Title: Things I Do For Love

A/N: Well first off I have a sick mind, don't I? Also, the title is from a song off the Game of Thrones soundtrack.

Spoilers: AU, I tried as little as possible but I suggest till at least season 6.

Word Counts: 1,326

XXX

Cas had to hold tightly onto the pillow under him to keep from screaming, he had to grip it until he's sure his knuckles are turning white. He can't even breathe because the task seems like he'll just fall apart. His whole body is tightly wound up into itself waiting for it to be over.

But it's not over and Castiel fears it will ever be truly over because once the pain's source settles down for just a second he can feel it happening again, the teeth biting hard into his shoulder and breaking the skin.

When did it get like this? When did it get to the point where he let him do this to him? When did it get to the point where Cas allowed it?When did it get to the point where the pain was slowly becoming something he didn't want to live without? When did it get to the point where he could feel Jimmy screaming and hitting against the cage he locked himself up in?

He felt the teeth release his shoulder and he turned over onto his back, bringing his hand up and cupping his face as he hovered over him. It was insane how much he loved this boy, the boy with the demon blood.

Or was it angel blood now? Did it matter? Did it taste differently? How much did Sam actually know the difference between it?

Cas moves his hand across Sam's face, thumbing over his lip and wiping away the small drop of blood smeared there. He's not sure why he's smiling, there is nothing attractive about the Winchester reminding him of all his pain and the wars he's fought in.

Castiel is quite aware how wrong the situation he is in right now, how wrong it is to have this boy feed on his blood that could very well give him much stronger power than he's ever imagined, but he doesn't care. Because whether this is the Sam he knew long ago or whether it is a new Sam that is overcome by darkness, he still loves him.

He wasn't sure it was even possible, he wasn't even how he could feel so broken as he pulled Sam back down to his level and their lips touched for the first time since he had said 'yes' to Lucifer and he came back the way he was.

The overwhelming sadness of how much he missed the old Sam came crashing over him and a wave of guilt took hold of him and drowned him down to the very bottom of the ocean. He felt like he was betraying his Sam, felt like this new one was a shape-shifter that only was what he wanted to see.

He felt Sam bite down hard on his bottom lip and pull at it, breaking the delicate skin there and forcing another kiss down on him again. He knew that Sam wanted him to feel pain, this Sam loved pain, especially when Castiel broke the rules. He could feel the anger vibrating from Sam above him.

-x-

Castiel heard Sam's calls from far away, the way he dragged out the "S" and demanded him to come to his side that very instant. Cas knew that even as he had things to deal with, the call of Sam's voice sent a shudder down his spine that he knew shouldn't have.

He stood a few feet away from Sam, who was standing in the middle of the hotel they were staying at. It was just the two of them. As it always was. Dean was out in the town probably at the bar, drowning whatever memories he could with alcohol.

"Cas," Sam started, pulling the knife out of his pocket and turning it around in circles. "Come here."

Of course.

Sam wouldn't just leave his punishment at a painfully large amount of blood and biting at Castiel's lower lip the week before. No, he spent the last few days planning everything out to make it as painful as possible.

Castiel hesitated in his steps but walked to him anyways, he could have walked away or even left the room but something deep inside his gut just wanted Sam around him again, even if it wasn't his Sam. He sighed, and without waiting for Sam to give the instructions, Castiel dropped his clothes piece by piece to the ground until he stood in front of Sam, wearing only his pants.

"How deep do you suppose I'd have to cut for Jimmy to feel it?" Sam asked, turning the knife over and his hands, stepping forward to Cas.

Castiel didn't want to answer, and it was hard to answer because he knew that Jimmy could feel certain things but not...pain. Cas had been plenty happy to let his Grace protect his vessel everyday and protect his own mind from feeling the pain also, but Sam had always managed to shatter his Grace's shield.

"It...depends," Castiel finally said, because there was no way out of this. Sam also bit down hard on him, always dragged his nails across his skin until Cas could hardly hold back a scream. "He can usually feel you but it hardly hurts."

It was a lie, and a terrible one but it's not like Sam was even going to consider his answer anyways. Castiel was being pushed onto the bed before he could finish and the knife was dragging across his back to make deep, jagged cuts.

It hardly took him by surprise, Sam was always "rough" when it came to these nights, but the knife, the deepness and the way Sam's free hand gripped tightly on his shoulder and bruising it quickly hit him hard enough for Castiel to not give a second thought to the scream escaping his mouth.

Sam's knife stopped and his hand moved from his shoulder and covered his mouth, he leaned down close to his ear and whispered "Shut up." before he moved downward, dragging his tongue across the long gash.

Something deep inside Castiel made him arch his back, like he was begging for Sam to drain him dry. Something in him made him moan and grip the bed sheets and desperately trying to bite back another but failing.

Sam pulled away, flipping Castiel over onto his back, probably not caring that blood was staining the sheets. Sam moved up to Cas' level, ducking his head and brushing his lips over the angel's. It was soft, hesitant, and Castiel would go as far as to saying lovable and caring and that perhaps Sam was trying to be like he was before.

But then the kiss shifted, teeth bit down hard on his lip and moved roughly against his but it only added onto the pain of the knife dragging over his chest. Cas closed his eyes tighter, gripping the sheet awkwardly to his side and felt Sam leave him and go back to drinking the blood sliding down his chest.

"Sam..." His voice was shaky, nervous and he opened his eyes just barely to watch Sam stop and look back up at him. "Why?"

Sam laughed and dug his nails into Castiel's thighs as he lowered his head and continued to suck and lick at the blood as it poured over the cut once more. Cas covered his face with his arms, muffling the cries into them, just wanting it to be over but at the same time not wanting Sam to leave him. He just wanted Sam back. His Sam back. The right Sam.

Iit was the first time he considered telling Dean about all this, because he knew that of all people, Dean might have some power over Sam. But he couldn't even revisit those thoughts, he couldn't consider the idea of breaking away this connection to Sam, however awful and painful it was.

The things he did for love.