I'll teach you to fly
Ok, so this is an idea I had, I know where it will lead...you guys don't, but may guess eventually. Aaron and Jackson meet in a different way. I'm just so tired of watching what's unfolding on screen, so I am writing this story a new way so it can't possibly lead to where it is going in the show. Aaron and Jackson will still be the same, just that Aaron doesn't meet Jackson the way we all watched him meet him.
The style is part plain, standard English...with a hint of metaphorical language in there too. Let me know what you think, if you don't like it I won't write it...ok, here goes.
Chapter 1 – The reflection and the shadow
The life of Aaron Livesy has been...troublesome, to say the least.
He knows what it feels like, when the people you love the most in your life, turn their backs on you. Walking away when you go off the boil slightly, when you don't fit their expectations and you start to 'act up' as the grownups would say.
The feeling, just makes you sad, and it kills you.
His mum was the first to walk out. No warning, no explanation, just up and leaving without so much as a backward glance.
He deserved better than that, right?
Fast forward a couple of years, the pain of losing his mum in his life still hurts, still burns away under the surface, but he's got more pressing concerns now, other higher priorities on his mind.
He became a stranger to the people around him, a stranger to himself even...his reflection and his shadow were not the same, they were different halves of two people. His reflection representing his eyes, perfect blue diamonds, placed and resting with soft gentle features – the beauty of him.
Then there was the shadow, the burden, following him wherever he went, representing the danger he couldn't help but immerse himself in. The fighting kind he is, that fought so valiantly against what he wanted, what he couldn't help but need, the desires in his heart – the tragedy of him.
What people didn't realise was, the aggression in his nature, his misbehaviour, were all subconscious acts, subconscious acts to make people hate him.
Because he hated himself.
And people hating him well, it just made everything in sync didn't it? People hated him, he hated himself, it just makes things easier when everybody is on the same side.
So, in-between holding his breath, which helped him to hold who he really was back, and closing his bedroom door, closing his eyes, which helped him to close himself off, and the odd thought that he couldn't help slip though his grasp of imagining how perfect it would be to see Kyle naked...He changed.
Changed into an uncontrollable thug, who knew no boundaries, no restrictions when it came to rules.
He became what he thought he should be.
Well, this is how most 'straight' lads act don't they? Fearless, strong, angry, kicking the living shit out of people, just because you can.
What he didn't understand was, apart from the small minority who appear on the evening news, most straight lads are not violent, they don't attack for no reason.
But people who run away, people who are desperately trying to escape from their problems, young, mixed up kids who are confused, scared, alone...do 'act' out of character.
Crying out for attention, for all who care to know, seeking for an antidote, to make it all go away.
His dad failed to recognise this.
He put his behaviour down to...
To be honest, who knows? He simply shut his eyes away from his son, and rested his attention upon his new misses Sandra. And once they had a baby together, well, Aaron was no longer wanted.
He was just an outsider, looking in. His dad didn't understand, nor did he want to understand why he was behaving so bad, he just wanted him to disappear ASAP!
So did Aaron himself...
So when his troubled teenaged son hit his new wife, that was the excuse he had been waiting for.
Bye bye Aaron, your no longer wanted, or needed...
# # #
Fast forward a year, his mum is back in his life again, she's trying her best bless her, but that doesn't mean he should make it easy for her! She broke his heart, not that he would ever admit it.
She can't just swan back into his life when it suits her. Just because he was dumped at her door, does not mean that he belonged to her, that it gives her the green light to just, call herself his mum again because he needed a place to stay!
She had a long way to go before she could be forgiven.
But Aaron would never forget, he would always know what she did, always remember how she left him in pieces and she was the only one who could make him whole.
Although she did do one thing right for him, gave him the best thing that has ever happened to him...
Paddy.
Even though she nearly cocked that up for him when she when and got her rocks off with her old flame Carl King.
But Aaron didn't let that happen, he fought, fought more than he ever has in his life for a place in Paddy's home, for a place in the older man's heart.
He liked Paddy, he really really did. He didn't like him at first mind, but that was only because he knew the romance with his mother wouldn't last, so why should he bother making any effort with him?
He gave him hell, put him through so much shit. But Paddy just, carried on taking it, load after load of crap.
Aaron knew his mum was going to go off with Carl, he knew it deep down.
But he lied to himself, he was good at that, an expert at it. Lie after frigging lie he ate up, swallowed and hoped it would digest, sooner or later.
That's why he clung on to Paddy, not wanting to move out after it all ended with his mum and him. It was the only real place he could call home.
But he never usually gets what he wants, waking up day after day to a continual bad dream, checking every once in a while, asking himself, 'is it over yet, can I open my eyes?'
Hoping against hope that the answer would be yeah, yeah, it's all over now...
But it could never be could it? Because no one chooses their sexuality, it chooses them.
He couldn't help but ask the question...was he ever meant to be happy?
That's why he was shocked beyond belief, when Paddy came bursting up the motorway, coming to rescue him and Clyde, to take them home, where they belonged.
One of the reason why he loved Paddy so much was because of his consistency.
His ability to see the good in him, each and every single time Aaron messed up, self destructing and ruining everything good in his life. He was on Aaron's side, no matter what. Aaron had never known such loyalty, not even his mates who he was terrorising the estate he lived on with gave him an ounce of the loyalty what Paddy gave him!
Paddy is just, good, good through and through. And Aaron knew he was a very lucky man to have him in his life.
Then there is Adam.
Who is, and always was, just a mate.
The incident in the car was a mistake, it never should of happened.
It's just, he was leaning in so close, and he could smell him, the aroma of male flesh filled his senses, pushing him wild.
For a split second, just for a split second he wanted him.
But that moment of error, like most things in his life, cost him. It twisted his life into the spiral of hollowness even further.
Adam told them.
He told Paddy, his mum, Cain and the rest of the Dingle clan.
Aaron told them it was rubbish of course, and he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for the crimson colour in his cheeks, the guilty, vacant stare he expressed unknowingly, for all the world to see.
And for Paddy, accidently thinking out loud, forgetting the other people around. Whispering the words, 'now it all makes sense'.
It didn't take long for the others to cotton on after that, his mum contemplating, 'is this the reason why he is so reluctant to talk about his life, his interests, his likes his dislikes?'
While Cain figured it must be the reason why his nephew, who he thinks has a look of him, does not put himself/it about more!
All the while his family were deep in thought, their eyes remained firmly on him.
He couldn't breathe under their gaze, the hate crashing over him overwhelmed his every muscle.
But that still didn't stop him running, didn't stop his legs from sprinting his mind as far away from the truth as they possibly could.
The game was up...the truth, hidden behind the wall of lies had come crashing down.
They know the truth now, they know who he is...the question on Aaron's mind was...
Would they love him anymore?
But little did Aaron know, he always was, and always will be real.
He wasn't a monster, just gay.
He was normal. And the heart inside of him, was worth more than gold. He just needed to start believing the desires it withheld, are nothing to be ashamed of.
His family were ok with it. Paddy and his mum offering him unlimited support, day or night, they would be there, just like before...nothing would ever change that.
His uncle Cain did start testing the limits of which he could tease him about it, and for a while it really annoyed Aaron, but he soon realised it was just his uncles way of letting him know he was cool with it.
The rift between him and his best mate healed to after a few months of not speaking. Paddy persuading the teen that if it wasn't for Adam, he would still be denying who he truly was from everyone.
So, they agreed to meet up, to forgive and forget and let bygones be bygones. Adam texted Aaron the details of this bar that he wanted to check out with him, called Bar West.
Aaron got there just after Adam did, but was a little slow on the uptake, and failed to notice what exactly was going on around him.
When he finally did, he was...just a tad mortified, to say the least!
But even more angry when he realised that Adam knew this before hand, and that's why he wanted them to meet here, he thought it was a good idea for him to meet new people, people who were more on his wave length, so to speak.
And after a few weeks of them checking Bar West out again and again, Aaron finally did.
A bloke called Sam. He was a year older than Aaron -19. Same height, dark hair, just slightly longer on top, and more trendy. Sam wouldn't be seen dead in trackies tucked into his socks!
He was...a little camper than Aaron wanted. He didn't have a clue about cars, hated football and cared way too much about his appearance, dressing up to the nines for the most stupid of things, like nipping to the shop in the morning to get some milk, he wouldn't leave the house unless his hair was straightened!
Still, he did like pool, Aaron figured at least that was something.
They had been, dating, Aaron supposed, for about 6 weeks...
Then the time came.
Aaron wanted this. He desperately needed this! It would all make sense wouldn't it? All the anxiety, all the hang up's Aaron had about being gay, would all just, go away.
The moment would be perfect, it would feel like he had waited his whole life for this one night. Like he would become a star, that was hidden away from the worlds watchful eye for years, only to reach the surface, blazing across the horizon, flying past the midnight sun.
But it wasn't, it wasn't perfect...
He did not fall into the sunlight, and bask in all its glory, he did not see the world through brand new eyes.
After a bit of kissing and fumbling on Sam's sofa, the older man led them upstairs. And practically begged Aaron to come inside of him, in his annoying shrill voice that made Aaron wince, every single time he heard it.
Aaron did as he was told, he was a little reluctant, but he never does anything he doesn't want to do.
Aaron set the wheels in motion, he entered him. And from the off, looking at the face before him, made him feel sick! His high pitched moans were off putting, Aaron just wanted time to think, time for the magic inside of him to switch on the light, so he could see differently, feel differently, so he could fully accept who he truly was.
It was over.
His first time with a guy, done.
And it never brought him closer to what he truly wanted...
He wanted to feel alive, he wanted his soul to be set on fire, for the blaze to burn through him, and for the euphoria of freedom, liberation to soar and contaminate his every breath.
But now, all he wants to do, is set the sleeping man (who shouldn't be exhausted because he never did a single thing!)...on fire.
So he doesn't have to feel this pain, and burn alone.
The realisation of what had just taken place was beginning to dawn on Aaron. He had just slept with a man, a man!
Deep down this is all that he has ever wanted. To know what it feels like to spend the night with the same sex, to devour their body and make them come.
Tears started to stream down his face, when the thought hit him...
Him being gay is common knowledge, his family knew and were fine with it.
But he wasn't.
He still wasn't fine with it. The truth never set him free...it was something he has to do himself.
But how? He had just been with a guy for god's sake, and it still wasn't enough! Figuring out exactly how he has to let go and set himself free is, is too much.
Aaron quietly, but quickly, unwrapped Sam's arms from around him and put his clothes back on, creeping, without a sound, out of the door, out of the older man's life. He couldn't, wouldn't be able to do what he had just done with him again.
Walking down the street at 2 in the morning, the cold, bitter air hitting him in the face, walking to nowhere, this place, this world, really is of nowhere. Aaron was coming to a decision. It had been something he had thought of for such a long time, from such an early age.
The time was right, the time was perfect...
He's ready, he's ready now.
And now, he is here.
# # #
'The view is amazing from here' Aaron thought to himself. Looking out over the club balcony, it was deserted, all the lives were inside the bar, because no one comes out here in the winter months, well, maybe for a quick smoke, like he was doing.
The scene before him, painting the most extraordinary illusions dancing across his eyes, filling his mind, obscuring his sanity.
All rationality has drained from his body, hidden within his juices, which now lay spent inside of Sam.
He continued to gaze into the dark black fire that was the sky, until his eyes ...
Dropped lower, falling onto the harsh ground below.
Without so much as a breath, Aaron swiftly climbed onto the rail, balancing his life on the air.
The door of the club opened behind him...unknown to him.
Without a thought, Aaron could take his existence away, he knew this, despite his head being lost like tears in the rain.
He felt lost, and he has been waiting for his whole life, for the shine of the sun to leave him star struck, to make everything alright.
He can't fight to be happy, not anymore. He has been fighting with himself forever, he was tired now, he is not the fighting kind, he never was...he just had to be.
But not now, not now he has accepted, he will never be free...he will never fly.
So he will let the sky take him.
He held his breath, waiting for the moon to catch him, closing his weary eyes, this is it...this is it...
But little did he know, his every action wasn't going unnoticed. For a body lurked within the dark behind him.
Their face hidden, concealed within the shadows.
Anxiously, desperately needing to save the life in front of him, which will end within seconds if he doesn't react now.
So the body stepped forward, walking with the dark...
All that could be seen, was just a hint of material, a red checked shirt, clinging to his body...
His body, that illogically cried out to save the unknown man in front of his eyes.
TBC
(If you want more just let me know)