"I want to go back to your house"
"Kurt's voice reverberated around the empty auditorium and he smiled back as Kurt let him capture his lips in another kiss.
Honestly he was just beyond thrilled that Kurt had forgiven him so fast after the night at scandals, and if he wanted to go back to his house that's what they'd do.
"I'm really sorry Kurt" he repeated once again, chuckling when Kurt's fingers were on his lips, shushing him.
"Shut up Blaine"
The drive home had to be one of the most annoying Kurt had ever had in his life, wanting nothing more than to just be making out with Blaine. He grinned widely when they were finally at his doorstop, his hands already running through some of the curls that had come loose.
"You really don't need gel babe…I like your curls"
Blaine scoffed at that. "I look like Medusa. Honestly you don't want s boyfriend with snakes coming out of his head"
Kirt chuckled loudly before kissing him deeply.
"You're ridiculous. I'd love you anyway"
Blaine softened at his boyfriends words, returning yet another kiss. "I love you too"
"Blaine. God. Blaine" Kurt gasped breathlessly. "I think. I think I'm ready"
Blaine nodded, hiding his frown well as Kurt attempted to gather his breath back after their make out session.
It wasn't that he didn't love Kurt or that he didn't want to show his boyfriend just how much he loved him. He just…wasn't ready. Sure the alcohol masked that the other night, but he'd always thought things would just come naturally. He wasn't ready for the emotions that would no doubt be involved after.
But he did love Kurt. And if Kurt wanted this, was ready, who was he to deny him this one thing?
So it happened. He knew he was meant to enjoy it, meant to feel something other than anguish but it fell flat. Kurt, however seemed to enjoy it and he smiled back convincingly as Kurt asked how it was for him.
"It was amazing K" he replied softly.
Blaine was awake early, having slept uncomfortably through the night, only managing a few hours sleep. He reached over and grabbed his phone, frowning at the time. 3.42. Not content in the bed anymore he untangled himself from Kurt and headed for the bathroom.
Kurt was happy. That was all that mattered right? The one person he cared about most in the world was happy. At least that was what he kept telling himself.
But then why was there this feeling of dread at the pit of his stomach?
He jumped as the door to the bathroom swung open and he found himself staring back into Kurt's eyes.
"B? Sweetie. Why are you crying? What's wrong?" Kurt's concerned gaze met Blaine's and he had to look away for a second to keep himself from breaking down.
And then Kurt's hands were his face, his thumbs rubbing soothingly down his jawline and Blaine bit his bottom lip, not even realising he was crying before Kurt pointed it out.
"It's nothing. I'm just being stupid"
Kurt shook his head. "No B. Come on, look at me. We tell each other everything right?"
Blaine choked out what sounded like a whimpered sob, letting Kurt wrap him up in a hug.
"Sweetheart. I'm getting really worried here"
Blaine frowned further at that, hating that he was making his boyfriend worry and forced himself to pull it together, pulling out the hug.
"I just…last night. I don't think I was ready. No. I know I wasn't ready but I screwed up the other night and it made you so happy"
Kurt could feel something in his heart break at the words, never even imagining that possibility.
"B. Blaine. Why didn't you tell me?"
Blaine sniffled. "Because you wanted it and I wanted to make you happy"
Kurt shook his head sadly. "Honey. You know I never would have done something you weren't ready with"
"I..I know. That's exactly why I couldn't"
Kurt could feel himself choking up at that and he reached for both of Blaine's hands. "Hey. Hey. I want you to listen to me. This is a relationship. There's two people in it. We don't do anything unless the other wants to okay?"
Blaine almost wanted to dispute that but kept his mouth shut as Kurt's eyes blazed into his own.
"I'm so sorry though Blaine. I should've noticed something was up"
The pressure from last night was finally starting to ease and Blaine finally had enough sense of mind to squeeze Kurt's hands back. "Its..okay. You were always going to be the one that it happened with eventually anyway"
Kurt sighed, feeling utterly guilty about it all. "But you can't get it back and I'm sorry"
And then Kurt was crying and it was Blaine's turn to comfort, his hands rubbing soothing circles into the taller boys back. "Kurt. Honey. It's okay. It's not the end of the world"
"Listen. Next time we do it, it'll be amazing. And I promise to let you know if I still dont feel ready"
Kurt sniffled, still sobbing quietly into Blaine's chest.
"B?"
"Yeah honey?"
"I love you so much and I can't lose you because of this"
Blaine shook his head as he reached down to lift Kurt's chin up to look at him, planting a kiss on his forehead
"That's never going to be a problem K. I promise"