Lovers Hold On
They're all dead. Some were reaped like corn, some fell like trees, but they're all dead. There is no one left I love. The bird girl's arrows can't hurt me. The bread boy's kindness can't touch me. They're all dead, so when I mentor I sit with Finnick, until he's dead too.
Oh, Finnick.
Oh, Finnick, why don't you know?
Why can't you see?
I grow in two separate directions, cleaved in two by something stronger than an axe. I grow towards the light of his bronze hair, towards the feel of his bronzed skin, and I shy away and sink my roots deep into the dirt. I don't want to love. I don't want to hurt. Haven't I hurt enough? Haven't I loved enough, lost enough? No, don't be sorry. Don't cry mercy, Johanna. You may play weak, but you are not weak. You are not weak enough to fall back into love and loving. The sun will blind you, the water will drown you, and Finnick's sea green eyes will drag you down.
Oh, Finnick.
Oh, Finnick, why don't you know?
Why can't you see?
Does poor, mad Annie deserve him? Her mind is broken and my heart is broken, so maybe we're equals. Maybe we would stand together, love him together, if I weren't so used to standing alone. Maybe poor, mad Annie would let me sit with him sometimes, if she knew I would do it anyway, because when I mentor I sit with Finnick, until he's dead too. Oh, Finnick. You're the sun on the water. You're the sun in the sky. You're the light that guides me, blinds me. I'll die before you ever find out. When you know, they can hurt you. I say there is no one left I love, and you can love your poor, mad lover in peace.
Oh, Finnick.
Oh, Finnick, why don't you know?
Why don't you know you're the sun on the water, dancing away when I try to cup you in my hands?
Fin.