Already got plans for season five (whoops) so figured I should write a wee teaser/preview for the next book (book four) and I realllllly hope you all enjoy it, it's gonna be an action packed series ha
She knew she still wasn't herself since everything that had happened. Sometimes she didn't even recognise herself when she looked in the mirror. Physically, sure, maybe. Not much had changed there. She was still a little thin and ill looking, like she permanently had the flu. No, it was her eyes that she dreaded to find staring back at her. That hollowed out, empty, fearful gaze. Maybe that's why she couldn't look hardly anyone in the eye, knowing they would see all her vulnerabilities and unease.
So she kept her head down as she walked quickly through the mass of people outside the school, holding her bag close to her side but soon faltered as she spotted a group of girls up ahead and hated how anxious that made her feel. How her stomach churned uncomfortably like she was about to be sick. Large crowds, or even small cliquey groups just unearthed this horrible feeling of dread within her. She didn't know why, it was completely irrational, but she couldn't help how she felt.
C'mon Kayla don't be so ridiculous, she chanted to herself, trying to steel herself as she felt a few people's curious and wondering stares on her, suck it up, be a Hale, you're better than this...
"About to do a runner?"
She jolted, her chest tightening as she whipped around to see Theo standing next to her, her heart suddenly starting to race at the intrusion.
"Sorry - didn't mean to scare you" he apologised, cocking a brow as he inclined his head slightly, listening to her terrified erratic heartbeat, lowering his voice slightly, "you okay?"
No, but maybe one day she would be.
"Y-Yeah fine" she whispered, clutching her bag tighter as some form of control to ground her, dropping her stare to her hands, "what can I help you with?"
"Uh... I don't know if I got a chance to properly introduce myself the other night-"
"You did" she cut him off, glancing up briefly before finding his gaze too intrusive, like he could read her thoughts so gazed across at the parking lot, "and uh, if you're looking for the office it's that way"
"Thank you" he nodded, keeping his voice soft like she was some scared little kitten, "hey, you surs you're alright?"
'Great, yeah, thanks for asking except for feeling this suffocating guilt and terror and kinda wanting to top myself but am only hanging on by my fingernails because of pill bottle after pill bottle of medication to keep me on the straight and narrow, fab, how about you?'
"I'm good" she lied blandly, "excuse me" ducking her head and sidestepping around him, leaving him watching her go because she didn't want to get involved. It was sometimes hard enough trying with her friends, with the people she cared for, she didn't have the energy to try with a complete stranger she had no interest in.
"Kaylz, wait up a sec" she stopped walking up the concrete steps, turning around to see Stiles lunging up every few steps to catch up with her, "why was Theo talking to you?"
She met his inquisitive stare, about the only person she could actually look at for a prolonged period of time and shrugged, "I don't know. Introducing himself I guess"
Stiles didn't look pleased, sticking his tongue into his cheek, "I don't like him. There's something off with him, can't you feel it?"
It was hard for her to read situations lately, too stuck in her head to notice.
"I don't know" she repeated quietly - her signature phrase these days - subtly sliding to the side as a few people passed them on the steps, "we never really talked"
Stiles blew out an aggravated breath, narrowing his eyes as he watched Theo make his way across the school and she watched his expression turn to irritation and mistrust and felt her stomach clenching uncomfortably.
She hated when he got mad which was happening more and more these days. Not at her, no. He hardly ever raised his voice to her, knowing how fragile and delicate she was. There had been a few times, sure, but he immediately apologised, going back to the caring, sensitive Stiles she knew. But when he got mad and annoyed at other people it set her on edge, watching the anger twist his features, wondering what was going to happen next. Shouting. Fighting. She didn't know and it kinda scared her a little.
She gulped, her mouth going dry as she dropped her stare, unable to see those negative emotions on his face and it took a few seconds for him to realise her uncomfortableness, sighing sadly and reaching out for her hand.
"I'm sorry" he whispered quietly, reaching out with his free hand to tilt her chin up, "how you feeling now? Is the medication still working?"
To a certain degree, maybe.
"I guess" she mumbled, shrugging a single shoulder.
"Are you still getting headaches? Because I can ask the doctor to reduce the dose if-"
"The side effects I can deal with, don't worry" she reassured, nodding a little as he frowned in concern.
"And uh... And the seeing things?" His eyes flaring with pure raw worry.
"Better" she whispered, "you asked me all this, this morning when you gave me my tablets" she reminded him gently, "if anything changes I'll let you know - I promise"
He nodded a little in acceptance, slowly leaning forward to kiss her forehead, "sorry. I just worry about you" keeping her close as he spoke in this soft, gentle voice that he had adapted well to over the last few months, "but it's good you can rationalise things now. So when you do see things, or hear stuff, you know it's not real. That's a really good step"
Rationalising didn't always work. So when she was having a bad day and saw the unexplainable or had the sensation of bugs crawling under her skin, reminding her of when she was dead and buried and gone, she could tell herself it wasn't actually happening but it didn't help. If anything, sometimes it just escalated the entire situation.
"It's real to me Stiles" she mumbled, glancing up at him, "it feels real"
"I know" he hushed, smiling sympathetically, "but you're doing much better. You're doing really well and I'm so proud of you for trying"
She felt exhausted constantly trying but knew she would feel guilty if she didn't. There wasn't really a winning situation here.
"Yeah, I even brushed my hair this morning" she joked, or tried to, but it still came out a little flat but Stiles at least smiled, sending her a wink.
"C'mon, I think Lydia wanted to see you before class" he carefully took her hand and pressed the faintest of kisses to her lips and she warmed up a little, only really feeling safe and comfortable when she was around Stiles or her friends, like a lot of her anxiousness faded away but she hated being a burden, always constantly wondering if she was in the way or taking up too much of their time even though, rationally, she knew that wasn't the case.
So she walked by Stiles, him deliberately slowing down his pace a little as she glanced around, trying not to meet anyone's eyes until she saw Theo about fifty feet away and as soon as their eyes met he smiled widely and raised his hand to wave at them.
She may not be that great at getting a 'feel' of people or a situation these days, but she trusted Stiles and if he thought something wasn't right then she had to trust him so just quickly looked away, glancing up at Stiles to double check he never saw the interaction before forcing herself to calm down and start this day afresh and pray and hope nothing would go wrong.
A/N) Oooooh exciting times THEO IS STILL THERE ha he's gonna be fun to incorporate into this story ha hope you all liked this wee sneak peak, I know book four won't be up till later this year (maybe around October-November possibly depends how busy I am) but I couldn't resist ha so please please let me know what you think ans I shall see you all very soon, hopefully updating ashes to ashes tomorrow x