Author's Note: All characters belong to JK Rowling. I claim nothing, really. Just the vague idea. WARNING: CONTAINS MAJOR ORDER OF THE PHOENIX SPOILERS! IF YOU WANT NO SPOILERS, READ NOT THIS FIC! I have tried to keep everyone in character, and I would appreciate feedback, since this is my first (gulp) Harry Potter fanfic. Thanks! I hope you like it.
ADDED 7/22/05: I am currently rewriting this one-shot, so this will be slightly different soon.
Remus Lupin sat on a bench at King's Cross Station in silence. He was deep in thought, and didn't even notice the Aurors, epecially Mad-Eye Moody and Tonks looking at him sympathetically.
"Poor Lupin," Nymphadora Tonks muttered to Mad-Eye. "I can't imagine what's he's going through," she said, running a hand through her bright pink hair.
"What d'you mean, 'what he's going through'? Just say it, woman. His best friend's dead two years after he finds out Sirius was really innocent. I don't see why women always have to make everything sound so -- " Mad-Eye trailed off, searching for the right adjective.
"Sentimental?" Tonks supplied.
"Damn right. Sentimental old nonsense."
Tonks rolled her eyes. She looked back in Lupin's direction. He was fiddling with his old, patched robes, the circles under his eyes more pronounced than ever. He looked like he was about to cry. Mad-Eye had suddenly become entranced in the stonework, and was tracing the brick patterns intently. Tonks took that as her cue to go over to Lupin.
"Hey."
He looked up. "Hello, Nymph-Tonks."
She laughed lightly. "Finally, I thought you'd never call me by my last name." Studying him, she asked, "How are you? Really."
Remus shrugged. "About as well as can be expected."
"Lupin-"
"Tonks, if you expect me to jump about laughing and smiling less than a week after my good friend's death, you are quite wrong," he said, surprisingly forcefully.
"I don't, not at all, Lupin," she said softly. "I just thought that perhaps you could use someone to talk to."
He sighed. "Perhaps I could, but I choose to remain silent at this point in my life."
She looked at him shrewdly. "You mean to tell me that after all we've been through, rescuing Harry, doing various missions for the Order, watching over the weapon, watching over Harry, and agreeing to come and tell off the Dursleys, you won't give me the slightest inkling of how you're feeling?"
"That would be correct."
"Damn you."
"Watch your language."
"Oh, I'm watching it, all right. I'm choosing to say exactly what I want to right now, swear words or not," Tonks retorted.
"Fine, you want to know how I 'feel'?" Lupin suddenly said, with an edge that made Tonks tense up. "I 'feel' like jumping off a mountain into a valley miles below. One of my best friends, who for twelve years I thought had killed two of my other best friends, I finally find out that he is, indeed, innocent. I felt elated. Even though that meant that the final member of our little group had done it, I didn't care. Sirius - Padfoot - was back. We corresponded for a whole year, getting to know each other again. A few times, Padfoot even managed to get to my house, and stay with me over the full moon. Finally, this past summer, he stayed with me, and we could talk and laugh and discuss everything, remember things. It was great, Tonks. Really great. Finally, my friend was back." Tonks nodded understandingly. Remus continued, "Even when he began to get restless and - and even annoying," he hesitated, as if wondering whether it was okay to say that about his friend. "He still was the same old Sirius. Impatient, rude, sarcastic, but intensely loyal. He didn't get a chance to grow up, Tonks. That's what really made him like that. He was thrown into Azkaban when we were only 21. He didn't really get a chance to be an adult. And when he escaped, well, he was still stuck in the 21-year-old mindset. That's dangerous in a 35-year-old man. He - he wanted to live his life over again through Harry, I think. And I tried to get him to grow up, Tonks, I really did." Lupin's voice trembled a little bit. Tonks rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. "But he wouldn't listen. 'Moony, stop mooning around,' he'd say, and give me that smile that back in school would convince me to just go along with whatever prank he and James came up with. And then when - when Voldemort had Harry, he nearly went insane. I tried to get him to stay at his house, but oh, no. 'I wouldn't be fulfilling my duty as godfather, Moony. I have to go along.' He wouldn't listen. I tried to tell him that what if - what if he got himself killed?" Lupin laughed bitterly. "I always was right about that sort of thing, even back in my school days. I had a sort of sixth sense about what was too dangerous, what was crossing the line. They never listened to me even then. I said 'Sirius, stay here. It would kill Harry if you got killed too. And it would kill me.' He looked at me and said 'Moony, I've got to go. I've stayed behind long enough. If I don't go to help, I will never be able to forgive myself.' I shouted at him, Tonks. I, who never shouted at him in my life, shouted 'Padfoot, you blinking idiot, do you know how selfish you're being? You're the only Marauder I've got left, and you're going to go and get yourself killed! Well, fine! Just fine! If you want to come, then you better hurry your damned self up, because I'm leaving in the next two seconds!' He just grinned at me. 'I knew you'd give in, Moony.'" Remus' voice had dropped to a whisper. "And I had."
Tonks sat in silence. "Lup - Remus. I am so, so sorry. It's - it's not your fault, you know that, right?"
"Yes, I suppose."
"Because it's Voldemort's fault. If it hadn't been for his stupid mind trick, then none of this - "
Lupin laughed harshly. "Well, that's one more thing to add to his list of crimes." He ripped a loose string off his robe.
"Look, I know Sirius was your best friend. I know that," Tonks said, forcing him to look at her. "But you can't change his personality. He is the most impulsive, impatient person I have ever met, excluding, perhaps, myself and Harry," she said quickly, forcing a half-smile from Lupin, "and you know that even if he had agreed to stay behind, he would have just snuck out. You must know that. I know that and I'd known him for barely a year."
"I suppose."
"Just - just don't blame yourself," Tonks said awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I'm really not very good at saying comforting - "
"It's fine. You have helped me, just by listening." Lupin smiled wanly. "Looks like Mad-Eye wants us," he said, looking over at where Moody was waving them over impatiently. They stood up and looked at each other awkwardly. Now that the soul-spilling was over, each was embarrassed. Suddenly, Tonks reached over and gave Lupin a one-armed hug, and then ran over to Moody and Arthur Weasley.
"Yeah? What do you need, Mad-Eye?" The look in her eye warned him not to say anything. He heeded the warning as Lupin walked over slowly, avoiding all eyes, magical and normal.
"Alright, when Potter's aunt and uncle get here, we are going to make sure that he is treated a little better than pond scum, understand me? We want phone calls, letters, unimprisoned owls, free contact with friends, free contact with us, food enough to live on, and ability to actually converse with others, or at least Arabella. We want no bullying from that whale of a son, no -- "
The list went on, and Tonks and Lupin just smiled at each other.