I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the day you called. The guilt that wracked my body when I saw your name flash up on the screen, I was busy. I'd have to call you back I thought.
I left my phone on my desk and made my way to the Operating theatre. I had barely scrubbed in and was just picking up my scalpel when a nurse buzzes over the theatre tannoy.
Aiyanna Black called for you she had said. She told me you said you didn't want to disturb me. My shoulders slumped with even more guilt. I said I would finish up surgery and call you back.
When I finally called you, you must have been sleeping. Your voice was gravely and sad, my breath hitched in my throat. Who. That's all I had asked, your answer was barely off of your lips before I was jumping into my car making for the airport. Both.
Your mother was my world growing up, l looked up to her when I was young and I protected her when we phased. Our connection was unparalleled, nothing could compare.
When they disappeared I wasn't even hurt. I refused to go back to Sam, I know everyone judges me for where I ended up and who I ended up with.
I wanted the two of them to be happy! I wanted them to travel the world and be free. I know they were in Hawaii for a while, eventually Your mum convinced your dad to take her to Germany.
She always got what she wanted when it came to Your dad. He loved her from the bottom of his soul, his bones were filled with his love for her.
She wanted to go to Germany for him to study mechanics, he couldn't have been happier and she loved to see that light in his eyes.
By the time they eventually came home, I had long gone. I left my mother and Billy alone and I'm ashamed. You see Aiyanna love will make you do silly things, I forgot my responsibilities.
Apparently no one had been able to contact us for her funeral. When your mother came home her stomach bulging with new life, we met at our mothers grave.
I held her tight in my arms so thankful she was still here. She looked so young still, she hadn't long stopped phasing. I knew she would start to age soon, leaving me behind.
I hadn't stayed long, I left after Billy's funeral. She had called for me to return to her side, and you know Aiyanna love will have you do silly things.
My eyes had started to spill salty tears down my face and my vision was blurring. I reached the airport, hoping and praying I could get a flight to Seattle tonight.
I had been in Russia for more that 10 years I'm sure. I couldn't remember, time just blurred these days.
I managed to get a flight and waited around irritably to board. When i boarded the plane, I remember your fathers irrational fear of flying.
More tears spilled as I sat on the plain remembering the two people I loved most in the world other than my parents. It didn't quiet feel real, Jake and Leah were invincible. You know they had once said they would phase forever but the thing is Aiyanna love will have you do silly things.
I wanted to be angry that they had left me behind in this cruel world, destined to phase alone forever. Not a single wolf had phased in a while and I was all alone in my mind now a days.
When I landed I didn't even bother to get my luggage I would just grab some clothes at home. Expensive suits didn't suit the Rez anyway .
I pulled off the tracksuit I was wearing tied them to my leg and phased, running all the way home. I could feel the magic of my land calling me, my heart was shattering.
I didn't need to ask where you lived, I emerged from the forest and threw on my sweats. Walking barefoot up the porch steps, stopping at the front door to take in the red log house.
Your mother had loved this house when she was young. She would tell me that one day she would live here, I used to laugh and ask where she expected to put Billy.
You opened the door, eyes red and puffy. Your soft skin and light wrinkles confuse me for a second but then I remember. You didn't ever phase, you will age and eventually leave me too.
I walk into the front room, the twins closest to the window don't even bother to look up at me. I don't think Harry and Sarah will ever forgive my absence, you being more like your father and them being more like your mother.
Quil and Clair sit beside one another, all white hair and soft wrinkled skin. Embry isn't here and my disappointment in him grows, because Aiyanna love will have you do silly things.
Embry was chasing the notion of true and perfect love, he refused to stop phasing until he either imprinted or found the love of his life.
I took your tiny soft form into my arms and inhaled deeply, you smell so strongly of them. It was like glass in my nose smelling their scent so fresh on your skin.
You tell me they were together in bed holding hands, they must have been watching the rain through the skylight you tell me. I remember their obsession with rainy days and I crumble just a little more.
We all make our way to the cliffs, the gathering so very small. Chief Harry stands tall and proud as he leads the service of their burial. He looks just like your father you know, his strong jaw and deep brown eyes.
I hold you tight to my chest wishing things where different. My nose perked up at a smell so familiar my heart burst with joy.
Embry, I turn and see him standing wild as ever, his hair in long raven plaits, his face smudged with dirt. His feet bare and his jeans cutoff at the knee.
You push me towards him and I engulf him in my arms. 70 years I hadn't seen him in and like me he looked exactly the same. We held you between us as your brother finished the ceremony.
We lowered their caskets into the ground, cupped our hands to scoop a handful of dirt onto their coffins. Whilst we finished covering them in soil, you spoke to your husband on the phone.
None of your families could attend because no one knew of the La Push protectors that technically didn't exist any more. Having an uncle that didnt age really would raise suspicions.
You all left to mourn with the rest of the tribe, although the ceremony had been small the whole tribe had lost them too. Your father was named the greatest Chief to grace these lands. Your loyal and loving mother by his side until their deaths.
I stood with Embry and Quil either side of me, the latter man resting on a chair. No longer the young man he once was, old aged had soften him considerably.
We wept at their graves, no shame at all in crying for those that you love so passionately. The world I once knew was slowly dying and soon I would be the only one left.
She couldn't have children and so the Clearwater line will end with me. No matter how long I live there will never be another clearwater. None of the imprints could have children, funny that right? Your mother had chuckled darkly at that when she found out.
Funny that they thought it was me that was defective she had said.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I know it's her calling me back. My time here is up, it's nothing personal I know you wanted me to return to the house and eat with you all. It's just that Aiyanna love will have you do silly things.
I took off into the forest phasing and making my way to the airport. I left my lands reluctantly not knowing when I would return or who would even be left.
I'm standing today at your grave as I remember this. I had made the excuse that love would have you do silly things all my life.
Your husband had died a good few years before you. So when little Leah black called me telling me you where sick, I came straight away.
I wouldn't miss your last moments not like I had missed my mothers and your mothers. I sat at your bedside telling you stories just how I did when you were young.
I had two long weeks with you before you squeezed my hand tightly saying a silent goodbye. I wept openly as you took your last breaths.
I stand here now after watching from the forest tree line as Harry's son William Black performed your burial ceremony. All though your funeral was full of people, there was nobody left.
I was waiting in hopes of seeing Embry but I had all but given up when I smelt him on the wind. He walked into the forest, white hair tied back and shoes on his feet.
He had stopped phasing, I told you this before and I will tell you again Aiyanna love will have you do silly things. I congratulated him on finding the love of his life and on the five children he had with her.
When everyone left I stood at your grave weeping! Although little Leah Black, who isn't so little had called me she doesn't know who I am. Just a name in your address book really someone you told her she must call.
She reminded me of you so much when she opened the door to the red log house, it could have been you if I didn't know any better. Her green eyes were just so sad.
My phone rings in my pocket, she's calling me back to her side again. I return to the forest and phase leaving for the airport to fly to Japan.
I take in the feeling of the earth beneath my pores. Will I ever return? I ask myself but I know even though it rips me apart every time I do. I will be back because there is still just one more person left.
I don't get a call when he falls sick, I'm not even called when he passes, no one knows I exist anymore I guess. I wake up one morning feeling absolutely bereft and I just know.
The feeling of complete loneliness claws at my heart. I'm alone in this world now, wolves are meant to run as packs. They never last long alone.
I throw on my shorts and leave her there sleeping. I'm in seattle so the run through the forest isn't that far this time.
I make it just in time to watch as William blacks son, Chief Jacob finishes the burial ceremony. I'm standing at the edge of the forest and Jacob, so much like your father, catches my eye and nods slightly.
When everyone leaves he stays behind. I emerge from the forest broken, silent tears running down my face.
He tells me I shouldn't waste my tears because I of all people should know that love will have you do silly things. I looked up at him questionably and he said his great Aunt had once told him that one day I would be home for good.
Even though I had told you all your life that love has you do silly things, you had held onto the belief that one day I would realise.
As silly as my actions have been, I have ripped my own heart out time and time again, leaving my pack and my land. I was not happy, not was the love of my life but what was life without the love of all the others I had lost.
My phone rang in my pocket and Jacob looked at me. I took the phone out and threw it over the cliff.
That day had been the last day I phased. Although I loved her with all my heart She had been spoilt by her family and expected the same treatment of me.
She would call me back to her side when ever I had been away too long. The last time she had called I hadn't returned I had run free just as your mother and father had.
I'm laying in my bed, weak and tired listening to the rain pelting the sky light. My heart fills as the tinkle of young laughter reaches my ears.
Maisey Ateara is perched on her mothers hip as she walks into the room. She sets her down next to me and allows her to hold my hand.
She rubbed her tiny little hands over my forehead her dark eyes saddening. My breathing was laboured and I knew I didn't have long left. You see Aiyanna although love will have you do silly things, this time it was worth it.
Maisey Atera may have been my imprint, and choosing not to phase to wait for her may have been silly but that is what love will have you do.
Maisey was the like the grandchild I never gave my self the chance to have. I closed my eyes no longer able to hold on and squeezed her hand in a silent good bye.