EMMA

You never know how real a dream is until you wake up and see that everything is different. Until you realize that you aren't the reincarnation of Superman; until you realize that you are not floating on a cloud throughout a candy-filled world; until you realize that you didn't win the school talent show.

Until you realize that you didn't fall in love with the love of your life.

August 22. The day I woke up.

…

August 25th

There are backpacks and suitcases spread out all across the floor in my room. I am frantically pacing through them all, making sure that I am not forgetting anything. I look up at Naomi standing in the corner of the room.

"Do you think that I have everything?" I ask in a frenzy, throwing my hands in the air.

She chuckles and moves to close the nearest suitcase, "Princess, I believe that you have more than everything."

I shake my head and smirk, I know that I have a tendency to over pack but this is a huge decision in my life. I am going to college in a few days and my head is spinning with all sorts of emotions: the happiness of a new start, the terror of a new start, gratefulness of the opportunity, sadness for leaving home, but most importantly I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach because this is my opportunity to find him.

I smile when I think about his blue eyes, the only thing that could make me feel like my knees no longer work. His smile was the brightest smile I have ever seen, lighting up my life in ten-thousand different ways. His arms so warm and loving, how they always held me up when I felt like I couldn't stand on my own any longer.

Shaking my head, trying to get the thought of him out of my head, I stare intently at one of my suitcases. It's filled to the brim with different pillows and blankets but, you know, only the ones that I absolutely cannot live without: The orange and yellow blanket that I got for my ninth birthday from Aunt Marlee and Uncle Carter; the periwinkle and white pillow that I stole off of my parents' bed when I was seven and couldn't sleep that dreadful Thursday night; and most importantly, the teddy bear that Uncle Aspen and Aunt Lucy gave my parents the day I was born.

When I finally step out of my reminiscent trance, I look up and see Naomi zipping up the last of the suitcases.

"Thank you so much, Naomi," I say sincerely, "I have no idea what I'll do without you."

"Oh, Emma, I think that you'll be just fine," She says with a smile.

I look at her with a smirk, "You called me, Emma."

She blushes a deep red, "I'm so sorry, Princess. I – I didn't mean to…"

I laugh as I bend down to close a suitcase at the base of my feet, "Naomi, you don't have to apologize, I've wanted you to call me by my name since I was like fourteen."

She smiles, "Well then, thank you… Emma…"

I stand up and walk over and hug her, she stiffens and then lightly places her arms around my back. When I pull away she chuckles and I shake my head.

"Thank you Naomi, you are an amazing friend." I say honestly.

She nods and then returns to finish tending to the suitcases.

Ever since I woke up from the dream I have been having a hard time deciphering what is real and what is part of the dream. So far the only thing that I know was fake was not knowing about Uncle Aspen. He has been in my life since I was a baby and he, Aunt Lucy, Christopher, Lyella, and Lynnette live in the palace. The only thing that I have suspicion about is Christopher. In my dream he was gay, but in real life I have never talked to him about it, but ever since I woke up it's been on my mind constantly.

I turn to walk out of my room and I wave to Naomi but she doesn't see me. I close the door and turn into the hallway, when I look down the right wing, I feel a pain in my heart. Not a physical pain but one of emotion and hurt. When I look down that right wing, I remember August 22nd, the morning when my heart broke into a million pieces and my life did the same. The morning I ran into my parents' room in tears because the love of my life was gone, but in reality, he was never here.

I turn away before I start crying again, and I remember that I get to see him in a few days.

Walking down the hallway I can see that maids dusting different busts and paintings, the guards standing in a position that is as straight as a board, and different advisors walking through the hall to get to my father's office for the 2 o'clock budget meeting.

"Hello, Princess Emmalina." Lyle, Uncle Aspen's co-head of security at the palace, says as we pass.

I smile warmly and say, "Hi Lyle, nice to see you today."

He nods as he makes his way down the hallway to Conference room A.

I turn around and continue walking to Christopher's room: down the stairs and then make a right, after that you walk around twenty feet and make a left into the suites. I pass by several vacant rooms being cleaned and straightened up. I keep walking until I reach the Leger's wing.

Christopher's room is the third door down in the hallway on the left. There's music playing, I'm pretty sure that it's Kimberly Spear's new album, "Whiteout". I chuckle to myself and wonder why I never I thought that he was gay in the first place. Walking closer and closer to the door, I stop in front of it and knock expectantly. I look up and down the door as the music is being turned off and footsteps walk closer and closer to the door.

Christopher swings the door open and says, "Mom I told you – Oh… Hi Emma."

I laugh, "Hey Christopher, what's up?"

He shrugs and motions for me to come into the room, I walk in and sit on his bed and watch him pace around his room.

Originally, these rooms on the second floor were reserved for participants of The Selection but when I was born, there wasn't any room in the palace for our family and friends – except in the old selection rooms. So mom and dad to turn the vacant suites into rooms so that the people closest to us could stay whenever they please.

Christopher's room matches his personality perfectly. The walls are painted a cream color but they are almost wallpapered with different paintings and drawings that he has done. He loves using bright colors and pastels: making his room look like the inside of a Smarties package. In one corner there is an old CD player and next to it is a tower-like structure that is around two feet tall and filled to the brim with old CD's from every era: Elvis, Journey, Beethoven, Taylor Swift, Jensen Ackles, Jazmyne Walker, Penny Danielson, Demi Lovato, Frankie Ives, and Christopher's favorite artist Kimberly Spears.

His bed is made of dark wood but the bed sheet is a quilt of many colors. He loves to create his own furniture/artwork, so when he upgraded to this suite when he turned thirteen he wanted to make his comforter for his new bed. His parents said yes and almost instantaneously he ran to the tailoring room and started to make the quilt. I'm sure that he didn't leave the tailoring room until it was done, only to eat an occasional meal that Aunt Lucy brought to him. He stayed in there for three days only sleeping when his eyes couldn't stay open any longer. When he emerged from the room he was still wearing the same yellow t-shirt and dark wash blue jeans that he walked in with. All he did when he finished the quilt was walk up the stairs to his room and collapse on his bed with his new comforter for seventeen hours of cold, almost dead like, sleep.

Christopher is still pacing around his room when I snap back into reality, he is admiring a painting in his hand and his head is tilted to the right, examining the brush strokes that he used.

"Do you think that there need to be more yellow here?" He points to a corner where there is an overload of pink and baby blue.

I shrug, "Maybe just a little bit, but I like it so far."

He nods and continues to examine it intensely. I look around the room again, trying to dilute the awkward silence but at last it becomes too overbearing.

"Hey, Christopher." I say, my eyes trailing him around the room. He is so intent in his picture that he doesn't hear me so I have to repeat it, "Christopher!"

He snaps his head at me and says, "You were saying something?"

I laugh, "You know, most people would be honored to have the princess of Illea in their room trying to talk to them."

He laughs, "But most people haven't lived with the princess for the majority of their mortal life and they don't know how awfully boring her speech is."

I chuckle, "Ungrateful peasant."

He mimics being hurt by gasping and placing his hand over his heart, "My dear Highness, whatever could I have done to deserve your wrath."

We both burst out laughing and I fall backwards onto his bed. I am going to miss Christopher so much when I go to college. He is my best friend and he is basically like my brother. Before Andrew was born I had no other person to play with that was my age or living in the same country as me. When mom and dad asked Uncle Aspen and Aunt Lucy to live at the palace, I was ecstatic to hear that they had a child that was only a year older than me. Christopher and I become the best of friends and he, Andrew, and I would always get up to no good. Now that Andrew is in Italy studying the medicine and plant species in the Italian mountains, Christopher is my only brother in Illea.

Christopher sits on his desk chair on the right side of the room, closes his eyes and tries to catch his breath and I sit up in the bed and look at him.

"I need to ask you something but you have to be completely honest with me." I say cautiously.

He opens his eyes and I see the green in them sparkle, Christopher did get his eyes from his dad, he says, "Alright, I promise."

I take a deep breath because what I am about to ask isn't something that you just ask like a normal question. Usually with these situations, the person tell you, you never ask the person directly.

I look at Christopher and I say, "So you know about my dream?"

He nods, "Emma, everyone in the palace knows about it, they know not to talk about it and not to mention it or you'll have like a mental breakdown."

I glare at him, trying to contain my watering eyes, "Shut up, I'm trying to tell you something."

He softens his gaze and says, "Yeah I know, I was just messing with you."

I try to force a smile when I say, "Have I ever told you about it?" He shakes his head and I continue, "Ok, well, in my dream I had no idea who you were. You showed up as a guard one day and we immediately hit it off. In the end, it turns out that you were only there to protect me because you knew that Uncle Aspen and Aunt Lucy were my godparents. I thought that you 'like-liked' me, but I didn't feel the same way because I met Alex." I put my hand in my lap after I finished with my air-quotes when I said 'like-liked'.

He nods and says, "Alright, so you thought that we had a thing but in reality we didn't?"

"Yes," I say nodding my head, "But there's more." I take a deep breath and say, "Right before I woke up I went to you apartment and we were talking about your life and stuff like that. So when we got to your personal life and like relationships you told me something that took me in shock…" I trail off, looking in my lap and thinking about that moment when Christopher cuts me off.

"Emma, stop beating around the bush, just tell me." He says sternly.

I look up at him and say, "You told me that you were gay."

The room goes silent and Christopher looks down. I just let him have his time because I have a feeling that what I just told him is something that he has been hiding or feeling. I feel the minutes float by and I just sit patiently waiting until he wants to talk.

Five minutes.

Seven minutes.

Ten minutes.

Finally Christopher speaks, "Emma."

I look up at him and I say, "Christopher."

He smirks at my jesting and he says, "It's true, I'm gay."

I nod and say, "You haven't told anyone have you?"

He shakes his head and says, "You're the first to know."

"Well, thank you for trusting me with your secret." I say earnestly.

He smiles and says, "You're the best person to trust." He looks at his watch and says, "Hey what time was your conference call with the dean of ASU?"

"12:30, why?" I say.

He nods at his watch and says, "You have five minutes."

I stand up, in a panic, "Crap! I totally forgot."

Christopher laughs and says, "Bye, Emma. I'd wish you good luck but I know that you don't need it."

I smile and hug him tight, "Thanks Christopher, for everything."

He squeezes my back and says, "What are brothers for?"

I pull away from the hug and I say one last goodbye and then I run out of the room on my way to the conference call with the dean of Amberly Schreave University.

…

Walking into the phone Conference room I am extremely nervous. I know that I have no reason to because I'm a princess and everything but I don't like to talk about myself, I always feel like I'm stumbling over my words and my throat gets really dry.

My dad is sitting in the chair fiddling with the monitor that I will be talking into in less than three minutes.

"How are you feeling, Em?" He asks distractedly, focusing on trying to make the monitor screen come to life. I can see Uncle Carter behind him trying to help but Dad keeps brushing him off.

I hide my shaking hands behind my back, "Oh, I'm doing fine, just excited to talk to the dean."

Still focusing on the monitor, Dad replies absentmindedly, "Well good, Em. That sounds nice."

I look at him confused but I shrug my shoulders, knowing that he probably didn't hear me.

"Ugh," Dad groans, "Carter, can you do it?"

Uncle Carter looks over at me and raises his eyebrows, he tries to surpass a laugh when he says, "Of course, Maxon."

Dad stands up offers me the seat, "I can't believe that you're going to college."

I sigh as I walk over to sit down in the vacant chair, "Dad, we don't even know if I'm going yet."

Uncle Carter laughs out loud, "Emma, I don't think that they can deny you." He says.

I roll my eyes, "I want them to treat me like a normal student. They don't have to accept any normal person, so that's how I want to be treated."

Dad nods, "That's a fine way to put it my dear."

The door to the conference room swing open and mom walks in, "Oh, Maxon, don't call your daughter by that vulgar name."

Dad laughs, "America, it's only vulgar to you. I don't think that Emma minds."

I shrug my shoulder and get ready to reply when I hear the sound of an incoming call on the monitor. Dad quickly moves out of the frame and under the table I grip the edge of my shirt so hard I'm sure that my knuckles are turning white. Uncle Carter clicks on the answer button and then an elderly aged man with white-gray hair and round glasses pops up.

"Princess Emmalina," He says, "What a treat. I am Dr. Horace Greenwood, the Dean of Amberly Schreave University."

I smile and say, "The pleasure is all mine Dr. Greenwood."

He clears his throat and says, "I have just a few questions to ask you and then I will review your application one last time, does that sound alright?" I nod my head and he begins, "Ok so why are you interested in joining the prestigious family of ASU?"

I take a deep breath, "Well, Dr. Greenwood, since I am in line to be queen of our fine country, I learn about the law constantly but I would like to have a new setting of enlightenment. I have heard that the law program at Amberly Schreave University is renowned throughout the entire country – "

"Entire world, Princess." He interrupts. From behind the monitor by Dad rolls his eyes and whispers to my mother, most likely about how rude it is to interrupt the princess.

I collect myself and reply, "Yes… the entire world, excuse me. As I was saying, I have heard about the world renowned law program at ASU so I decided that I had to apply so that I could receive the best law education possible."

Dr. Greenwood types some things on his computer and scribbles on a notebook. I look up from the monitor and I can see that my mom giving me an extremely cheesy smile and giving me two thumbs up. I chuckle a little bit to myself and I playfully roll my eyes at her.

"Eh- hem," Dr. Greenwood clears his throat, "So, Princess, let's say that you are accepted into ASU, where would you like to stay?"

I look over to my parents and they nod, we have talked about this time after time and we finally came to a decision last night around two o'clock in the morning.

I clear my throat, "Hypothetically, if I was accepted into ASU, I would love to stay in the apartment complex nearby the campus. That way I am able to have some sort of privacy and the ability to fully live on my own for a little while."

He nods and scribbles something on his clipboard again. Behind him a door opens and a woman with dark skin and dark eyes walks into the room. She closes the door as Dr. Greenwood continues to scribble on the clipboard. She leans down and whispers something into his ear. When she begins to talk he stops writing and his eyes grow wide. He nods and then dismisses her.

"Ok Emma," He says nonchalantly. "I will have the answer from the board considering your admission into ASU in three days at the latest." He stands up and I can see that he is considerably short, he leans closer into the camera. "Thank you for your time." Then the screen goes dark.

I look over at my parents with wide eyes and they shrug, I slowly close the top of my monitor and I stand up.

Mom comes over to hug me and she says, "Honey, you did great. I know that they're going to accept you."

I smile and hug her back, "Thanks, Mom, I sure hope so."

She lets go of me and makes her way back to Dad. He takes her hand as I start to walk out of the phone conference room. I open the door and walk into the hallway, determined to finish packing.

…

August 22nd

Dear Alex,

I woke up this morning and I was in love with you. It was as simple as it sounds, I fell asleep last night and I had no idea who you were, but this morning you were the only thing on my mind. To be honest, I don't remember a time before you; it's like you've always been here, you've always been with me. I woke up this morning in love with you.

Being in love with you isn't like falling in love, when one falls, they ultimately hit the ground. When one is completely enthralled in something so much that it becomes a part of their being, it can't be taken away. I have not fallen in love with you because there is no rock bottom, there is no ground that I can land on.

Being in love with you has become the structure of who I am. My bones ache for you and my head won't stop reminding me that you're out there. Being in love with you is like the need to breathe: I don't get tired of breathing, I don't need to think about each breath – it just happens. I don't need to think about you or your love because it's always there – in the back of my mind, wanting to be felt.

I can't forget the whisper of your kiss on my lips, the sound of your voice in my head, and the feeling I got when I looked in your eyes – all of it is still here. When I woke up and you weren't there, my heart was crushed, all the feelings that I once embraced were gone like the seconds that absentmindedly pass. If I had known that we only had that much time together, I would have cherished it more, I would have treated you better.

You know the saying, "You never know what you have until it's gone."? Well that's how I feel. When I had you I took you for granted. I didn't appreciate your loving embrace and I didn't wish for one more kiss. I didn't look into your eyes and I didn't listen to you as much as I should have. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me and now I feel like the poor man who places last in the Olympics. He thought that he had everything because he was at the prestigious competition and all he wanted was to take advantage of the outcome, but then he ended up losing. Now all the things that people thought about him are thrown away like an old hot dog wrapper.

I'm on my way. I know it sounds crazy because I've only dreamt of you but I know that you're the only one for me. It's not a question of who you are – I already know – it's a question of how much you mean to me and you mean more to me than anything in the world. I told my mom today that I didn't want "somebody", I only wanted you. You're across the country, but distance is but a number. I can't wait to be in your arms, looking into your blue eyes, kissing your rose colored lips that look like they jumped off the page of a fairy tale.

I can't wait to be with you.

I'm coming Alex.

I just hope that you'll wait.

Forever your missing piece,

Emmalina Daniellina.