TICKET TO RIDE
Author: Well, it's obvious I'm a big fan of The Beatles, and this is not my last songifc with one the their musics.
Lily reflecting about James leaving her.
Don't own the characters, don't own the music.
The day was perfect. Summer sun, singing birds and all that stuff. But Lily Evans didn't want to know about any of those things when she arrived home. She gave hello to Petunia, told her parents she would eat later and locked herself at her room.
Her bed was comfortable and a bit cold by the lack of use, but still was the best thing for now. She just lay there as she turned the radio on.
-Oh, perfect. A music to remember my wonderful situation. - she said with sarcasm, but didn't turn off.
"I think I'm gonna be sad.
I think it's today.
Yeah.
The girl that's drivin' me mad
Is goin' away.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride,
But she don't care."
Of course there was no 'she' at the story but herself. HE was going away. James Potter was going away.
It was ironic how after years of fighting she finnaly found herself in love with him; it was even more ironic how now, after he had gotten her and had been with her for almost an year, he didn't want to be with her.
A few days before the end of the schoolar year James came to her with sad eyes, telling her that he was sorry but he wanted to break up. Lily had been startled at that, of course, who wouldn't. She tried really hard to understand the reason, but no matter how much James explained she couldn't understand.
"She said that livin' with me
Was bringin' her down.
Yeah.
She would never be free
When I was around.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride,
But she don't care."
Yeah, James had said something about freedom and being down. At first she accepted that, truly, she did, but still seemed to be an empty motive.
She had never once obliged him to do something he didn't want to much less prevent him from doing something he wanted to do, sure he had been stopping with all those pranks but Lily was pretty sure she hadn't even asked him to stop and even assumed he was more mature.
Bringing him down? OK, sometimes she saw him with some saddened look and sometimes she had the clear impression that he wasn't so bright and outgoing anymore, but again not once James gave a clue it was her fault. If she was doing something wrong she would fix it imediatly, all he had to do was tell her what was making him unhapy! And it wasn't like those impressions were that constant.
So, for two days Lily pondered over it. It was hard because it pained her to see that he was all happy jumping everywhere with his three friends, like nothing ever happened. However, it was when she was silently crying at a class of Charms as she was watching him talk nonstoppenly with Black that she got it. Black. He had always been there.
And when she sat to think of the possibility, Lily remembered several things she had missed before.
Black never acted nice with her unless he was in front of James, at first place. She had never given much attention to that,
though. she could understand that he was jelous once James was spending more time with her than with him. Apparently he was
jelous of more things too.
Which led to her other conclusion. There were nights in which she and James would be at the common room together but many times he would be distracted, looking to the painting as if he was expecting for someone. At those nights she figured that his three friends should be out doing something fun and he wanted to be with them, and when she suggested he should go after them he used to kiss her, so Lily never insisted on the matter. Still, there were some nights in which Remus Lupin and Peter Petigrew were in the tower while Black was nowhere in sight, usually some Gryffindor girl wasn't there too and well, nobody there was stupidy; nobody except for Lily maybe, because she should have seen that those were the nights in which James would stare the painting as if he could see through it - those nights he wouldn't kiss Lily properly, just a peck on the lips.
Lily should also have seen that whenever she had the impression that James was not well, Sirius had the impression first and would pull James to hang out with him. 'Mind if I steal him for a while, Lily?', he would say playfully before both boys left without giving her a chance of even answering. She should have seen that after the hang out James always looked happier.
There was a huge list to add to those conclusions. When Gryffindor would win a quidditch game James would hug Sirius instead of kissing her. When something funny happened James looked at Sirius to then burst with laughter, sometimes they would just look into each other's eyes and laugh while Lily would look around to see what was funny. When James had news he would tell Sirius first, even if she was closer. And so many other things she was just seeing now.
Lily sighed. In spite of all those evidences, she still didn't understand. Sirius Black instead of her?
"I don't know why she's ridin' so high.
She oughtta think twice.
She oughtta do right by me.
Before she gets to sayin' goodbye,
She oughtta think twice.
She oughtta do right by me."
The fact that she didn't understand gave her hope. Hope that James would think better, that he would see it was a wrong decision, that he would appear on a broom by her window at any time asking for forgiveness.
"I think I'm gonna be sad.
I think it's today.
Yeah.
The girl that's drivin' me mad
Is goin' away.
Yeah.
Ah, she's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride,
But she don't care.
I don't know why she's ridin' so high.
She oughtta think twice.
She oughtta do right by me.
Before she gets to sayin' goodbye,
She oughtta think twice.
She oughtta do right by me."
Nevertheless, Lily was never the type of girl of being satisfied with ilusions. She had hope, yes, but every time the scene from the break up came to her mind she would see Sirius standing by the paiting. Now she understood he already knew what was going on and was just waiting. He had always been waiting, he knew James better than she did after all.
"She said that livin' with me
Was bringin' her down.
Yeah.
She would never be free
When I was around.
Ah, she's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride.
She's got a ticket to ride,
But she don't care.
My baby don't care.
My baby don't care.
My baby don't care.
My baby don't care.
My baby don't care."
Lily listened the end of the song. At least that was different. James cared enough to tell her in place of cheating her with Sirius; or maybe it was something Sirius had demanded, someone as proud as him would never accept being the other in any relationship. But it didn't really matter, because James was really concerned when he was talking to her, that she was sure it was true. James had never been a really good liar unless his life deppended on it, he never lied to her about his feelings and decisions, he just didn't knew he was fooling himself and she had been too blind to see it.
'Freedom', 'Bringing down'... those terms meant 'Sirius Black', she could see it now. She just couldn't see why they couldn't mean 'Lily Evans'.
THE END
I can't help but think that Sirius is the right pair to James. Lily is a good girl, but she doesn't fit with James as Sirius does.