For the Ultimate Battle! Competition, with the prompt AU; for the Disney Characters Challenge, with the prompt Hermione Granger; for the Pairing Diversity Bootcamp, with the prompts Ron/Hermione and bribe; for the Famous Witches and Wizards Challenge, with the prompt bewitching; for the Favourite Characters Challenge, with the prompt Ron/Hermione; for the Pick A Card, Any Card Challenge, with the prompt Ron Weasley; for the British Things Compendium Competition, with the prompts "arse over elbow," "Are you having a laugh?", Pride and Prejudice, and "Yellow" by Coldplay.

A SecondarySchoolProfessor!AU. I must admit that, as an American, I know nothing about the British school system, so please correct me if I am wrong. I would love a review letting me know if you enjoyed this story - or even a review letting me know you didn't enjoy it. I do hope you'll enjoy!

"No, Ronald."

"Oh, but why not? We wouldn't actually be going out, it'd just be pretend! It's not as if I really fancy you, come on – "

"Are you having a laugh?"

"No, of course not! I just need a date to my brother's wedding!"

Opposite him, Hermione rolled her eyes. The pair of them were the only two currently inhabiting the staff room, and Ron, who desperately didn't want to attend Percy's wedding by himself, had spent his planning period attempting to find a date. He'd already pleaded for the help of the female maths professors who were around his age, Lisa, Sophie, and Daphne, but all three had laughingly turned him down. He'd even asked the quirky young mythology teacher, Luna Lovegood, and she declined him. They all knew, of course, about his recent breakup with Lavender Brown, one of the school's English teachers, and nobody wanted to cross Lavender.

But Ron knew that Hermione and Lavender didn't much like each other anyway, so he had figured – well, hoped, at least – that the former would consent to his idea, even if she held Ron in rather low respect. Hermione, he knew, found him just as empty-headed as Lavender, despite the fact that he taught algebra. But they both possessed a mutual friend, Harry (Both Ron and Hermione had somehow befriended Harry Potter, a legend among professors. He had been able to persuade a school shooter to reassess his plans when he was just a mere teaching assistant, and later in his life, he had come to teach at St. John's Academy for the Gifted. Harry had chosen Ron and Hermione to talk to, leaving the pair of them with several awkward situations – to both professors' great chagrin.), so they had gotten to know each other fairly well despite their annoyance at each other.

"Come on, Hermione. Look, I know you rather dislike me, but we've got backstory enough – "

"Oh, backstory, yeah," Hermione said, rolling her eyes again. "Like the time you refused to dance with me when we were matched at that holiday staff party."

"That was one time, Hermione!" Ron claimed, though he knew that she had a point. They had never been very cordial towards each other. Sure, he respected her, but he didn't much like the lack of mutual respect in their tense relationship.

"Ronald, we never speak to each other; nobody's going to believe that we've fallen in love."

Ron held up his hands in front of his chest. "No, no, okay. That's not true! We've got a mutual close friend. Plus," Ron added, "there's that whole 'slow burn' idea in relationships that everyone seems to love."

"What do you think life is, Ronald? Pride and Prejudice?"

"Well, like you said, I did refuse to dance with you that one time."

Hermione paused, grinning slightly. "You know Pride and Prejudice?"

"Hey, wait," Ron said, defensive. "I've got a mother and a sister who are both arse over elbow for Jane Austen. Don't judge me."

"I wasn't."

"Oh, thank God. So, will you be my plus one to Percy's wedding?"

"Ronald, I already said no."

"But – " Ron Granger was his last chance.

An idea sparked in his head, and his index finger shot up into the air. "Wait!"

"What, Ronald?" Hermione asked, sighing loudly.

"What if I pay you?"

A silence fell, and Ron's words seemed to echo in the air. It was broken, however, when Hermione burst into laughter.

"Is this a bribe, Weasley?" she chortled, her hand over her mouth.

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "I guess," he said. "I just need you to come with me to Percy's wedding. I'll give you… a hundred pounds."

"Really? A hundred?"

"Yeah. No joke."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "One-fifty."

"You're on."

Okay, perhaps he was out a hundred and fifty pounds. But Fred and George would not make fun of him at this wedding.

"I got a date!"

The day had just ended, and the majority of the St. John's students had already left the building. By now, Ron had thought it safe enough to barge into Harry's classroom without being bothered by leftover students of Year Ten. Unfortunately, however, Harry was not the only professor in the room at the time Ron burst in.

"Hermione?" he asked incredulously as the young woman in question groaned.

"Not you again, Ronald," she said, shaking her head. "I know we're going to your brother's wedding together, but that's no excuse to follow me everywhere I go."

Harry butted in before Ron could get in a sarcastic response . "Of all the people you could have asked," the black-haired professor queried, his lips tight so that Ron could tell he was holding back laughter, "you asked Hermione? I thought you despised her!"

"I beg your pardon!" Hermione insisted. "Ronald is paying me."

Harry couldn't hold back his laughter then. "Look, I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. Couldn't you have asked anyone else?"

"I did! I asked Lisa and Sophie and Daphne and even Luna Lovegood, but then I was like, maybe I should get someone who would actually want to spite Lavender. And Hermione's the only person who likes guys who would want to spite Lavender. Because, like, I would've asked Seamus, since he used to date her before she dumped him, so he'd want to spite her, right? But he's straight, so I don't think that would work. Basically, Hermione was my only option, so I was like, I guess I have to pay her, right? Because she's not agreeing on going without a stimulus. So yeah, I basically bribed her to come with. Sue me."

Harry shook his head. "Mate, you realize you're going to fall in love with her by the end of this, right?"

"I'm not!" Ron demanded, just as Hermione said, "Why does everyone think life is like Pride and Prejudice?!"

"Did you already have this conversation or something?" Harry asked, the corners of his mouth turning up again.

"No," they said together, and Ron continued, "Well, yeah, I guess. I said that's why people would believe we were together."

"So soon after Lavender, though?"

Ron quieted. It was true; he wasn't quite over Lavender yet. But the wedding was in five months. Surely he could overcome that by June?

He wasn't quite sure why he had asked her to do this. Yes, he needed a date to the wedding so that he wouldn't look like an absolute fool. Yes, she was his last shot. Still, Hermione Granger was absolutely infuriating. Wasn't she?

Earlier in the week, he'd come into her room before school began, asking if she'd like to come to dinner, just so they could flesh out their backstory, right? – which prompted many whispers from Hermione's gossipy ninth year history students. She had agreed because, as she told him, she saw the logic in the idea, not because she actually wanted to spend more time with him.

Tonight, he had picked her up from her apartment complex and driven her to the lovely little place his brother, Bill, owned; he supposed that if Bill saw Hermione with him, her appearance as his date to Percy's wedding would be more believable. The place was fancy and French; Ron's eldest brother had met his wife, a fellow chef, in Nice, and she had returned to England with him, revitalizing his traditional menu and turning it into something more interesting then the fish and chips he'd once sold. Ron figured Hermione would like it. She seemed like the prissy, faux-food-connoisseur type that would enjoy French cuisine.

But surprisingly, Hermione wasn't that bad. In fact, she seemed almost normal – but Hermione Granger would never be normal. Since they'd first met, she'd always been different. She had more enthusiasm about what she did than any of the other professors; she seemed incredibly tactful, a quality Ron admired due to his total lack of tact; and she was amazingly intelligent, so intelligent that Ron wondered why she wasn't famous for it. The pair of them may not have been truly alike, but Ron respected her much more and found that the annoyingness he'd so hated couldn't eclipse her rather nice entirety.

"Hermione," he said, interrupting her rant about Pansy, the supposedly less-than-competent History of the Ancient World professor who taught in the classroom next door. "Don't you think we should discuss this ridiculous 'relationship' thing we're doing?"

She sighed. "Sure, I suppose so. How did we meet, then?"

"Well, we do work together, Hermione."

"Don't get cheeky with me, Ronald."

"Fine, fine," Ron laughed. "Okay, so we knew each other before, right, because we teach at St. John's together. And then, what, Harry came, and he was friends with both of us, so we had to talk more, and we found out we really liked each other, like, platonically."

"But then Lavender dumped you, and you came to me, and you realized I was there for you, so you asked me out!"

"No, that doesn't sound like me," Ron said, shaking his head.

The brunette conceded. "Okay, that's true."

They sat in thought for a moment. "Oh! What if you came to me to try to cheer me up, but then I kissed you, and we ended up snogging?"

"You're joking. Oh my God – don't tell me I actually have to kiss you at this wedding. I'm not really, er, the snogging type." Hermione said, staring at Ron.

He considered that, but really, wasn't a bit of kissing necessary? "Well, you probably do, to be entirely honest. We've got to be believable."

Hermione groaned. "I'm half-convinced you're messing with me."

"I'm still going for the snogging idea, but I promise I won't kiss you."

"Thanks, Ronald. If you think your family will believe that ridiculous story, go for it."

"They'll believe it," Ron said, grinning. "Fred and George – my brothers – have been laughing with each other about my incredibly annoying colleague; they already think we're going to get together."

Hermione screwed up her face. "Aren't you, like, letting them win or something, then?"

"True, true," Ron replied with a sigh. "But they'll be happy for me, I think. It's better than showing up without a date."

"Well, I'm ever so glad I was your last resort, Ronald," she said. "Wait – did you say I was your 'incredibly annoying colleague?'"

"Er, no?" Ron said, guilt rising upon his face. "I mean, I said that, but that's what I thought, right? This dinner's been fun, I swear, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude – "

It was then that Ron realized Hermione was laughing. "I was joking, Ronald. I would've referred to you as my incredibly annoying colleague, too. Don't worry."

"I don't know, Hermione, I think that's something to be worried about."

They both chuckled, and before either of them could say anything else, a gorgeous blonde woman arrived at their table. "Ron!" Fleur greeted him, a genuine smile on her lips. "It eez so good to see you! Ze restaurant 'as been very full, but we 'ave not seen you in many weeks. And who eez zis?"

"Oh, er, this is Hermione, Fleur," Ron said, stuttering. This had been his plan, to have Bill and Fleur see Hermione with him so that they'd believe in their relationship, but suddenly he had become rather anxious, and he didn't quite know the cause. "Hermione, this is Fleur, my brother Bill's wife. They run the place."

Hermione's eyebrows raised, but nevertheless, she politely said, "It's very nice to meet you!"

"It eez nice to meet you, Hermione," Fleur said, beaming. "How 'ave you known Ron?"

"We work together," she said. "We've – we've just started dating."

"Zat eez wonderful! I wish you luck in zat," Fleur exclaimed before leaving the table to greet another customer that she had recognized.

"This is your family's restaurant?!" Hermione asked, incredulous, once Fleur had moved out of earshot.

Ron shrugged. "I wanted them to think we were actually dating."

"Okay, okay," Hermione said. "I just – what are they going to think once we've, like, broken up or whatever?"

There was a pause. Ron hadn't really considered that.

"I don't know, Hermione."

"We'll figure it out, Ron."

The day of the wedding approached far too quickly, so quickly that Ron feared he and Hermione would not be convincing enough as a couple. Still, their matching dress and tie had to contribute somehow, right? And Hermione really wasn't as horrible as Ron had once thought. In fact, she was quite kind. They'd went on several dinner "dates" after the one at Bill and Fleur's restaurant, and really, she was lovely. Then they'd gone to the history museum and the art museum, and they'd visited the zoo. So no, Ron didn't think Hermione was all that bad.

She sort of reminded him of Lavender.

She wasn't as sweet, but really, Ron liked that; he wasn't big on overdone sweetness, and Lavender had nearly put him over the edge. And Hermione was much more sensible than Lavender, and her humour was intelligent, not silly, and it was a welcome change. Truthfully, Ron almost felt like he understood Hermione Granger.

WELCOME TO THE WEDDING OF PERCY WEASLEY & AUDREY LEONOWENS! read the banner on the church as they drove into its parking lot. Ron had been anxiously anticipating the wedding, but it passed by quickly. Percy's groomsmen and Audrey's bridesmaids made their way up the aisle, with Audrey's mother as the Matron of Honor and Percy's law school roommate as best man; Bill and Fleur's daughter, Victoire, threw pale pink flower petals onto the wedding guests as well as the tiny ring bearer, who was apparently Audrey's cousin. Percy and Audrey said their vows, and the wedding was over.

Now came the hard part: the reception.

But the reception, too, came more easily to Ron than he had expected. Hermione was easy to talk to, and she (unsurprisingly) got along well with Percy, who had studied history in university and understood all of her bad Renaissance puns. Ron found that he could discuss his students and their classes with Hermione for hours.

And then Fleur came up to them. "Aren't you two going to dance?"

Ron glanced at Hermione. "Er, yeah, I suppose."

"We just caught up with each other, I guess," Hermione said with a smile that even Ron can't decipher.

He took her hand, and he couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was in her creamy silk dress with her hair pinned back, and really, how beautiful she was all of the time, even when it's been a long day with irritating students who drive her even more insane than Ron does. What was this wedding doing to him?

They danced together for a few fast songs; it was no big deal. He'd do this with anyone, right? No big deal. But, of course, the streak of uptempo music ended, and some romantic Coldplay song began to stream from the speakers in the elaborately decorated reception hall.

"All right, Hermione. We can do this," Ron said, pretending to steel himself. Really, he'd been looking forward to this all night – but he wouldn't admit that to her. Life wasn't Pride and Prejudice.

She smiled ruefully, . "We've got this, Ron."

Hermione placed her arms around his neck; Ron placed his around her waist. Her skin felt delicate under his touch, as if any movement at all would cause an explosion. Still, he rotated slowly, pretending he knew at all how to dance.

Chords burst from the speakers, and time seemed to stop. It was only Hermione and her brown eyes and her dark skin and the way her deep chestnut hair fell atop her shoulders. She was bewitching, and Ron knew Harry had been right: he had fallen for her. Perhaps she could be annoying, but she was so much, so much more than that.

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do.

The final chord of the song resonated throughout the hall, and Ron made a split-second decision.

Capturing her lips with his, Ron kissed her lovely pink lips and tried to convey everything he'd realized, tried to tell her how much he'd grown to care for her. He attempted to show her how much he fancied her – no, he realized. He knew her too well to be infatuated. He loved her.

But the kiss lasted only a second, and Hermione pulled away. Before Ron could say anything, she had dashed through the horde of couples on the dance floor. Ron followed her without thought, through the reception hall and through corridors, until he found her standing still in a tiny garden at the opposite end of the building, her back to him.

"Go away, Ronald," Hermione said coldly.

Ron didn't reply but instead stayed where he was in the doorway to the garden, watching her. "Ronald, I told you to go away."

"You're calling me Ronald again," Ron observed. "I thought you'd begun to call me Ron."

"Look, not anymore, okay? Please leave."

"No!"

"Then why, Ronald? Why would you kiss me when you told me you wouldn't?"

"I just – " Ron swallowed. He couldn't tell her the truth. "I thought it would be convincing. Here," he said, drawing out the one hundred and fifty pounds he had promised her. "I've got your money."

Hermione turned, finally facing him. "Is this just a game to you?"

Ron raised his eyebrows, rather shocked. Did she… "Did you think we… had something?"

"You know what, Ronald? I'm going to be entirely honest with you, and I sincerely hope you feel bad about yourself, because you absolutely deserve it."

"Er… okay," Ron replied, bewildered, returning the money to his pocket.

"Ronald, I didn't want to do this in the first place, alright? It seemed absolutely ridiculous. But you know what else? I didn't want to do it because I've been in love with you for more than a year now, and you still hate me. Because I have always been here for you, and I have put up with your crying about Lavender, and so what if I was annoying to you, you were annoying to me, alright? I really love you, and I absolutely hate that you don't love me back. I don't even know why I agreed to this in the first place, I knew it would mess me up, why would you make me do this, I don't understand, my God, I – "

"Hermione," Ron said quietly.

Hermione fumed, her eyes glistening. "You know what? No! Listen to me! I hope you feel bad now, okay? Because you've honestly ruined me, you know that? I hate myself for agreeing to this, and I hate you for doing this, but to be entirely honest, I'm really, really in love with you, and I just… I don't know, Ronald. I don't know why you're just playing around with me. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, I just… I knew you needed a date, and I didn't want to let you down."

"Hermione," Ron repeated once the brunette quieted down, though she still breathed heavily. "Hermione, I'm so, so sorry, I didn't mean – "

"No, don't be sorry," she said, despondent.

"No, I am. I've listened to you, right, so I'm going to talk for a bit, right? Okay, so honestly, when I asked you to do this, I honestly didn't want to go with you, you're right. But as we kept going on those dinner dates and excursions to museums and the zoo, I just… I kind of realized… I really, really like spending time with you. And I think – " Ron paused, taking a breath. "I think I love you, too."

Hermione shook her head. "I don't believe you."

"I'm not sure I believe you, to be honest," Ron replied. "But I'm trying to be brave here."

"Wow, Ron," she said, a small smile creeping upon her lips. "What a courageous man you are."

"No, honestly! I – I really, really fancy you. And I'd like to go out with you, by the way, so if you could give me a yes or no – "

"Yeah," Hermione said tentatively, as if she still feared his entire response was a complete joke. "Yeah, I'll go out with you."

"Brilliant," Ron said, grinning from ear to ear, and he kissed her again with all of the passion that he hadn't dared put into their first, finally noticing the vividly colorful flowers that surrounded them and their beauty under the starry night sky.

Perhaps the snogging idea was more in Hermione's character than they had thought.