If Marvel Characters Took Over "That Guy With The Glasses": Alternate Universe Network
The Spider-Man Critic
J. Jonah Jameson gave a jaunty leer in his suede leather chair. "Hello, I'm the Spider-Man critic. I suspect him, so you don't have to! Well, let's see what that web-headed menace is up to!"
Various pictures of Spider-Man appeared next to him, including one where he is partially demasked.
"My computers are working on a way to delete the whole mask, but nothing works! Why does he wear one, anyway? For all we know, he could have a goofy-looking mustache under there! Not like mine, of course!"
A magnified picture of Jonah's mustache appeared.
"My mustache is wonderful! I'm the best mustache comber in the world! MUSTACHE! Hey, what's that noise?"
A clump of webbing was stuck to J. Jonah Jameson's window. Outside, Spider-Man waved to the camera and swung away.
"CURSE YOU, SPIDER-MAN! I'll kill you! Where's my Spider-Slayer? I'm the Spider-Man Critic, I suspect him so you don't MUSTACHE!"
Atop The Fourth Wall
As the camera turns on, Deadpool leaps into the frame!
"Hey, I'm Deadpool! Welcome to Atop The Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn! You know how popular I am? Well, you should!"
Rummaging through a bloodstained bag, he pulled out a disheveled comic. "Perfect! Ah, Wolverine #1, the very first issue of his very first series. LAME! Let's see you heal from this!" He then proceeded to yank a flamethrower out of hammer space, and burn it to ashes!
Ask That Guy With The Doom Bot
Hello! I didn't see you there. KNEEL BEFORE MY MIGHT! Welcome to "Ask That Guy With The Doom Bot.
Why are my nostrils singing to me?
Why are my lasers so deadly? Because I'm Doom. Yes...
How much wood could a Snuffleufagus stomp if a Snuffleufagus was a menace?
Beets. That's how much.
Can monkeys see the future?
Well, they see us. Read Charles Darwin's papers for more information. DOOM IS AN INTELLECTUAL!
How many bites are in a Tootsie Pop?
As many as I say there are, peon.
Hey, hey, Doom!
What?
KNIFE!
Aghhhh….Malfunction…
Ha! That was a Doombot! Remember, there are no failed assassinations...until you try to kill Doom! In Latveria, Doom kills YOU!
Bum Reviews
An overly peppy version of Luigi Boccherini's "Minuetto" starts to play as Squirrel Girl jumps into the frame, holding a copy of Howard the Duck: The Movie. "OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! No spoilers!"
As Squirrel Girl jumps around like a lunatic,Tippy Toe, her squirrel, starts to act out whatever she says.
"There's this duck, and he's in a world filled with ducks! But they're not cute and fuzzy like our ducks, they're humanoid! And then, he gets transported to our world, and he can't come back! Haroo!"
Tippy Toe mimes, "Obscure movie reference alert!"
"And, these people, they're really confused! Like, what's a talking duck doing here?"
Random Bystander!Squirrel Girl: "Hey, why are you here? You're a duck!"
Howard!Squirrel Girl: "Waughh! Who are you?! Waughhh!"
Bystander!Squirrel Girl: "Wait, why are we confused in the first place? We have spider people and mutants and motorcycle riders with fire for heads!"
Howard!Squirrel: "Rule of Funny/Conflict Ball! Don't you read TV Tropes?"
Squirrel Girl stopped acting as the other characters to drink some water. "Refreshing. Anyway, he joins a band! HOORAY! But then, there's some plot with a criminal, and aliens, and it's actually really confusing. But who cares? It's Howard the Duck, and he's in a movie! Oh, and there's evil truckers. Don't ask."
Trucker!Squirrel Girl: "Grr, I'm a truck stop driver! I have bad hygiene and I hate ducks!"
Howard!Squirrel Girl: "Waugghhh! Don't eat me! Quack Fu!"
Tippy Joe rolls his eyes. "I prefer Squirrel Fu."
Squirrel Girl stopped to feed Tippy an acorn, then continued. "And then the trucker was like, 'Okay!' I used to stop evil truckers! That wasn't as fun as beating Thanos…BUT IT WAS AWESOME!"
Tippy Joe gave her a high five. Odd, considering she only had four fingers.
"So, then, the villain is stopped. and everything is resolved happily! This is Squirrel Girl for Squirrel Reviews, saying, "Change? You got change? Squirrels are slowly becoming endangered, and we need money to save them!"
The Angry Video Game Hulk
"He got turned into a monster back in the past!
Now he plays video games with no class!
He'd rather be Bruce Banner than go through E.T.: The Game
He'd rather have humans hounding him than deal with Wayne's World
He's the Angry Green Hulk
He's also the Angry Grey Hulk
But most of all, He's the Angry Video Game Hulk!"
"Hello, loyal viewers. I am the Incredible Hulk, fresh from anger management courses, and here to play Ninjabread Man, for the Wii. "
He puts the game into the machine, and picks up a controller.
"W-what? Hardly anyone is playing this! Come on, I want to destroy someone! What a ridiculous concept for a game!"
Hulk squints at the screen angrily. "Hey, I can hardly see anything! What's wrong with the machine! Is that an error?" The screen blanked out.
"What a joke!" He turned it back on. It turned off. He turned it back on. It turned off. This process continued for approximately seven hours. Finally, Hulk whacked the Wii, and turned it back on.
"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? This game is buggy, the graphics are lame, I'M LOSING CONTROL! HULK SMASH! HULK SMASH VIDEO GAME!"
"He got turned into a monster back in the past!
Now he plays video games with no class!
He'd rather be Bruce Banner than go through E.T.: The Game
He'd rather have humans hounding him than deal with Wayne's World
He's the Angry Green Hulk
He's also the Angry Grey Hulk
But most of all, He's the Angry Video Game Hulk!"