There is Freedom Without

Ch. 1: The False Past

Time seemed to slow. Nuru Kungurama's blue hand gripped his lightsaber tightly, his body poised in the opening stance of the Shien form. His glowing red eyes narrowed as he and his opponent circled around each other. The young, brown haired boy he faced held his lightsaber sloppily with its blade extended behind him, more like a thug wielding a length of pipe than a Jedi wielding a lightsaber. Nuru waited. Form V worked best when the opponent made the first move, but more than that, it was a longstanding principle of combat not to make the first move unless you had a good trick to catch your opponent off guard. Another principle of combat said to never reveal your tricks too soon.

Nuru could see the infrared heat radiating off of the boy. He was tense. The dark haired boy rushed. His lightsaber swung around in a long, powerful disarming arc- the signature move of the basic Shi-Cho form. Like a cornered street Tooka, Nuru sprang into action. He took one step back, his own lightsaber blade coming down like a hammer. The boy's wild strike hit, their blue blades crashing together for less than a second before his blade continued on its trajectory. With Nuru's back-step and glancing deflect, the boy's strike lost only a fraction of its expected kinetic energy, his blade swinging around leaving him exposed.

Now it was Nuru's turn. The very second after their blades hit Nuru sprang. He brought his lightsaber to his side thereby protecting himself from a counter. Instead of using his blade to attack, he brought up his boot and slammed it into the boy's chest sending him stumbling back. The boy's lightsaber, held at an odd angle, twisted as he fell and stabbed into his side. As he smashed into the floor, it wedged between the ground and his body. He howled in pain. A fatal wound- if this was live combat. Still, the training blade was very hot and very painful. He let go of the activation stud and the blade shimmered out of existence.

"Caleb Dume is down! Nuru Kungurama is the victor!" shouted Cin Drallig, the Jedi Battlemaster. Nuru could feel the adrenaline drain out of his body. The Battlemaster hurried over to check on Caleb's wounds.

"Sorry," Nuru said awkwardly, "Is it alright?"

"You have nothing to be sorry for, lad," said Cin as he helped up Caleb. Caleb tried to stand on his own but stumbled. "Nuru," said Cin.

"Yes Master Drallig?"

"Take Caleb to the infirmary and tell them what happened."

Nuru nodded, "Yes Master." He took Caleb's arm over his shoulder and they walked slowly but surely down the halls to the infirmary.

"Are you okay?" asked Nuru when they were a good distance away.

"I'm fine," said Caleb, "Where did you learn to do that?"

"Oh, well, I am older than you," he said modestly. It was true though, Nuru was almost fifteen but had the physiology of a 17-20 year old human due to his Chiss heritage. He had the strength and reflexes of a human long past the age of puberty.

"I know but that wasn't just age. It was like I was fighting a real Jedi master."

"Thanks, but it's just because I've already trained under two masters before. I've also been given training in hand to hand combat by clones."

"Wait. You had a master and experience on the battlefield?! What are you doing here?"

"Well 'had' is the key word. I don't have a master anymore and haven't had one for the past year or so."

"Wait, you were by yourself for a year? What happened?"

"Long story," said Nuru, "But after my last master, I felt that I wasn't ready for another. Plus, there is always a shortage of Jedi masters so it's not like they had extra to spare."

"The Council was ok with that?"

"Kind of. It was unusual, but they understood how unusual it was to lose two masters as fast as I did. They thought I had shown exceptional ability and fortitude or something so they allowed me to figure things out and just serve the Republic as is. I think they thought that I would come back after a few weeks or months, but I took my time."

"So what were you doing?"

"I went on missions with a clone unit called Breakout Squad. We were together for almost a year."

"What made you come back?"

Nuru hesitated, "The longer I was away, the more alienated I felt from the Jedi. I developed more and more questions about things, things only Jedi can talk about or know, but I had nobody. Basically, the more I spent time out there, the less 'Jedi' I felt and I didn't like it. I feared one day I would be too old to be accepted back."

"Well with your credentials you'll probably be the first chosen."

"Thanks. But I'm sure you will find a master too."

"Anything's possible," said Caleb sorta optimistically. They arrived in the medcenter. It was completely empty as far as Nuru could tell, except that there were several medical droids buzzing around. Nuru explained to one of the droids what had happened and they took Caleb and began running tests and applying disinfectant to his burns.

"You have light degree burns and a few scrapes," announced the droid, "A bacta tank will not be required."

"Get well soon," said Nuru.

"Thanks."

Nuru was walking towards the exit when he realized that the medical center was not quite as empty as he thought. Off to the side in a dim corner sat what looked to be some type of glass coffin. He walked closer and found it to have rows of sensors and readouts. Through the glass, the being inside appeared to be a human or near human female sleeping soundly. Her skin appeared to be tanned, but faded, as if she had a naturally dark tone but had been inside for far too long. In between her eyes and above her nose was a small gold bead. It looked familiar; just then Nuru remembered where he had seen it before. Although he knew nothing about their culture, he recognized it as a Chalactan mark of illumination. Chalactan adepts were famous for having two marks of illumination, one in between the eyes and one on the forehead, however the sleeping woman's forehead was almost entirely covered up by a small white cloth tied around her head.

He recognized her; the sleeping woman was no other than the famous Jedi council master Depa Billaba. Or rather ex-council member. He tried to remember what had happened to her. There were rumors that she had disappeared on the planet Haruun Kal while fighting the infamous jedi killer General Grievous. From what he had heard, the CIS general had severely wounded her causing critical brain damage. Oddly, instead of finishing her off, he decided to take one of her marks of illumination as a trophy instead of her lightsaber. He didn't know if there was any truth in these tales, but here she was before him. She was clearly still alive as the monitors indicated that she was stable, but more than that, he could feel the force flowing through her. It was subdued and slightly off putting, but clearly she was alive.

He reached out with the force. Sure enough, her mind was a black box. He could not feel anything except the general pulse of life, but wait- something else was there. Maybe if he kept searching… He stopped. What was he doing? Mind probing a Jedi master?! Was he insane? And yet, something felt wrong, but it attracted his curiosity. He remembered when he was younger, he had first witnessed the horrors of war on the planet Drongar. A clone had been killed by a small explosive, his blood and vital organs splattered on the surrounding jungle land. Nuru had not wanted to look upon the carnage, but felt an irresistible urge to do so. He did not enjoy it, but in the moment it had felt so necessary. Something about the haunting sight forced him to look. It felt the same with the Jedi's mind. He could sense something in there, something dark, some type of repressed mental carnage every bit as gristly as the horrors of war he had faced.

He reached out again. It was dark. He pushed deeper getting a feel for her subconscious mental rhythms. Suddenly, he saw it. Memories and images flashed across his mind. A pair of whirling lightsabers, the Kaleesh general's skull-like mask. And yet, something seemed off. The vision seemed paper thin, as if there were something deeper. Something being concealed. He pushed deeper. Black skinned bodies, the blazing sun overhead burning everything, the stench of death from the festering corpses. A dark room filled with bodies. Overwhelming stench. A wave of expanding purple energy met a fan of green flame.

"Excuse me sir. Are you alright?" came a voice from the outside. He slingshotted back out of the world of memories and images.

"Sir?" it asked again. He looked up to see a small medical droid staring at him. Did he faint?

"Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine," he murmured.

"Based off of your visual body cues, you seem to be experiencing low blood sugar. Would you like me to hook you up to an IV while I give you a physical examination?"

"No, I promise, I'm fine," he said standing up, "I just need a drink, that's all."

"I can escort you to the -"

"That is quite alright. Please, look after the patients."

"If you insist, however I would advise-"

"Thank you," he said as he walked out of the hospital. He continued down the corridor. It was rather late at night; he looked out of the window to see rain and wind buffeting the Jedi temple, but it seemed to be slacking off. He prefered training during night sessions, right before he got ready for bed. He should head straight back to his dorm, but couldn't at the moment. He kept replaying what he had seen in his head. In the moment, they were vivid and graphic, but over time, like the memories of dreams in the morning, they began to fade. If he did not commit them to memory they could vanish altogether. He couldn't go to sleep now, so he walked towards the kitchens.

The dining hall had twenty four hour service thanks to the labors of a small army of droids, but a the moment, only a few padawans still inhabited the room, chatting and talking to each other. He continued walking towards a small, darkened corner where a droid stood at attention behind a mini bar.

"Good evening," he greeted the droid, "Can I get a Corellian Lite?" Despite his age, over the past few years Nuru had developed an appreciation for light alcoholic drinks. He never got drunk, but throughout the war he would use them quite often to relax. He needed to relax. Experiencing the visions was like being back in the thick of combat, and if he wanted any sleep at all he would need to get the adrenaline down. But there was something else. While in combat Nuru had almost never called upon his anger or acted irresponsibly. Somehow, through the pain and the chaos and the half burnt flesh of men killed by grenades and cannon fire, he was able to remain calm in the middle of combat, like the eye of a hurricane. But the visions were different. While experiencing the visions he had not felt that calm, instead he felt as if he were in the center of a raging inferno. Even now he could feel the pain, the anger, the darkness, the jungle flowing through him.

"Enjoy," said the droid placing the glass on the table. Nuru nodded at the droid in thanks. The droid didn't care, but manners were always important. He took a sip and the drink's fiery tingle seemed to burn away doubt. He knew it was a placebo, the drink wasn't that strong, but it was still comforting. Nuru pulled out an ink stylus that he usually kept tucked away in his robe pocket and started to scribble one one of the square napkins left on the bar. He jotted down a few quick notes on the visions he had seen. He usually had a good memory, but just in case.

"Hey! How did you get that?" Nuru turned around to see a human female padawan with long auburn hair.

"Uh, what do you mean?" he asked cooly.

"You're Nuru Kungurama aren't you?" she asked.

His eyes narrowed. "How do you know my name?"

"Dude! It's me Scout! We were in the same class until you got chosen."

Nuru leaned back slightly in shock, memories of his younger days danced before his eyes. Visions of peace and happiness before the war, before he had lost two masters, before they had even chosen him. Back then, he had friends, not comrades in arms. It was less than three years and yet that could have been a completely different, unknown person.

He was almost always at the top of his class, his only rivals being Ahsoka Tano who was a year or two above and Whie Malreaux who was a year below. It was in part because of his physical abilities, as he seemed to age twice as fast as everyone else, but it also because of his connection to the force which was not only potent but controlled. He remembered back to sparring against the other padawans. Ahsoka was often the only one who could beat him in hand to hand combat, while Whie was one of the few who could match his direct force push. While he was often proud of his abilities and trained with the intention of being the best, he did not refrain from helping others train as well. Admittedly, this was partially because he just enjoyed having weaker partners to defeat, but also because for padawans and younglings, sparring is a way to bond.

The Jedi masters said that in the middle of heated combat it is not uncommon for a force bond to be formed. He didn't know if sparring gave the same bond, but it certainly bonded them in friendship, something Nuru craved. Nuru was popular, but it was because he made the effort. He noticed something about himself that always seemed disconnected from everyone else. It was probably just his appearance, the closest species being Pantorans. Nobody had ever seen a blue skinned, red eyed being before who was not a Duros, and he stuck out. While everyone was nice to him and they seemed awed by his appearance, the disconnect was still there. Humans had a natural affinity for humans and all the other alien species seemed to mesh well together, likely because everyone knew what a Nautolan or a Twi'lek was while nobody really had a clue what he was.

So he strived for friends. He offered to help Scout and they became fast friends. Her connection to the force was not as strong as the other younglings, but she made up for it with her strength and tenacity. They had spared many times together and their friend group had expanded to include others including Ahsoka Tano. It wasn't until Nuru was chosen by his first master Lanchu Skaa that they began drifting apart.

"Scout? It's been so long-" he was cut off by her embracing him. While they hugged, he was careful to slip the napkin he had been scribbling on into his pocket.

"Dude, how's it been going? What's it like going on missions with a Jedi master?"

"Oh, well, about that, they're kinda… dead."

Her joyful expression seemed to drop and be replaced by pain, "Oh, I'm sorry. Mine too."

"Wait you were chosen?"

She punched him in the arm. "Is that so surprising?"

"No, no, I just meant-"

She punched him again, lighter this time. "I know, just messing with you." She smiled, but it wasn't an expression of pure joy like before, but a mask hiding her feelings. "So what was it like? How many did you have?"

"Well, my first master died at Geonosis-" he began, but was cut off again.

"Wait, Geonosis? As in the First Battle of Geonosis?"

"Yeah."

"No poodoo, really? My master died there too."

"Really? Huh. It's kinda weird that we're bonding over what battle our masters died in."

She shrugged, "That's war and all. I didn't really know her that well anyway."

"Same," said Nuru, "So what did you do afterward?"

"Nothing much, really. I mainly stayed at the temple. I was eventually chosen again by Master Jai Maruk, but he died a few days ago. Didn't really know him either."

"That sucks. My master and I, my second, Master Ambase that is, we…" he paused unsure of how to continue, "Kinda had a falling out, but it kinda got better, then he died. That was a while ago." He gave a lazy half shrug.

"So what have you been doing since then?"

"Well, I kinda got thrown in with a squad of clones. The Council let me operate with them because of the shortage of masters. But that's not important. Anyway, what will you be doing now?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "I hope the council can find masters for myself and Whie."

"Whie? Wait, Whie Malreaux?"

"Yeah, him," she smiled. Nuru could see her face get a slight bit red and he noticed in the infared a small increase in facial heat. Nuru grinned a slight bit, but other than that he kept his amusement invisible.

"So," he said a bit too casually, "What about you and Whie?"

"We just got back from a mission. Both of our masters died."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said sincerely.

"Anyway, you never did tell me how you got that drink. That's alcohol right? Aren't you fourteen like I am?" she asked while leaning in a bit closer to get a sniff. He casually pulled it away.

"Yeah, but the deal is, the droid is programmed not to serve anyone under twenty because of social customs, but that number is different for every species."

"So you're like physically twenty? What species are you anyway?"

"Well, not really. I'm a Chiss, and physically I'm probably somewhere in the range of a late teenage human, so really I shouldn't. But," he said with another grin, "the droid does not have any programming at all for my species, so it gives me unlimited access. And, since everything is free in the Jedi temple, I don't have to pay for it."

"You sneaky son of a bantha, when did you discover that?"

He took a sip, "Yesterday."

"So you're a fourteen year old alcoholic now?"

"Hey! I don't drink that much."

"Whatever," she looked out the window and saw that it was no longer raining, "I should be going."

Nuru finished the drink and set the glass on the bar. They both stood up. He noticed that he was almost a whole head taller than her. "Going, where? Aren't the dorms inside?"

"Yeah, but I'm going out."

"Out?"

"Yeah, going to go see-" she stopped for a second, "Just going to see the city."

Nuru raised an eyebrow, "At this hour? Are you sure that's, you know, safe?"

"Shut up, just because you look like a Jedi knight doesn't mean you need to act like one."

"Hey," he said giving a slight shrug, "whatever you say. Anyway, goodnight."

"See ya around," she said as they parted ways.

In the darkness of the infirmary, unbeknownst to the Nuru the monitors on the glass coffin began to light up, rapidly changing. A small trio of medical droids clustered around, alerted by the light and noise as a pair of brown eyes that had been closed for years finally snapped open.