all.

"I think it's best you go and see Principal Bolan and Councilor Porter, take your stuff and leave now."

Clay nodded again before picking up his bag before taking his equipment and shoving them into his bag without any semblance of grace. As soon as she had left the room, the class erupted into white noise. I didn't really take in everything that everyone was saying, it was too much but some peoples voices were too much to just ignore.

Of course, Courtney was one of them, the bitch.

"I can't believe Clay did that, that's so bad!" She exclaimed.

The entire class groaned and muttered as Courtney spoke. The rumour had gone around the school, mainly because of Montgomery but others as well, that she was a lesbian had turned her into a mockery. Nobody saw her as the innocent and perfect school girl that got perfect grades any more. No, those days were long gone and they were never coming back.

"Shut the fuck up, Courtney! You've done worse before." Zach replied from across the room.

There were small cheers for the jock, Zach wasn't bad by any means but he was still one of the thirteen that got involved with Hannah. From what he had heard, in the deposition he had told the whole truth excluding the tapes. The more I thought about it, the more I worried about my own deposition appointment.

Fucking Alex told the court people that I was a close friend to Hannah and now I'm involved as well…

"Really, Zach? You say I've done worse? What about you and Justin?" Courtney squealed across the class.

"Hey, Courtney, why don't you shut the fuck up. Maybe you can try and get on another girl, maybe Tyler will be kind enough to take another picture." Justin shot back.

I had to pull back a grin when Justin spoke. He was a decent enough guy when he wasn't involved in so much bad shit, like before Hannah committed suicide. He was kind, popular and a great basketball player but he had nothing on Zach.

Sheri seemed to hold a smirk on her face as well, and soon everything was how it would be in the middle of the corridor. Paper balls were thrown, work was ditched in favour of conversation and some of the boys were focusing more on the girls instead of actually doing work. Sheri placed her head on my shoulder, closing her eyes and somehow she had managed to relax in the classroom chaos that we had found ourselves in.

To be completely honest, I don't know how someone like me ended up with someone like Sheri. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and I didn't even know it was possible but I was in love. It was like a drug that I didn't want to stop taking, and every time I saw her it was like taking another dose of the greatest drug I ever knew.

I'm not even joking either, Sheri is my life.

I never saw Bryce after Peer Communications, and after class we had lunch before our last lesson, which was history. It was the same lesson as always, Coach Patrick fell asleep and left us all a tape or a DVD for us to watch. It was The Deer Hunter, and it was a reward for the entire class getting an A in the test season a few months back.

I had no idea where the guy managed to find a copy of the whole thing, but it was entertaining when things were actually happening. It was like Peer Communications without the arguing and without the noise. Sheri was doing what she usually did when it came to me and her sitting next to me, she placed her head on my shoulder and her arm over my waist, and I could hear her peacefully snoozing away whilst I multi-tasked between watching the film, and checking my Instagram and Snapchat.

Yes, I have snapchat. It's a requirement for being a popular jock.

Eventually, the end of the day came and even the bell could not wake Coach Patrick up from the nap he was taking. The rest of the kids in class snuck past him to get out of the class, with me and Sheri being the last ones to leave. We went to the car park, and we got to my car.

The car is not exactly a mainstream one. I'd been taking notes from Tony Padilla and after looking at the beast he drove, I needed one similar or better than his.

It was a black 1970 Plymouth Barracude. It was pure muscle car, like Padilla's Mustang. As soon as I got in, I turned on the engine and it roared like some kind of majestic beast showing it's power. I looked out the window, and I could see Tony smirking as he drove off with Clay in his Ford Mustang.

Sheri got in too, and soon we were finally free of school for another day. It was easing as well as peaceful.

"So, I was wondering..." Sheri began.

"Wondering if I could come round to yours, again?" I finished with a wry grin.

Sheri punched me in the shoulder. "You wish, but for that little quip, I'll tell you tomorrow."

I drove her home and she gave me a little kiss before she got into her house. I drove back to my own house, where I lived with my parents and sister. It wasn't so much a house as it was a massive mansion on stilts in the hills looking over Crestmont.

As I got out, I placed my hand over the cheek which Sheru had kissed and I didn't even realise that I had a massive grin on my face.

Then I saw the tapes.

X-X-X

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