Disclaimer: "Disclaimer." What a weird word. Dis-claim-er. Dis-claim-
here. Diiiiiiiiiissssclaaaaaaaaiiimeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr. You know, if you
repeat a word enough times, it doesn't sound that much like a word at all.
Weird. Werd. Weeeeeiiirrrd. That's another word. *notices angry crowd
surrounding her holding pitchforks and torches* What? What? Wha- OH! The
story. Um, yeah. Okay, here!
-- ~ --
The cave was silent, frozen in the sleep of ages. Massive stalactites and stalagmites glowered from all corners, surrounding a rounded center that rose up in steps, to a high and narrow top. On the very top of the cylindrical pyramid rested a red crystal that seemed to cut the very air with its sharp tines. It lit the cavern with a slow, pulsing glow, accompanied by a low humming sound. The air around the crystal looked warped, somehow bent out of shape. Something about the crystal looked inherently /wrong/, as if it was something that had no place in a world where grass was green and the sky was blue and things fell to the ground if you dropped them. It looked like the distilled essence of evil.
There was a soft clattering sound from above, and several pebbles skittered down from somewhere high up. Slowly, a brown-haired female dressed in a skintight black suit with a belt holding a fanny pack and a walkie-talkie descended from the ceiling on a thin cable (think Mission Impossible meets Raiders of the Lost Ark). There was nothing holding her but the cable and a spidery-looking harness. She lowered herself inch by inch, until she was about ten feet above the pulsing red crystal. Keeping her eyes fixed on the crystal's inhuman light, she groped for the silver Celtic cross that hung on a chain around her throat, and brought it to her lips briefly, as if for luck. Then, she tucked it in the collar of her suit. With her other hand, she reached into a black fanny pack hanging from her waist and she took out a skintight black nylon glove. She pulled this over her right hand, and then she took out a softly glowing crystal identical to the first one, only it bathed her face with a soft purple light that looked as /right/ as the red light looked /wrong/. The air around this crystal seemed clearer, somehow, as if it were reassuring the reality around it. She stared intently at the two crystals, as if planning out her next move. Without taking her eyes off them, she slowly, slowly lowered herself down until she was directly over the red crystal.
"Okay," she whispered to the purple crystal in her black-gloved hand. "Let's see if you can do the job I made you to do."
Slowly, she set the purple crystal right next to the red. The red crystal's pulse sped up for a moment, and the hum got a bit louder. The girl froze, holding her breath and staring at the red crystal. After a little while, the pulsing went back to normal, and the hum dropped. The girl let out her breath softly, and readied her hands on either side of the two crystals, the ungloved hand next to the purple, and the gloved next to the red, which she dared not touch with bare skin. The next step was crucial. The two crystals must be switched as quickly as she could, with as little interference as possible. Any movement, any noise at all could ruin this. Sweat beaded her forehead. She took a breath, and-
The walkie-talkie on her waist suddenly crackled, a noise that sounded like a gunshot in the silent cave. The red crystal and the purple suddenly flared eye-blindingly bright, and the stalactites rumbled around her. A frantic voice shouted over the walkie-talkie.
"KAT!!! KAT, I NEED YOUR HELP /NOW/!!!"
The cave seemed to roar at this incredible noise, which echoed throughout the cavern. The walls began to shake and stalactites and stalagmites began collapsing everywhere. The crystals hummed together, louder and louder, glowing brighter and brighter. It was only quick thinking that made the girl disengage her harness, sending her tumbling down the pyramid. Above her, in the exact place where she had been moments before, the twin crystals exploded. The girl came to rest at the bottom of the pyramid, bruised just about everywhere. She had no time to stop, though, and she quickly dodged out of the way of a falling stalactite. She leaped, rolled, and flipped to dodge more and more of the obstacles. She spotted a narrow passageway with a soft light coming from it, and she sprinted for it. A huge stalagmite fell directly in her path, but she did a flip over it and continued her mad dash. Her cross necklace, which seemed to have come loose in the fall, banged against her chest as she ran. She entered the passageway, where the walls were quaking even more, and there seemed to be more and more rubble falling everywhere. Suddenly, a deafening crash from the main chamber resounded throughout the cave, and a spewing cloud of rubble rushed up behind the girl. She sprinted with all her might for the faint light, and the cloud engulfed her in a roar.
A few moments later, a lone figure trudged out of the dust cloud at the cave's mouth into the slanting afternoon sunlight. Her hair was tangled, her face was flushed, she was sweating all over, and she was completely covered in dust. The cross necklace winked lazily in the sunlight. Looking straight ahead, her jaw set in place, she pulled off her black glove and held the walkie-talkie up to the side of her head.
"What is it, Dib?," asked Kat23a.
////~ A/N: The day I thought up this fic I drew a picture of this scene. The look on Kat23a's face as she held up the walkie-talkie is hilarious. Alas, I have no scanner, so I can't post it on the net. ( ~\\\\
"KAT! Kat, I was infiltrating Zim's base, and I was discovered! I'm hiding in a corner of his lab, but there's no way I can escape without Zim finding me! He's searching for me now! Getoverhereasquickasyoucan!"
Kat23a's face continued to show no expression, and her voice was completely steady as she answered Dib.
"Dib, I am not the only member of the Swollen Eyeballs. There are more experienced agents. You even have them on speed dial. Why did you call me?"
"Kat, I am seriously in danger here! You are the closest, and I'll be lucky if I'm not discovered in the next ten minutes!"
Something loosened in Kat23a's face, and she sighed.
"I'll be right over."
"Hurry. Over and out."
The walkie-talkie gave a last burst of static, and then popped off. Kat23a looked at it, and then clipped it back onto her belt. She put the glove back in the fanny pack, and turned to look at the collapsed cave entrance. She took a deep breath and let it out. A sound suspiciously like a growl came out of her mouth. Then, she snapped her head in the direction of town, and began to run to her bike. She hopped on and quickly put on what looked like a black motorcycle helmet. She flicked a switch on the handlebar that was labeled "EMERGENCIES ONLY!" The bike began rumbling, and what looked suspiciously like rocket launchers on the sides of the bike let out twin jets of flame. The bike roared forward, popping a brief wheelie before disappearing into the sunset.
////~~\\\\
Dib crouched behind a large computer system, trying to hide his heavy breathing. Zim had almost got him that time. He had barely been able to jump out of the pile of mechanical parts that had been his hiding place in time to avoid the blast. Metal hands descending from the ceiling had grabbed at him and shot deadly beams and lasers at him as he ran, and he could hear Zim's shrieks of rage as he got away. He had nearly been done in when he nearly tripped over that robot-thing that Zim kept. It had seemed to be dancing with a pig at the time. Normally, Dib would have been interested, but he was too busy trying to escape to do more than give a flying leap that just barely cleared the robot. He managed to sneak into another room and hide behind the computer, but he could hear Zim crashing and shouting as he came closer. When was Kat going to get here? Come to think of that, how was she going to know where he was? Zim's underground lab seemed to have more floors than Dib could count. Zim had already chased him through three of them. Dib would have probably been caught earlier if he hadn't remembered a little of the layout from his previous infiltration. He had been caught then, too, but Gaz had saved him. However, tonight Gaz had rented the "Morgue Raiders" movie, and there was no pizza at stake because of Dib's absence. His chances of Gaz helping were slim to none.
Suddenly, he heard a louder-than-usual crashing from the room where Zim was in. He ignored it until he heard Zim screech "TWO of them??! You too shall share the Dib's DOOM, worm monkey!!!"
Dib jumped up at this sound. He ran towards the crashing. He heard Kat23a screeching "DIB?!! Dibwheretheheckareyou?!! Get out here!!"
"Kat, I'm here! I'M OVER HERE!"
Kat23a whirled at the sound of Dib's voice. Let us pause a moment to take a look at her mindset at this time. She was EXTREMELY annoyed. She had totaled her bike coming here, since she had forgotten to put a brake on the rocket launchers. The only way she saved herself was by jumping off at a speed of roughly 120 mph. However, being a character in Zimworld this had only served to give her more bruises and make her day a little worse. After she had gotten past the lawn gnomes (which had zapped her twice), she figured out how to get to Zim's underground lab. Unfortunately, the only entrance she found was the toilet in the kitchen. She had trashed her way through five levels of Zim's lab. On one level, a screaming blue-and- silver robot had attached itself to her leg and did not let go for two more levels. It talked about tacos the whole time, without even pausing for breath. At this point, she began to develop an eye twitch. After this exhausting search, she had finally found her way to the level she was currently on. The hands from the ceiling had zapped her at least four separate times on her search, and had pulled out a chunk of hair. So, all in all, she was not a happy camper. Well, now, on with the story.
Kat23a RAN as fast a she could towards Dib's voice. Zim seemed to have better aim than the mechanical hands that seemed to be everywhere. She dodged and jumped as she ran, but still got singed on the shoulder by a passing shot. She darted into another room, and nearly tripped over Dib, who was crouching near the floor.
"Kat!," Dib said, "I'm so glad you came!"
"Yes, now we can both be captured together," Kat23a said sarcastically. She jerked Dib to his feet and they began to run.
Dib glanced curiously at Kat23a when he heard her tone of voice, but continued to run. He pointed to a narrow tunnel.
"If my calculations are correct, there should be an emergency elevator in that tunnel!"
Kat23a glanced at Dib as she ran.
"How did you figure that out?"
Dib pointed at a sign above the tunnel that said "EMERGENCY ESCAPE."
"Oh."
A blast suddenly burst against the wall next to them. Zim had caught up, and he seemed to be holding the Irken equivalent of a bazooka. Loud, crashing shots began to fly all around them.
Kat23a snapped her head towards Dib, and yelled, "GET IN THERE! I'LL COVER YOU!"
"YOU'LL COVER ME WITH /WHAT/?? THAT'S NO ORDINARY LASER GUN!"
The gun Zim was holding went off, and a large chunk of wall next to them came down.
"JUST /GO/!"
Dib made a diving jump for the hole. As he disappeared inside, Kat23a whirled and ran straight towards Zim. Surprised at this move, Zim yelped and stumbled backwards. Before he could recover, Kat23a kicked the Irken bazooka out of Zim's hands (knocking Zim down in the process), whirled around and dove through the tunnel. She hit a button that she hoped was the door controls, and gave a sigh of relief when a door spiraled shut on the tunnel's entrance. She turned and ran down the tunnel after Dib.
Zim growled to himself as he got off the floor. Then, he noticed which door Dib and Kat23a had disappeared into. He slowly smiled, and he began to laugh.
"Heh heh. Ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" (A/N: We all know and love the Zim laugh. ^_^ )
His laughter still was echoing throughout the chamber as he hurried out of the room.
////~\\\\
Kat23a hurried down the tunnel as fast as she could. It did not seem to be as well-kept as the rest of Zim's lab, and was obviously for emergencies only. Kat23a briefly wondered what sort of emergency could require a spare elevator. Weren't elevators supposed to be bad in fires or explosions? Maybe this was some sort of advanced emergency elevator that wouldn't stop between levels in a fire. Who knew? She reached the end of the tunnel and dropped to the floor of a small chamber. It wasn't /that/ small, though, when she thought about it. In fact, it seemed larger than the other elevators. That was a good thing, even though it was still cramped with two people in it. Kat23a quickly shut the door to the elevator room and turned to Dib. Dib was trying to make sense out of the complicated control panel at the other end of the elevator.
"Aaah! No! C'mon, you piece of alien junk.," Dib growled at the controls.
Kat23a came up behind him and looked over his shoulder at the controls.
"Those look pretty complicated for elevator controls. None of the other elevators had that many buttons and levers."
"I'm guessing that the extra controls are to help in case of emergency, or to communicate with the computer while escaping."
Kat23a thought over this explanation, and then nodded.
"That makes sense, but it doesn't make it any easier to operate. We need to move /fast/! The door will only hold the bazooka-thing for so long."
" I know, I KNOW! This thing won't work right. None of these controls look like elevator controls. Maybe I can reconfigure it somehow."
"HURRY!"
Suddenly, the floor beneath their feet began rumbling.
"Wow. That was quick," Kat23a said.
Dib looked worried.
"But.I didn't DO that!"
A loud staticy sound made them both look up. A monitor which neither of then had noticed had unexpectedly turned on. As the static cleared, a familiar Irken face appeared, smiling evilly.
"Hello, Dib. You may think you have outwitted me by jumping into an elevator shaft, but what you really jumped into was.AN ESCAPE POD!"
The floor abruptly lurched upwards, making Dib and Kat23a fall onto the floor. Although they struggled to get up, the push on their bodies was too great, and they remained pasted to the ground.
"As soon as I had seen where you had escaped to, I hacked into the pod's controls. You are now being blasted into space on a direct collision course with your PUNY HUMAN SUN!"
The two on the floor seemed to be trying to say something, but their mouths were pasted open from the G forces.
////~A/N: For those who didn't have a cool physics teacher who let you watch videos of space movies in class, G forces are what push you back in your seat when you're taking off into space or riding those REALLY fast spinny-type theme park rides that I love going on. ~\\\\
"You should exit Earth's atmosphere about.now."
Both Kat23a and Dib suddenly flew off the floor and smacked into the wall across from them when Zim said 'now'. One side of the room's walls became transparent, showing the Earth many miles below them.and getting smaller. Kat23a made a garbled choking sound, in shock at how suddenly the tables were turned (that and she was suddenly looking at a 10,000 mile drop) Dib, however, had far more experience with the alien's devious plots, and he regained his feet quickly. He whirled back around to face the smirking face on the monitor.
He pointed at the screen and shouted, "You won't get away with this, Zim! You can't get rid of me that easily! We'll find our way back!"
Zim threw his head back and laughed. Then he shouted, "PITIFUL STINKING HUMAN! THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOU CAN FLY THAT POD! IT CAN ONLY BE CONTROLLED BY MY COMPUTER! So, you better get ready to meet your SUN close up! FEAR THE MIGHTY ZIM! MUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
As Dib glared at Zim's laughing face, the screen blipped off. He continued to glare at it for several more moments, feeling INCREDIBLY angry, when he suddenly heard from behind him, "THIS is all YOUR FAULT!" He turned just in time to see an enraged Kat23a jump on him.
~ --
Zim turned from the screen, still laughing. Dib was gone. It had happened so quickly that he was a little stunned, but it made sense. Such inferior beings as humans always made mistakes. And now, his hated enemy was on a pod heading for the Sun. Zim rechecked the autopilot, just to make sure. It should crash there in only an hour or so. Zim intended to be there to watch it. Just the thought of Dib, completely helpless in his grasp, made him begin laughing anew. He turned the monitor again to see the look on Dib's face. However, as Zim looked, his triumphant smile faded. Dib was sitting at one corner of the pod, looking pretty beaten up. The human female sat across from him, looking just as bad. Hmmm.. Zim had forgotten about the other human in the heat of the moment. Zim didn't recognize her from skool.could it be that Dib actually had all those paranormal investigator allies that he was always talking about? Zim had always thought that was a ploy to make him afraid, and he was sure that if there /were/ paranormal investigators that Dib knew, then they could be fooled as easily as the rest of the humans on this stinking planet. But. if Dib was telling the truth.PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS MIGHT BE INFILTRATING HIS BASE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
"Gir!," Zim shouted.
The little robot fell from the ceiling and saluted him.
"Watch these humans and make sure that all goes according to plan. I must search the base for any more intruders."
"OOOH! CAN I CHANGE THE CHANNEL?"
"No, Gir. This monitor only has one channel."
"Aww.I wanted to watch the scary monkey show."
"I MUST LEAVE! Who know what danger may be lurking in our base right now!"
Zim exited the room quickly. Several moments passed, where Gir settled himself down in front of the monitor. Zim suddenly stuck his head back through the doorway.
"Uh, Gir, call me when they get to the Sun, okay?"
"Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaay."
Zim exited the room again.
~ --
A noise something like "GAAAAAH!" came out of Dib's mouth as Kat23a jumped on him. They both landed on the floor in a pile of flailing arms and kicking legs.
"KAT?! OW! OWOWOWOW! STOPPIT!"
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! EVERYTHING! I COME TO RESCUE YOU AND *oof*"
"Kat, can we please talk about this logicaaaAAAAA!"
"..spent WEEKS on that crystaaack!"
"What are OW you talking AAAAARGH!"
".and then *ugh* the ROOF COLLASPED! All my waaAAAH!"
"Urg.geoff muh!"
"Leggo my leg first!"
"THIS is what I think about your leg!"
"AAAAH! My intestines!"
"Hey, that was my favorite shirt! YOU..DEAD! AAAAAA*umph*"
Um.yeah. You get the picture. A few minutes later, the two were on opposite sides of the small pod, breathing heavily and glaring at each other. Neither of them noticed the monitor switch on above their heads. While Dib was glaring at Kat23a, he noticed for the first time that she was wearing a skintight climbing suit that was ripped in several places. He was surprised by this, and grew more surprised as he noticed that she was covered in soot and grime, had several cuts and bruises on her face, had very obviously dirty and uncombed hair, and was wearing scuffed climbing shoes (sorta like slippers with soft soles) instead of regular shoes.
"Kat," he said without thinking, "you look awful."
Kat23a gave a short bark of laughter at his comment.
"Of course I look terrible. I have been in a cave-in, a hyperspeed bicycle accident, have been blasted several times by lasers, have been attacked by a hyper robot, and just got SHOT INTO SPACE thanks to YOU!"
"Wha- a CAVE-IN?! WHAT about a bike?"
"*sigh* Okay, there's this crystal that acts as a gateway and a power source for demons and other evil stuff in this area, see? It's called the Crystal of Y'kon. I discovered it about a month ago, learned where it /was/ a week ago, and finished making a kind of anti-Crystal today. I was going to infiltrate the Crystal's cavern and replace the Crystal of Y'kon with my Crystal, and then I would be able to command some of the evil forces in this area, and which may set back the possible opening of a door to the netherworld. However, both Crystals are very sensitive to vibration, and when you called me, the sound of the walkie-talkie caused them to explode, making the cave collapse on me and nearly kill me."
"Oh. Um, sorry."
"-------"
"So.is the world doomed by demon infiltration now?"
"*another sigh* No. The Crystal of Y'kon is destroyed. The downside is that /my/ Crystal is destroyed, too. Now they can't use it, but I can't use it either."
"Oh. Um./what/ about a bike?"
"Uh, you know those rocket boosters I attached to it last month?"
"Yeah, what do they have to do with.oh.oh, no, you DIDN'T!"
"Hey, they worked! I just.ah.forgot to put in brakes."
"I TOLD you that you needed more work on them! I TOLD you not to use them yet!"
"Hey, I WOULDN'T have had to use them if YOU hadn't called me! I was going to add some more safety measures next week, but NO, I had to come RIGHT NOW! What did I even /do/ to help you in Zim's lab that you couldn't have done yourself?"
"You did stall him when I was running into that tunnel."
"I ran at him and kicked him. Very talented."
"At least we didn't get shot by that bazooka-thing."
"No, now we get to be excruciatingly burned to a crisp by our Sun, thanks to /you/!"
"Hey! It's not like I haven't saved /your/ butt a couple of times, too! What about that little exorcism I did on you last year? Huh? Huh? That wasn't exactly a picnic! I still have bite marks!"
"Well, I didn't ACTUALLY eat you, then. However, you ACTUALLY sent us into space!"
"Well, /I/..aaaah. Look, we've got to stop fighting if we want to have any chance of survival. At this rate, we'll still be at each other's throats when we hit the Sun. Truce?"
Kat23a tensed for a moment, glaring a little, and then relaxed.
"Okay. Truce."
"Good. Now, I'm pretty sure that we can't use the control panel, so I'll try to hotwire it. Hmm.Kat, what do you have in that fanny pack?"
"Ummm."
Kat23a unclipped the fanny pack and opened it up. The black glove, a flashlight, a small lockpicking set, a Swiss Army knife, and a few mints fell to the ground. Dib picked up the knife, the flashlight, and the lockpicking set.
"Good! I can use these!"
As Dib looked at the contents of the fanny pack, Kat23a began inspecting the room. She noticed a monitor next to an alien keyboard. There were two gloves on either side of the keyboard. Experimentally, she stuck her hands into the gloves. Immediately, the screen lit up, and files began opening as she pointed to them. Kat23a looked excited.
"Dib!" she called, "I think I've found the ship's computer! I'm usually pretty good at finding stuff in the back of computers that no one knew was there. Maybe I can try that here!"
"Okay, Kat. You hack at the controls from the inside and I'll start hacking at them from the outside."
Dib began pulling back a metal grid, and Kat23a got to work on the computer files. Several minutes passed.
"Look! Alien Solitare!"
Dib pulled out a half-eaten cupcake from the hole he was working in.
"What the-"
"Oooo! A music video! With rat people!"
"WHAT is a rubber pig doing in the ship's engine?"
////~Half an hour later~\\\\
"AAAAAAAUUGH! Do aliens have NOTHING to do but play GAMES?!! Where are the CONTROLS?!"
A HUGE pile of cupcakes, piggies, wrappers, empty (and full) brainfreezy containers, shiny coins, pieces of trash, half-eaten burritos, and pizza boxes was now on the floor. Dib popped back out of the hole he was working in and threw a stuffed moose onto the pile.
"What POSSIBLE reason could Zim have for stuffing JUNK into his engine?!! I can't go even a FOOT without hitting something new!"
"AAAH! YOU AND ZIM! You've been ranting about him for the past half hour! Zim this, Zim that! Won't you just SHUT UP?!!"
"YOU should talk! You kept on talking about this 'netherworld gate' you're so worried about! How do you even know that it's going to open?!!"
" How do YOU know that Zim is going to take over the planet?!"
"Because he IS!"
"Well, you may think so, but if that gate opens first then he's toast along with us!"
"If he takes over the planet first, then your demons will have to face alien warcraft!"
"Just /one/ demon could beat Zim anyday!"
"Hah! Zim could vaporize that demon before it even could collect its ectoplasm!"
"SETI-lover!"
"Parapsychologist!"
"SAUCER MORON!"
"SPOON-BENDER!"
"AAAAAAAAA!"
"AAAAAAAA!"
The two launched themselves at each other and, within moments, had each other in a headlock. Neither let go, and they both kept yelling and running, each trying to bang the other into the wall. Suddenly, they were stopped by a strange sound they never expected to hear.
"I love this shooow."
Still inter-headlocked, Dib and Kat23a looked up into the ceiling monitor to see the face of a familiar blue-and-silver robot. Kat23a, suddenly recognizing it as the robot that had attached itself to her leg in Zim's base, jumped back.
"AAAUGH! DEMON ROBOT!"
"Is /everything/ demons with you? I recognize it.I think it belongs to Zim."
The figure on the screen suddenly looked sad.
"Aww.don't stop the show. I like you."
Dib's face began to get a crafty look.
"Aaah.robot, is Zim there right now?"
"Noooo, but I'll get him. MAASTE-
"NO! No, that's okay. I'd rather talk to /you/ anyways.
Kat23a looked confused.
"Dib, what are you-"
"Shh. I've got an idea. You like acting, right?"
"I've been in a couple of plays, if that's what you mean.."
"Good."
Dib turned back to the screen.
"You see, we really like being in TV shows, just for you. Right, Kat?"
"Uh, yeah, right!"
"Yaaay! My own show!"
"But there's a problem. You see, we're going to crash into the sun, and then we can't be on any shows for you."
"Aaaaaww.I wanna show!"
"Hey, I know! If you stop the pod from crashing into the sun, we'll put on a show for you!"
"Oh. Okay."
The pod suddenly shuddered and stopped. Kat23a and Dib looked around warily. Kat23a spoke up first.
".That's it? He did it?"
"Uh.I guess so."
"But he doesn't look like he could even operate a light! How could he know how to stop it?"
"I don't know, but he did, and you better put on a show quick, or he might start it up again."
"Me?! Why me?"
"I don't know how to act!"
"Whadaya mean, you don't know how? You just, /do/ it!"
A voice came from the screen.
"Aaaaaw.where's my show?"
"Quick, Kat!"
Kat23a suddenly straightened up, looking nervous.
"Ah.uh.um.ROMEO! OH, ROMEO! WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROM*umph*!"
Dib slapped his hand across Kat23a's mouth.
"Not THAT one!"
"Um.oh. Uh, I've got one." Kat23a took a deep breath to steel herself. Then, she opened her eyes wide, gave a large smile, and began to dance a softshoe.
"If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why doncha go where fashion sits.puttin' on the ritz!"
She was.singing. Dib stared, mouth hanging open. Kat23a gave him a quick glare, and kept on singing and dancing. After several verses, Gir began to sing and dance along in the background. Kat23a finished up the song ("PUTTIN' ON THE RIIITZ!") and gave a bow to the screen. Gir kept on singing for several more seconds, and then noticed that no one was singing along with him. He turned back to the screen, smiling.
"Sing it again!"
Kat23a and Dib shared a ~Look~. Kat23a put on her best smile and looked at Gir again.
"I'd love to, cute little robot, but I would really like it if you did a favor for me first!"
"Whazzat?"
"Well, if you turn this pod around and send it back to Earth, Dib and I will do shows for you the WHOOOOLE way back!"
"YAAAY!"
".../can/ you turn the pod around?"
"Mmmm.*shrug*"
"Well, TRY, please!"
"Kay."
Several tense moments passed as Gir disappeared from the screen. Dib and Kat23a held their breath, hoping that this insane robot could save them. The floor beneath them gave a lurch, and suddenly, they were moving.
"It's turning around!!"
"Look! I can see Earth again!"
Dib and Kat began yelling and jumping for joy as Gir came back onto the screen. He watched them for a few moments, then began yelling and jumping up and down himself.
"I love this show."
Dib noticed this, and whispered to Kat23a, "Keep jumping around and yelling."
They kept on going like this for several more minutes, but then.
"Let's change channels!"
"Wha-?"
////~ half an hour later~\\\\
"Go, greased lighting, you're burning up the quarter mile."
"Greased lightning, go, greased lightning!"
Dib was singing the main part, with Kat23a as backup. After several 'shows', both had loosened up, and were even having some fun playacting in front of Gir. Dib started moonwalking, using an empty brainfreezy as a microphone. Kat23a started doing high kicks.
Gir giggled as he watched them, and then joyfully yelled out, "Change channels!"
Kat whispered something to Dib, and they both started doing a sloppy Riverdance together.
"Change channels!"
Kat held a rubber piggie up to the screen and wiggled it around, talking in a high-pitched voice.
"Hey, moosie, what do you want to do today?"
Dib held up the stuffed moose.
"I don't know, piggie. Maybe we could bounce around, squeaking idiodically!"
Kat snorted and hid a smile.
"Okay, moosie! Bounce, bounce, bounce!"
"Change channels!"
Dib put his face up close to the screen, then suddenly bared his teeth and growled.
"OOOOOO! THE SCARY DIBBY SHOW! This is my favorite show."
Gir sighed happily and sat back. While Dib kept on growling at the screen, Kat23a walked over to the viewscreen and smiled when she saw how close Earth was getting. They were almost there. Suddenly, she thought of something that hadn't occurred to either her or Dib before. She gasped, and ran over to Dib.
"DIB! DIB, HOW ARE WE-" she glanced at Gir who was looking at them curiously, then began whispering.
"How are we supposed to /steer/ this thing when we get to Earth?"
Dib's eyes widened as he thought of this new problem.
"Uh, oh."
"Uh oh is right. This thing will vaporize the second it touches the ground if we can't stop it!"
Dib looked at Gir, then back at Kat.
"I have an idea."
"Oh, no."
~ ----
Kat23a had a large, scary smile on her face as she faced the monitor. She held up a stuffed moose.
"Yes, and YOU can get this wonderful moose-o-matic!"
Gir watched, enthralled.
"REALLY? YAAAAY! I GET A MOOSE!"
"But that's not all, Kat!"
"*gasp* It isn't?!"
Dib held up a taco half with a pained smile on his face.
"No! You also get this FREE half-eaten taco! And all you have to do is bring us back to Earth, right in front of your house!"
"Hmm.master might not like that."
Kat23a smiled. She was still hiding her secret weapon.
"Oh, but we also have" she whipped out her secret weapon "TWENTY RUBBER PIGGIES!"
Gir's face lit up seeing all the piggies.
"PIIGIIIIEEEES!"
"Could you please bring us back now?"
"But.I don't know how!"
Dib looked worried at this, but Kat23a thought she was getting an idea of how the robot worked.
"Are you./SURE/ that you don't know how?"
"Oh, I remember!"
Gir hummed as he went over to a joystick on a control panel. As he grabbed it, the floor of the pod Kat23a and Dib were in rocked, dropping them both on the floor. They suddenly started spinning like clothes in a dryer as Gir moved the joystick around.
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
The space telescope still had no view. The scientist sighed and talked into his microphone.
"Ernie, turn the knob the OTHER way. There.almost.STOP!"
The picture snapped into focus, just in time to show a giant ball of flame rushing directly towards the scope. As the ball touched the scope, the screen went black. The man sat staring at it disheartendly.
"We lose more telescopes that way."
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
The stewardess leaned over the businessman, offering him ANOTHER soda. Couldn't they just leave him alone? An important man like himself had no time to be bothered by.
"GIANT FALLING ASTEROIDS!" screamed the man as he looked out his window. Then he fainted into his soda.
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
"Ooooo! Look, Mommy! A shooting star!"
"Make a wish, honey."
"I wish my brother would turn into a frog!"
"Honey, that's not ni-"
"I wish /you'd/ turn into a SLUG, dorkface!"
"Mommy, he called me a dorkface!"
"That's because you ARE a dorkface, dorkface!"
"Now, kids.."
"Well, /you're/ a pimplehead!"
"Dorkface! Dorkface!"
"Pimplehead! Pimplehead!"
"I need an aspirin."
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
Zim finished checking the perimeter of his base.
"Hmm.I'll have to upgrade the gnomes. And maybe more motion sensors by the door."
He happened to glance up, and froze.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*ooof!*"
Outside the pod:
There was a large, smoking crater in the middle of Zim's front yard. Zim lay on one side of it. Slowly, he pushed himself up and rubbed his head. His wig had managed to stay on during the blast, somehow.
"What on Irk-"
He looked into the crater and stopped at what he saw.
"No. It can't. How-"
Gir skipped happily out of the house.
"I'm gonna get some PIGgies! I'm gonna get some PIGgies!"
"Gir?!"
Inside the pod:
"."
"."
"Dib?"
"."
"Yeah, Kat?"
"."
"Am I dead?"
"."
"I hope not, because then I'm dead, too."
"I seemed to have misplaced my stomach. Can you find it?"
"As soon as I figure out where the floor went to."
"Oh. That's okay. I'm pretty sure that when I find my stomach, it's going to be sick."
"Urg."
Outside the pod:
The door of the pod burst open and Dib and Kat23a stumbled out into the night. In the background, Zim began screaming as he saw them. Both Dib and Kat were wavering unsteadily where they stood, but they both had huge grins on their faces. Gir ran into the pod behind them. As Zim began yelling at the last remaining garden gnome to attack them, Kat23a and Dib turned to each other.
"Well, we made it, Dib."
"It feels great to be back."
"Um.Dib? I'm sorry for all the name calling and bruises and kicking your butt wrestling you."
"Forgiven. YOU kick MY butt? In your dreams."
"You know, I think I even had fun. At least on the way back."
"Yeah. I did, too."
"Dib?"
"What?"
"Let's not EVER do that AGAIN, okay?"
"AGREED."
Dib glanced at Zim, who had stopped yelling at the obviously nonfunctional gnome and was running inside.
"We better go. I think the alien slime is going for reinforcements."
"*snort* You never give up, do you?"
"Give up what?"
"Never mind, let's-"
Gir suddenly burst out of the pod, holding an armful of rubber piggies. He raced for the nearest person, which happened to be (you guessed it) Kat23a.
"THE DEMON ROBOT! AAAAAAAAH!"
Gir attached himself to Kat23a's head and said, "I love youuu," not paying attention to the fact that she was running in circles screaming and trying to swap him off her head.
Kat23a paused at the words and looked up into the cyan-blue eyes of the little robot.
"Hmmm.now that I think about it, you sure are a /cute/ little demon robot."
"Kat, let's go."
"Awwww.can I keep him?"
"NO."
Dib pushed Gir off of Kat's head gently, grabbed Kat23a's arm, and began dragging her down the street until Kat began to walk for herself. Dib thought a little, then turned to Kat as they walked away.
"Hey, Kat, Mysterious Mysteries should be just starting now. If you walk all the way to your house you'll miss it. Wanna watch it at my house?"
"Sure! I also want to poke around your dad's lab a little. I'm thinking of getting a cybernetic implant."
"WHAT?!"
"Dib. I have numbers in my name. The least I could do is be part cyborg."
"What are we talking, a metal arm or something? How are you going to get it?"
"No, something smaller. I kinda helped this biotechnology guy in the city with a poltergeist problem, and he said that he'd do a small implant for free."
Their voices began to fade as they walked into the distance.
"*sigh* Lucky. You get /paid/ for saving the world."
"Hey, it's the first time I've ever been paid for this sort of stuff, believe me."
..They turned a corner, and their voices could no longer be heard.
---- ~ ----
WHOOOOHOOOO! I FINISHED IT!!!! You may not know, but I've been working on this fic ever since I finished the Halloween fic. I /would/ have had it posted up last week if my teachers hadn't all suddenly decided to see how much homework a student could stand without going insane. I'm already insane, so their devious plans didn't work on meeee! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Um.anyway, I'm sorry the ending was so bad, I wasn't sure how to end this fic. This is also a kind of fillerfic, for in between big fics. I'm planning a jumbo fic next that might be around the size of the Halloween one. I also want to ask your opinion on something. I could have divided this fic into chapters and had the individual chapters out sooner, but you would have had to wait for the next installment. Instead, I put the whole thing out all at once, after taking a lot longer to finish the whole thing. Which way do you like it better? Chapters one at a time or all at once? Tell me in your REVIEW!
-- ~ --
The cave was silent, frozen in the sleep of ages. Massive stalactites and stalagmites glowered from all corners, surrounding a rounded center that rose up in steps, to a high and narrow top. On the very top of the cylindrical pyramid rested a red crystal that seemed to cut the very air with its sharp tines. It lit the cavern with a slow, pulsing glow, accompanied by a low humming sound. The air around the crystal looked warped, somehow bent out of shape. Something about the crystal looked inherently /wrong/, as if it was something that had no place in a world where grass was green and the sky was blue and things fell to the ground if you dropped them. It looked like the distilled essence of evil.
There was a soft clattering sound from above, and several pebbles skittered down from somewhere high up. Slowly, a brown-haired female dressed in a skintight black suit with a belt holding a fanny pack and a walkie-talkie descended from the ceiling on a thin cable (think Mission Impossible meets Raiders of the Lost Ark). There was nothing holding her but the cable and a spidery-looking harness. She lowered herself inch by inch, until she was about ten feet above the pulsing red crystal. Keeping her eyes fixed on the crystal's inhuman light, she groped for the silver Celtic cross that hung on a chain around her throat, and brought it to her lips briefly, as if for luck. Then, she tucked it in the collar of her suit. With her other hand, she reached into a black fanny pack hanging from her waist and she took out a skintight black nylon glove. She pulled this over her right hand, and then she took out a softly glowing crystal identical to the first one, only it bathed her face with a soft purple light that looked as /right/ as the red light looked /wrong/. The air around this crystal seemed clearer, somehow, as if it were reassuring the reality around it. She stared intently at the two crystals, as if planning out her next move. Without taking her eyes off them, she slowly, slowly lowered herself down until she was directly over the red crystal.
"Okay," she whispered to the purple crystal in her black-gloved hand. "Let's see if you can do the job I made you to do."
Slowly, she set the purple crystal right next to the red. The red crystal's pulse sped up for a moment, and the hum got a bit louder. The girl froze, holding her breath and staring at the red crystal. After a little while, the pulsing went back to normal, and the hum dropped. The girl let out her breath softly, and readied her hands on either side of the two crystals, the ungloved hand next to the purple, and the gloved next to the red, which she dared not touch with bare skin. The next step was crucial. The two crystals must be switched as quickly as she could, with as little interference as possible. Any movement, any noise at all could ruin this. Sweat beaded her forehead. She took a breath, and-
The walkie-talkie on her waist suddenly crackled, a noise that sounded like a gunshot in the silent cave. The red crystal and the purple suddenly flared eye-blindingly bright, and the stalactites rumbled around her. A frantic voice shouted over the walkie-talkie.
"KAT!!! KAT, I NEED YOUR HELP /NOW/!!!"
The cave seemed to roar at this incredible noise, which echoed throughout the cavern. The walls began to shake and stalactites and stalagmites began collapsing everywhere. The crystals hummed together, louder and louder, glowing brighter and brighter. It was only quick thinking that made the girl disengage her harness, sending her tumbling down the pyramid. Above her, in the exact place where she had been moments before, the twin crystals exploded. The girl came to rest at the bottom of the pyramid, bruised just about everywhere. She had no time to stop, though, and she quickly dodged out of the way of a falling stalactite. She leaped, rolled, and flipped to dodge more and more of the obstacles. She spotted a narrow passageway with a soft light coming from it, and she sprinted for it. A huge stalagmite fell directly in her path, but she did a flip over it and continued her mad dash. Her cross necklace, which seemed to have come loose in the fall, banged against her chest as she ran. She entered the passageway, where the walls were quaking even more, and there seemed to be more and more rubble falling everywhere. Suddenly, a deafening crash from the main chamber resounded throughout the cave, and a spewing cloud of rubble rushed up behind the girl. She sprinted with all her might for the faint light, and the cloud engulfed her in a roar.
A few moments later, a lone figure trudged out of the dust cloud at the cave's mouth into the slanting afternoon sunlight. Her hair was tangled, her face was flushed, she was sweating all over, and she was completely covered in dust. The cross necklace winked lazily in the sunlight. Looking straight ahead, her jaw set in place, she pulled off her black glove and held the walkie-talkie up to the side of her head.
"What is it, Dib?," asked Kat23a.
////~ A/N: The day I thought up this fic I drew a picture of this scene. The look on Kat23a's face as she held up the walkie-talkie is hilarious. Alas, I have no scanner, so I can't post it on the net. ( ~\\\\
"KAT! Kat, I was infiltrating Zim's base, and I was discovered! I'm hiding in a corner of his lab, but there's no way I can escape without Zim finding me! He's searching for me now! Getoverhereasquickasyoucan!"
Kat23a's face continued to show no expression, and her voice was completely steady as she answered Dib.
"Dib, I am not the only member of the Swollen Eyeballs. There are more experienced agents. You even have them on speed dial. Why did you call me?"
"Kat, I am seriously in danger here! You are the closest, and I'll be lucky if I'm not discovered in the next ten minutes!"
Something loosened in Kat23a's face, and she sighed.
"I'll be right over."
"Hurry. Over and out."
The walkie-talkie gave a last burst of static, and then popped off. Kat23a looked at it, and then clipped it back onto her belt. She put the glove back in the fanny pack, and turned to look at the collapsed cave entrance. She took a deep breath and let it out. A sound suspiciously like a growl came out of her mouth. Then, she snapped her head in the direction of town, and began to run to her bike. She hopped on and quickly put on what looked like a black motorcycle helmet. She flicked a switch on the handlebar that was labeled "EMERGENCIES ONLY!" The bike began rumbling, and what looked suspiciously like rocket launchers on the sides of the bike let out twin jets of flame. The bike roared forward, popping a brief wheelie before disappearing into the sunset.
////~~\\\\
Dib crouched behind a large computer system, trying to hide his heavy breathing. Zim had almost got him that time. He had barely been able to jump out of the pile of mechanical parts that had been his hiding place in time to avoid the blast. Metal hands descending from the ceiling had grabbed at him and shot deadly beams and lasers at him as he ran, and he could hear Zim's shrieks of rage as he got away. He had nearly been done in when he nearly tripped over that robot-thing that Zim kept. It had seemed to be dancing with a pig at the time. Normally, Dib would have been interested, but he was too busy trying to escape to do more than give a flying leap that just barely cleared the robot. He managed to sneak into another room and hide behind the computer, but he could hear Zim crashing and shouting as he came closer. When was Kat going to get here? Come to think of that, how was she going to know where he was? Zim's underground lab seemed to have more floors than Dib could count. Zim had already chased him through three of them. Dib would have probably been caught earlier if he hadn't remembered a little of the layout from his previous infiltration. He had been caught then, too, but Gaz had saved him. However, tonight Gaz had rented the "Morgue Raiders" movie, and there was no pizza at stake because of Dib's absence. His chances of Gaz helping were slim to none.
Suddenly, he heard a louder-than-usual crashing from the room where Zim was in. He ignored it until he heard Zim screech "TWO of them??! You too shall share the Dib's DOOM, worm monkey!!!"
Dib jumped up at this sound. He ran towards the crashing. He heard Kat23a screeching "DIB?!! Dibwheretheheckareyou?!! Get out here!!"
"Kat, I'm here! I'M OVER HERE!"
Kat23a whirled at the sound of Dib's voice. Let us pause a moment to take a look at her mindset at this time. She was EXTREMELY annoyed. She had totaled her bike coming here, since she had forgotten to put a brake on the rocket launchers. The only way she saved herself was by jumping off at a speed of roughly 120 mph. However, being a character in Zimworld this had only served to give her more bruises and make her day a little worse. After she had gotten past the lawn gnomes (which had zapped her twice), she figured out how to get to Zim's underground lab. Unfortunately, the only entrance she found was the toilet in the kitchen. She had trashed her way through five levels of Zim's lab. On one level, a screaming blue-and- silver robot had attached itself to her leg and did not let go for two more levels. It talked about tacos the whole time, without even pausing for breath. At this point, she began to develop an eye twitch. After this exhausting search, she had finally found her way to the level she was currently on. The hands from the ceiling had zapped her at least four separate times on her search, and had pulled out a chunk of hair. So, all in all, she was not a happy camper. Well, now, on with the story.
Kat23a RAN as fast a she could towards Dib's voice. Zim seemed to have better aim than the mechanical hands that seemed to be everywhere. She dodged and jumped as she ran, but still got singed on the shoulder by a passing shot. She darted into another room, and nearly tripped over Dib, who was crouching near the floor.
"Kat!," Dib said, "I'm so glad you came!"
"Yes, now we can both be captured together," Kat23a said sarcastically. She jerked Dib to his feet and they began to run.
Dib glanced curiously at Kat23a when he heard her tone of voice, but continued to run. He pointed to a narrow tunnel.
"If my calculations are correct, there should be an emergency elevator in that tunnel!"
Kat23a glanced at Dib as she ran.
"How did you figure that out?"
Dib pointed at a sign above the tunnel that said "EMERGENCY ESCAPE."
"Oh."
A blast suddenly burst against the wall next to them. Zim had caught up, and he seemed to be holding the Irken equivalent of a bazooka. Loud, crashing shots began to fly all around them.
Kat23a snapped her head towards Dib, and yelled, "GET IN THERE! I'LL COVER YOU!"
"YOU'LL COVER ME WITH /WHAT/?? THAT'S NO ORDINARY LASER GUN!"
The gun Zim was holding went off, and a large chunk of wall next to them came down.
"JUST /GO/!"
Dib made a diving jump for the hole. As he disappeared inside, Kat23a whirled and ran straight towards Zim. Surprised at this move, Zim yelped and stumbled backwards. Before he could recover, Kat23a kicked the Irken bazooka out of Zim's hands (knocking Zim down in the process), whirled around and dove through the tunnel. She hit a button that she hoped was the door controls, and gave a sigh of relief when a door spiraled shut on the tunnel's entrance. She turned and ran down the tunnel after Dib.
Zim growled to himself as he got off the floor. Then, he noticed which door Dib and Kat23a had disappeared into. He slowly smiled, and he began to laugh.
"Heh heh. Ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" (A/N: We all know and love the Zim laugh. ^_^ )
His laughter still was echoing throughout the chamber as he hurried out of the room.
////~\\\\
Kat23a hurried down the tunnel as fast as she could. It did not seem to be as well-kept as the rest of Zim's lab, and was obviously for emergencies only. Kat23a briefly wondered what sort of emergency could require a spare elevator. Weren't elevators supposed to be bad in fires or explosions? Maybe this was some sort of advanced emergency elevator that wouldn't stop between levels in a fire. Who knew? She reached the end of the tunnel and dropped to the floor of a small chamber. It wasn't /that/ small, though, when she thought about it. In fact, it seemed larger than the other elevators. That was a good thing, even though it was still cramped with two people in it. Kat23a quickly shut the door to the elevator room and turned to Dib. Dib was trying to make sense out of the complicated control panel at the other end of the elevator.
"Aaah! No! C'mon, you piece of alien junk.," Dib growled at the controls.
Kat23a came up behind him and looked over his shoulder at the controls.
"Those look pretty complicated for elevator controls. None of the other elevators had that many buttons and levers."
"I'm guessing that the extra controls are to help in case of emergency, or to communicate with the computer while escaping."
Kat23a thought over this explanation, and then nodded.
"That makes sense, but it doesn't make it any easier to operate. We need to move /fast/! The door will only hold the bazooka-thing for so long."
" I know, I KNOW! This thing won't work right. None of these controls look like elevator controls. Maybe I can reconfigure it somehow."
"HURRY!"
Suddenly, the floor beneath their feet began rumbling.
"Wow. That was quick," Kat23a said.
Dib looked worried.
"But.I didn't DO that!"
A loud staticy sound made them both look up. A monitor which neither of then had noticed had unexpectedly turned on. As the static cleared, a familiar Irken face appeared, smiling evilly.
"Hello, Dib. You may think you have outwitted me by jumping into an elevator shaft, but what you really jumped into was.AN ESCAPE POD!"
The floor abruptly lurched upwards, making Dib and Kat23a fall onto the floor. Although they struggled to get up, the push on their bodies was too great, and they remained pasted to the ground.
"As soon as I had seen where you had escaped to, I hacked into the pod's controls. You are now being blasted into space on a direct collision course with your PUNY HUMAN SUN!"
The two on the floor seemed to be trying to say something, but their mouths were pasted open from the G forces.
////~A/N: For those who didn't have a cool physics teacher who let you watch videos of space movies in class, G forces are what push you back in your seat when you're taking off into space or riding those REALLY fast spinny-type theme park rides that I love going on. ~\\\\
"You should exit Earth's atmosphere about.now."
Both Kat23a and Dib suddenly flew off the floor and smacked into the wall across from them when Zim said 'now'. One side of the room's walls became transparent, showing the Earth many miles below them.and getting smaller. Kat23a made a garbled choking sound, in shock at how suddenly the tables were turned (that and she was suddenly looking at a 10,000 mile drop) Dib, however, had far more experience with the alien's devious plots, and he regained his feet quickly. He whirled back around to face the smirking face on the monitor.
He pointed at the screen and shouted, "You won't get away with this, Zim! You can't get rid of me that easily! We'll find our way back!"
Zim threw his head back and laughed. Then he shouted, "PITIFUL STINKING HUMAN! THERE IS NO WAY THAT YOU CAN FLY THAT POD! IT CAN ONLY BE CONTROLLED BY MY COMPUTER! So, you better get ready to meet your SUN close up! FEAR THE MIGHTY ZIM! MUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
As Dib glared at Zim's laughing face, the screen blipped off. He continued to glare at it for several more moments, feeling INCREDIBLY angry, when he suddenly heard from behind him, "THIS is all YOUR FAULT!" He turned just in time to see an enraged Kat23a jump on him.
~ --
Zim turned from the screen, still laughing. Dib was gone. It had happened so quickly that he was a little stunned, but it made sense. Such inferior beings as humans always made mistakes. And now, his hated enemy was on a pod heading for the Sun. Zim rechecked the autopilot, just to make sure. It should crash there in only an hour or so. Zim intended to be there to watch it. Just the thought of Dib, completely helpless in his grasp, made him begin laughing anew. He turned the monitor again to see the look on Dib's face. However, as Zim looked, his triumphant smile faded. Dib was sitting at one corner of the pod, looking pretty beaten up. The human female sat across from him, looking just as bad. Hmmm.. Zim had forgotten about the other human in the heat of the moment. Zim didn't recognize her from skool.could it be that Dib actually had all those paranormal investigator allies that he was always talking about? Zim had always thought that was a ploy to make him afraid, and he was sure that if there /were/ paranormal investigators that Dib knew, then they could be fooled as easily as the rest of the humans on this stinking planet. But. if Dib was telling the truth.PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS MIGHT BE INFILTRATING HIS BASE AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
"Gir!," Zim shouted.
The little robot fell from the ceiling and saluted him.
"Watch these humans and make sure that all goes according to plan. I must search the base for any more intruders."
"OOOH! CAN I CHANGE THE CHANNEL?"
"No, Gir. This monitor only has one channel."
"Aww.I wanted to watch the scary monkey show."
"I MUST LEAVE! Who know what danger may be lurking in our base right now!"
Zim exited the room quickly. Several moments passed, where Gir settled himself down in front of the monitor. Zim suddenly stuck his head back through the doorway.
"Uh, Gir, call me when they get to the Sun, okay?"
"Ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaay."
Zim exited the room again.
~ --
A noise something like "GAAAAAH!" came out of Dib's mouth as Kat23a jumped on him. They both landed on the floor in a pile of flailing arms and kicking legs.
"KAT?! OW! OWOWOWOW! STOPPIT!"
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT! EVERYTHING! I COME TO RESCUE YOU AND *oof*"
"Kat, can we please talk about this logicaaaAAAAA!"
"..spent WEEKS on that crystaaack!"
"What are OW you talking AAAAARGH!"
".and then *ugh* the ROOF COLLASPED! All my waaAAAH!"
"Urg.geoff muh!"
"Leggo my leg first!"
"THIS is what I think about your leg!"
"AAAAH! My intestines!"
"Hey, that was my favorite shirt! YOU..DEAD! AAAAAA*umph*"
Um.yeah. You get the picture. A few minutes later, the two were on opposite sides of the small pod, breathing heavily and glaring at each other. Neither of them noticed the monitor switch on above their heads. While Dib was glaring at Kat23a, he noticed for the first time that she was wearing a skintight climbing suit that was ripped in several places. He was surprised by this, and grew more surprised as he noticed that she was covered in soot and grime, had several cuts and bruises on her face, had very obviously dirty and uncombed hair, and was wearing scuffed climbing shoes (sorta like slippers with soft soles) instead of regular shoes.
"Kat," he said without thinking, "you look awful."
Kat23a gave a short bark of laughter at his comment.
"Of course I look terrible. I have been in a cave-in, a hyperspeed bicycle accident, have been blasted several times by lasers, have been attacked by a hyper robot, and just got SHOT INTO SPACE thanks to YOU!"
"Wha- a CAVE-IN?! WHAT about a bike?"
"*sigh* Okay, there's this crystal that acts as a gateway and a power source for demons and other evil stuff in this area, see? It's called the Crystal of Y'kon. I discovered it about a month ago, learned where it /was/ a week ago, and finished making a kind of anti-Crystal today. I was going to infiltrate the Crystal's cavern and replace the Crystal of Y'kon with my Crystal, and then I would be able to command some of the evil forces in this area, and which may set back the possible opening of a door to the netherworld. However, both Crystals are very sensitive to vibration, and when you called me, the sound of the walkie-talkie caused them to explode, making the cave collapse on me and nearly kill me."
"Oh. Um, sorry."
"-------"
"So.is the world doomed by demon infiltration now?"
"*another sigh* No. The Crystal of Y'kon is destroyed. The downside is that /my/ Crystal is destroyed, too. Now they can't use it, but I can't use it either."
"Oh. Um./what/ about a bike?"
"Uh, you know those rocket boosters I attached to it last month?"
"Yeah, what do they have to do with.oh.oh, no, you DIDN'T!"
"Hey, they worked! I just.ah.forgot to put in brakes."
"I TOLD you that you needed more work on them! I TOLD you not to use them yet!"
"Hey, I WOULDN'T have had to use them if YOU hadn't called me! I was going to add some more safety measures next week, but NO, I had to come RIGHT NOW! What did I even /do/ to help you in Zim's lab that you couldn't have done yourself?"
"You did stall him when I was running into that tunnel."
"I ran at him and kicked him. Very talented."
"At least we didn't get shot by that bazooka-thing."
"No, now we get to be excruciatingly burned to a crisp by our Sun, thanks to /you/!"
"Hey! It's not like I haven't saved /your/ butt a couple of times, too! What about that little exorcism I did on you last year? Huh? Huh? That wasn't exactly a picnic! I still have bite marks!"
"Well, I didn't ACTUALLY eat you, then. However, you ACTUALLY sent us into space!"
"Well, /I/..aaaah. Look, we've got to stop fighting if we want to have any chance of survival. At this rate, we'll still be at each other's throats when we hit the Sun. Truce?"
Kat23a tensed for a moment, glaring a little, and then relaxed.
"Okay. Truce."
"Good. Now, I'm pretty sure that we can't use the control panel, so I'll try to hotwire it. Hmm.Kat, what do you have in that fanny pack?"
"Ummm."
Kat23a unclipped the fanny pack and opened it up. The black glove, a flashlight, a small lockpicking set, a Swiss Army knife, and a few mints fell to the ground. Dib picked up the knife, the flashlight, and the lockpicking set.
"Good! I can use these!"
As Dib looked at the contents of the fanny pack, Kat23a began inspecting the room. She noticed a monitor next to an alien keyboard. There were two gloves on either side of the keyboard. Experimentally, she stuck her hands into the gloves. Immediately, the screen lit up, and files began opening as she pointed to them. Kat23a looked excited.
"Dib!" she called, "I think I've found the ship's computer! I'm usually pretty good at finding stuff in the back of computers that no one knew was there. Maybe I can try that here!"
"Okay, Kat. You hack at the controls from the inside and I'll start hacking at them from the outside."
Dib began pulling back a metal grid, and Kat23a got to work on the computer files. Several minutes passed.
"Look! Alien Solitare!"
Dib pulled out a half-eaten cupcake from the hole he was working in.
"What the-"
"Oooo! A music video! With rat people!"
"WHAT is a rubber pig doing in the ship's engine?"
////~Half an hour later~\\\\
"AAAAAAAUUGH! Do aliens have NOTHING to do but play GAMES?!! Where are the CONTROLS?!"
A HUGE pile of cupcakes, piggies, wrappers, empty (and full) brainfreezy containers, shiny coins, pieces of trash, half-eaten burritos, and pizza boxes was now on the floor. Dib popped back out of the hole he was working in and threw a stuffed moose onto the pile.
"What POSSIBLE reason could Zim have for stuffing JUNK into his engine?!! I can't go even a FOOT without hitting something new!"
"AAAH! YOU AND ZIM! You've been ranting about him for the past half hour! Zim this, Zim that! Won't you just SHUT UP?!!"
"YOU should talk! You kept on talking about this 'netherworld gate' you're so worried about! How do you even know that it's going to open?!!"
" How do YOU know that Zim is going to take over the planet?!"
"Because he IS!"
"Well, you may think so, but if that gate opens first then he's toast along with us!"
"If he takes over the planet first, then your demons will have to face alien warcraft!"
"Just /one/ demon could beat Zim anyday!"
"Hah! Zim could vaporize that demon before it even could collect its ectoplasm!"
"SETI-lover!"
"Parapsychologist!"
"SAUCER MORON!"
"SPOON-BENDER!"
"AAAAAAAAA!"
"AAAAAAAA!"
The two launched themselves at each other and, within moments, had each other in a headlock. Neither let go, and they both kept yelling and running, each trying to bang the other into the wall. Suddenly, they were stopped by a strange sound they never expected to hear.
"I love this shooow."
Still inter-headlocked, Dib and Kat23a looked up into the ceiling monitor to see the face of a familiar blue-and-silver robot. Kat23a, suddenly recognizing it as the robot that had attached itself to her leg in Zim's base, jumped back.
"AAAUGH! DEMON ROBOT!"
"Is /everything/ demons with you? I recognize it.I think it belongs to Zim."
The figure on the screen suddenly looked sad.
"Aww.don't stop the show. I like you."
Dib's face began to get a crafty look.
"Aaah.robot, is Zim there right now?"
"Noooo, but I'll get him. MAASTE-
"NO! No, that's okay. I'd rather talk to /you/ anyways.
Kat23a looked confused.
"Dib, what are you-"
"Shh. I've got an idea. You like acting, right?"
"I've been in a couple of plays, if that's what you mean.."
"Good."
Dib turned back to the screen.
"You see, we really like being in TV shows, just for you. Right, Kat?"
"Uh, yeah, right!"
"Yaaay! My own show!"
"But there's a problem. You see, we're going to crash into the sun, and then we can't be on any shows for you."
"Aaaaaww.I wanna show!"
"Hey, I know! If you stop the pod from crashing into the sun, we'll put on a show for you!"
"Oh. Okay."
The pod suddenly shuddered and stopped. Kat23a and Dib looked around warily. Kat23a spoke up first.
".That's it? He did it?"
"Uh.I guess so."
"But he doesn't look like he could even operate a light! How could he know how to stop it?"
"I don't know, but he did, and you better put on a show quick, or he might start it up again."
"Me?! Why me?"
"I don't know how to act!"
"Whadaya mean, you don't know how? You just, /do/ it!"
A voice came from the screen.
"Aaaaaw.where's my show?"
"Quick, Kat!"
Kat23a suddenly straightened up, looking nervous.
"Ah.uh.um.ROMEO! OH, ROMEO! WHEREFORE ART THOU, ROM*umph*!"
Dib slapped his hand across Kat23a's mouth.
"Not THAT one!"
"Um.oh. Uh, I've got one." Kat23a took a deep breath to steel herself. Then, she opened her eyes wide, gave a large smile, and began to dance a softshoe.
"If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why doncha go where fashion sits.puttin' on the ritz!"
She was.singing. Dib stared, mouth hanging open. Kat23a gave him a quick glare, and kept on singing and dancing. After several verses, Gir began to sing and dance along in the background. Kat23a finished up the song ("PUTTIN' ON THE RIIITZ!") and gave a bow to the screen. Gir kept on singing for several more seconds, and then noticed that no one was singing along with him. He turned back to the screen, smiling.
"Sing it again!"
Kat23a and Dib shared a ~Look~. Kat23a put on her best smile and looked at Gir again.
"I'd love to, cute little robot, but I would really like it if you did a favor for me first!"
"Whazzat?"
"Well, if you turn this pod around and send it back to Earth, Dib and I will do shows for you the WHOOOOLE way back!"
"YAAAY!"
".../can/ you turn the pod around?"
"Mmmm.*shrug*"
"Well, TRY, please!"
"Kay."
Several tense moments passed as Gir disappeared from the screen. Dib and Kat23a held their breath, hoping that this insane robot could save them. The floor beneath them gave a lurch, and suddenly, they were moving.
"It's turning around!!"
"Look! I can see Earth again!"
Dib and Kat began yelling and jumping for joy as Gir came back onto the screen. He watched them for a few moments, then began yelling and jumping up and down himself.
"I love this show."
Dib noticed this, and whispered to Kat23a, "Keep jumping around and yelling."
They kept on going like this for several more minutes, but then.
"Let's change channels!"
"Wha-?"
////~ half an hour later~\\\\
"Go, greased lighting, you're burning up the quarter mile."
"Greased lightning, go, greased lightning!"
Dib was singing the main part, with Kat23a as backup. After several 'shows', both had loosened up, and were even having some fun playacting in front of Gir. Dib started moonwalking, using an empty brainfreezy as a microphone. Kat23a started doing high kicks.
Gir giggled as he watched them, and then joyfully yelled out, "Change channels!"
Kat whispered something to Dib, and they both started doing a sloppy Riverdance together.
"Change channels!"
Kat held a rubber piggie up to the screen and wiggled it around, talking in a high-pitched voice.
"Hey, moosie, what do you want to do today?"
Dib held up the stuffed moose.
"I don't know, piggie. Maybe we could bounce around, squeaking idiodically!"
Kat snorted and hid a smile.
"Okay, moosie! Bounce, bounce, bounce!"
"Change channels!"
Dib put his face up close to the screen, then suddenly bared his teeth and growled.
"OOOOOO! THE SCARY DIBBY SHOW! This is my favorite show."
Gir sighed happily and sat back. While Dib kept on growling at the screen, Kat23a walked over to the viewscreen and smiled when she saw how close Earth was getting. They were almost there. Suddenly, she thought of something that hadn't occurred to either her or Dib before. She gasped, and ran over to Dib.
"DIB! DIB, HOW ARE WE-" she glanced at Gir who was looking at them curiously, then began whispering.
"How are we supposed to /steer/ this thing when we get to Earth?"
Dib's eyes widened as he thought of this new problem.
"Uh, oh."
"Uh oh is right. This thing will vaporize the second it touches the ground if we can't stop it!"
Dib looked at Gir, then back at Kat.
"I have an idea."
"Oh, no."
~ ----
Kat23a had a large, scary smile on her face as she faced the monitor. She held up a stuffed moose.
"Yes, and YOU can get this wonderful moose-o-matic!"
Gir watched, enthralled.
"REALLY? YAAAAY! I GET A MOOSE!"
"But that's not all, Kat!"
"*gasp* It isn't?!"
Dib held up a taco half with a pained smile on his face.
"No! You also get this FREE half-eaten taco! And all you have to do is bring us back to Earth, right in front of your house!"
"Hmm.master might not like that."
Kat23a smiled. She was still hiding her secret weapon.
"Oh, but we also have" she whipped out her secret weapon "TWENTY RUBBER PIGGIES!"
Gir's face lit up seeing all the piggies.
"PIIGIIIIEEEES!"
"Could you please bring us back now?"
"But.I don't know how!"
Dib looked worried at this, but Kat23a thought she was getting an idea of how the robot worked.
"Are you./SURE/ that you don't know how?"
"Oh, I remember!"
Gir hummed as he went over to a joystick on a control panel. As he grabbed it, the floor of the pod Kat23a and Dib were in rocked, dropping them both on the floor. They suddenly started spinning like clothes in a dryer as Gir moved the joystick around.
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
The space telescope still had no view. The scientist sighed and talked into his microphone.
"Ernie, turn the knob the OTHER way. There.almost.STOP!"
The picture snapped into focus, just in time to show a giant ball of flame rushing directly towards the scope. As the ball touched the scope, the screen went black. The man sat staring at it disheartendly.
"We lose more telescopes that way."
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
The stewardess leaned over the businessman, offering him ANOTHER soda. Couldn't they just leave him alone? An important man like himself had no time to be bothered by.
"GIANT FALLING ASTEROIDS!" screamed the man as he looked out his window. Then he fainted into his soda.
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
"Ooooo! Look, Mommy! A shooting star!"
"Make a wish, honey."
"I wish my brother would turn into a frog!"
"Honey, that's not ni-"
"I wish /you'd/ turn into a SLUG, dorkface!"
"Mommy, he called me a dorkface!"
"That's because you ARE a dorkface, dorkface!"
"Now, kids.."
"Well, /you're/ a pimplehead!"
"Dorkface! Dorkface!"
"Pimplehead! Pimplehead!"
"I need an aspirin."
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Outside the pod:
Zim finished checking the perimeter of his base.
"Hmm.I'll have to upgrade the gnomes. And maybe more motion sensors by the door."
He happened to glance up, and froze.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Inside the pod:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*ooof!*"
Outside the pod:
There was a large, smoking crater in the middle of Zim's front yard. Zim lay on one side of it. Slowly, he pushed himself up and rubbed his head. His wig had managed to stay on during the blast, somehow.
"What on Irk-"
He looked into the crater and stopped at what he saw.
"No. It can't. How-"
Gir skipped happily out of the house.
"I'm gonna get some PIGgies! I'm gonna get some PIGgies!"
"Gir?!"
Inside the pod:
"."
"."
"Dib?"
"."
"Yeah, Kat?"
"."
"Am I dead?"
"."
"I hope not, because then I'm dead, too."
"I seemed to have misplaced my stomach. Can you find it?"
"As soon as I figure out where the floor went to."
"Oh. That's okay. I'm pretty sure that when I find my stomach, it's going to be sick."
"Urg."
Outside the pod:
The door of the pod burst open and Dib and Kat23a stumbled out into the night. In the background, Zim began screaming as he saw them. Both Dib and Kat were wavering unsteadily where they stood, but they both had huge grins on their faces. Gir ran into the pod behind them. As Zim began yelling at the last remaining garden gnome to attack them, Kat23a and Dib turned to each other.
"Well, we made it, Dib."
"It feels great to be back."
"Um.Dib? I'm sorry for all the name calling and bruises and kicking your butt wrestling you."
"Forgiven. YOU kick MY butt? In your dreams."
"You know, I think I even had fun. At least on the way back."
"Yeah. I did, too."
"Dib?"
"What?"
"Let's not EVER do that AGAIN, okay?"
"AGREED."
Dib glanced at Zim, who had stopped yelling at the obviously nonfunctional gnome and was running inside.
"We better go. I think the alien slime is going for reinforcements."
"*snort* You never give up, do you?"
"Give up what?"
"Never mind, let's-"
Gir suddenly burst out of the pod, holding an armful of rubber piggies. He raced for the nearest person, which happened to be (you guessed it) Kat23a.
"THE DEMON ROBOT! AAAAAAAAH!"
Gir attached himself to Kat23a's head and said, "I love youuu," not paying attention to the fact that she was running in circles screaming and trying to swap him off her head.
Kat23a paused at the words and looked up into the cyan-blue eyes of the little robot.
"Hmmm.now that I think about it, you sure are a /cute/ little demon robot."
"Kat, let's go."
"Awwww.can I keep him?"
"NO."
Dib pushed Gir off of Kat's head gently, grabbed Kat23a's arm, and began dragging her down the street until Kat began to walk for herself. Dib thought a little, then turned to Kat as they walked away.
"Hey, Kat, Mysterious Mysteries should be just starting now. If you walk all the way to your house you'll miss it. Wanna watch it at my house?"
"Sure! I also want to poke around your dad's lab a little. I'm thinking of getting a cybernetic implant."
"WHAT?!"
"Dib. I have numbers in my name. The least I could do is be part cyborg."
"What are we talking, a metal arm or something? How are you going to get it?"
"No, something smaller. I kinda helped this biotechnology guy in the city with a poltergeist problem, and he said that he'd do a small implant for free."
Their voices began to fade as they walked into the distance.
"*sigh* Lucky. You get /paid/ for saving the world."
"Hey, it's the first time I've ever been paid for this sort of stuff, believe me."
..They turned a corner, and their voices could no longer be heard.
---- ~ ----
WHOOOOHOOOO! I FINISHED IT!!!! You may not know, but I've been working on this fic ever since I finished the Halloween fic. I /would/ have had it posted up last week if my teachers hadn't all suddenly decided to see how much homework a student could stand without going insane. I'm already insane, so their devious plans didn't work on meeee! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Um.anyway, I'm sorry the ending was so bad, I wasn't sure how to end this fic. This is also a kind of fillerfic, for in between big fics. I'm planning a jumbo fic next that might be around the size of the Halloween one. I also want to ask your opinion on something. I could have divided this fic into chapters and had the individual chapters out sooner, but you would have had to wait for the next installment. Instead, I put the whole thing out all at once, after taking a lot longer to finish the whole thing. Which way do you like it better? Chapters one at a time or all at once? Tell me in your REVIEW!