i do not own any characters in this story and everything belongs to stephenie meyer
1. There he was, perfection at it's best. Who would have thought that an english classroom would be such a wonderful place? Was this getting irrational? Probably, but it didn't matter. For two years I'd been secretely, dangerously obsessed with Jared Cameron; the way his dark eyes performed a perfect roll when he was impatient, how his broad upper lip curved slightly when he concentrated, the powerful warmth that seemed to radiate off his flawless, russet skin. I would gaze at him all day, if I could. Unfortunately I was restricted to one hour every day in a crowded english classroom, one hour to mute my ridiculous addiction. I knew it was silly to be so secretive, but what would happen if I tried and failed, the thought of rejection was piercing, and I couldn't bare it. Also there was the inevitable difference to our status', our leagues were so far apart there was no way I could ever reach high enough. I bet nobody in this school barely knew my name, with the exeption of my three friends and a few proding natured teachers, I was basically invisible. Kym Hoe, it wasn't the type of name to ring any bells, at first it might trigger someone's memory to a registration being taken, then it would slip into the background like a retreating wave, drifting back into the ocean. It was just fine by me, being unoticed...but it must be kind off nice being appreciated I thought, girls like Sandra Windram who got oggled at everywhere they went would be fortunate enough to recieve this kind of pleasure. I wasn't down on my looks exactly, maybe my eyes were a little too wide and my cheekbones stretched my face, but i'd always maintained a small, slim shape and my hair wasnt too bad, at least it was long. I looked a lot like my mother, dark skin and large eyes, we were so alike it was almost scary. She'd raised me on her own, I never knew my dad,but my stepfather Georgio substituted quite nicely for an authority figure in the Hoe/Mazarelli household. Then last year my little brother Ollie was born and all memories of a calm and quiet home dissapeared in the snap of two fingers, drowned out by bawling, screeching, crying and gurgling all day through...my mother was a saint. Home life was sometimes a blessing, if I busied myself with endless piles of homework and spent some stressful, exhausting time with Ollie, I wouldn't have to think about the miserable time when I was alone and all I could think of was Jared, it was the bain of my existence. I thought about what it would feel like to be his, seeing that face smiling back, holding that body in my arms...it was overwhelming, I could almost smell him through my fantasies. The horrible truth that hit me harder everytime was that I would never be that girl, I barely even knew him,yet I cherished him so. Why? I asked myself endlessly. Why did I care so much about someone I knew so little? I knew that when high school was done it would have to end, I wouldn't have an exuse anymore, so I planned to go to a college really faraway, so I couldn't hurt over him anymore, wouldn't suffer under his obliviousness, somewhere I could forget there ever was a Jared Cameron.
"Kym, could you work on aisle three today? Ellen's off sick...surprise!" My boss, Merrie Wagnon, whispered loudly to me , her mobile phone was held to her shoulder and I could tell she wanted to get back to the call. I nodded and stalked off out the small, stuffy office and into the main shopping area. I sighed heavily at the masses of eager shoppers and noticed that most of them were drenched in rain and peeling off their soggy jackets, some ringing out their dripping wet hair, causing puddles to form on the lineoleum floors. I sat behind the till at aisle three and got the machine started, slapping on a bright,cheery smile as my first customers started queing. For hours I scanned items, getting into a syncronized routine of picking up, scanning and dropping into the thin plastic bags with the 'thriftway' logo on it. I felt myself easing into a robotic trance and my body was doing all the work, my mind was in other places. Places of sunshine and beaches, serenity and no rowdy people or depressing weather. I thought about college in hawaii, I had money saved and I could save more in the next couple of years...at sixteen I should be thinking about boyfriends and what to wear to the next party...but that was the life of a girl enjoying her teenage years,I couldn't wait for the confusion and agitation to subside, I had always been more of an adult than anybody I knew. It was comforting in a strange way, almost like I didn't need anyone to make me safe, I was okay on my own and it satisfied me that my mum never needed to worry about me, I could get by without any help. An abrubt, rough cough dragged me out of my thoughts, and I immediately repeated the trained words of a worker, "Hello, how can I help you?" I said, too forcefully for it to sound true, I groaned mentally at myself and smiled brightly at the weary, tired looking man standing in front of me, I recognised him as chief swan, he gave a talk about fireworks at middle school a couple of years ago. I felt obliged to do a good job with his shopping and immediately got to work on his groceries and he gave me an eye crinkling smile, it was a kind sort of smile from a humble man, I liked him. As I was scanning the items I noticed a teenage girl trailing behind him, she was very pretty but her eyes were glassy and she looked haunted. Her face was very white, and her skin looked so thin. Her hair was lank and untouched on her fragile head and the way she carried herself was like a wavering ghost, just a whisper of a girl and her expression was in the middle of misery and numbness."Bella" Chief swan sighed, but I couldnt miss the hint of concern in his tone. "You need to put the heavy items first" He told her, pulling her hand and away from the convare belt and doing it himself. I felt bad for her, I had no clue who she was but I felt like reaching out and holding her hand. Maybe because she looked worse than I felt when I thought hard about Jared and how nothing would ever ammount from my growing feelings that only got stronger everday. The policeman looked at her and his forehead crumpled in worry. I felt dirty trying to work out what was wrong, so I carried on with my job and tried to tune out the scene.
Late that night, I pushed my pile of books to one side and gazed into the black velvet sky. The pearly moon shed a luminous glow on the tips of the trees and faded until it wasnt even dim anymore and the darkness plunged into the shadows. My room was at the back of the house, which looked onto the vast spread of the forest, it seemed to go on for miles, thick and green. I felt trapped by their looming height, and caged by their wise glare, reminding me how temporary and unimportant us humans were. After a while I felt frightened by them, and shut my window nice and tight, here came the hardest part. With nothing to distract me and nothing else to do, I thought of Jared. Jared's untidy jet black hair, the excitment that shot through my waiting veins when I saw him gliding down the path between lines of desks to ours, Jared's low chortle that made my insides tremble..My thoughts were cut off. I sat on my bed, frozen cold in a moment of terror, for a sound so unfamiliar and terrifying pierced the calmness of the night that I could not move in fear that it would come again. I felt cold, my face turned clammy and I imagined it would be paling. I hastily dragged my curtains together- It felt safer that way- and slid into bed, I couldnt sink in like usual, I just lay flat on my back, waiting for the fear to subside and sleep to take me under, but it didn't. I thought about the heart wrenching sound I just witnessed, it sounded agonised, I almost felt bad for whatever animal it was. That was the question, what was it? Wolves didnt usually come so close to the town. For hours I lay awkwardly in my hard bed, half wary and half confused as to what just happened. At some point sleep must have caught me and took me down because my thoughts started getting a little unrealistic and mental images of snarling werewolfs passed through my theories. I shuddered and quickly wrapped myself in my duvets and squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to sleep.
The next two weeks were better and worse. Better because Jared was absent for the extent of fourteen days, and I could concentrate on other things; like my studies, and my friends. It was worse because each day the teacher called Jared and there was no answer, Embry Call and Quil Aterea glanced quickly at each other and looked very serious, it made me think something horrible had happened to him, and when I thought of it...it was all i could think about. I wanted to kick myself, what gave me the right to care about a boy that I barely knew's absence? Why did I have to feel this when I didnt want too? You'd think it would be easy to forget about a boy you hadn't seen in two weeks and had never actually spoken to directly...it's not. Everyday he was off I felt strongly dissapointed,then I felt sorry for myself because what if he never came back? What if something terrible really had happened...and he was gone? The thought made me shudder, though what would I miss? All I wanted was to be able to push the feelings down, down until they obliviated completely and I could be my own again, feel like I had some control, at least.
One monday, as Connie and I scurried out down the steps leading to the parking lot. I was going to give Connie a lift home then head of to work, hopefully be able to pick up a later shift at work and not have to face the empty house that awaited me (Mom and Georgio had taken Ollie to Grandmas in Seattle for the weekend and decided to stay another week). My own company was not something I particularly enjoyed. Connie and I were heading for my battered, red mini when I saw them. Four huge men leaning against one of the pillars at the bottom of the steps, the other students peeked up at their looming frames and flinched away from their intimidating glares, they looked like a Fork's version of a young mafia. I recognized Sam Uley's face from when he went to school here, though he was a lot more muscular now, and taller, way taller.I didn't recognize the other three. They looked very serious; long arms crossed tightly over their broad chests. Their legs were in perfect line with their solid looking shoulders, parted slightly defensively. When Embry and Quil lumbered out the builidng, their chins lifted as they spotted Sam and the others, then they galloped over and they seemed to engluf in what seemed like a heated discussion, then the six of them jogged off into the woods. I realised I was gawping at the scene in the middle of the playground, Connie shook my arm and I blinked a few times. "Sorry...daydream" I sighed, she shook her head and laughed "You are a strange one Kim Hoe".
"I know" I admitted miserably as I trailed after her to my car.