CHAPTER 1
Carmen wakes up to the sound of buzzing. She looks at the clock and it reads 2:58am. She groans and starts gently shaking Shane. "Shane. Baby, you gotta get up, someone's calling you."
Shane groans and pulls a pillow over her head.
"Babe I'm serious. What if something is wrong?"
Right then the phone stops buzzing and lighting up, but then almost immediately starts again.
"Shane seriously! Come on just check and see who it is."
Shane pulls the pillow off her head and rubs her eyes, "only if you promise to go to sleep," she says.
She sits up and fumbles for her phone on the nightstand.
"Hello?"
"Are you Shane mccutchen?"
"What? Um yeah. Yeah im Shane."
"This is Julie from the California Department of Child and Family Services. Are you related to a Shay McCutcheon?"
Shane's heart stops. A million thoughts race through her head and none of them are good. She yanks the covers off of her and turns on the light by the bed.
"Babe? Is everything ok?" Carmen says, eyes squinting from the bright light.
Shane doesn't hear her.
"What's wrong? What happened? Is Shay ok? Can I talk to him?"
"Ms McCutcheon im going to have to ask you to calm down," the women say, sensing the stress in Shane's voice. "I need you to tell me your relation to shay."
"He's my brother. I—I'm his sister. Is he ok? Will you just tell me what's going on please?"
Carmen gets out of bed and pulls on a big white t-shirt. Then she stands next to Shane and tries to put a hand on her shoulder, but Shane shrugs it off. Carmen tries not to take it personally because she knows that's just how Shane is but it's hard because she just wants Shane to let her be there for her.
"Ma'am calm down. I have Shay in the custody of DCF right now. He is fine but I was searching for a next of kin. There seems to be no contact information for the boy's mother and he kept insisting that I call you. I have to ask—would you be willing to meet me some time tomorrow and talk about this situation? We need to find a stable home for Shay and do what's in his best interest. We prefer to place children with family members."
"Um yeah. Yeah I can meet you, actually I can meet you right now if you want, just tell me where you are."
Shane starts to look around the room for her jeans, but Carmen has already found them and hands them to her. She shimmies into them with one hand and picks up a shirt from the floor.
"That won't be necessary. Shay is in a safe group home right now, he couldn't go home with you anyway-you have to be approved first. I suggest you come down to the DCF offices tomorrow and we can talk then. Ok?"
Shane lets the shirt drop to the floor and doesn't bother buttoning the jeans.
"Yeah. Yeah ok. Um what time do the offices open? Are you with Shay now? Can I talk to him?" Shane says as she motions to Carmen for a pen and paper. Carmen opens the drawer on the nightstand and hands Shane a pencil and a piece of scrap paper.
"The offices open at 8:30am. Yes, you can talk to him, but just know he is pretty shaken up. He needs you to be calm and assure him that he is safe and everything is going to be ok, got it? Make it quick."
Shane has tears streaming down her cheeks but when she hears that little voice, a small smile spreads over her face. She takes a deep breath to calm herself and then hears:
"Shane?" a shaky voice whispers.
"Hey little man," Shane says, "I heard you got into a little bit of a scrape, you feeling okay?"
"Uh huh…"
Shane hears his voice trail off and hears sniffles on the other line. Crying. He was crying, and Shane couldn't be there for him. It killed her to hear him like this on the other line. It felt like someone ripped her heart out. She knows that for Shay's sake she needs to be calm so she tries to push her emotions aside.
"Hey it's going to be ok, alright bud? I know you're upset right know but you're staying at a safe place tonight ok? Nothings going to happen to you. Tomorrow I'm going to go talk to some people and we are going to try to see if you can come stay with me for a bit. Would you like that?"
More sniffles and then, "Yeah."
"Alright, hey bud I gotta go ok? But I need you to try to be strong. Everything's going to be ok."
"Ok."
"Yeah? Ok I'll talk to you soon. Try to get some sleep."
"Shane?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Shay. Goodnight."
Shane finishes talking to the social worker and writes down the address and all the paperwork she will need to bring in the morning and hangs up.
She lets out a sigh and buries her face in her hands.
"Babe come here," Carmen says as she pats the spot next to her on the bed. "Tell me what happened."
Shane lets herself crash into the bed face down. With her head buried in the sheets she says, "I don't know."
Carmen puts a hand on Shane's back but can feel her tense up. After everything they'd been through over the past two years, Shane still seemed to close up whenever things got rough. Carmen knew that getting angry about it and demanding that Shane open up would just make her withdraw more, but it was so hard to see the woman she loved struggle by herself. It made her so mad that Shane couldn't see how important it was to Carmen to be honest and open.
"What do you mean you don't know? Who was that on the phone?"
"Some woman named Julie. She works for the DCF and I guess something happened with Gabe because now Shay is in custody and is staying at a group home tonight."
"Ok well lets go get him. He can stay here. Lets go."
"We cant. We have to be approved first. I'm going in to meet with his case worker tomorrow morning and try to see if he can stay here."
"Ok what time? I told my sisters I would go shopping with them in the morning but I can cancel that."
"No! You don't need to come with me. Im not some helpless kid who needs there mom to hold there hand. He is my brother and I'll handle it."
Carmen could feel the rage boiling up inside of her but past experience told her to keep it hidden.
"Ok," She said. "Im sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to go with you to hover over you like a mother. I just want to be there for you. I'm sorry babe."
Shane turned over onto her side to face Carmen. She regretted getting mad at Carmen the second after the words left her mouth. She knew Carmen wanted her to open up—hell that's what most of their fights seemed to revolve around—but Shane found it really hard to be raw about her feelings. Carmen always told her that if Shane loved her, she would open up-but Shane felt the exact opposite. Shane loved her so much that she couldn't bear to see those big brown eyes well up with tears and she knew that if she ever lost it and came clean about her past and her feelings, she would be the cause of the tears on Carmen's face. She couldn't do that to the woman she loved. Especially not with everything that happened with Cherie Jaffe. No, Carmen put up enough with her messed up life, she didn't need to share any more.
Shane choked back tears as she pulled her girlfriend close, "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I'm just worried about shay"
"I know baby. Its ok."
Shane felt so helpless and like the room was spinning. She needed control. She lifted up ler lovers chin and kissed her hard on the mouth. She snaked her hands under the Latina's shirt and ran a finger around Carmen's left nipple. She may not have control over anything else in her fucked up life, but she could at least control this.
Carmen was sleepy and a little grumpy. She honestly didn't feel like making love but she knew Shane needed it and she felt like it was the only thing Shane ever let her do to help her, so she let Shane's hands wrap around her and fumbled to pull off Shane's jeans.
Shane stopped kissing Carmen long enough to kick her jeans off and then gently laid Carmen on her back. She crawled on top with one leg between Carmen's. For a moment she just stared at her lover. What had started out as a pure coping mechanism for Shane changed into something meaningful. She had no clue why this woman was still with her but she was grateful and wanted to show her. She leaned down and buried her head in Carmen's neck. She began kissing and licking her way down her body over that beautiful golden skin and every voluptuous curve.
Carmen tried to let her body relax but when Shane buried her head in her neck, Carmen could feel the tears from her girlfriend's face on her own skin. By the time Shane had gotten to Carmen's breasts—sucking on one while drawing circles around the other—Carmen couldn't take it anymore and pulled Shane's face up to look at her. Shane tried to look away, she didn't want Carmen to know that she was crying, but Carmen held her face and wouldn't let her hide.
Carmen flipped Shane over and climbed on top of the skinny, dark-haired woman. As soon as Carmen saw the tears on her face, Shane lost it. As much as she wanted to shield Carmen from how emotionally vulnerable she was, she couldn't seem to stop herself from crying. The Latina was right there to kiss her tear-stained cheeks and wipe the hair out of shanes eyes.
"Shhhh baby its ok. I'm right here. It's okay. Just go ahead and cry."
"Please Carmen. Don't stop. I need you. Please? I need to feel you close to me. I want you inside of me." Carmen would never understand why Shane always seemed to seek out sex when she was torn up inside-maybe because it was a distraction? Whatever the reason, Carmen pressed herself against her lover and made her way down the thin, pale body. She kissed behind her ear and every bone that poked out. She reached Shane's chest and stopped to admire it. She was so skinny, Carmen thought to herself, she barely had any chest to speak of-just two tiny breasts topped with two dark, hard nipples. So sexy, she thought.
She pressed her lips against one and gave the other a small pinch. She grabbed onto Shane's shoulders and started rubbing her leg between Shane's. She could feel the wetness and see the agony on her lovers face.
Shane bit her lip and turned her head to the side. Carmen felt so good on top of her. As Carmen began rubbing her leg against her slit, Shane suddenly felt the need to cover her face. She didn't try though because she knew Carmen was stronger and would never let her turn her face away to hide.
Shane took shallow breaths and writhed under her lover's control.
"Please, Carmen."
Carmen normally would have held off a little longer and enjoyed the look on Shane's face but she knew that the last thing her lover needed was to be teased. She spread Shane's legs and wrapped her left arm around Shane's right leg. She licked the fingers on her other hand and rubbed them around the moaning girl's folds. Then she let her mouth take over and licked with the flat part of her tongue-all the way from her dripping pussy to her clit. Shane's pelvis started moving, wanting more. Carmen smiled and held her lover steady as she parted her folds and moved a finger inside of her lover, then another.
Shane couldn't take it anymore-she needed a release. She started to beg.
"Please Carmen. Don't stop. You feel so good inside of me. I need more."
Carmen started rubbing the underside of her fingers against the rough spot inside of Shane, first going slow and then faster, all the while sucking gently on her swollen clit.
Stifled moans escaped out of Shane's mouth as she came closer to climax. She could feel Carmen thrusting in and out of her so hard that her whole body was shaking. It felt so good it almost hurt.
"Im gonna cum."
Shane's body suddenly went rigged as Carmen continued fucking her lover as hard as she could. She could hear Shane struggling to breathe and it sent a shiver down Carmen's spine knowing the satisfaction of making the woman she loved cum in her mouth.
Shane's body went limp and she tried to catch her breath. Carmen licked Shane clean and began to slowly pull her fingers out.
"No don't-" Shane said. "Just leave them. I want to feel you a little longer."
That one was new. Carmen went with it though and while still leaving her fingers inside, brought her body up to meet Shane's.
Eventually Carmen slipped her fingers out and Shane cuddled right in on her chest. Carmen wrapped her arms around her and they fell asleep.