Live Another Day, a grey's anatomy fanfic

Hi guys! 2 in one day, aren't you all lucky!

So this one came to me when I was commenting on my friend Victoria's instagram post and yeah...

It's 6x18, Suicide is Painless, but we both said we wanted to see more of Teddy, so I've put Teddy wherever Owen was in the ep and Teddy as Owen. Just to see how I think Teddy would have handled the situation.

It's basically the ep, but I changed the very last scene slightly.

Anyways, hope you all enjoy!

(and please please review)

-Aimée xo

Dying isn't easy. The body was designed to stay alive; thick skull, strong heart, keen senses. When the body starts to fail, medicine takes over. Surgeons are arrogant enough to think there's no one they can't save. Like I said dying isn't easy. Living is better than dying... until it's not. But even if letting a person die is the right thing to do, it's not what surgeons are built for. We are arrogant and competitive. We don't like to lose and death feels like a loss even when we know it's not. We know it's time. We know it's right. We know we did everything we could. It is hard to shake that feeling that you could've done more.

Teddy couldn't sleep, closing her weary eyes meant recalling past army experiences and she couldn't handle that, at least not right now. Almost every night she'd find herself awake at the earliest hours, 1 AM, 2 AM… She didn't dare try and close her eyes again, no. Too much recollection of the horrible scenes she'd seen when she was in Iraq. The memories haunted her, but they are also what drive her everyday to become a better surgeon; a better person. She'd cook, she'd clean, she'd work out, anything to get her mind of the memories. And doing all these things at 2 AM is not easy without not waking up any of her neighbours, or Mark - when she slept at his place it was always bad, she'd find herself just exercising in his living room because she couldn't cook or clean without him noticing. She'd find her way back into the bed just seconds before his alarm went off and he'd wake up. But at least it helped her forget, at least for a short while.

Dr. Owen Hunt walked confidently yet sadly into Kim Allen's room where her and her husband were there waiting for him.

"Kim, Sean, how are you feeling?" He asked in the gentlest voice he could muster.

"Ready, today is the day." She said, almost excitedly. Which was rather ironic considering her predicament. He smiled weakly and then turned to face Sean.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"Okay." He replied, avoiding his eyes. He nodded, and gracefully backed out of the room and picked up Kim's chart from the nurses station. Just as he began writing Teddy appeared next to him.

"Hey, you need a consult?" She asked, he picked up the file and began walking, Teddy followed, waiting for an answer.

"Kim Allen, she has stage four large cell lung cancer. I removed a second mass from her right lung about 2 months ago, but her tests had shown that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and to her liver." They continued walked as he continued on with her diagnosis. Teddy had taken the chart and was looking through it as he spoke. "She was re-admitted last week with pulmonary edema, I drained as much fluid as I could but she's still having a tough time breathing."

"That's bad, are you going to have to intubate her?" She asked, still looking through her chart.

"She doesn't want that." He said, bluntly, standing still.

"I don't see what else we can do for her." She said, still reviewing her chart.

"She wants us to help her die." He said, looking directly into her hazel eyes. She looked up from the chart and her eyes met his, she looked at him as if to say what? Her eyes looked shocked, yet saddened but at the same time there seemed to be a hint of anger.

"Since the state requires two physicians signatures, I've asked Dr. Altman to look over your chart." Dr. Hunt stated, looking sadly at Kim and Sean. Teddy stood to the side, still not sure what to make of the situation.

"Okay." Kim said, lightly, a touch of worry in her voice.

"Her prognosis says that she had less than 6 months to live. I have informed her of her treatment options. She has met with a psychologist who has determined that she is mentally fit, and this can serve as her second oral request." Owen finishes. He looks up at Kim.

"Okay." Kim says. Owen waits for a second.

"You have to say it." He says, gently. "Washington state says I have to hear you ask two times, at least 15 days apart."

"So weird, like I'm applying to die." Kim says, almost managing a laugh. Teddy still stands to the side.

"Well, if you're having second thoughts…" Sean started, him not wanting to see her suffer, but he didn't want her to die either.

"You saw how bad it got last night. it's just gonna get worse." She paused for a second, taking a few deep breaths with her oxygen mask. She looked up at Owen. "I would like to end my life through physician assisted suicide." She says, as strongly as she can. Owen looks at her, and then nods his head.

"Excuse me," Teddy begins, "I, um…" She gets out as the heads for the door and walks out.

"I'm just gonna go see what's up." Owen says to Kim and Sean as he too heads for the door.

Owen walks down the hall and finally finds Teddy in a spare room doing some paperwork.

"What happened? We were in the middle of a consult." A slight harsh tone in his words.

"You are her doctor! You shouldn't be pushing her to do that!" She snapped back.

"I offered her options. I told her about hospice." Owen said back. "She doesn't want to die a slow death hooked up to machines or be so heavily sedated she might as well be dead. And I have to say I don't blame her! This is an act of mercy!" He says, trying to remain calm.

"Oh an act of mercy! You are killing her. Just so that you are clear, by writing that prescription you are killing that woman." They stare into each other's eyes for a second, each of them daring each other to say something. Now Teddy's stood up, but Owen still has a slight height advantage which he uses in a feeble attempt to get his point across.

"Alright then, I'll find someone else." He says, bitterly, turning away and walking down the corridor. Teddy watched as she does so and it brings back some memories from Iraq. A happier one though, this time.

"Heads up!" Owen shouts as the ball comes flying to him, he dribbles the ball past Dan - his offender and passes it to Teddy who gets it past her player and scores for their team. It was onl game but it was fun.

"Yeah! Aha!" She shouts estatically, running over to Owen and jumping on his back, he spins her around a couple of times as the celebrate before putting her back down.

"Break it up you two." Dan shouts, laughing at the pair. "We're only down by 3."

"Yeah, because you suck!" Owen says back, getting a laugh from Teddy.

"Insubordinate!" Teddy shouts playfully at Owen who laughs.

"Sir, you suck." He says this time. They all laugh.

"I mean Dan, come on it's true. You play like my grandma."

"Whatever." He says back, laughing. Owen can't help but laugh too. Suddenly, they hear a helicopter above and run off to grab their equipment. Owen runs ahead.

"Teddy, come on!" he shouts as Teddy runs to catch up with him.

Teddy continues to watch him walk away as she decides what to do next.

"1, 2, 3." Teddy calls as she and her team haul a soldier up onto their table. "GSW to the abdomen. Let's stabilise him until we get him to an O.R.! Give me some wet bandages and a dressing."

"All out of those!" Owen yells from across the room as he attends to his patient.

"Okay, some wet towels and uh, that!" She yells, pointing a red plastic sheet. "We'll close him with this." She secures the plastic onto her patient with help from a colleague.

"I need a laryngoscope, and an E.T tube. I need to intubate." Owen yells.

"Okay, I'm on it. Finish this." Teddy says to her colleague.

"Yes ma'am." He replies. She grabs the nearest E.T. tube and laryngoscope and heads over to Owen's bench. Owen intubates. They receive orders to transport their patients. Owen's ordered on the helicopter, and Teddy's ordered to travel in the medivac with Dan.

"I can take it, if you want, seeing as you hate helicopters." Teddy offers.

"No it's fine. I'm good." Owen replied, smiling.

"Where do you stand on physician assisted suicide?" Owen asked Mark as he typed in some data to the computer.

"I'm not opposed to it." He replies, looking up at him.

"I have a patient who is terminal, who wants to die and wants my help. and I want yours." He says, quickly. Mark just looks at him, and sighs.

"Okay."

Teddy walked up to the nurses station and retrieved Kim's chart.

"Hey, Dr. Altman, can I help you?" Eli the nurse called out.

"No, thank you." She said almost bitterly and walked off.

"Oscar4 kilo this is Echo5 golf." The driver of the medivac shouts into his radio. "Oscar4 kilo this is Echo5 golf…" He repeats again.

"Need anything, sargeant?" Dan shouts from the back of the bus.

"No, sir. I think it's a storm."

"Well, they know we're coming, right?" The driver nods and Dan heads back into the main part of the bus.

"Where are we going?" The wounded soldier on the table asks Dan.

"Bringston, baby!" He replies, laughing.

"They'll stabilise you, then you are going to a hospital, and then you're gonna go home." Teddy says, enthusiastically, whilst making her way to the back of the bus. "Owen get there yet?" She asked Dan.

"No word." He replied, laughing. "Don't worry, I'm sure your guys just fine."

"Stop it, I'm serious, we're friends." He said, jokingly.

"You keep telling yourself that." Dan replied, laughing. All of a sudden there was a massive crash, everything flew forward and there was an explosion.

Once the ground had stopped moving, and the earth had stopped spinning, Teddy made her way out of the truck. Having to kick out a door but as soon as she was out it felt great. Her heart was racing from the panic, but there was nothing obvious wrong with her so she turned back to the truck. That's when she realised that only she was out. She saw a decapitated arm lying by what used to be the back bumper, blood oozing out of it.

"Altman! You alright! Altman!" She heard a voice call, but she got distracted by a body lying on the floor. She rushed down and turned him over. Realising she was being spoken to she called back to the voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay, you okay?" She called out. The body she found had been the drivers'. He checked for a pulse. None.

"Yeah, we must have hit an IED." The voice - now recognised as Dan's - called out. "Where's David?"

"I don't know." Teddy called out. "I have to find them all." Upon realising there was nothing she could do, she got up and walked around the van. Part of it was still on fire. She saw a skeletal frame just lying on the ground. She continued on around the van and making her way through the debris. She found yet another body, one of the young soldiers.

"Everyone's gone." She called out. Her eyes widened when she saw Dan lying on the floor with his hand on his neck, stemming the blood flow.

"Dan!" She called out, rushing towards him. His leg was trapped under a massive pile of rubble.

"Teddy? Teddy?" Cristina called out. Teddy had her back to the door and was breathing quite rapidly. "Teddy?" Cristina said again.

"What?" She said, barely audible, whilst turning around.

"You paged?" Cristina said, concern in her eyes.

"When you did Kim Allen's evaluation, did you scope her?" She asked.

"What?" Cristina asked, wondering why Teddy was asking this. "Wait, is that her chart?"

"Dr. Hunt's patient, which according to this chart you ordered pulmonary function tests on a week ago, I'd like to know when doing that evaluation you did a bronchoscopy." She said.

"Is there a problem?" She continued.

"Would you just answer the question!"

"Why are you interrogating me?"

"PFT's can give you false positives, and the patient may kill herself due to incorrect data."

"Well, it's routine so we probably did-" Cristina was cut off.

"Probably? Probably is good enough for you! Probably is good enough for Dr. Hunt?!"

"What is going on?" Cristina enquired after Teddy's outburst. Teddy didn't know how to respond, nor did she want to. So she picked up the chart and walked out.

"Teddy!" Cristina called out, but the blonde just kept walking away.

Teddy, Arizona, Callie and Mark all were sat at a table in the cafeteria eating their food when Owen walked up.

"What is your problem!" He almost yelled at Teddy.

"Owen-" She began.

"You go to Shepherd behind my back about a patient you don't even know. You have no idea what she's been dealing with! The kind of pain that she's in, pain that's only going to get worse after I ram a tube down her throat because you're having some kind of problem with her exercising her legal right to die!" Teddy just stares blankly back at him. "So I want to know, what the hell is your problem!" The whole cafeteria is silent as everyone looks over at the pair. Teddy just gets up and leaves her food there.

Owen and Cristina just finished Kim's bronchoscopy as Sean returned from getting some food.

"What's this… What are you doing?"

"A bronchoscopy." Cristina replied, helping Owen pull out the tube from her neck.

"Wait, you're doing this test, I've spend all day thinking that my wife's going to die today, now you're saying she might not?" Sean asked, frantically. Owen and Cristina looked at each other.

"This test is unnecessary. The hospital is just covering its ass." Cristina said, bluntly but the look in her eyes showed that she cared. Sean looked saddened.

"Thank you." Owen said quietly.

"You're welcome."

Dan screams out in pain as Teddy tends to his wounds. She tries to save his arm. But it's proving harder than she thought.

"You're still trying to save the arm, you have to tourniquet it." Dan says, as calmly as he can.

"If I do that you'll lose it." Teddy states.

"Teddy. It's not about the arm." Dan replies.

"You're right, I know. Right." She takes off her belt and begins to tourniquet the arm. "The truck is trashed, there's no morphine, no lidocaine."

"You bring whiskey?" Dan asked, making Teddy laugh. She pulls the tourniquet tight now as he's distracted but he still screams out in pain.

"It's okay, I got it, I got it." She soothes. Dan pulls his hand away from his neck, causing blood to start spurting out, it was going everywhere. Teddy could see the vertebrae in his neck and immediately put both of her hands over it in a feeble attempt to make the bleeding stop.

"Dr. Altman!" Derek called out. Snapping out of the memory she was caught up in, she abruptly turned around to face the chief.

"Kim Allen's bronchoscopy confirmed that nothing more could be done. Sloan signed off. You did your duty, but it's over." Derek said.

"You're not going to kill him. I won't let you kill him. You're not going to kill him." Teddy said, tears welling up in her eyes as she walked away.

"Dr. Altman!" Derek said, grabbing her by the arm. Teddy looked up at his eyes.

"The patient in question is a woman. No one's trying to kill her." Teddy took a step back and tried to assess the situation. "She's choosing to die." A look of question was evident on both their faces. After a brief pause, Derek decided that this was about more that Kim Allen. "You should go home."

"I-I have a surgery." She retaliated.

"You're done for the day. Go home." Derek pressed. He walked away leaving Teddy by herself.

"Okay, okay. Can you hold this? Can you put pressure there?" Teddy asked Dan, frantically trying to get him to hold a bit of fabric to his continuously oozing neck wound.

"Don't." Dan said, you could hear how much effort it took for him to say just that one word.

"Okay, I'm gonna have to move you." Teddy said, preparing to uphaul the battered man from his position on the cold hard floor. Night was falling now, it was getting dark extremely quickly. She knew she didn't have that much time left.

"I can't…" Dan said, his voice trailing. His eyes closed. Teddy shook his left shoulder in an attempt to awake him.

"No Dan, wake up!" His eyes opened with a start. "I have to." She said. "It's gonna hurt like hell, but I have to find something to pack this wound until someone comes."

"Someone's coming?" Dan asked, "someone's coming?" he repeated. Teddy shook her head slightly.

"Here we go." She said as she clambered to her feet and tried to pull him by the shoulders. He screamed out in pain. Agonizing pain.

"Please! Please! Please!" He called out, eventually Teddy gave up and set him back down on the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Teddy just kept repeating those words until he calmed down. Teddy took off her jacket and tucked it around him. "Someone is coming. Help is coming."

"You've been saying that for hours." Dan said, saddened. "I'm probably acidotic, I'm in the triad of death." Teddy shook her head and blinked back the tears that were threatening to cascade down her bloody and scarred cheeks. "No one's coming."

"If I could just move you…" Teddy began.

"No, no." Dan said. They both knew that there was no way Dan was going to survive this. But Teddy wouldn't accept that that was what was going to happen. "I need you, I need you to say a hail-Mary with me." Dan said, looking into her eyes.

"Dan…" Teddy said, tears choking her throat. "I don't know it."

"That's okay. It's okay." Dan said, "just say it with me." Teddy nodded.

"Hail Mary,"

"full of grace,"

"the Lord is with thee,"

"blessed art thou among women,"

"blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus,"

"Holy Mary,"

"Mother of God,"

"pray for us sinners,"

"now,"

"and at the hour of our death,"

"Amen."

"Amen." Teddy sighed, and struggled to withhold her tears.

"Make sure Lisa gets my ring, alright?" Dan asks.

"Don't, Dan." Teddy says, tears showing in her blue eyes.

"Don't use it to propose to Hunt or something, or give it to him for you." Dan joked. Teddy laughed, raising one hand to wipe a single tear which had made its way down her cheek.

"But, he should propose to you. You two, you should."

"Shut up, Dan," Teddy said, jokingly, "he's engaged to Beth. You, you are going to give that ring to Lisa, okay?" Dan moved his hand up to where Teddy's was, which was stemming the blood flow, and tried to move it.

"Move your hand." He said, looking her in the eyes.

"No." She replied, not wanting to see him go. "That's an order, soldier."

"No, sir." She said.

Teddy was sat outside on a bench with only her thin jacket on in the pouring rain. Her hair and her clothes were soaked through, tears cascading down her rosy cheeks.

"No…" She said, and got up and walked back into the hospital.

"I can't actually give you the drugs but you can have this prescription filled in the hospital pharmacy." Owen said, as he handed Sean the prescription. "Again, I want to emphasise there are other options. We can make you comfortable." Just as he said that, Teddy came in the door, dripping wet. All three turned to face her as she spoke.

"I just have one question." She said.

"Teddy, no." Owen said, but Teddy continued anyway.

"What if they find a cure, I know that it's a longshot but isn't saving your life worth gambling on a longshot?"

"Dr. Altman, I will call security if you do not step-" Owen shouted but was interrupted by Sean.

"Let her answer!" He said, firmly."I-I'd like to hear the answer." They all turned to face Kim.

"Maybe… You have to be dying to understand." Kim begins, "But there's this thing that happens where death stops being scary. What starts being scary is hope. 'Cause it's not true! Even if they found a cure for cancer tomorrow, it's too late for me. And hanging on to hope may make you feel better, but it just makes me feel alone." She pauses and looks away from Teddy and up at Sean, "I don't want to die alone."

"Okay." He said, holding her hand. Owen smiled weakly at the pair.

"I am not afraid of this, why are you?" Kim asked Teddy, looking her right in the eye. Teddy took a small step back and thought. "Why are you so afraid to let me die?" Owen turned around to face Teddy; all 3 of them waiting on an answer.

Teddy sat outside on the same bench she had been sat on earlier. Just this time it wasn't raining.

"Dr. Altman?" She heard a voice say. She turned around to see where it was coming from. It was Sean. "The pharmacy wouldn't take my insurance card… There were some problems so I had to go to a cash machine. I've been running around to get the cash to buy the pills that are gonna kill my wife." Teddy looked up at him, tears still fresh in her eyes. "Anyway… Here they are." He took them out of his pocket and showed Teddy. He sat down beside her. She thought for a second, figuring out what she could say that would offer any comfort.

"There'll be a moment." Owen began, "you'll feel relief for her, relief for you. And you will know with absolute certainty, that you did the right thing." He paused for a second, "just for a moment…"

"You gotta let me go, Altman." Dan pleaded, looking into her pale blue eyes. It was dark now. Pitch black. "You gotta let me go. Please, this hurts. It hurts. But that's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Look at me." Teddy did as she was told, as much as it hurt her to see the pain in his eyes, the pain that made her heart feel like it was shattering into a million pieces. "Do it." He whispered. "Do it, I can't do it. This hurts." His voice was shaky, he was barely holding onto life. "It hurts. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Okay, please do it." Teddy thought for a brief second, if it was her, there was no way she'd want to remain in that much pain. Eventually, she released the grip she had on his neck and the blood pooled out on the floor. He coughed and spluttered. She watched the life drain out of him, out of his soul, out of his eyes. Eventually, it was over, he ceased to move and it all went quiet. She let the tears fall, only a couple though, and slowly

"You have to hold onto that moment, because all the rest of it is just your own garbage." Owen finished. Sean looked back at him with weary, saddened eyes, like a lost puppy. Teddy drew in a deep breath and calmed herself.

Kim swallowed the pills in her hand, and washed them down with a glass of her favourite wine. Sean just looked at her, remembering what Teddy had said about feeling relief. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"I'm scared." He admitted.

"Come here." Kim said, moving over in her bed. Sean climbed into bed with her and he held her. He held her so close, so tight. He made her feel loved. Wanted. Cherished.

Seconds after Teddy released her grip on Dan's throat, seconds after the life had drained out of him, she heard the faint sound of a helicopter. She looked up and she was right, the chopper was about 10 metres away. The lights were blinding and she had to put her arm up to cover her eyes so she could see, when she realised who was there, she dropped them. And just stared. In the side stood Owen, with a medical bag in his hand. He smiled at Teddy, but she couldn't smile back. Not after just going through that. Help was right there! And she let him slip away.

That night, Teddy awoke with a start at 2:56 AM. She was at Mark's' place. She felt like the duvet was smothering her, she had to get out. She knew he'd be getting up at 5 AM so she wandered into the living room and started doing some crunches, and then sit ups. After the day she'd had, the memories or Iraq, that day, were haunting her and she kept telling herself that it was her fault, even though somewhere inside she knew that it wasn't. It was 3:43 AM and she'd just began doing press-ups as she heard a noise behind her. She dropped to her knees and she looked at the figure behind her.

"What are you doing?" Mark asked, his voice full of concern.

"Nothing, it's nothing," She said, sitting down to face him, "go back to bed." Mark stood there, not knowing whether to comfort her, or do what she asked.

"Teddy… What are you thinking?" He enquired.

"Nothing… It's nothing, go back to bed." She said again, turning away from him. Mark debated what to do.

"Come here." He said, sitting down on the couch.

"No Mark, just go back to bed!" she said, angrily. The tears were falling down her face and she didn't want to let anyone see her cry. Eventually, after many 'please's' from Mark, she gave up and curled up on the sofa with him, burying her face into his chest. This was as far as she would go. She wasn't going to tell him the story at all, but she'd let him comfort her. And that was good enough for the both of them.